25 Easy Ways to Have The Best Christmas Ever

Rejoice, it's finally Christmastime! And that means parties and Santa and a possibly
fatal dose of family time. Around the world there are shoppers out shopping and
caramel corn that needs popping and stockings being hung by chimneys with care.
And while its true that nostalgic traditions are a huge part of what makes Christmas that
most magical time of the year, why not make this the year you start some new traditions
of your own? Here are 25 ideas to help you get started on making this season the
brightest (and most creative) one yet.
1. First things first, buy Vince Guaraldis jazz classic album A Charlie Brown
Christmas and put it on repeat. Never before has a cartoon soundtrack been so
classy and so perfect for so many different occasions.
2. Brew up some joy by making a festive aroma pot (orange, cinnamon, apple
cider, cloves) early one Saturday morning and let it simmer on the stove all day
long. Then sit back and let the Ghost of Christmas Delicious fill your entire
home with seasonal smells.
3. Surprise a neighbor, colleague or stranger with a freshly baked treat. But no
fruitcakes, please.
4. Go ahead and actually read Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol this year. Go
beyond the Muppets (God bless them) and get to know this oft retold (but too
often watered down) story of salvation. And if youre really brave, try Dickens
other seasonal classic, The Cricket on the Hearth.
5. Incorporate more candlelight into your home and soak up the chilled-out winter
ambiance. Candles somehow make everything prettier.
6. Find a way to smell some good old-fashioned woodsmokea campout, bonfire,
fireplace or even a metal trashcan full of Home Depot scraps. Just make it
happen, whatever it takes.
7. Put on some cozy house slippers and commit to a new winter-friendly (in other
words, indoor) hobby: knitting, wood carving, finger painting ... youll figure it
out.
8. Spend a day volunteering at a homeless shelter and rediscover what it really
means to be thankful and generous.
9. Tie a little 99 cent Christmas bell to your keychain or front door handle and let
the jingling begin (as a bonus, youll be winning big time with all the angels
hoping for promotion this year).
10. Try making homemade hot cocoa mix (and homemade mallows): then add hot
milk, sip, share and repeat.

11. Create a flash mob of generosity. Make some Salvation Army bell ringers day
by coordinating a group to fill that little red bucket with rapid-fire ascending
donations: heres a quarter, Merry Christmas! Heres a dollar, Merry
Christmas! Heres a check for two hundred dollars, donated from our college
Ultimate team, Happy New Year! Then dare that kindly bell ringer not to be
filled with goodwill toward men.
12. Take a long walk out in the cold just to get that good rosy cheeked feeling. Then
see number 10.
13. Plan a Christmas Remix-Mas themed talent show / game night with friends or
family: featuring charades and the restaging of beloved Christmas movie scenes
(Griswold!)
14. Savor Peppermint-flavored everything. Especially those beautifully fleeting
light-green packaged M&Ms.
15. Learn to play and then fall in love with the riotous Danish Christmas
game "Pakkeleg" (think white elephant at 100 mph).
16. Go Christmas caroling. In the right setting, and with the right ensemble (and just
a dash of Christmas courage) your chorus of festive voices can change
someone's world.
17. Make sure to get outside and play in the first snow of the season: no matter what
time of day or night. Dont forget to catch a snowflake or two on your tongue
and taste the happy.
18. Find someplace you can take a carriage ride, then just do it. Its not cheesyits
Christmas.
19. Try your hand at Guerilla Decorating. Identify something bland, ugly or
Scrooge-ish in your office, city or neighborhood and give it theBuddy the
Elf treatment: a little TLC, a smattering of glitter and a strand of twinkling white
lights can save any old humbug!
20. Watch a few non-traditional Christmas movies that focus on the beauty of
redemption. Obviously start with The Royal Tenenbaums.
21. Attend a Christmas concert at a local school, church or community center. But
only if they promise to play the handbells (call ahead and ask about this. Trust

me, there is nothing worse than sitting through two hours of amateur choral
music and then getting no handbells. The only prescription is more handbells!).
22. Read The Night Before Christmas aloud to a child (but be prepared for him or
her to ask you the big question about Father Christmas.)
23. Four words: freshly roasted candied almonds.
24. Resurrect Santa for Mom and Dad. Surprise your parents by doing for them
what they did for you all those incredible years: make Christmas morning
magical. Get up early, spread out gifts, light the fire, brew some coffee and hang
those stockings by the chimney with care! This is a guaranteed memory-maker.
25. Lastly (and this is bordering on heretical), try buying no presents this year. I
guarantee you that the people you love the most will treasure quality time,
homemade gifts and the memories made much more than anything you can get
from Amazon Prime. Plus, this way, you can avoid that whole The Drone Who
Stole Christmas scenario, and replace seasonal materialism with something a
little closer to the True Meaning of Christmas.

Jesus Didn't Call Us to be 'Nice'

Niceness is not necessarily next to godliness.
have a problem. I am a people-pleaser.
My desire to make everyone happy came innocently enough. In church we were trained
that Jesus was nice to people, a sentiment I had to revisit in my adulthood and found to
be skewed at best and erroneous at worst. It turns out that none of the Fruit of the Spirit
have anything to do with being a total pushover, but I am one. I have a hard time saying
no. I have a hard time being honest. I have a hard time showing emotions besides
happiness.
I just ended up becoming a nice Christian guy and wondered where I went wrong.
Were all guilty on some level of being unwilling to be honest with people for fear of
hurting their feelings, looking less spiritual or losing a friend. Oftentimes at the expense
of our own well being, we overbook, over commit and extend ourselves in the name of
being a good Christian. Though we are all certainly called to sacrifice for the greater
good, something is radically wrong when the majority of Christians are rushed, tired
and living in a fog.
How does this happen?

You get invited to that ugly sweater Christmas party you really would rather not go to,
but since your Small Group leader is hosting, you oblige and hope there is at least good
food and you get a decent white elephant gift [is there such a thing?]. You get
bombarded with text messages from that friend that just cant get her life together and
try to respond with encouragement and love, though you roll your eyes and wonder why
you ever gave her your number in the first place and if youll get any sleep tonight. You
have that friend that loaned you that book he absolutely loved, yet you cant get past the
first chapter because you find it incredibly boring. Yet when he asks you about it you
tell him, Oh! I love it!
Why do we do this? Because for many of us, we have wrongly believed that being
nice is akin to being godly. We dont want to ruffle feathers, we dont want to bend
the rules, we dont want to speak honestly and we dont want to say no. Why do we do
this to ourselves? Because were too nice, hiding under the guise of our faith and
performing duties that suck the life out of us all because we somehow think this is how
God would want us to live.
Yet by examining the life of Jesus, the Son of God, we see that sometimes Jesus did
things that were not nice yet fulfilled Gods purpose, a much higher calling than
people pleasing will ever be.
In the story of Jesus raising his friend Lazarus from the dead, we see three components
of Jesus character that can challenge us to live as He lived: Jesus said no. Jesus is
honest. Jesus shows emotions besides happiness.
In the story of Jesus raising his friend Lazarus from the dead, even after hearing the
news of his sickness, He waited two days to go visit. His disciples urged him to stay, as
a while ago, the Jews tried to stone Jesus in Judea. Yet Jesus said no, not giving into the
pressure of others, but keeping pace on accomplishing what God put in His heart to
accomplish.
Martha and Mary were both deeply displeased with Jesus waiting so long to arrive,
insisting that if Jesus were there, surely their brother would still be alive. But His
purpose was not to keep Lazarus alive but to raise Him from the dead, thus showing the
power of God. Jesus did not make up a story about getting lost when confronted by
Martha but spoke honestly to her that her brother would live againHis purpose for
coming.
Finally, when Jesus was in the midst of the family and friends grieving the loss of
Lazarus, Jesus did not give a pious or proud rebuke. He did not spiritualize their pain
with the phrase Its God Will. He did not put His arm around them and say
everything is going to be OK. No, as a result of His own troubled spirit in that
moment, Jesus wept with those that were weeping, demonstrating his love for Lazarus
to all that were gathered.

