Positive aretha GUIDELI ‘om the book Positive Dis Ne) ipline, by Jane Nelsen Misbebaving children are “discouraged children” vio have mistaken ideas on how to achieve their primary goal— 40 belong. Their mistaken ideas lead them to mis not be efective unless we addres the mistaken bells than jus the misbehavior gr] Ws encouragement i hp chien fel “belonging” the ‘motivation for misbehaving willbe eliminated, Celebrate each step in the direction of improvement rather than focusing on mis- takes, A great way to help children feel encouraged isto spend spe- EA cial time “beng with them.” Mans teachers have noticed a dramatic change ina “problem chil” alter spending fv minaes simply sharing what they bot keto do fr fun When ticking children nto bed, sk them to share with you their °Saddest ime” during the dayand their “happiest time dhrng the day. Then you share with them. You vill be surprised vat you lear, ave family meetings or class meetings wo solve problems EA with cooperation and mutual respect. This isthe key to creating ‘levng, respect atmosphere while helping children develop sl tiscilie, responsibly, cooperation, and prblemsohng sil Give children meamingfal fobs. Inthe name of expeieny, TE iss pres an acer do gs iden cod So themseies and one another. Children fee! belonging when they now they can make a real contribution. Fo Decide together haa es ede Pa he alin 2 jae and let each cil draw ou few cach weeks that way n0 ‘one is stuck with the same jobs al the time, Teachers ean invite chile dren to help them make clas ules and list them ona chart ted, fe decided,” Children have osnership, motivation, and enthusiasm when they are ncuded inthe decisio Take time for training. Make sue children understand ‘what “lea the kitchen” means fo you. To them i may mean simpy puting the dishes inte snk, Parents an teachers may ask, “Whats your understanding of wha i expected?” Teach and model mutual respect. One way 10 be ind ‘and firm at the same time—Kind to show respect for the hil, and firm to show respect for yourself and “the needs ofthe sit- ation,” This is ficult during conf, so use the next guideline when ever you can Fy over timing willimprove your fetes fod does no “work” to del witha problem at the time of conflict emotions sti the way, Teach children about cooling-off periods. You (or the children) can go to separate room and do something to make yourself feel beter—and then work on the problem with mutual respect Get rid of the crazy idea that in order to make cbil- dren do better, first you have to make them feel ‘worse. Do vou fet like doing beter when you fel humiliate? This suggests a whole new look at “time out Use Positive Time Out. Let your children help you design pleasant area (cushions, books, music, stuffed animals) that will help them fel better. Rememier that children do better when they feel better. Then you can ask your children, when they are upset, you tink it would help you to take some positive time out” Punishment may “work” ifall you are interested in is stopping misbehavior for “the moment.” Sometimes we must Beware of achat works wien the long range results are negtive—resentment, rebellion, revenge, oF retreat. ‘Teach children that mistakes are wonderful opportuni- Ud ties to tearnt & great way o teach children that mistakes are ‘wonderful opportunities to learn isto model this youself by using the Three Rs of Recovery alter you have made a mistake (1) Recognize your mistake. (2) Reconcile: Be willing to say “I'm sorry, I didn't ike the way I bandled that.” (3) Resolve: Focus on solutions rather than blame. (83 is effective only if you do #1 & #2 frst) Focus on solutions insteal of consequences, Many parents and teachers try to disguise punishment by calling it logical consequence. Get children involved in finding solutions that are: (1) Related (2) Respectful (3) Reasonable (4) Helpfut Make sure the message of love and respect gets Do F through. Sar wth “I care about you. 1 am concered about this situation. Will you work with me ona solution? Have funt Bring joy into homes and classrooms VISIT US ONLINE AT WWw.positivediscipline.com