Karina

Ariana
Melissa
Casey
Brittaney

Daisy G.

Hilario
Kaitlin
Jose
David
Jackie
Ana
Cathy

Diana
Cristina

Samantha
Fernando

CFG 9/12

Rhyme need with succeed. Develop your rhyme scheme. AABB. Last line.
Showing. Flowing. Knowing. Sewing. Maybe use for a later
Verse/Bridge/Chorus, because it is so strong.
Rap? Imagery of gold inside. Gets attention. Strong beat through rhyme.
Verse too long? 9 lines in each verse is a lot, but you can do it!
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Add a story line of some sort. Simplifying the verses with a story could be
helpful. Gonna be the show, the life of the party. Inspiring, upbeat feel.
Did someone die or leave. Clear message of hopelessness through the
imagery. Does the message turn hopeful later (positively affect the music
industry?) Maybe the chorus or bridge brings a sense of hope, new, fresh?
Things do turn around. Imagery of the clouds crying gives detailed image
and original. Dont overuse.
What do you mean I cant hold back? Why walking up and down the
street? Change imagery to resemble confusion: pacing, random images or
colors flying by. Choice of words is good but make us think that you are both
happy and confused. Maybe save each verse for a different emotion.
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Is it based on the song? (Yes, so it goes to the beat). Like the beat. Whats the
message that is being sent? Drive it home in the chorus. Where does it turn
inspiring or hopeful or empowering?
Lot of syllables for 2 lines. Do you have enough time to actually write that
many. Rhyme is still meaningful still! Great job! Chorus will need to be
simple, but strong.
Deep! Is this about missing someone? Heartbreak but search for more. Love
imagery shimmering and gold. Rhymes are subtle but present. Tune in and
listen more. Do you want to let them go? Clarify? Hope comes at the bridge!!!
Beginning is clear and then we lose you at imagination. Caged and left to
yourself with imagination/feelings thoughts. Use as a middle verse. Verse
before that uses the imagery of silencing: stitched mouth.
Like the imagery (sound). Marked on the floor. Harsh breakup. Where is the
turn? But now I realize I am better off without you. Why better off? She
needs to realize that they are addicted (addition imagery: alcoholism, drug)
and need to be clear minded.
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Love fireworks and lighting up the sky (imagery). Express your feelings. You
are not alone. Verse in between Verse 1 and Chorus: add imagery of being
trapped (bottle, box w/ suffocation, poison coursing your veins). Need to
build up to the chorus. Think about the 2 questions back to back in your
chorus. May need to add more feet to line 4 of chorus.
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Keep your head up during the good and the bad. Stay encouraged. Chorus

Jannelli C

Valerie M.

Daisy V.

Jacob
Valerie G.
Joselyne
Danitza
Moises

Jannely H.
Jasmin
Kimberly

needs a strong rhyme scheme. AABB during Chorus.

Sounds sweet. Innocent. Whats the message? Everlasting love. Story line is
emerging. Chose not to walk away. Fighting at some pointshe walks away
and pulls her back (imagery). Chorus message needs to be really strong.
Leave story out of chorus because it repeats. I thought I had you but then
I lost you but then I chose you, because we have an everlasting love.
Want each other but not good for each other. Message is to letting go of
someone you care for because they arent good for each other. Maybe the
chorus poses the question look at the one you love. Are you making each
other better or worse?
Love the rhyme. Love the story telling. What is the message? How does
someone move on? Finding happiness in other things. Imagery of ghosts and
hauntings and the more attention you give the more it pulls you in. How do
get rid of those memories? Dont give in to those memories. Forgive and
forget.
What will the positive message be? Wanting the best for each other. Imagery
of eyes is romantic. Find your message to drive in the Chorus.
Mixture of emotions. Turn later: hospital bed makes her realize she wants to
stop. Rhyme is strong. Really like the transition from bad to turn around.
Strong and simple chorus.
Want the chorus to express her realization that she doesnt need him and
should choose herself and her own health. I am my own remedy. Youre
the virus.
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First two lines loving success vs. second two lines climbing mountains
dont add up. Struggle first. Im in love with that success move to bridge.
Need a struggle before success. OR no struggle (change the mountain
imagery).
Loyalty in love. Rhyme more? Love to hear more imagery.
Imagery so strong. Full head and drowning. Rhyme is strong. Make sure you
keep the same rhyme pattern and rhythm in all verse. Disadvantaged feel
and supposed to feel.
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