Many of us cannot say no to people whenever they present an idea different from what
we think, even if it is a deep conviction God laid on our heart. Jesus said no, and we
should not be afraid to either. Many of us cannot be honest with people, especially if
they feel we have let them down. We make excuses or even lie to make ourselves look
better instead of speaking honestly with others. Many of us cannot display emotions
other than happiness because we think that is the natural posture of the Christian, yet
even Jesus wept in a moment of sadness.
Allowing Jesus to live through you will not necessarily produce nice but will
undoubtedly produce godly. It will not be as pleasant, efficient or even safe, but it will
be right and it will create a better follower of Jesus.
One last note: Some may read this article and take the other extreme of people-pleasing
and use this information to become a Jerk for Jesus, someone who calls people out for
everything and anything, someone who speaks truth in love but doesnt have a whole
lot of love. Someone who may be pegged as having the spiritual gift of
discouragement. Please dont be that person.
Though Jesus certainly is radically different than the people-pleasing Christians many
of us find ourselves being at times, Jesus is not a hammer looking to nail every person
in sight either. May God grant us discretion, wisdom and tact as we navigate through
this life allowing His spirit to conform us to His image more and more each day.
Reclaiming the Art of Meaningful Conversation
Here's a very sad sight that most of us have probably observed: two people sitting
together at a dinner table, glued to their phones instead of each other. If there's a better
picture for the wedge technology is driving into our personal interaction, I haven't seen
it.
But lets be real. Some of us have been those people.
In an era where we have more screens than people in our homes, we have nearly lost the
art of having a good old-fashioned face-to-face conversation. And its costing us.
A study by the social network Badoo showed that 39 percent of Americans spend more
time interacting with others online than they do in real life, and 31 percent of those
surveyed also confessed that they were lonely.
Sometimes manifesting Jesus' love is as simple as engaging in a meaningful
conversation, whether it is a stranger you are placed next to at a wedding reception or
your best friend. Here are five steps that will help you facilitate a conversation that can
leave you both feeling socially satisfied.
Put Away Your Phone
Put away the smartphone, the laptop and the iPod. There is nothing worse than trying to
talk to a person who is distracted by a screen. If you want to really hear what the other

person is saying, you must eliminate the noise around you. This allows you to focus on
the person you are talking to, showing them that you think they are important and, for
the time being, the center of your attention.
Ask the Sort of Questions You Wish Someone Would Ask You
Trade in questions like, Did you have a good day? for What surprised you today? or
What was the best moment of your day? Try to form questions around the other
persons interests and experiencespeople are more likely to talk about what is
important to them than what is important to you. And dont be afraid of getting personal
by asking questions such as How do you feel about that? and How has that affected
you? Pointed questions about their thoughts and feelings will deepen the conversation
and show them that you have a real interest in who they are, not just what they do.
Listen With Purpose
Its not good enough to turn on your ears when you are talking with someoneyou
have to turn on your brain. If their face brightens and they smile, they are interested in
the topic they are discussing. Utilize their enthusiasm by asking follow-up questions on
that subject. If they look down or frown, you are probably treading on inappropriate
territory. Be aware of your own body language as well. Leaning forward shows that you
are interested in what is being said. Leaning back shows that you are evaluating what is
being said.
Also, keep this in mind: it is appropriate for the speaker to look away while talking, but
when you, the listener, looks away, it sends a subliminal signal that you dont care about
what they are saying.
Validate and Restate
Counselors are trained to validate and restate the comments made by their clients. This
practice helps the individual feel understood and it also can prevent miscommunication.
Affirmative responses such as I love that, too!, I totally would have done the same
thing or yeah, it makes sense that you would feel that way, show the speaker that you
are meeting them at their level.
Restating is the practice of summarizing what the person said in your own words.
Responding to someone with, So what Im hearing you say ... shows that you were
listening and confirms that you are seeking to understand the speaker. It also provides
an opportunity for clarification if you are confused about what they are saying.
Offer Your Personal Experience
Dont forget that it takes two to interact. Although you may be the one initiating the
conversation, it is important to let the other individual know about you. They will
appreciate your willingness to be open with them. As you are listening, think of any of
your own thoughts or experiences that may connect to the subject at hand. When there is

a pause in conversation, share about yourselfthe other person wants to know you, too.
You may be surprised about how much you discover about each other. And that will
result in both of you feeling far from lonely.
5 Things I Wish Id Done Before Marriage
Theres no doubt you need to have a certain degree of personal maturity in order to have
a healthy marriage.
Even though you cant be totally ready for something like marriage (more on
that here), you should be cultivating a healthy, balanced, God-centered lifestyle in your
singleness if you want to do marriage well. The decision to get married is the secondmost important decision you can make, and it warrants some very careful thinking and
planning.
But this is the 27-year-old version of me talking.
When I was a 22-year-old grad student in Louisville, Kentucky, I was pretty obsessed
with the idea of marriage, and I wanted to make it happen sooner rather than later. I
didnt spend too much time wondering about how to cultivate maturity in my
singleness.
When a gorgeous, half-Italian, sweet-natured girl named Mandy came into my life, I felt
like I didnt have any reason to. I was hopelessly in love with a godly woman I knew
would make for an incredible marriage. Heeding Beyonces call, I put a ring on it pretty
quickly.
That was almost four years ago, and thankfully it has worked out pretty well. Our
marriage has been nothing short of incredible, and I wouldnt trade it for anything.
To be honest, though, every once in a while, I wonder if I got married too young. Not
that I regret it at all, but I wonder if I could have been a better man for her if I had spent
more time as a single man developing maturity. I think about some of the ups and
downs weve had, and I wonder if some of that could have been avoided.
So, here are a few things I wish I could have done (or done better) before getting
married.
1. Learned How to Manage my Time
One funny thing about time management is you have to spend a lot of time learning
how to do it well. Im a classic head-in-the-clouds right-brainer, and I was all over the
place in college. I got married a little more than 18 months out of college, which meant
that Mandy had to deal with a lot of my adulthood growing pains at the beginning of our
marriage.
I definitely didnt (and still dont) have my time management where it should be, and I
probably could have taken more time to cultivate my scheduling habits before taking on

the responsibilities of husbandhood. It simply takes a while to figure out your personal
limits, your personal rhythm, when you need to rest, and so forth.
2. Learned How to Handle Money
I was only a few months out of college when I fell in love with Mandy, and like most
college kids, I wasnt a seasoned pro at handling money. I wasnt the worst with money,
but I wasnt the best, either. Im fairly certain that if I had spent more single years
budgeting, learning how much I should spend on what, figuring out how to save better
and live within my means, I would have been better prepared to serve my wife
financially at the beginning of our marriage.
3. Selflessly Served Others
I can be a pretty selfish person sometimes. Its true, and its an area of my life Im
working really hard to change. I typically make decisions and go about relationships
based on whether they fulfill my comfort and my agenda.
By Gods grace, Im not as selfish as I used to be, but when I was 23, I entered into
marriage with a lot of selfish expectations. I expected my wife to understand me and
serve me without always taking initiative to do the same for her. I lived for my own
pleasures and comforts and, in a lot of ways, built our marriage around them.
I wish I had learned before marriage how to become a servant in the context of our local
church, among other avenues. When Paul talks about the benefits of being single in 1
Corinthians 7:7, hes saying people should be taking advantage of their freedom in
singleness to serve others. I wish I had taken more time to learn how to deny myself and
serve others instead of quickly becoming married and pulling another person into my
self-absorbed world.
4. Learned How to Adjust to People
I went to a college filled with super-high achievers who did things like hang out at
Dennys at 2 a.m. to talk Kantian philosophy and start businesses on the side and set up
campus seminars to lament the current state of American evangelicalism.
I loved it, because thats my personality, but it took me a while coming out of college to
realize that not everyone is like that. People have different interests and personalities,
and you have to adjust.
Like so many other things, learning how to adjust to different personalities takes time.
My wife and I are polar opposites, and while Im regularly reminded that shes smarter
than I am, she isnt the type of woman to want to stay up late talking about intense
issues while wearing her heart on her sleeve (like me). Shes a left-brainer, Im a rightbrainer. Shes quiet, Im talkative. She enjoys different things than I do.
I wish I had spent more time experiencing different peoples personalities while single
so I could have better adjusted to my wifes personality and served her better.

5. Cherished my Singleness
In a lot of ways, I had a pretty skewed understanding of marriage and singleness when I
got married. I kind of idolized marriage and demonized singleness. This started way
back in college, when I got into a relationship with a girl I really wanted to marry. When
she broke up with me, I took it really hard, which showed how out-of-whack I was.
It didnt take me long to pursue another girl, then another one and so on. I was pretty
insecure. I thought that being married meant you had arrived and being single meant
you were less of a person. Now I know that I was completely wrong.
I wish Id spent my early twenties learning to cherish singleness as an opportunity to
glorify God, not belittle it. Perhaps I could have spent more years in my early and midtwenties enjoying singleness and all it has to offer.
Having said all this, I love my wife, Mandy, with all of my heart, and Im completely
grateful for her. Even though I definitely could have used my singleness better and been
a better man for her by the time we had our wedding day, I dont regret the way things
have worked out. Marriage has been incredible.
And the thought that it can be made even better by doing singleness well is a great one.
How We Are Remaking God in Our Image
am ashamed to admit this, but the Nativity scene currently sitting in our home is about
as politically incorrect as it gets. I purchased the set after I searched high and low for
one that my son could play with. He is only a year old, so I wanted one that was child
friendly and basically indestructible. Last month I finally found one that matched those
criteria.
Our Nativity scene is actually quite cute, but its brazenly inaccurate from a historical
point of view. For instance, almost everyone in the scene is white, except for one
African wise man. Inexplicably, the angel is a redheaded woman with tiny Princess Leia
buns. All the other figurines are bald, except for the Virgin Mary, who is blonde.
Blonde.
To be honest, I didnt give much thought to Marys blondeness until last week. When
Fox News reporter Megyn Kelly infamously declared that Jesus was white, I looked at
our blonde Mary with a new set of eyes. In that moment, I seriously considered taking a
black permanent marker to her tiny head.
After Kelly made her outrageous claim, the internet swung back. Hard. Everyone
from Christians to non-Christians alike corrected Kellys historical error, since Jesus
probably resembled modern day Palestinians, with black hair and dark features. We
dont know what Jesus looked like exactly, but this we know for sure: Jesus was not
white.

