C&R cuarren mr When Way Closes ‘WAY WILL OPEN By the ime I began any sat at Pendle Hilthe year that stretched into a decade—1 had been in Washington, DC, for five yea, growing more feail everyday that 1 ‘sing ie not my nn ws hit ve years old and had {PRD. and decent references, so fring new job would have been no great pblem, notin that place and time. But TPwanted more than a jb. T wanted deeper congruence between my inner ad outer ie Thad worked in Washington as both a community one set and a professor an ative and an intellectual — without feeling at home in ther of hove worlds. you buy the eur rilous notion that "those who can, do, and those who can, teach" (which I may have halbelined tthe time, ied a ‘sin a slough of despond) you wil wodestand why i felt Tike thd exhausted ll posible vocations!IFT were ever to discover a new diction, I thought it would be at Pee il, community rooted in prayer, dy, and a vision of human possiiiy. But when T asved ard started sharing my vocational quandary, people responded with tational Quaker couse tit, despite thir good tention, le me even more discouraged. “Have fit” they ssid, “and way wil open.” “Thave faith” Thought to myself “What fd t have is time to wait foray to open im approaching middle age at warp speed, and Ihave yetto fn vocational path tht els right. The only way thats opened far isthe wrong way ‘Mier afew moat of deepening fstation, I tok ny troubles to an older Quaker woman well known for her ‘houghfuloes and candor. “Ruth” T said, “people keep telling me that ‘ea will open! Wel sitin the silence, pray, iste for my cling, bat way snot opening. ve ben yng to find my vation fr slong ime, and I stil don't have the eggs idea of what in meant todo, Way may open for other people, but its sure not opening for me” Rath reply was a mode of Quaker plainspeakng. “Tin birrigh Friend” she sid somber, “and ina pls yeas oflising, way has never opened infront of me” She pad, and started sinking into dsp, Wa thi wise wor re thatthe Quaker concept of God's guidance was a hoax? ‘Then she spoke agin this ine witha gin. “Buta ot of ‘vay has closed behind me, and tats had the same guiding fist” a ‘Ler Youn Lire Sreak 1 aughed with her, laughed loud and long, the kind of laughter that comes when a simple tath exposes your heart forthe needy newrtic menithar become. Ruth’ honesty ‘ve me anew way to ook at my vocational journey, and my experience has longsnce confi the lesson she tanght me that day: there fas much guidance in what doesnt and can- rot happenin my life as there is i what ean ane does— maybe mare Like many midle-class Americans, expecially thove who are white ad mal, Iwate in a eabeultie that nied could do anything wanted to do, be anything I wanted tbe, if were willing to make the flor. The mes ws that bath the universe and I were without limits, given enough energy and commitment on my prt God mae thing tha way, and ALT had to dows to get withthe progam ‘My roubles began, of ote, when Ita t sl in ‘ny liitations, expel in th fon offre canst touch ‘he shame Tk when, the summer before T tare grate Schoo at Berkley, eperienced my fist sesious eomeup- ppmce Iwas fired fom my research assntshp in sociology, Having been a golden boy through grade schoo, high school, and elle, [wot dewtated by this sudden tum of fate, Not only wat ny sure of wummer income gne, but my cntie graduate carer seemed in jeopardy the professor | had tome to Besley to sty with was the destor of the project from which I had been fied. My sense of identi, and my concept ofthe univer, crumbled around my fet forthe fit, When Way Closesbt not ast time, What had happened to my limites sin lines wo? ‘The cute Twas raised in sugested an answer ad not worked hard enough at my job to keep it let alone scoee. ‘egret to report thither issme rth in that answer Another research astunt and I had made freuen, divespectl, ard (apparent aul jokes abou the poet on which we were working We gofed of so much hat our upenvior got bent ‘outa shape, as perhaps did some ofthe data we were pune: ing into IBM eountersorte ears, My asocate and I