12 Amazing Tips That Will Change Your Life! - Marshall Goldsmith - LinkedIn

4/24/2015
12AmazingTipsthatWillChangeYourLife!|MarshallGoldsmith|LinkedIn
MarshallGoldsmith
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12AmazingTipsthatWillChange
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DearFollowers:I'mexcitedthatmynewbookTriggersisfinallyfinished!
PreorderitnowatTriggersthebook.com!
LifeIsGood.Marshall
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/12amazingtipschangeyourlifemarshallgoldsmith?trk=todpostspost1ptlt
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SinceMay2014,IhavepostedtheMarshallGoldsmithThinkers50Blogevery
week50blogsin50weeks.Thisweekistheculminationofthateffort#50!
IneachblogIhavesharedanuggetofknowledge,apieceofadvice,oran
amazingtipforsuccess.Inthelistbelowyoullfind12amazingtipsthatwillchange
yourlifeandhelpyoutobecomethepersonthatyouwanttobe.Plus,theresalink
tothevideoandwrittenblogsoyoucanlearnmoreabouteachinsight.And,Ihope
youllexploretherestofthevideosintheplaylistslistedattheendofthisblogand
thatallofthesetipsarehelpfultoyouonyourjourneythroughlife!
1. Stoptryingtowineverything.Thisisthe#1challengeformostpeople,
becauseitunderliesnearlyeveryotherbehavioralproblem.Ourobsession
withwinningcrossesthespectrumofourlives.Thenexttimeyoustarttrying
towinandproveyoureright,takeadeepbreathandaskyourself:Exactly
whatamIwinning?Wecanbecomemoresuccessfulifweappreciatethis
flawandworktosuppressitinallofourinterpersonalrelations.
(video/article)
2. Stopaddingvaluetoothersideasallthetime.Theoverwhelmingdesireto
addourtwocentstoeverydiscussiondeflatesothersenthusiasmand
damperstheircommitment.Whatdoesthismeanforleaders?Itmeans
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closelymonitoringhowyouhandoutencouragementandsuggestions.You
mayrealizethatyouhavemoretogainbynotalwaysaddingvalue!
(video/article)
3. Thebestquestiontoaskwhenyouresolicitingfeedback(bothatworkandat
home)is:HowcanIbeabetter________________(friend,partner,
employer,worker,leader,daughter,father,etc.)?(video/article)
4. Ifyouwanttochange,youmustfollowup!Thisstepisessential.Ifyoudont
dofollowup,yourchancesofchangingareslight!(video/article)
5. Qualitycommunicationisthegluethatholdsorganizationstogether.Byusing
feedforwardandbyencouragingotherstouseitleaderscandramatically
improvethequalityofcommunicationintheirorganizations.(video/article)
6. Eventhebestcoachintheworldcanthelpanuncoachableperson.Thefour
indicatorsthatyouaredealingwithsomeonewhoisuncoachableare:She
doesntthinkshehasaproblem.Heispursuingthewrongstrategyforthe
organization.Sheisinthewrongjob.Hethinkseveryoneelseistheproblem.
(video/article)
7. Ourbeliefinourselveshelpsusbecomesuccessfulanditcanalsomakeit
veryhardforustochange.ThisistheconundrumoftheSuccessDelusion!
(video/article)
8. Manyleadersthinktheyneedtodelegatemoretobemoreeffectiveas
leaders.Thisisfrequentlynottrue.Mostoftenleadersdontneedtodelegate
more,theyneedtodelegatemoreeffectively!(video/article)
9. Oncewegetoverwhiningbecauselifeisntfairwecanbecomemore
effectiveatinfluencingothersandmakeapositivedifference!(video/article)
10. Thereisoftenagreatdiscrepancybetweentheselfwethinkweareandthe
selftherestoftheworldseesinus.Thiscanholdyouback!Learnhow
aligningyourstatedvaluestoyouractualbehaviorcanleadyoutogreat
success.(video/article)
11. Changingbehaviorinvolveshardworkandittakestime.Ifyouwanttobea
betterleader,abetterprofessional,orabetterperson,youllhavetodosome
work!(video/article)
12. Themomentwestopstrivingandbegintocoastonourgoodreputationisthe
perilousmomentwhenwesettleforgoodenough.And,thisisthemoment
when,atbest,changestopsand,atworst,werevertbacktoouroldways.
(video/article)
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Formoreamazingtips,Iencourageyoutowatchallofmyvideosintheirplaylists
onYouTube.Foreasyaccessandplayability,Ivelistedtheminorderbelowand
providedthelinktotheseries.