The fury over Kellys statement is understandable. Not only was she just plain wrong,
but her error hit a very tender nerve. For much of history, white Americans perpetuated
a certain historical narrative that exalted themselves as superiors, even saviors. Kellys
version of Jesus was an echo of that revisionist approach to history.
To be sure, Kellys comment was beyond the pale. That said, the essence of Kellys
mistake is not all that unusual. Who among us is not guilty of making God into our own
image?
The truth is, its tempting to co-opt Jesus and His message. The re-envisioning of Jesus
is most obvious when it violates actual historical fact, but there are countless subtler
versions of the same distortion. Theres the Jesus who hates gay people, the warm and
fuzzy Jesus who only teaches love, the self-help Jesus who came to bring your best life
now, and the manly radical Jesus with hair on his chest and a revolution to lead.
Not surprisingly, most of these Jesuses look much like the Christians promoting them.
Not everyone who embraces the hard teachings of Jesus, for example, is necessarily
committed to the whole person of Christ. Some Christians like judgment because they
are, quite frankly, judgmental people.
Thats what makes the Incarnation both redemptive yet dangerous. On the one hand,
God came near. He took on the frailty of human nature, making possible an
unprecedented intimacy between Him and us. His humanity laid claim to our humanity
in such a way that his resurrection made possible our resurrection.
But there is also something dangerous about the Incarnation. The same humanity that
enables intimacy can also become idolatry of the self. Each of us can recognize some
aspect of our own humanity in Jesus Christand that is good news!but we can just as
easily fixate on that reflection and exalt it inordinately. When this happens, we are no
longer looking at the complete person of Jesus, but only a mirror of ourselves.
Thats why Kellys comment, though wildly inappropriate and wrong, is not all that
surprising. The seed of her error is in each of us.
The beauty of the Incarnation is that Jesus resembles all of us while resembling none of
us. That tension is the secret to really knowing Jesus. Though His humanity is the key to
our salvation, the moment we make His humanity into our own image, rather than make
our humanity into His, we make room for idolatry, division, exclusion and even
oppression to gain a foothold.
Thats why Christmas is about so much more than a sentimental holiday; its the
remembering of a radical act. By sending His Son into the world as a vulnerable baby in
a lowly manger, God upended everything. He reversed everything the world new about
power and might. The Christ child was revolutionary in that sense, and none of us is
safe from that upending. No matter how much we think we, or our theological camp,
resembles Jesus, He means to overturn all our presumptions.

Megyn Kelly was wrong, Jesus was not white. But before we dismiss her claim and
return to the busy Christmas season, we should pause and consider our own co-opting of
Christ. How have I, like Kelly, tried to make Jesus into my own image?
For now, Im going to hold on to our politically incorrect Nativity scene. Over the years
we will undoubtedly acquire other Nativities with different looking Jesuses, and I will
one day talk to my son about them. In many ways the baby Jesus is like my baby boy,
but He is also something wholly other. I want my son to know that.
Are we really the NARCISSITIC generation?
RUMORS OF MILLENNIALS SELF-OBSESSION MIGHT BE GREATLY
EXAGGERATED
Ask a random group of people to describe the Millennial generation in a few words and
you get an interesting mix of positive and negative adjectives.
I tried it, asking people from their twenties to their sixties, and the answers I got ranged
from hopeful to critical:
Innovative, knowledgeable, savvy.
Privileged, apathetic, socially concerned.
Self-absorbed world-changers who long for authentic connection.
Passionate but passive, hopeful but cynical, connected but distracted.
Entrepreneurial, spoiled narcissists.
Its obvious that Millennialsroughly those born between 1982 and 2004tend to be a
polarizing topic. They have been dubbed by some as the next greatest generation, but
others note disturbing trends among Millennials that paint a far less rosy picture.
Characterized as lazy, entitled narcissists on the cover of Time magazine (May 2013),
this generation is used to getting a bad rap. With record numbers unemployed or underemployed, trends toward delayed marriage and childbearing and a high percentage
boomeranging back home to live with Mom and Dad, Millennials are easy targets.
Millennials have grown up with messages of high self-esteem and high expectations.
But critiqued for flailing during adultolescence (prolonged adolescence into young
adulthood), Millennials are often portrayed as self-obsessed, tech-addicted, and
directionless. But is all this bad press true? Are Millennials really narcissists?
Peeling Back the Label
Narcissism is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a craving for
attention from others, an exaggerated sense of entitlement and a fixation on personal
pleasure at all costs.

In more extreme cases, individuals who have been diagnosed with narcissistic
personality disorder are arrogant, lack empathy, self-centered, tend to exploit others and
can be aggressive.
One doesnt have to look far to see evidence of what looks like narcissism in this
generation. A preponderance of selfies on Instagram and vlogs on YouTube seem to
indicate self-obsession. But is narcissistic really a fitting label for Millennials? There
is some evidence that suggests it is, but perhaps not enough.
Much of the narcissist label often affixed to Millennials stems from the research of
Dr. Jean Twenge, a psychologist and professor at San Diego State University. The
author of Generation Me and co-author of the highly influential book The Narcissism
Epidemic, Twenges work uses the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI) and largescale meta-analysis of survey data to measure levels of narcissism.
Her conclusions? Millennials show a sharp and significant rise in narcissistic traits in
comparison to previous young-adult generations.
In his Time cover story, Joel Stein cites such a rise in scores on narcissism scales as well
as data from the National Institutes of Health indicating that Millennials have a three
times higher incidence of narcissistic personality disorder. Further, Twenge and her
colleagues have observed a significant rise in college students who rate their own
abilities as above average.
An inflated sense of self-importance is also revealed in data such as Barna Groups
finding that one in four teenagers today believe they will be famous by 25.
Citing Twenges research, David Kinnaman, Barna Group president and author of You
Lost Me, observes, The social research shows that, in fact, Millennials are more
narcissisticmore self-orientedthan previous generations. But, Kinnaman asserts,
its not exclusively a Millennial phenomenon. Theres plenty of narcissism to go
around, across all the generations that are alive today ... I think this self-absorption and
narcissism, if you will, is rather human as opposed to generational.
Twenges work is not without critics. Others in her field find her research methods
problematic and claim that the NPI includes what many see as traits of healthy selfesteem, assertiveness and confidence in its measure of narcissism.
Generational theorist Neil Howe is one of those who sees many red flags in Twenges
conclusions, foremost among them the large disparity between the predicted outcomes
of such a rise in narcissism and the actual realities observed in Millennials.
Twenge claims this supposed increase in narcissism leads to a rise in aggression and
violence, a rise in personal risk-taking, mounting isolation and an inability to form close
relationships with others, a growing unwillingness to join and help out the larger
community and negative emotional consequences, Howe says. But heres the thing: In
all of those traits, Millennials are trending the wrong way for Twenge.

THIS SELF-ABSORPTION AND NARCISSISM, IF YOU WILL, IS RATHER

HUMAN AS OPPOSED TO GENERATIONAL. DAVID KINNAMAN
Howe, who along with the late William Strauss first coined the term Millennials to
describe this generation, points to a multitude of studies that show a complete
contradiction to what Twenge predicts, including a 75 percent decline in violent crimes
since the mid-90s, a drastic reduction in risk-taking among youth, and several other
research conclusions that reveal Millennials to be connected in relationships and
involved in their communities.
Despite some of the bad news trends frequently cited in articles bemoaning Millennials
perceived generational flaws, the truth is that alongside some of the negative trends, the
Millennial generation also continues to be distinguished by others-focused qualities that
are anything but narcissistic.
Connected with Community
Millennials are, far and away, the most technologically connected generation in our
history. The 2013 Millennial Impact Report, a study focused on Millennial involvement
with nonprofits, found that 83 percent of respondents had a smartphone. Pew Research
Center has found that about eight in 10 Millennials report sleeping with their cell phone
easily accessible, and 93 percent of todays teens have a Facebook account.
But is there something deeper behind this perceived addiction to texting, Facebooking,
Vine-ing and Instagramming?
In his book Hurt 2.0, which explores todays teenagers, Dr. Chap Clark observes that the
underlying force behind social networking is the drive for community. The high level of
involvement of young people in social networking might appear to adults to be an
expression of adolescent narcissism, but ... that is hardly the case, Clark says, noting
that online expression is the currency of intimacy for many young people today.
At the heart of todays new technology, social networks, which Millennials use so well,
is the ability to stay connected with a wide variety of friends, creating communities far
larger and more diverse than those of previous generations, concur Morley Winograd
and Michael D. Hais in their book, Millennial Momentum. Howe also notes that being
team-oriented is one of Millennials unique generational traits.
Though certainly, forms of look-at-me! egocentrism abound online, theres also a
deeper relational value propelling Millennial connectivity: Millennials prioritize
friendships and value connecting with their tribe. Despite a nationwide trend across all
ages toward feelings of loneliness and isolation, the Barna Group found Millennials lead
the way, above other demographic groups, in actively fostering new friendships. So the
claim that Millennials are narcissists who are isolated and unable to form attachments,
Howe argues, just flies in the face of everything we see about Millennials. Isolated?
Are you kidding?!

