Dalton 1

Christian Dalton
Mrs. Scharf
ERWC 2
27 April 2015
The Revision Senior Project
I originally wrote this essay in February of my senior year and received a four in
use of sources which I made no change to, I also received a four on my claim, however
those were the only areas that I received fours in which left me with dissatisfaction. In
development I received a three which is obviously not what I want, to counteract this I
added some more evidence and improved the conclusion so that it was more in line with
the evidence and claim. As I went over my essay I noticed that the cohesion was a little
off, some phrases just didn't sound right at all, and there was also alot of repeating syntax
in some areas, so I made sure to rewrite those phrases and added more variety in my
syntax. My essay also contained some parenthetical citation errors when citing a
statement that an author made in an article, so I made sure that these errors were
corrected so I can receive a four in this category. Looking back on this essay made me
realize how much of a nightmare my works cited page was in terms of how many errors
there were, however all these errors have been corrected. Last but not least all mistakes in
terms of punctuation, capitalization, and spelling were all fixed. With all these changes in
mind I believe that this paper is worthy of all perfect fours in every category.