had aionalzed our behavior with the juvenile notion thatthe projet was a jake long before we Stared making jokes about it Today, tity years late, sy inner adoescent—which isles wie but mote tenons han the infameus “inner child" clings to the belie that we may well have been right Whatever mer this wie raionale ‘may have it ste that Idd nt wrk hard enough to hep that jb, also Tost it LEARNING OUR LIMITS. But that truth doesnot go deep enough—not f Lam to di cover the meaning of “way closing” behind me. Twas fred ‘became that job had litle or noting to do with who Fam, With my tue nature and gifs, with what I eate and do not Ler Yous Lire Sreax ee about. My resort to aolscent rebellion rected that simple at, apologize, belatedly, for my atu, forthe rie 1 ‘fe my superior, and for whatever damage I may have done tothe data, None of thats tomy ert. But was laughing to ‘cep sselfsane. Perhaps the researe Iwas doing wat what a good socogist “ought” todo, but ite meaningless to me, and [fel fraudulent doing it Those feelings were harbingers ofthngs to come, thigs tat venta led me ot othe pro- feson altogether Obviously should ave dealt with my feelings more ety and exer more selcontal. Ether [shoal have ‘qui that job under my own sean or sete in and done the work prope. But sometimes the “should” donot work becausethe life ones ving run rosie tthe gran of ones soul, A tht time in my life, Lhad no felng forthe grin of ‘my soul and no sens of which way ws rosie. Not know ing what was diving me, [behaved with Bind but Baul unconciusness—and rely esponded by giving me «big and hardo‘ake elu about who {as way else behind me [Nether that job nor any ob ike it was inthe ead for me ive the hand Twa dealt at ith, That may sound like sinfully faite thinking of, wore, a selEserving excuse, But believe it embodies a simple, healthy, and lie givi hou! seation, When Way Clovee‘That, think, i what Rath and life were ying to teach me would be nice four its didnot reve theses in soch embarrasing way a geting fied fom ajo. 0 0 fil let only when Iam blocked or get denied o ato fail, Then, finaly may be forced o face my nar ad rd out whether Tan make something ofboth my gis and ny imitations. his importantto distinguish betwen wo kind finite tions: those that come with selfhood and those that ate imposed by people or polities forces hlLbent on keeping us in our place” Ido not wk everyone who gets fired to co clade tat it asthe work ofa gricians Gad fring elues to-one’ tue vation. Sometins itis the work of patholo, ical boss ora comprate calor, geting dof people whose propensity for tth-ellingtheatens the sate quo, Some- times itis theres ofan economic sytem thi sobs the poor oftheirjobsso thatthe rch can gt ichersil. Like eveything te inthe spinal life, geting guidance from way closing requies thought dicernment. Ler Youn Lire Seas Pat of me treasures the hopeilnes ofthis American legey.Butwen I consist refi to tke noforan answer, | mis the vital clues to my identity that aie when way sloses—and Iam more likey both to exceed my lini ae to dorm ta oer inthe proces ‘A few yats ago, I was introduced at «conference as & “recovering sociologist The lie gta goed lugh, bt tbo sapped ie back tomy ignominous fallen the summer bene 1 Began graduate school. My soul needed to recover from the mist between sociology and tel. But before that oul happen, my eo needed odes with is shame had fo et through grafuate school and prove howeser brie, hat could succeed asa yefesor of ocology—even though that ‘it took me dient veationl despair. ‘The despir that tok me from teaching sociclgy at Georgetown othe community at Pendle Hill contained a all to ocationa integrity. Had Int fllwed my despa and had Ruth not helped me understand, ight have continued to Pose a work that was not mine to do easing futher ham to myslftothe people and projet wi which [ worked, nd to.a profesion that is well worth doing—by those who are called to dot When Way Clases‘THE ECOLOGY OF A LIFE Despite the American mth, I cannot be oF do whatever 1 Adsre~a trum, tobe sue, but a tim we often def, Our created