When Boomers and Xers ran the Internet, it was all about individuation, he observes.
Boomers invented the personal computerand it was called personal for a reason. It
was a way of saying, Its mine, not yours. I can be creative on my own. But
Millennials have been moving information technology back toward the group.
Responding to Need
Theres a very globally minded sensibility around this generation and an orientation
toward social justice and poverty that belies the exclusively narcissistic description of
the Millennial generation, Kinnaman observes.
Citing the Barna Groups finding that 79 percent of Millennials say they care deeply
about social justice, Kinnaman continues, When it comes to issues of poverty and
concern about the poor overseas, Millennials are much more concerned about these
issues than older adults or even older Christians.
This concern is evidenced in a notable rise in volunteering among Millennials in
comparison to previous generations. The 2012 Millennial Impact Report found 63
percent of Millennials report volunteering for a nonprofit at some point during the year,
and 41 percent plan to increase their volunteer efforts in the future.
Shouldering the burdens of record unemployment and heavy loads of personal and
national debt, Millennials are in some senses the Screwed Generation as Joel Kotkin
of The Daily Beast quipped. But even in the face of such stress and financial pressure,
Millennials also demonstrate concern for those in need through giving both of their time
and money.
A high percentage of Millennials report giving to nonprofits. Three-quarters gave in
2011, while 83 percent report giving a financial gift to an organization in 2012. Along
with their own giving, 71 percent of Millennials have worked to raise money for a
nonprofit.
Though our data would not support the idea that Millennials are a particularly generous
generation in terms of dollars, they are certainly giving a big chunk of their time,
affirms Kinnaman, noting a high degree of involvement in regular, weekly volunteer
opportunities. Thirty-six percent of Christian Millennials have volunteered in their
church in the last week and 19 percent have volunteered in a nonprofit.
Rooted in Family
Millennials, by and large, appear to be embracing a different view of family values
than previous generations, a fact some find alarming. In some circles,Millennials delay
of marriage and child-bearing and openness to a wide variety of family structures is
seen as a threat to the very fabric of society.
But whats hidden behind trends like Millennials boomeranging back home is a positive
flipside: Unlike the angst-ridden conflict characterizing many Gen-X and parent

relationships or the clashing generation gap between young-adult Boomers and their
parents during the 60s and 70s, Millennials tend to place a high value on fostering an
ongoing, close connection with their parents and family of origin.
While parent/child conflict is an inevitable part of growing upparticularly during
adolescence and young adulthoodMillennials and their parents tend to have less
conflict than other generations had with their parents. According to Pew Research
Centers study, Millennials: A Portrait of Generation Next, 56 percent of parents of
teen and young-adult Millennials report they hardly ever or never have major
disagreements with their children, while only one in 10 of these parents say they often
have huge conflicts with their Millennial children.
THERES A VERY GLOBALLY MINDED SENSIBILITY AROUND THIS
GENERATION AND AN ORIENTATION TOWARD SOCIAL JUSTICE. DAVID
KINNAMAN
First-wave Millennials who have Boomer parents get along better with their parents at
that age than any earlier group of young adults we have seen since World War II, Howe
says.
And Millennials commitment to their family isnt a short-term living arrangement. Pew
found 63 percent of Millennials believe it will be their responsibility to care for their
elderly parents in the future by letting them live with them, outpacing Baby Boomers, of
whom just 55 percent affirmed a similar sense of obligation.
And about that boomeranging? Kinnaman calls the rise of unmarried, childless,
financially struggling twentysomethings One of the most significant social changes in
this century. In all the discussion about young adults still living at home, he says, the
underlying story that often doesnt get told is that its economically much more difficult
for young people to get ahead today.
Economic pressure and difficulty finding good employment are certainly contributing
factors to the reality that 36 percent of Millennials live at home with their parents. (This
number includes college students who return home for the summer.) In fact, Millennial
guys outpace their female counterparts in living with their parentsa full 40 percent of
men aged 18 to 31 live at home.
When we add in the number of unmarried Millennials who live with other relatives
(such as rooming with a sibling), Pew found 47 percent of Millennials live with their
family members. While this increasingly common living arrangement is caused in part
by the financial difficulties faced by many Millennials, it also certainly points to what
Howe calls the enormous revival of family closenesseven the extended family
thats going on today.
Despite the evolving views on what family and marriage might look like embraced by
todays younger generation, according to Pew, Millennials say they prioritize being a

good parent, having a successful marriage and helping others in need above other goals
such as owning a home, making lots of money or having lots of free time.
Defying the Indictment
As with any broad generalization, generational trends do not define individuals. There
are certainly Millennials that typify some findings while defying others.
The underlying reality is that there are tribes of young adults, Kinnaman says. Of
course its easy to find a group of young adults who are sort of slackers and are wasting
their lives. But there are other groups of young people who are quite ambitious. You
have these high highs and extreme lows that epitomize why theres so much discussion
and debate. Its a tale of contrasts.
So, underneath all the claims and accusations and percentages, are Millennials
narcissists? In the sense that all human beings suffer from a tendency toward
egocentrism (accurately diagnosed by the Bible as pervasive pride), yes, Millennials
have an enlarged sense of self-importance. As do Gen-Xers. As do Baby Boomers. And
so on.
Millennials certainly arent the first generation to be perceived as egocentric. Boomers
were known as the Me Generation, while Xer angst bristled its own brand of selfcenteredness. In The Atlantic Wires clever critique, Every Every Every Generation
Has Been the Me Me Me Generation, Elspeth Reeve points to this trend, quoting an
article from The Atlantic itself in 1907 that bemoans the latter-day cult of
individualism; the worship of the brazen calf of the Self.
Reeve also draws attention to psychological studies contradicting the conclusion that
Millennials have a higher rate of narcissism, quipping, Basically, its not that people
born after 1980 are narcissists; its that young people are narcissists, and they get over
themselves as they get older.
There may be something to the notion that seemingly narcissistic traits of Millennials
fade out as Millennials grow up, so to speak. Though there are several surveys of
adolescent Millennials indicating an alarming obsession with fame, Pews Millennials
study that surveyed adults ages 18 to 29 found a very different conclusion, observing,
In spite of the fact that they have come of age in the era of YouTube and reality TV,
very few Millennials consider becoming famous an important life goal.
While obvious trends and signs of egocentrism certainly weave throughout Millennial
life, this same preoccupation with self is just as easily observable in the wider culture,
across all ages and stages of life. We live in a society thats still worshipping at the
brazen calf of the Self, and Millennial behaviors and attitudes serve as a revealing
reflection of that broader egocentric culture.

Yet in the context of this culture enamored with the self, Millennials continue to make
their distinct mark through their others-focused commitment to prioritizing community,
engaging to help those in need and fostering an ongoing connection with their families.
5 Uncomfortable Issues The Church Needs to Start Talking About
It has been said that the Church is not a museum of saints, but a hospital for sinners.
Yet, most of us would much rather pretend to be a saint on display than call for an
ambulance.
Week after week, many of us walk into a church, sit by people we have known for years
and yet would never dream of sharing our innermost struggles with. While a large part
of this is our pride, another factor is a Church that seems unwilling to talk about certain
uncomfortable issues, choosing rather to ignore them, try to cover them up or simply
reject people who bring them up.
There are many issues the Church as a whole needs to address, such as creationism,
activism, environmental stewardship and many others. But there are many more issues
that individuals in the Church are dealing withissues that the Church Body should be
talking about. In Galatians 6:2, Paul urged the Church to "Bear each other's burdens," so
maybe with more grace and love we can turn on the light in the darkened rooms of each
others hearts and let our churches become safe havens for the uncomfortable things we
have to deal with.
Many of these issues need to be dealt with professionally first. But that should not be
the end of it. Research shows just listening to someone and showing them you
genuinely care for their situation can be a huge part of that person's healing process.
This is far from a comprehensive listthese are a few of the issues many people in
churches around the world are dealing with, whether they admit it or not. And as people
increasingly leave the Church, often over issues such as these, it is becoming more
urgent that the Church talk about how to care for every one of its members.
Addiction
At AA meetings and therapy sessions, talking about addiction makes sense, but for some
reason, it's not a topic most church people want to hear about. Certain addictions are
definitely more socially acceptable to talk about than others. For example, it's OK to
bug Frank about his smoking, but John's alcoholism is more hush-hush.
And yes, in many churches, a person's addictions can become fodder for gossip.
However, if the Church were to first approach one another as family, then addicts in the
Church might feel safer to be vulnerable about their struggles. Often, they just need to
be loved and feel safe enough to know they can expose this part of themselves in a
community where the addiction isn't crushing them every second.

