Things to remember:

1) This is an Australian magpie. it is not like European magpies.It s not a flappy

bappy chirpy little shitbag you can bat away with your palm. This is a fucking
crow in cow makeup
2) Cats and dogs will not try and take them on because cats and dogs know they w
ill lose
3) They live for 25 years and yes, they will remember your face. Although I wil
l confess that my 36 years of life I have never seen a dead one. Under tumblr lo
gic this means they are immortal
4) They are insane. Cold stone bug-fuck insane. And they give zero fucks.I ve see
n them attack cyclists, moving cars, trucks, even a goddamn train.
So imagine, if you will, you are walking merrily down a street one spring and su
ddenly this train-assaulting, cow-cosplaying ball of immortal feathers and batsh
it insanity comes screaming out of nowhere and tries to embed itself in the back
of your skull, beak clacking like the pump of a shotgun as it tears out chunks
of your hair.
This is Australia.