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Sex education for children with intellectual

disabilities - tips for parents

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Allpeople,includingthosewithdisabilities,havetherighttoexploreandexpresstheirsexualityin
appropriateways.Everyoneneedsongoingandageappropriatesexualityeducationtodevelop
positiveattitudesabouttheirsexuality.
Comprehensivesexualityeducationcanhelppeoplewithintellectualdisabilitiesstaysafeand
reducetheriskofsexuallytransmissibleinfections(STIs)andunplannedpregnancy.Manyparents
don'tprovidesexualityeducationbecausetheymistakenlythinktheirchild'won'tneedit'.Other
parentshavetried,butstruggletopresenttheinformationinawaytheirchildcanunderstand.
Aspects of sex education
Sexualityeducationshouldincludeinformationabout:

Developingsocialskills,includingconceptssuchaspublicandprivate
Howtodevelopandmaintaindifferenttypesofrelationships
Copingwithrelationshipissuesorrejection
Sexandrelationships,includingmarriageandparenting
Protectivebehaviours
Thephysicalandemotionalchangesofpuberty
Thebiologyofsex,includingreproduction
Appropriateandinappropriateexpressionsofsexuality
STIs
Safersex
Contraception
Masturbation
Same-sexattraction.

Tailoring information to your child

Thereisn'ta'standard'modelofsexualityeducationthatsuitsallchildrenwithanintellectual
disability.Informationneedstobetailoredtoyourchild'slevelofunderstanding.Forexample,
childrenwithamoderateorprofoundintellectualdisabilitymightneedmorebasicinformation.This
couldincludeinformationaboutdifferencesbetweenmalesandfemales,whatkindoftouchis
appropriateorinappropriateandhowtobehaveindifferentsocialsituations.
Preparing yourself
Suggestionsforparentsincludethefollowing:

Makesureyouhavealltheinformationyouneed.Ifyoureunclearaboutanydetails,check
first.
Sourcearangeofbooks,DVDsandotherresourcesonsexualityanddisability.Check
onlineorvisitFamilyPlanningVictoriasResourceCentre.
Askyourchild'steachersorcarersaboutthesexualityeducationtheirschoolisproviding.
Theymightbeabletogiveyouadviceorsuggestusefulresources.
Talktoyourdisabilityassociation,FamilyPlanningVictoriaandotherparentsinrelevant
supportgroupsforsuggestionsandtipsonhowtobestdelivertheinformationtoyour
child.
Workthroughanyfeelingsofuneaseandembarrassmentyoumighthave,possiblywith
thehelpofacounsellor.Itsimportanttokeepmessagespositiveandnon-judgemental.
Decidebeforehandwhichwordsyou'regoingtouse.Thiscanbedifficult,sincenamesfor
bodyparts(suchasvaginaandpenis)tendtobeeithermedicalorslang.Avoidvague
euphemismssuchas'frontbottom',asthiscanconfuseyourchildorgivethemthe
impressionthattalkingaboutgenitalsisshamefulorembarrassing.

Talking about sex in different ways

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Youshouldlookoutfortimeswhenyourchildshowsinterestorcuriosityinsex.Forexample,they
mightseeactorskissinginamovieontelevisionandstartaskingquestions.Suggestionsonways
totalkaboutsexincludethefollowing:

Aswithanychild,sexualityeducationshouldbedeliveredovertime.Givethesimplerfacts
firstandthencontinuetoaddtoyourchild'sknowledgeastheygrowolder.
Trytodeliverinformationassimplyasyoucan.
Trytokeepdiscussionslightandfun.
Anatomicallycorrectdollscanhelpteachyourchildaboutdifferencesbetweenthegenders.
Childrenwithintellectualdisabilitiesoftenhavetroublethinkinginabstractways.Itmight
behelpfultosourcearangeofresources,suchasbookswithclearandsimplepictures,
DVDs,dollsandthree-dimensionalmodelsofbodyparts.
Readageanddevelopmentallyappropriatestoriesaboutsexandsexualissuestogether.
ContactyourlocaldisabilityassociationorFamilyPlanningVictoriaforresources.
Roleplaymightbeusefulwhendiscussingrelationshipskillsorassertiveness.Forexample,
helpyourchildtopractisesaying'no'tounwantedadvancesindifferentsettings.
Roleplaymightalsohelpyourchildtounderstandthedifferencebetweenprivateand
publicsettingsiftheyrehavingtrouble.
Usedemonstrationswheneverpossible.Forexample,youcouldusedollstoshowwhere
babiescomefromortakeyourdaughterwithyoutothetoilettodemonstratepad
changinganddisposal.
Masturbationshouldbediscussedasahealthyandnaturalwaytoexploreandexpress
sexualityonyourownandinaprivateplace.

Negotiating stumbling blocks

Someaspectsofyourchild'ssexualityeducationmaybemoredifficultthanothers.Suggestionsfor
dealingwithstumblingblocksincludethefollowing:

Usepraiseandpositivereinforcementwhenyourchildshowsunderstandingofaparticular
topicordisplaysthedesiredbehaviour.
Ifyoudon'tknowtheanswertoyourchild'squestion,sayso.Suggestthatyoufindoutthe
informationtogether,possiblyonline.
Itsokaytobeuncomfortableorembarrassed,butbehonestaboutitwithyourchild.
Thereisnosingle'right'waytotalktoyourchildaboutsex.Itwillbeaprocessthat
includesupsanddowns.Don'tbediscouragedorupsetifoneparticularmethoddoesn't
work.Putitbehindyouandtrysomethingelse.
Rememberthatwhatworksforotherparentsmightnotworkforyouandviceversa.Keep
experimenting.
Ifyourchildishavingtroublegraspingaconcept,trybreakingitdownintosmallersteps.
Seekadvicefromyourlocaldisabilityassociation,FamilyPlanningVictoriaorrelevant
supportgroups.
Trytousesimple,concretewordsandconcepts.
Usearangeofmethodsforeachtopictoincreasethelikelihoodofretention.

Following up
Suggestionsincludethefollowing:

Realisethatyourchildneedsconstantremindingandreinforcement.Youmightneedto
coverthesametopicseveraltimesbeforetheyfullyunderstand.
Askyourchildquestionstomakesuretheyhaveunderstoodtheinformation.
Usingdollsorpuppetsintheteachingprocessmighthelpyourchildtoshowtheir
understandingofsexualitywithoutfeelingpressured.
Keepyourchild'scarersinformedandmakesurethatsexualityeducationprovidedby
othersourcesispresentedalongsimilarlinestoyours.

Where to get help

FamilyPlanningVictoriaTel.(03)92570100or1800013952www.fpv.org.auFPVs
ResourceCentrehasawiderangeofusefulbooksandeducationalresourcesforparents
andcarersofpeoplewithdisabilities
YoorallaCommunityLearningandLivingCentreTel.(03)99165800
ScopeVictoriaTel.(03)98433000
DisabilityIntakeandResponseServiceTel.1800783783orTTY1800008149

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Things to remember

Sexualityeducationneedstobetailoredtoyourchild'slevelofunderstanding.
Resourcessuchasbooks,stories,DVDs,anatomicallycorrectdollsandthree-dimensional
modelscanhelpyourchildgraspabstractideas.

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