Sexuality
Sex and sexuality tends to be a loaded topic in the Church. Certain corners of the
Church have been very vocal in their broad condemnation of premarital sex, but that's
where the conversation (for lack of a better word) tends to stop. We rarely engage the
topic of sex on a personal, individual level. There's a generally accepted idea floating
around that, once two people are married, they enter into a carefree, blissful lifetime of
sexual fulfillment that needs never be discussed in any meaningful way.
There are strong believers struggling with their sexual identity, brokenness and
frustration in churches across the world, and among their Christian friends and families,
they don't dare say a word about it.
I know of a few people in my life who love Christ and want to abstain from sin, but they
are struggling with sexual sin or sinful desires. There are married couples for whom
waiting to have sex turned out to be the easy part, as both parties brought into their
marriage a series of expectations that turned out to be flawed. There are very few people
they can share this with, but that also means they carry this burden alone. If many
churches stopped treating sexual issues as a personal choice, where it could be turned on
or off like a light-switch, then maybe we could start to create more safe places where
people can share their burdens with each other and find out they're not alone.
Sincere Doubt
In many churches today, there are Christians, even pastors, who are struggling with
doubt. They have absorbed all the recommended apologetics. They havecried out in
prayer. They are struggling to believe that God is good or that Hes there at all, yet they
continue with the motions. They put on the smile while setting up the coffee table. They
mouth along to the words in the worship songs, but it all feels hollow to them. I know
this because Ive been one of these people.
One of the most vital ways the Church can handle doubt is to stop acting like everything
about faith is obvious. The Church can recognize that we all have doubts from time to
time, but we cling to a hope that's beyond rational explanation. Churches can also stop
trying to hide the hard parts of the Bible under the rug or downplay the significance
these ethically questionable parts play in a person's doubt.
Mental Illness
Those in our midst who deal with mental illness, either personally or second-hand, are
typically silent about the struggles they experience. In our society, there still exist a lot
of stereotypes about mental illness, and because people either don't want to deal with it
or they've been hurt, they will choose to avoid opening up about it. The problem is, if
these issues go untalked about, then they often will go unresolved.
In some churches, people who do reveal their illness will go without professional help
in lieu of prayer. When prayer doesn't work, the person dealing with mental illness feels

like a failure or like they dont have enough faith. The Church needs to create an
encouraging environment where people can be directed to right help and then receive
spiritual healing alongside their physical healing.
Loneliness
There are droves of lonely people in the church, and that includes senior pastors and
priests. The isolation comes from a lack of identification and identification comes
through open communication. When we can be vulnerable and honest with one another,
we understand each other in a profound way.
A lonely person may walk in to a church alone and leave alone each Sunday. Although
they appreciate the free coffee and donuts the fellowship hall offers, what they really
want is fellowship. Taking time to get to know the people around you and then reaching
out to them outside of the church will allow for a greater, more stable community.
Of course, every church is different and while one church may be stronger in one area, it
may be weaker in others. These are just a few issues that we as the Church Body need to
be willing to address. And as we talk about them, we must remember to address them
with humility, understanding and grace, keeping in mind our role as fellow hospital
patients, not museum curators.
Virgin Territory
HOW THE NEW ABSTINENCE MOVEMENT IS TRYING TO RESHAPE OUR VIEWS
ON SEX
Emily Maynard remembers the construction-paper illustrations and signed pledge cards,
the rings with the hands holding the heart and the lock-and-key necklaces.
She remembers the after-church conversations with friends at 14 or 15 years old, barely
teens, wholly in love with Jesus and trying to figure out how to honor Him with their
lives. She remembers their promises to save their first kisses for their wedding
ceremonies and, years later, the notes in their wedding programs announcing it.
That part seemed rather fetishized, she says, but she did feel a little embarrassed and
upset when her dad didnt pony up for the purity ring, more for social reasons than
anything else.
She remembers the conferences and camps and the admonishment not to give her heart
away by having sex before she was married, or maybe even kissing before then or, just
to be safe, by having a crush on a member of the opposite sex.
In short, Maynard remembers growing up in the purity culture of youth ministry in the
late 90s and early aughts, a culture that persists today amid growing backlash.
I think I knew not to have sex even before I knew what sex was, the writer and
speaker says. I was steeped in those messages, from both the standard, evangelical

youth retreat or camp kind of messages to the dont kiss before marriage messages. I
grew up just surrounded by all those True Love Waits ideas ... and there was definitely
this idea that once you started kissing someone, you wouldnt be able to stopa very
slippery-slope sexuality, to the point that even feelings for someone or crushes were
discouraged, very poignantly.
If the goal was to get her through high school without having sex, well then, those
messages were successful, she says. But, at 28, the Portland native is questioning
whether abstinence should be the Churchs single-minded goal for its single members.
And shes not the only one.
Damaged Goods
This year started with a declaration from Sarah Bessey: I am not damaged goods,
which led to what the Canadian blogger and author of Jesus Feministcalled a spiral of
conversations that have spun off about virginity and purity in every corner of the
Christian blogosphere.
It was a conversation that needed to happen, and if I had some small part in that, Im
thankful, Bessey says.
But she wasnt thinking of that when she wrote that blog post, she says. She was
thinking of the preacher who had indirectly compared her teenage self to a glass of
water every kid in the room had spit into. She was thinking of the messages about being
damaged goodswhich implied that if true love waits, she never would experience it
and the sense of shame she took from them. She was thinking of a culture that ties
value and worthespecially for womento virginity, that judges a single persons
relationship with Christ on a single checkbox: Have you had sex?
She was thinking of the 80 percent of unmarried evangelical Christians between the
ages of 18 and 29 who would check that box to the affirmative, according to a 2009
study by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.
And she was thinking of the message about the grace and wholeness of God she wished
she would have heard as a teenager who lost her virginity far too soon. That if, as it
says in Romans 8:38, neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things
present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created
thing could separate her from the love of God, then neither could sex.
I knew I was in the majority, but because of shaming and silencing, we are often made
to feel like we are the minoritythe shameful minority, Bessey says. I wanted to kick
back against the culture that says our worth and our value are tied up in our sexuality,
when I believe our worth and our value are found in Christ.
I am not damaged goods.
True Loves Weight

Besseys voice was one among many. One blogger decried the idolizing and fetishizing
of virginity. Another wrote about the good lessons she had taken away from abstinence
education. And in May, The Atlantic published a summary of the arguments in a piece
titled Why Some Evangelicals Are Trying to Stop Obsessing Over Premarital Sex.
Each post garnered a wealth of comments from both proponents and critics of
abstinence education. To Matt Appling, a pastor, art teacher, blogger and author of Life
After Art, who lives in Kansas City, Mo., two sides emerged in those online
conversations, each seeming to dig in its heels.
It seemed some people who had remainedor planned to remainvirgins until they
were married still wanted to justify themselves by that one thing: the fact that they did
not have sex, Appling says. And some who didnt wanted to justify themselves, too, in
some cases implying sex before marriage has no consequences and virginity does not
really matter, he says.
But most of the Christian voices engaging on the issue of purity culture made it clear
that its the way the message is packaged, not the message itself, that poses the problem.
As far as what I believe about premarital sex, I think it needs to be a conversation
separate from our worth and our value, Bessey says. There are some real
conversations about sex to be had, absolutely. Its not everything, but its not nothing
either.
For her part, Emily Wierenga, an artist, author and blogger who lives in Alberta,
Canada, says she thinks virginity is a giftone that should be given in marriage to the
one who earns our heart, who promises to love us through thick and thin.
Wierenga says the unfolding conversations opened her heart and mind to the hurts and
thoughts of others and to the beautiful colors of the kaleidoscope that make up
Christianity. They also grieved her, both for the damage done by the Church, however
well-intentioned, and by a society that has lost the fear of God and the sacredness of
sex.
Sex is holy because its not just a biological action, but spiritual, emotional and mental,
Wierenga says. Its the unifying of souls, and when its misused, when we randomly
join to various people and then break apart, we lose a piece of ourselves, every time.
WE ARE ALL BROKEN, ALL SINFUL. FOR SOME OF US, SEX WILL BE A PART
OF THAT BROKENNESS. BUT OUR MARRIAGES ARE NOT DOOMED IF WE HAVE
ALREADY HAD SEX. MATT APPLING
Wierenga joined the flurry of conversation with an open letter to herself at age 16, just
after a breakup with the coolest guy in school because she wouldnt let him. A letter
to the last virgins standing. That letter was an attempt to get real with a society and a
Church that has lost its grasp on the holiness of sex and made it into a pastime to either
exploit or judge, she says.