natures make us ike gains in an econ: there ae some roles and relationships i which we thive and of ces in which we wither and die tis lear, for example, sentry sites, tht I cannot and will ot be president ofthe United Sates, even though f ‘ew up suounded by a shel ht sid that anyone read “any white male”) could rise t that lot role | no longer eve this particular iation, for eannat imagines eucen fate or someone wth my naire than Yo be president of ny. ‘hing, letalanea natin state Stl, encouraged bythe mth of ‘he lites sel T spent many years ying ho deny this eo Toga truth. Here ia story to prove it Daring my fenore as dean at Pendle Hil, 1 wae offered ‘he opportunity to become the president of «small eds Yionl insittion. Id visited the camps, spoken with trustees, adminisatos, faculy, and stents; and had beer told hat iT waned it hej was mos ike ine, Veved as was about weston, was ite certain hat this was the jab for me. Soa she custom inthe Quaker com ti called ala Jcen ed Sens whee feos egal ad Frown whch teppei Fomghngvor snes at {pe tes hoon ung ou bees pen cos ip “ Ler Your Lire SrEAk you discover your own iner tat! (Looking hack of cou, its clear that my el intent in convening this group wa not todacem anything butte brag about being ofred a job I had alteay decided occ) Fora whl, the questions were ey at eat fora dreamer like me: What is your vision for this ntiation? What sits mission i he larger ocety? How woul you change the exe ‘ico? How would you handle decison making? What shout dealing with conic? Halvay into the proces, someone asked a question that sounded easier yt but tamed out to be very hah “What would yu ike most about being preiden™ “The imple of iat question Towel me fiom my head tnd lowered me into my beat. | remember pondating for at ‘est fll minute before I could respond. The, very sly and tentatively, [stated to speak "Wel [would not ike ha into give up my writing and my teaching... would not ike the pits ofthe presidency, never knowing who your real frien ate... 1 would not ik having to gland people t do not respect simply because they have mone... T wou note.” Gently but fly, the penon who had posed the question nested me: “May I remind you that I stked what you would mot i" 1 responded impatiently, “Yes, yes, fm working my ‘way toward an answer” Then I reumed my ellen but hon ct Itany: “T would not like having to give up my’ summer When Way Cloverction. wouk oo ike ving twat a it and Ate tine Toul ne ite” Once ain he quesner eed me nk the xg potion Bot iste compel ogee onl hone {we proce, ane at eae or he ery bt fy en ane ht ppl een me a poke Weld these ie poner Igoe abt Fike mess geting my pcre in he paper wh he word prvi onde Ta siting wih sexoned Quake who knew tt ‘hough maser a hb my moral ey fia Thy il ot lang atl ut wet in ong ad Seo slence—a lence in mich could oly wet and sway ran aly my quoter broke tein wh question ‘ht eked al fr opel led me pen Bash he i of jours peat ‘By then it was obvious, evento me, that my dese to be president had much more todo with my ego than with the cology of my ife—so obvious that when the clearness com ‘mites ended, elle the schoo and withdrew myname fom consideration, Had [taken tha oi would have been very bad for me and a darter forthe schoo unfit be president of anything, and therefore—if stay tue 46 Ler Your Lire Sreax 'o what know about melt wilde having avoided afte that for me would be wose than death Butt happenst he thar flim when what want to do isnot to get my pictre inthe paper bt to mest sme Fhaman need? What happens to tha theory when my voce ional motive i virtuous, ot eget: to be a teacher fom whom students can Jem ora counselor whe hes people find themseles or an activist who set injustice right? Unfortr rate the theory of limits ean work st powell in these cases it does wi ny presidental prompts, There te some things I ong” todo or be tat are simply beyond my reach TE byt be or do something noe tht has ating to do with who Tam, I may lok good o othe and to met fora hile, But theft that Iam exceding my limite will event ally have consequences. Iwill