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PersuasiveEssayRevisionsReflection

Ichosetorevisemypersuasiveessayinordertoclarifywordingand
sentencestructure.Themainmethodsofachievingthisgoalweretoreplacemultiple
instancesofthepastperfecttenseandpassivevoice.Theintroductionparagraphwas
clarifiedthroughchangingsentencessuchasForthepasttenminutesIhadbeen
rehearsingmycommentsoverandoveragaininmyheadtoIrehearsedthecomments
overandoveragaininmyhead.Additionally,thesentenceIhadnoideawhattosayor
howtosayitbecameIhadnoideahowtotellthemIwasleaving.Ibelievethatthese
changesbringmoreclarityandbrevitytotheintroductionparagraph.
InthebodyofmypaperIchangedpassivevoicesuchashadhelpedandwas
stillfeelingtosimplyhelpedandfelt.Anexampleofthisrevisionisseeninthe
concludingsentencesofparagraph2.ThesentencesEachoneofthemhadhelpedme
becomethestrong,confidentteacherthatIamtoday.Despitetheirbestefforts,Iwasstill
feelingtheintensepressuresharedbymanyteachersinthecharterschoolsystem
becameEachoneofthemhelpedmebecomeastrong,confidentteacher.Despitetheir
bestefforts,Iwasstillfelttheintensepressuresharedbymanyteachersatcharter
schools.Withsmallrevisionstothewordingofthispairofsentencesandtheremovalof
passivevoice,theybecomemorereadableandflowmoreeffectively.
Whilemostofmychangesweresmall,theycreatedaconsistentverbtenseand
readability.Ioriginallyreceiveda90%onthispaper.ThesectionsthatIdidnotreceive
fullpointsonrelatedtopurposefulwordingandclearcommunicationofideas.Ihopeto
improvethatratingwiththesepaperrevisions.

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