Because as much as sex is something sacred, something that should be saved for
marriage, the judgmental attitude that purity culture tends to foster shows how pride can
become dangerous, sinful territory those who dont cross sexual boundaries.
In fact, Bessey says, a number of responses she received to her declaration were
messages from Christians who had waited, who felt convicted of their pride and had to
repent to their friendsand in some cases, their own husbands and wivesfor shaming
and silencing them, for thinking they were damaged goods because of choices from
long ago and then treating them that way, in some cases for years.
I was truly blessed by those emails because I think that superiority in relationships, that
Pharisaical attitude that prays, I thank you, Lord, that I am not like those people is so
damaging in our communities, let alone in our marriages, she says.
Beyond Abstinence
Another danger Maynard points out in the way the Church has presented its message is
detachmenta tendency to simply follow the rules.
Its easy to think, Im totally fine. Im not having sex. But simply not doing
something doesnt build health, she says.
Maynard says she decided she didnt want to be a virgin anymoreor a non-virgin, for
that matter. She didnt want to base her identity on the question, as she puts it, Who put
what where?
She had started to rethink her experience of purity culture about a year ago. She was
reading a book in a bakery when she had the sudden realization that she didnt want a
culture that tied womens value to their virginity or painted men as sex-crazed
monsters, she says. She didnt want a message that left little space to grieve with and
sit with friends who have been sexually assaulted or abused or that dissociated people
from their feelings.
Even if people dont have [premarital] sex, thats not really the goal we want, she
says. I think the goal of a healthy sexual ethic is to be able to have healthy
relationships with God, self and others. Thats what we want, and I dont think the
virginity movement accomplishes that goal. I think it really detracts from it.
Instead, she says, she wants to focus on her relationship with Christ and on listening to
the Holy Spirit, not on following rules and checking boxes. And she thinks the Church
would do well to look at the results of its purity message: The majority of its young
people are having premarital sex.
Wierenga pointed to some hopeful numbers from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control
and Preventions National Center for Health Statistics that put the number of 15- to 24year-olds who have not had sex up to 27 percent for men and 29 percent for women in
2008 from 22 percent in 2002. Still, nearly everybody (97 percent of men and 98

percent of women) between the ages of 25 and 44 has had sex, according to that study
(which didnt specify marital status).
Changing the Conversation
Appling says he would do everything differently if he had his years as a volunteer youth
pastor to do over. He was 20 years old, still in college, and he knew he was supposed to
be saving himself for marriage, but he couldnt have told students why.
If I could go back, its not that I would change one or two things about my approach,
he says. I would change everything about what I told those kids about sex.
With the perspective of a nearly a decade of marriage, he says, he would tell them the
truth: The fact that we have to tell kids is that we are all damaged goods, whether we
have sex before marriage or not. We are all broken, all sinful. For some of us, sex will
be a part of that brokenness. But our marriages are not doomed if we have already had
sex. And they are not destined for greatness just because we havent, he says.
The idea that purity is more than just an issue of what people do with their bodies is a
sentiment echoed by many. Ben Trueblood, director of student ministry at LifeWay
Christian Resources, the group that created the True Love Waits campaign, says purity
is an obedience issue, one that will immediately separate [young people] from a sexobsessed culture and open the door for the Gospel of Jesus to take center stage.
Trueblood knows True Love Waits, too, needs to change the way it talks to young
people about sex. And that message cant just come from the student ministry, he says,
but also from families and churches getting similarly honest about sex.
Through True Love Waits, LifeWay has been the purveyor of the ubiquitous pledge
cards and jewelry since 1994. In that time, an estimated 3 million young people have
signed commitment cards pledging abstinence until their wedding nights, according to
its website.
But, while he maintains the student ministry has done mighty things, Trueblood
acknowledges, Sexual purity isnt just about waiting until marriage to have sex. Its a
life that embraces the truth that Jesus is enough, that centers on Him and His death on
the cross, he says. Its a life lived in Him and by His power.
And LifeWay is in the middle of relaunching True Love Waits through a new resource
called the True Love Project to reflect that truth, the student ministry director says.
The new True Love Project is not solely about a student signing a commitment card
proclaiming that they will be abstinent until marriage, Trueblood says. It is about
learning and living in the forgiveness of Jesus. It is about how the Gospel transforms
our lives, not just until marriage, but forever. It is about how God desires to use our
lifes purity as a platform for the Gospel around the world. It is about shining the
spotlight on Jesus, our King and Savior, and not on a sexual decision.

Maynard says she hopes thats not just relabeling virginity a healthy sexual ethic, not
just a new cover for the same shame.
The year since her come-to-Jesus moment in the bakery, she says, has been so good
hard, but good. It has made life more complicated, made her examine the motivations
behind how she treats the men she dates, rather than only checking how well she is
loving and respecting a partner against one rule.
Its made her a better listener, she says, listening for the same nuance in peoples stories
as she has recognized in her own. She has come to realize that more experiences make
them who they are than just that one.
And it made her realize everyone, as a sexual being, has sexual baggage.
I think that allowed me to start working through some of my sexual baggage with more
hope and more freedom to really encounter my actual life and not just this projection I
put out of I am a good girl because I havent done these things, Maynard says. I
have to sort of encounter my story on a different level.
I feel like my relationships are all more rich, and Im working toward healing in my
relationship with myself and God and others, and that gives me a lot of hope. The fact
that this conversation is happening gives me a lot of hope.
Is Human Nature Good or Evil?
Gabriella Karin, an 82-year-old Holocaust survivor, sits opposite me at a trendy Italian
restaurant across the street from the Los Angeles Museum of the Holocaust. Human
nature is basically good, she says, digging into a Caesar salad.
I ask the question again. She doesnt bristle. Its a question that Id wanted to ask a
Holocaust survivor my whole life: What is the true nature of humankind? Are we
inherently good or evil?
As a Christian, Ive always believed humankind is primarily corrupt. We turned from
God, sinned and now need a Savior to bridge our separation from Him.
In fact, in Matthew 7:11, Christ even says that were evil.
But I wanted to hear it from those whove probably thought about that question more
than anyone else.
What do you mean? I thought to myself. Youre a Holocaust survivor. Most of your
family perished in Nazi Europe. Of course man is evil.
WHAT IF THERE WERE A DECREE IN AMERICA THAT FOR 24 HOURS, YOU
COULD DO ANYTHING YOU WANTEDMURDER, ROBBERY, RAPEAND NOT
HAVE ANY CONSEQUENCES?

Karin continues: Circumstances sometimes make people do bad things. She explains
that Hitler was an agitator who helped ferment a latent anti-Semitism in Germany. But
God didnt do it [the Holocaust]. People did it. Karins melodious Slovakian accent
gives no hint of a woman who has experienced one of humankinds worst genocides.
It takes a moment for her words to sink in. They echo my Christian belief in free will:
Our choice to do bad or good. She also tells me about Karol Blanar, the Christian man
who saved her life and eight othersincluding her mother and fatherby hiding them
for nine months in a floor of his apartment, across the street from the Gestapo
headquarters. I owe him so much for giving me a chance to live, she says.
As the sun dapples our faces on the patio of La Piazza Ristorante Italiano, I think that
maybe man is not as bad as I thought. After all, Karin says that many people during the
Holocaust chose to risk their lives to save Jews. How do these good deeds factor in?
The next day, I sit with Peter Daniels, who has lived through 76 years and a genocide, in
a little caf at the top of the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles. Daniels tells me to
imagine: What if there were a decree in America that for 24 hours, you could do
anything you wantedmurder, robbery, rapeand not have any consequences? What
do you think the increase of crime would be for that twenty-four hours? he asks.
Heres someone who has pondered human nature, I thought. What would you do
during those 24 hours? I ask.
I would lock myself in my room and not let anyone in for those 24 hours, he says.
Daniels knows evil.At four years old, he was kicked out of school for being a Jew. He
remembers the yellow star pinned on his shirt and jacket.
From 1943 to 1945, Daniels and his single mother were at Terezin, a Czechoslovakian
concentration camp.Of the 15,000 children who passed through Terezin, only 100
survivedand Daniels was one.
I ask Daniels why humans have an inclination for evil.
IF I WERE ON THE OTHER SIDE ... WOULD I RISK MY LIFE AND ENDANGER
MY FAMILY AND COME TO MY OWN RESCUE? I DONT KNOW. ITS A TERRIBLE
THING TO LIVE WITH.
Misguided idealism, he says. Daniels explains that the Nazis believed they were doing
the higher good, by getting rid of the subhumansincluding Jews, Gypsies and
homosexualsthat didnt measure up to their Aryan ideals. Daniels says the Nazis were
masters of propaganda.
As I stroll through the halls of the Museum of Tolerance and pass exhibit after exhibit
documenting human cruelty, I think about misguided idealism. I think of all the
injustices that have been committed in the name of my faith, like the Crusades,
the Thirty Years War and the Salem Witch Trials. These wars and acts of

violence might have seemed like a good idea for many believers at the
time, though they were deeply and destructively misguided.