1. TeachingLeadersWhattoStop
2. LeadershipIsaContactSport
3. CoachingforBehavioralChange
4. CoachingforLeaders
5. PersonalAdvice
6. Triggers
AndImthrilledtotellyouthatyourfeedbackhasbeensooverwhelminglypositive
thatIamgoingtocontinuepostingtheblog!Thefocusofmynextblogswillbe
ideasfrommynewbookTriggers,whichwillbepublishedMay19,2015.Thereis
somuchnewcontentaboutbecomingthepersonyouwanttobe(bothatworkand
athome)thatIamincrediblyexcitedforthisnextseriesofvideos.Ihopeyouenjoy
themandfindthemuseful!
SeeTheMarshallGoldsmithThinkers50VideoBlogformoreofthisvideoseries
andpleasepreorderTriggersatTriggersthebook.com!
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toBeMoreConfident,andThisIsIt
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Confidenceisnotsomethingyoueitherhaveoryoudon't.
Takeme.StickmeonabicycleatalocalgrouprideandI'mconfident.I'mself
assured.IfeellikeIbelong(which,ifyouthinkaboutit,isanicedefinitionof
confidence.)
Butstickmeonabicycleatagranfondosurroundedbythefastguysandsuddenly
everythingchanges.I'minstantlyshyandinsecure.Ifeellikeaverysmallfishway
outofhiswater.
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Unfortunatelyformeandmaybeforyouconfidenceismuchmoresituational
thanabsolute.Insomesettingwe'reselfassuredinothers,notsomuch.
That'sprobablynatural...andthat'sprobablywhymanytipsforhowtofeel
confidentoftenfallshort.Muchofthatadvicecanbeboileddownto,"Youcanbe
confidentallyouhavetodoisdecidetobeconfident."
Evidentlyit'seasy:suppressnegativethoughtsandrepeatsomereallycoolself
affirmingstatementsandvoila!I'mlikeDonaldTrump.
Ornot.
ABetterWaytoThinkAboutConfidence
AccordingtoDr.TomasChamorroPremuzic,aprofessorofbusinesspsychologyat
UniversityCollegeLondonandauthoroftheoutstandingbookConfidence:
OvercomingLowSelfEsteem,Insecurity,andDoubt,thereisanotherwaytolook
atsupposedlyconfidencebuildingselftalk:
Forexample,ifyouarefeelingworthlessandtrytosuppressthosefeelings,youwill
neverbeabletodowhatittakestoimprove.If,ontheotherhand,youcometo
termswithyournegativeselfviewsandacceptthefactthatyouarenotasgoodas
youwouldliketobeand,especially,thatyouareunhappywithyourself,youwillbe
abletofocusonwhatyouneedtodotoimprove.
Dissatisfactionisthemotherofchange,andonlychangecandriveimprovement.
Thechoicebetweenthetwooptionsisanobrainer.Deliberateattemptstoincrease
yourconfidenceareboundtoresultinfailureanddemoralizeyou,whereas
attemptstoimproveyourperformancecanresultinnotjustcompetencegainsbut
alsoagenuineboosttoyourconfidence.Theanswertothequestion,"Whatshould
Idoaboutmylowconfidence?"canhardlybesimpler:
Embraceit.
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Thinkaboutit.Lackofconfidenceisn'ttheproblemlackofconfidenceisactually
themeanstoasolution.Whenyouactuallyacceptyourweakpoints,yourflaws,
andyourimperfections,thenyoucanmotivateyourselftomakechangesand
improve.
Inshort,hidefromyourweaknessesandyou'llalwaysbeweak.Acceptyour
weaknessesandthenworktoimprovethemandyou'lleventuallybestrongerand
moreconfident.
Sowhatistheonlyrecipeforfeelingmoreconfident?
Success.
Improvementbreedsconfidence.Competencebreedsconfidence.Successin
yourfield,orsometimesinanypursuitbreedsconfidence.
Takemeagain.YearsagoIwasinvitedtospeaktoanaudienceofarounda
thousandpeople.Awesome,right?Well,maybenot.Ihadneverspokentoan
audiencelargerthanabout150peoplebefore.PlusIwasaskedtospeakonatopic
Ididn'tknowthatmuchabout.
Evenso,theopportunitywastoogoodtopassup...
...andIbombed.
Badly.
Oh,everyonetoldmeIdidfine.(Toaspeaker,beingtoldyouwere"fine"islikea
teenagerbeingtoldyouhaveagoodpersonality.)Iwantedtobelievethem.I
wantedtoignoremyfeelingsofincompetence,disappointment,andfailure.