dort myself, the other, and ‘our relaonship~and may end up ding mere dange than if had never set otto do this particular “good.” When Uy todo something satis not inmate ofthe nasa he ‘eltionship, way wll lowe behind me. Te aoe cape of hat Tea Ove the yan ‘he met people who lve made a very human claim on me ‘yy making known their ned tobe loved Fr lng ime, my response was instant and reflexive, born ofthe “ough had absorbed: “OF couse you need to be loved. Everyone does, ‘And Hove you" IRtook mea fong time to understand that although even ‘one needs to be lved I cannot be the source of that gif When Way Closes ”cererjone who asks me for it There ae some relations in hich Tam capable of love and oer in which Lam ot To pretend otherwise, to put out promisry notes Lm unable to hoot isto damage ny on integrand that ofthe person reed—all nthe name of lov. Here is another example of violating one's nate inthe name of nobly, an example tht shows the lager dangers of fae love. Years ago, I heard Dorothy Day speak, Founder of the Catholic Worker movement, he longterm commitment toliving among the pooron New York’ Laer Eas Side—not jus serving them but sharing their condition —had made her ‘one of y heroes. So itcame asa grat shock when in the mid le of her talk, heard her stat to ruminate about the *ngratefl poor didnot understand how such a disse phrase could come fom the lips of ssnt—untlithitme wih the force af 21Zea koa, Dolly Day var saying, ‘Do not give tothe poor epectng to ge thei gait otha you can fel god about souneléIFyou do, your giving wl be thin and short-lived, and tat i not what the poor need: it wil only impoversh When I give something I do mot possess, I give a false, ee ies teiaiatiiinieniataes ot ose ae eat 2 a cay “" Ler Yous Lire Sreax = ns teloe muy ting al Somos ib ee ‘othe peson in need, | - (One sign hat Lam oe ate in the pane Que sign that Lam violating ny own nature in the name Cai + condition allel bumovt. Thou usally, reared asthe rel of ying in give too much, buroost in my caperince =. ‘he ultimate in giving litle! Bmout sa ate of emptiness ‘ees but i dos ote gig ll Ive tne evel the nothingness fom which Laas ying ta iia the seals Sit place ‘May Saton, inher poet "Now I Become Myself” ses images from the natural weed fo desribe a diferent kind of ‘ving, rounded in diferent way of being way that ress notin burout but in feeuny and abundance At soul the sping it Fes, decd nd aye pnt ls bat doc eat 2 hen eo ae env bean meet evens Ony When Way Closes °‘THE GoD OF REALITY “The Go now doesnot sks to conform to some ata orm forthe ial self God aks us only to hana or created nature, which means on its well a potential, When we fil todos, reality happens Go happens—and way cloves behind we, The God I was tld aboot in church, and stil ear about from time to time, rans about like an ansous schoolmaster measuring people’ belvor with a moral yartick is does nat ‘mean that Ged hs nothing to do with moray: morality and its consequences are bunt the God given structure of al ity elt’ Moral norms are not something we have to stretch for, and moc consequences arent somthing we have to veto they are right het, right om, wating fru to honor, vit, the nature of el, other, wold woul that challenge the conventional concept of gpednes o scorer gpd an We r than tobe good to ener ona titan opt ay Paral och his previous cette was epic”? he Go whom I know dels gity inthe rot stem ofthe ey nature of higs. This the God whe, when wkd by More for mame, responded,“ Am wht Ar" (Exod 3:1), am answer tht hs sf do withthe moral rules fr hich Most nae God famous than with elemental "fnew and sellsed If beleve we ae all mae in Gd mae, we coud alge the sme answer when aed who we a ‘es this theologzing become to ethereal, I want to give n-eumpl ofhow honoring one's crested nature can supprt ‘moray in prc. sometimes lead workshops or eahers who want to become beter at their erat Ata certain pin, "ak them to write ref desertion of to recent moments inthe lasroom: 2 moment when things wentso wel ha ye Knew you were bom tobe @ teacher and @ moment when ‘hing went s0 poorly that you wie you had never been ort ‘Then we get into small groups to lear more about our ‘7 natures through the vo cases. iI ask people help ‘ach other identify the gifs that they pases that made the When Wey Cloves stpod moment posible Isa ining experiences or {Btsatwork na realifesation-and itn alesthe jes Cfothen to blp et. Our song fs ae ual thse scare te of pening Thy ae a of or Gok {ror rare, wth nfo the moment ne re it rth nd we are nomoeconousehavng them than ese of beeing That we tum the second ee Having been bated witha in the ist case people now pet ob sbi toma igi tity off hal enn ourihoe wold hn e"Net tine you sein st to ie ht why oto. 7B ak then od that appoach- Lathe ned hl ich the limiatoo and Vb ee ip id arg (GHEE hin deal ora prea stent We wil eum beter ches not by tng the pales in cursus uty knowing them owl at we con od fling nto hem My gitara teachers abil tance” wih ny se dens, tach and eam with tem trough dog ad interaction, When my dent ar wing ance with me, thereon ea hing oben: Whe hrf dn, hon ny git denied thing start become meget hand sen et the tfets—om Hane fr my plght-and 1st eager dv, in aye that Ink the dance even es lt happen Ler Yous Lire Sreax ‘But when I understand this Habla a ade for my strengths, something new ad Keating arises within me. Ina Tonge want to have my bility Bxed”—by learning how to dance oo, fr example, when no one wants to dance with 'me—for todo that would be to compromise or even destroy ny git Instead T want to lars how to respond mote grace fally to students who refuse to dance nat pojstng my lini tation on them ut embracing itas pat of mel 1 il never bea good teacher for sudents who inst on remaining wallflower throughout tei carers—that sim lone ofmy many limits But perhaps I can develop enough ‘elfundentanding to eep inviting the wallflovers onto the oor, holding open the possibility that some of them might hear the musi accept the invitation, and join me in the dance of teaching and lesning ‘TURNING AROUND TO DISCOVER THE WORLD ‘When yay clos bend wt iemping seg it snp athe rel of one stg eer hl | been mate 8 Stung hat dor wail athe sad shat Bley ers, my belated Be ats a fees templar, When ree yx ae has ting guidance fo may be going the ane When Way Cloinherent in my natue—which dshonors ue sl oles han Sgnoring the potentials I eeived as bintight i ‘pening may teveal our while the close may revel or inin—to sides ofthe une coin the cin eld sa ic ial dae REM Ree cn, F steve tormers iy yeni thee ‘ieofthe coin ‘Asofen happens on th spirtil oumney, we have and atthe hea of pando: each ine a dor clas, the et of the wodd opens up. ll we need todo stop ponding on the or tht jst closed, tu sound-which puts the door behind wand weleome the lagen fife that mow lis ‘open osc The doth coed kept om entering ton, bt wha ow Teele the et of eal ‘That pando tater me back to Pendle Hl and the moment when Ruth tight mete meaning of ay elaxing” Ast here ting aout the oo that ad aed in ry face, Iw sting inthe ver place where my word would soon open wie HT been able sce myo ea that momen, 1 woul haved een hdr than dd when Rath words ‘posed my inner mes My fue aren ive, a is name wa andl Hil—the place where myyealong ea cal sretched on fora dead where I deepened my exer ‘men wih erate cducabon and sad ean new se Ler Yous Lire Sees vay to teach, where my sgl to understand myself andthe orld drew me int the writing that has become o ental to my voetion, My anety about way nt opening, the eniety that kept me pounding on closed doo, amet prevented me fom se. ing the secret hidden in plain sight twas alteay tang on the ground of my new life, ready to take the next step om my fourm, if nly I would tun around and se the landscape that ay before me, _lf wear 1 live our les Flly and well We | ou its and our potentials We must honor our limitations in al dl or ats ee et ae te otis was that all he potentials God gave us We smut take the no ofthe way that les and find the guidance it has to offer—and take the yes of the way that opens and respond with the jes of ut ves, When Way Closer