With my righteous belief that man is evil, I begin to wonder if Im misguidedlike the
accusers in Salemprojecting onto others what I fear is in me.
Its night. Im tired. I have more interviews tomorrow, but I check out the Los Angeles
Museum of the Holocaust website. A sidebar question on their site catches my attention.
It asks: If you were told to join the German army or risk imprisonment and endanger
your family, would you: A.) Refuse to join and risk imprisonment in a concentration
camp. B.) Flee or go into hiding. C.) Join the army. D.) Dont know.
I dont like the question. I turn off my laptop and go to sleep.
I wouldnt be here if it werent for good people, Betty Hyatt, 77, tells me in the
library of the Los Angeles Museum of the Holocaust.
Born in Belgium, Hyatt escaped from the Nazis in the early 1940s with her mother,
grandmother and brother and fled into the forests of southern France. For years they
survived in the woods, often battling rats for chestnuts.
During Nazi raids of the area, Hyatt says she hid behind trees, close enough to hear the
crunch of Gestapo footsteps in the snow, and fearing that the white of her misting breath
might betray her.
Of human nature, Betty says some people are good and some people are badand you
never know who will do the good. Betty says when she visited the region of France
where she hid during the Holocaust that the people who risked their lives to help save
her family were simple farmers, still working the land, who just chose to do good.
Choice? There was that concept again, I say to myself.Maybe humans werent bad or
good, I think. Maybe humans had a choice? But what did humans choose?
But then Betty shocks me. She says something that I never thought a Holocaust survivor
would ever say.
I often sit and wonder, if I were on the other side, if I were a French Christian, would I
risk my life and endanger my family and come to my own rescue? she asks. I dont
know. Its a terrible thing to live with.
Im surprised, but impressed with her honesty. Im reminded of Romans 3:23, For all
have sinned and come short of the glory of God. I wonder what I would do if I had to
face such moral dilemmas. How would I choose? I hope I would not fall short of the
glory of God.
That night, I visit the Los Angeles Museum of the Holocaust website again. I stare at the
question: If you were told to join the German army or risk imprisonment and endanger
your family, would you

I click my answer, and check the results.

The majority responded that they would flee, that they were unsure what they would do,
or that they would go into hiding or join the German army. Only a courageous minority
said they would Refuse to join and risk imprisonment in a concentration camp.
I wasnt one of them.
7 Faith Stories That Shaped 2013
Heres our look back at seven major news stories that shaped the Church, Christian
culture and faith in 2013.
Pope Francis Reinvigorates the Catholic Church
Since he took over the papacy in March, Pope Francis has earned a reputation as both a
groundbreaker and a reformer. Not only is he the first Jesuit pope and the first pope
from the Americas or the Southern Hemisphere (hes Argentinean), but hes also
brought a fresh sense of conviction to the Vatican. As hes worked to clean-up
corruption within the church and reform the Vaticans scandal-plagued bank, hes also
made it a personal mission to show the world that the Church should be more
aboutcaring for the poor than building itself up. Pope Francis disdain for excess and
passion for the least of these has reinvigorated the Catholic Church by displaying an
example of humble leadership for Christians everywhere.
The Rise of Christian Reality TV
Though it first debuted in 2012, this year, A&Es quirky look at the outspokenly
Christian lives of the family behind a Louisiana hunting business became a cultural
phenomenon. But Duck Dynastys Robertsons werent the only religious family on
primetime in 2013. With shows like the megachurch-centric Pastors of LA, Thicker than
Water that follows gospel-musics Tankard family, and Nat Geos backwoods Snake
Salvation, for better or for worse, Christians ruled reality TV in 2013.
The Bible Takes Over Hollywood
Back in March, the History Channel debuted a 10-part miniseries from husband and
wife producing team Mark Burnet and Roma Downey. The Bible went on to become
one of the most successful TV projects of the year, eventually garnering more than 100
million viewers. Since then, the entertainment industry has taken note as a number of
high-profile Bible stories prepare for the Hollywood treatment. Darren
Aronofskys Noah, Ridley Scotts Exodus, NBCs early church Bible miniseries followup A.D.: Beyond the Bible, the big screen look at the life of Christ, Son of God (which is
being adapted from The Bible), a mafia-themed TV show about King Davidand even a
horror-themed drama about Jesus lost years before his ministry, will all soon be
making their debuts. If 2013 is any indicationstudios may have some blockbusters on
their hands.

The New Abortion Debate

In April, a little-known abortion doctor in Philadelphia stood accused of
committing horrific crimes against babies and engaging in a pattern of repeated abuse
against his patientsall done under the nose of a system that is supposed to enforce
safety standards. And until April 11, almost no one in the national media was talking
about it. When USA Today columnist Kirsten Powers wrote, The deafening silence of
too much of the media, once a force for justice in America, is a disgrace, in her April
11 opinion column, the topic of abortionand how the media covers itbecame part of
the national conversation. Even after Kermit Gosnell was sentenced to life in prison for
his crimes, in 2013, abortion in America has once again become a major story. From
Senator Wendy Davis efforts to filibuster a law that wouldrestrict abortion access in
Texas, to lawmakers in states around the country attempting to pass 20-week bans, this
year, abortion has once again become a major story40 years after Roe v. Wade.
Strange Under Fire
In September, pastor and author John MacArthur held a conference called Strange
Fire, where he and other speakers examined whether the Holy Spirit has been under
massive assault from elements of Charismatic and the Pentecostal Church.
Obviously, accusations of blasphemy (as well as knowingly ignoring it), didnt sit well
with many evangelical leaders. Aside from an awkward, in-person pseudo-confrontation
with Mark Driscoll (who crashed the conference unannounced), there have been a
number of responses from leaders, debating the role of the gifts of the Holy Spirit
within the modern church. In the end, the conference and its aftermath may have
succeeded more in starting a discussion about how to graciously deal with doctrinal
differences than it did in sparking debates about actual doctrine. The idea of finding
common ground was driven home by Assemblies of God General Superintendent,
George O. Wood, who wrote in his response, We pray Gods blessings on [Dr. John
MacArthur's and those who share his perspective's] efforts to share His gospel with a
lost and dying world. Pentecostals and charismatics are their co-laborers in this effort so
we ask that they would similarly pray for Gods blessing on us as we seek to fulfill the
Great Commission that God has given us all.
Persecution in Conflict
For nearly three years, countries across the Middle Eastincluding Egypt, Libya and
Syriahave experienced uprisings, as the masses take to the streets to protest
authoritarian regimes. But this year, as revolutions have devolved into full-fledged
clashes, one group has found themselves in the middle of the conflictsChristians.
Following a crackdown on protests by government forces, Egypts Coptic Christians
were targeted and accused of supporting the military. As a result, churches throughout
the country were burned, as Christian communities that have roots dating back hundreds
of years were subjected to bombings, intimidation and violence. In Syria, a civil war
between rebelslargely aligned with Islamic groupsand the brutal regime of
President Bashar Assad, has now raged for more then two years. There too, Christian

