Oct 8th, 2014

LIS TEN IN G S K ILLS

 Dont copy the words in yellow

Paraphrasing M eanings
Paraphrasing involves putting

whatever the speaker has said into

your own words.
You are not repeating what the
person just said, nor are you putting
words into their mouth.

Paraphrasing M eanings
Paraphrasing is helpful because not

only does it let the speaker know

that they have been heard, but they
have also been understood, thereby
encouraging the speaker to continue
one with their story.

Exam ple:
Speaker: The teasing is just too

much for me sometimes, and I dont

know what to do. They wont stop.
Pick the right answer

 The teasing is just too much for you

sometimes and you dont know what

to do.
I think I heard you say that they

wont stop teasing you and this

overwhelms you sometimes.
The teasing is so brutal it makes

you want to do something drastic.

Practice
That test was rigged! I studied for

hours last night, and I couldnt

answer one question!
No matter what I do, its just not

good enough for my parents. Ive

tried working more, Ive tried
working less, Ive tried talking more,
Ive tried talking less. Nothing
satisfies them. I give up!

R ef e
lcting Em otions
People are often unable to move

toward a solution to their problems

until they have vented and had
their feelings acknowledged.

R ef e
lcting Em otions
Reflecting emotions is one of the

most important things that listeners

can learn how to do. By using
reflective listening responses,
listeners show empathy for speakers
and thus encouraging them to
continue talking.

Exam ple:
Speaker: Mrs. Jones?! I cant take

geography with Mrs. Jones! She

hates me and Ill fail!
Mrs. Jones is a great teacher. Once

she sees what a hard worker you are,

youll be fine.
Youre not going to fail! Youve
never failed a thing in your life!
It sounds like youre terrified to

Refl
ecting Em otions w orks
best w hen:
Responses are kept short, allowing

you speaker to do most of the

talking.
Correct identification of the emotion
the speaker is experiencing.
The correct intensity of the emotion
the speaker is feeling identified.

R ef e
lcting Facts
At times reflecting facts is more

important than reflecting feelings.

When reflecting facts, you open the

door to further investigation and

communication, particularly on a
professional level.

Exam ple:
Speaker: Its been crazy in here ever since

you left! The sundae machine broke and Pat

didnt show up for work!
Thats it! Ive had it with that Pat! This is the

last straw!
Well, that doesnt sound too bad. Why are
you looking so frantic?
Sounds like youve been busy doing three
jobs: cash, maintenance, and management.

W hen w ould it be appropriate

for the follow ing people to
refl
ect em otions and to refl
ect
facts?

 A rehabilitation specialist working

with an injured worker.

A journalist investigating a story

about the increase of AIDS in the

teenage population.
A priest interviewing an engaged

couple.

 Effective listeners often reflect both

fact and emotion in once sentence.

Synthesizing or
Sum m arising
Synthesizing or summarizing

requires careful listening and

thought.
It usually does not occur in a
conversation until after the speakers
have had a chance to express their
thoughts on a number of topics..

Synthesizing or
Sum m arising
Summarizing and synthesizing

requires the listener to pick out the

main theme running through a series
of different, and sometimes
unrelated, statements

Exam ple:
Speaker: Its just been a stupid week. First, there was my

uncles death, which shocked us all completely. I mean, we

knew he was sick and everything, but we had no idea that he
was so close to passing away. My mother is a complete wreck
over the whole thing, and trying to keep her going these days
is pretty difficult. Shes just not the same person she was a
week ago, and I dont think shell be herself again anytime
soon. And then the project I was working on ended, which
means that all those great people will be going back to their
original departments, and Im back to working with the same
old boring crew as before. I just dread the idea of returning to
those stupid meetings about nothing. And of course, theres
Marinas trip to consider too now. Shes off to Spain for six
weeks, which means that my social life is going to be nonexistent until she returns. I dont have many close friends, and
shes one of them, you know?

 Things will get better soon. Its always the

darkest before dawn!

Your story reminds me so much of what my

friend Jeff went through last summer. You
should talk to him sometime. His story was
even worse than yours!

Youve lost a lot in one week: your uncle,

your mother, your team, and Marina. It
sounds overwhelming.

 Summarizing helps the speaker

make connections that had not been

previously made.

 Try to identify the theme in each of

the following examples, and put each

into a summarizing statement.

Exam ple :
During the course of a fifteen-minute conversation
at lunch one day, a soft-spoken co-worker makes
the following statements;
Its the same thing around here, day in and day

out.
Theres nothing to do anywhere I go: home,
work, or school!
It would be nice to do something intellectual
with the people you love, you know? All we do is
watch TV and walk the dog. Whatever happened
to excitement?

Im agining A loud
Good listeners are able to place

themselves in the speakers shoes.

Not only do they reflect on other
peoples emotions and thoughts, but
they also imagine aloud what others
maybe be thinking or feeling.

Im agining A loud
However, listeners must understand

that their perception of events may

not match the speakers perception.
Ultimately, imaging aloud permits
listeners to express empathy and to
clarify the perception of the speaker.

Exam ple:
Speaker: I got suspended today for getting drunk

and vomiting at the dance on Friday night.

I imagine youre pretty embarrassed about the
whole affair.
Youre not supposed to drink that much! What

kind of loser drinks until he pukes?

I guess you learned not to drink on school
property.