AndthenIrealizedIwouldnevergetbetterifIdidn't1)acceptthefactIhadfailed
and2)workhardtoimprove.SoIwentbacktothedrawingboard.Iwrangled
invitationstolocalcivicgroups.Ispoketostudentsatlocalcolleges.Iforcedmyself
tospeakontopicsoutsidemywheelhousesoIcouldlearnthemechanicsof
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craftingagreathookandagreatstory.SometimesIdidwell,sometimesIdidbadly
butovertimeIgainedskillandcompetence.
Andconfidence.
AmIstillnervousbeforeIstepoutinfrontofbigcrowds?Ohhellyeah.I'mahot
messofinsecurity.ButIcanworkthroughthosefeelingsnotbecauseIengagein
alotofhappyhorse(manure)selftalkbutbecauseIknowI'vebeenthere,done
that,andcandoitagain.
I'mconfident,becauseIhavesuccessinmypocket.
YetI'malsoinsecureenoughtoalwayswanttogetbetter.
EvenUnrelatedSuccessHelps
Oddlyenough,successinonepursuityieldsgreaterconfidenceinotherareasof
life.
Backtomybicycleexample:ThefirstmajorgranfondoIrodewas100mileslong
andincludedover11,000feetofclimbingoverfourmountains(twoofthoseclimbs
ondirt/gravelroads.)Itwaslong.Itwasendless.Itwasphysically(andwillpowery)
harderthananythingIhadeverdone.ButIfinishedit.
AndevenweeksafterwardIgenerallyfeltmoreconfident.Iworriedlessaboutwhat
peoplethoughtofme.Ihaddonesomethinghuge,atleastformeanditliftedme
foralongtime.
That'sbecausewhileconfidencemaybesituational,somedegreeofconfidence
canalsospillover.Whenyoufeelgoodaboutyourselfinonewaywhenyou
achievesomedegreeofsuccessinoneaspectofyourlifeyoutendtofeelbetter
aboutotherpartsofyourlifeaswell.Afterall,ifyoucandoonethingwell,youcan
dolotsofthingswell.
Allyouhavetodoisworkatit.
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HowtoBeMoreCompetentandThereforeMoreConfident
Soforgettheselftalkandpsychoanalysis.It'sallaboutaction.Here'sTomasagain:
Mostpeopleliketheideaofbeingexceptional,butnotenoughtodowhatittakesto
getthere...everybodysaystheywanttobeslim,healthy,attractive,andrich,but
fewpeoplearewillingtodowhatittakestoattainthosethings,whichsuggeststhey
don'treallywantthosethingsasmuchastheysayorthink.
PaulArden,formercreativedirectorofSaatchi&Saatchi,sumsthisupnicelyby
explainingthattypicallywhenwesaywe"want"something,weactuallyjustmean
wewanttohaveit,butwithnoimplicitassumptionthatwe'rewillingtodoanywork
togetthere.Inreality,wantingsomethingshouldequatewithbeingpreparedto
takethenecessarystepstoachieveit.Ifyouareseriousaboutyourgoals,thenyou
willdowhateverittakestoattainthemyourconfidenceissecondary.
Whatmattersisthedesireyouhavetoattempttoachieveyourgoals.
Sodon'tsayyoulackconfidence.Allofuslackconfidence.Allofushave
insecurities,doubts,fears...allofus.
Justpickagoal,agoalyoutrulywanttoachieve,andtakeacleareyedlookat
yourweaknessesnotsoyou'llfeellessconfident,butsoyoucandetermine
exactlywhatyouneedtoworkon.
Thengettowork.Celebratesmallsuccesses.Analyzeyourweaknesses.Keep
going.
Asyougainskillyou'llalsogainafeelingofgenuineconfidence,onethatcannever
betakenawaybecauseyou'veearnedit.
IalsowriteforInc.com:
10OrdinaryBeliefsofExtraordinarilySuccessfulPeople
HowtoBeMoreCharismatic:10Tips
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10BodyLanguageSecretsofHighlySuccessfulPeople
9EssentialHabitsofExtremelyEffectivePeople
7ThingsRemarkablyHappyPeopleDoMoreOften
Checkoutmybookofpersonaland
professionaladvice,TransForm:
DramaticallyImproveYourCareer,
Business,Relationships,andLifeOne
SimpleStepAtaTime.(PDFversion
here,Kindleversionhere,Nookversion
here.)
Ifafter10minutesyoudon'tfindatleast5
thingsyoucandotomakeyourlifebetterI'll
refundyourmoney.
Thatwayyouhavenothingtolose...and
everythingtogain.
confidencebuilding
leadership
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