communities that have existed since biblical times are finding themselves the target of
attacks and persecution. With neither side representing the interests of the religious
minority, the Christian towns, villages and communities, which can be read about in the
New Testament, are facing unprecedented hardships.
Immigration Reform
For years, immigration reform had been seen as a politically divisive issue that Christian
leaders, for the most part, remained silent on. But after 2012 saw the creation of the
Evangelical Immigration Table, a coalition of evangelical leaders seeking to find
compassionate solutions and new ways to reform the United States immigration law,
that changed. The initiative has since brought together voices from across the
evangelical spectrum, from denominational leaders including the Southern Baptist
Conventions Dr. Richard Land and National Association of Evangelicals President
Leith Anderson to activists like Sojourners President Jim Wallis and political voices like
Samuel Rodriguez. Since theyve formed, the group has launched awareness efforts
(including the I Was a Stranger campaign) and prayer initiatives to unite Christians
and empower churches to come together to use their influence to encourage Washington
to make meaningful changes to the countrys immigration policy.
How Nelson Mandela Accomplished the Impossible
The fact that Nelson Mandelas death had been a while in coming didnt soften its blow.
After nearly a century of a life filled with turbulence, the world had gotten accustomed
to Mr. Mandelas presence. Indeed, the thought of going on without him is a little
daunting, and let us hope his legacy will raise up more icons of reconciliation and
equality. It seems likely to do so.
On a visit to Cape Town in February, I had the opportunity to look into the the closetsized room that for 18 years held the prisoner Nelson Mandela. In the small cell, a
bucket once served as his toilet and the floor was his bed. In addition to the time he
spent at this cell at Robben Island, Mandela spent nine other years in imprisonment in
different conditions due to his political activism.
During Mandelas years in prison, the nation of South Africa was captive to racial
injustice and complex ethnic tensions. Conflicts between South Africas many ethnic
groups would often escalate into violence. On a systemic level, the racial segregation of
apartheid curtailed the rights of its black population. Within the countrys borders, the
high tensions were reflected in daily life, from animosity towards the national rugby
team as a symbol of white dominance, to the townships where state policy forced
various racial groups to live.
At the height of violence and tension, Nelson Mandela was finally released from prison
in 1990, and the years that followed contained the most celebrated of his
accomplishments, winning the 1993 Nobel Peace Prize, and in 1994, stepping into
office as South Africas first elected black president.

However, the true legacy left behind by Nelson Mandela goes further than his
international accolades and his political influence. Mandela established his legacy in the
idea of reconciliationrestoring relationships as a way towards freedom from violence
and self-destruction.
At the time he stepped into office, South Africa was plagued by an incredible divide
between the way white and black communities lived. The latter often lacked adequate
education, appropriate sanitation and clean water supplies. Mandela saw his main
objective to be national reconciliation, a difficult task at hand. Yet he urged that the way
forward could only come about through forgiveness and repairing relationships between
people, rather than retaliation.
My own interest in Nelson Mandelas story was sparked by his legacy of reconciliation.
However, as I began to learn more, I discovered that Mandela was actually quite a
controversial figure. His early years earned him a reputation as a stubborn and obstinate
activist. His polarizing friendships ranged from Pope John Paul II to Muammar
Qaddafi, and he was frequently seen as a threat and categorized as a radical terrorist.
Mandelas staunchness landed him harsher punishments, as many opponents viewed
him as a threat. In earliest years at Robben Island, he was assigned to the lowest status
of prisoner, inviting harsher mistreatment.
Yet Mandela described his last day in prison in his autobiography, A Long Walk to
Freedom, published in the first year of his presidency. As I walked out the door toward
the gate that would lead to my freedom, Mandela recounted, I knew if I didnt leave
my bitterness and hatred behind, Id still be in prison.
Mandela worked to assure South Africas white population that the New South Africa
would not simply be the dominance of a different group over the others. He filled his
cabinet with an incredibly diverse group to reflect the Rainbow Nation. As Mandela
led the charge of reconciliation, he not only instituted changes politically, but also
encouraged reconciliation throughout the nations culture and its peoples daily lives. He
encouraged black South Africans to support a once-hated rugby team to promote unity
where there had once been polarization. He furthermore demonstrated personal
forgiveness towards former officials of the old apartheid regime.
Mandela was firm, yet rather private, about his faith. While he spoke infrequently about
his Methodist roots, his legacy of reconciliation supports a number of core ideals of the
Christian faith. The idea that we were created to be reconciled sits at the heart of the
Christian message, and his demonstration of forgiveness turns the other cheek.
Mandela, no stranger to political opponents, reflected the heart of loving ones enemies.
If you want to make peace with your enemy, he wrote, you have to work with your
enemy. Then he becomes your partner.
South Africa today still struggles with racial tensions and rising violence. The other
story from South Africa to dominate global headlines this year is that of Oscar
Pistorious, the Olympic athlete accused of murdering his girlfriend in a story that

echoes the many of the nations current woes. While I continued to spend time in the
nation of countless landmarks bearing Mandelas name, I found South Africans alarmed
by the rapes, domestic abuse and gang violence that takes place in their nation daily.
Nelson Mandela was not South Africas savior, but his legacy does reflect the heart of
the Saviors message: forgiveness is the key to reconciliation.
In South Africa and around the world, we see the need for reconciliation daily, and at
times, figures like Mandela can remind us that forgiveness is the key. It isnt an easy
key, but as Mandela once said, it always seems impossible until its done.
What We Forget About Jesus
[Editor's note: In light of Megyn Kelly's controversial statement on Fox that "Jesus was
a white man," we're reposting this article about a few of the things we often forget when
we talk about Jesus]
We know a lot about Jesus, but certain characteristics we tend to forget or ignore, like
the fact He was a smelly homeless guy who ticked off a lot of political and religious
leaders with His claims to be God. We can't know Jesus fully unless we realize some
commonly known, but often unconsidered facts. Without them, we can't really know
Jesus; we only know about Him. We tend to be ignorant of the history, the deity, the
humanity that defined Him.
HE WASNT WHITE
Jesus was from the line of David. He was an Israeli. He was Jewish. Our Sunday school
books and childrens Bibles and the pictures on Grandma Nadines wall has painted a
beautiful Caucasian western European blonde-haired blue eyed picture for us. But in
reality, He was not a European, He was Middle-Eastern. And at that time in history,
Jews were some of the most hated people in the world.
HE WAS HOMELESS
Once He started His public ministry, Jesus was a clean-living Jack Kerouac. He lived in
spare bedrooms and backyards of whoever would put Him up. He ate handouts, held no
job and owned only the clothes on His back. Foxes had holes, birds had nests, and He
had nothing. Dont forget that in His day, they didnt wear deodorant, they walked in the
hot sun everywhere they went. I have no doubt Jesus had dirty feet and sweat stains on
his armpits. I wonder what we would think of Him if He walked into our church and
started teaching, or knocked on our door asking for a place to sleep and bite to eat ...
HE WAS A WALKING CONTROVERSY
Not only did He claim to be God, challenge and question the authorities around Him,
but He turned over tables in the temple and told people they would go to a place of
weeping and suffering. His people were expecting a Messiah who would lead a

revolution against the Romans. Jesus was submissive and even willingly died at the
hands of the oppressors. He was a very unpopular guy.
HE HAD ONE BAD POSSE
He didnt hang with the Rabbis kid. He hung with the fishermen (the ones who had
mouths like sailors) with the tax collectors (still disliked today) and the party crowd. He
was accused of being a drunk (although I personally believe He applied moderation and
was found guilty by association).
HE WAS FULLY GOD
He couldnt claim to be equal with the Father and still be a good guy or a great
teacher or even a mighty prophet. That very claim is why He was sentenced to death.
Only nutcases claim to be God. And inevitably, their conduct proves they are not.
History itself (extra-biblically) says Jesus was a good man. So if He was a good man,
then by nature He was truthful, and His claims to be God would have had to been
truthful. History also proves He rose from the dead. The thousands of people who
followed Him to the death over the decades immediately following His death are proof
enough that the 500 eyewitness accounts were credible. People dont fall for a fable to
the point they would become martyrs that quickly to the event itself. Only God could
claim to be God and live it in such away that people believed it so devotedly.
HE WAS FULLY MAN
He pooped. He peed. He slept. He ate. He cried. He got angry. His actions pointed to the
fact He had physical, emotional and spiritual needs. He needed friends, and was
disappointed when they didnt measure up (when they slept at Gethsemane) He needed
food and rest. He wept when Lazarus died. He even questioned God. (If there is any
way that this cup may pass from me. O God, why have you forsaken me?)
Amazingly, He left perfection in heaven to be stinky and hungry and achy and lonely
and even rejected, and maybe even ugly.
HE IS STILL RISEN
If He rose from the dead 2000 years ago, then He must still be alive and well today. The
obvious questions flow forward: How can I meet Him? What is He doing today? What
does He want me to do? But the less obvious questions are the ones that we cant so
easily answer: Does He sleep? Where does He live? Is He limited to Heaven? If Hes
alive, and all-powerful, why doesnt He stop all the bad things that happen around Him,
and even in His name? What does He look like? Did his scars heal? Did He really
descend into hell before He rose from the dead?
HE LOVES YOU
We may have a million questions for Jesus, and many of them we may never get
answered. But since He still is alive and kicking, He is still doing what He has always

done best: loving you. I dont claim to fully understand how amazing it is that while we
received the verdict, guilty as charged, He took the death sentence for us. He took it
before the blood was even washed off our hands from the crime we committed. There is
no one on this earth with whom I would make such a trade. I am so quick to point out
when I experience injustice, and when I have to suffer for someone elses mistake, but
He accepted my consequences willingly. Wow. Thats love.