Charles of Spain

Written by: Francis I

I can think of a no less tolerable dog than
Charles of Spain. What premise does he have to be
chosen Holy Roman Emperor of the The Holy Roman
Empire? That back-stabbing fool that I once called
friend! Spain shall never again hold favor in the heart
of my people.
How could I have been forsaken as Emperor? I
have done so much for my people! I initiated the
French Renaissance! Who was it if not I who caused
DaVinci to come to France, with the Mona Lisa? I rid
France of our crippling absolute monarchy! I helped
spread humanism and Protestantism in France! I did!
Who began the French Exploration in the New World?
ME! I standardized letters in the French language!
Figure 1
What do I get for all of my hard work? I get passed over for Holy Freaking Roman
Emperor by that scumbag Charles.
I even had support from Pope Leo X and now he has to fear Charles because I
didnt get elected. I received tons of money from the Pope (he was not ashamed at
using the churchs money) and now his very life is in danger.
It is for these reasons that I now declare Charles of Spain to be my lifelong
enemy. I will not cease to kill until I have slit his throat myself. I will see the blade run
across his oily neck, blood spilling from the laceration, oozing onto the floor. I hereby
declare war on Spain. (Say what? France? War?) I will even ally with the Ottomans and
England if I need to, Spain must go!
(My research for this article is from Encyclopedia Britannica biographies on Francis I,
Charles V and Pope Leo X, Figure 1: Charles V of Spain)