Does anyone know the owner of this phone?

Several men are in the changing room of Ikoyi Golf club in

Lagos. Then a mobile phone on a bench rings & a man
engages the hands free speaker-function & began to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are u at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "Whats wrong with ur voice darling?
MAN: "Nothing really, just tired!
WOMAN: "Ok. I am at ShopRite shopping mall inside
wranglers and found this beautiful Versace leather coat.
It's only =N=119,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,go ahead if you like it that much.
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership &
saw the new 2011 model. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "N28,000,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! , & one more thing ... The house I
wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking
=N=148,500,000. Its at Victoria Garden City, the house is
so beautiful!
MAN: "Well, then go ahead & give them an offer of
N148,000,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can
go the extra 500 thousand. It really is a pretty good price.
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see u later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room
are staring at him in astonishment, jaws droped ...
He smiles and asks: "Does anyone know the owner of this
phone?
A black guy and a white guy were sitting in the park, the
white man had a pet monkey and the black man is sellin
bananas, the black man said 'Mr. Can u look after my
bananas, i'm goin to the toilet"," Yeah sure, go ahead"
said the white man. When the black man came he found
his bananas gone and asked "where are my bananas" the
white man pointed to the monkey and said "ask ur
brother", the black man chilled and sat down. Few
minutes later the white man asked "can u watch my
monkey i'm goin to the toilet" ,"oh yes!" said the black
man. When the white man came back he found his
monkey dead and exclaimed "what happened here?" the
black replied " don't get involved pls, it's a family affair"
G/MUM! I DISGRACED HIS FAMILY
There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the
first time and she told her grandmother about it. So, the
grandmother says sit here and let me tell you about those
young boys. He is going to try to kiss you, you are going
to like that but, don't let him do that. He is going to try to
feel your breast, you are going to like that but, don't let
him do that.
He is going to try to put his hand between your legs , you
are going to like that but, don't let him do that. But most

important, he is going to try to get on top of you and

have his way with you. You are going to like that but,
don't let him do that, it will disgrace the family.
With that bit of advise, the granddaughter went on her
date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.
So, the next day she told her grandmother that her date
went just like she said. But she said "grandmother I didn't
let him disgrace the family. When he tried I turned over,
got on top of him and disgraced his family."

Do You want My Shit? Pls... TAKE!!!

A babe was pasin on okada,she
saw her boyfriend
withdrawin money 4rm d ATM
machine.
Immediately,she sent him dis
msg"my luv,if You
are eating give me the food,if you
are sleeping give
me your dreams if you are
praying i say amenand
even if you are at the ATM
machine give me the
MONEY"
immediately the guy saw the msg
he quickly

replied he said i dey inside toilet

"ABI YOU WANT
WETIN DEY COMMOT"?
Quote
In a Mental hospital yesterday in Yobe State, An inmate,
with knife in his hand, was chasing after the senior
doctor! Eye witnesses confirmed that the doctor was
running frantically for his dear life until he got to a dead
end and the mad man handed over the knife to him
saying"Oga, o ya take, na ya turn to pursue me. Happy
Friday Friends.........
3 drunk guys entered a taxi. D taxi driver knew that dey
were drunk so he started d engine and turned it off again.
He told them. 'We done reach there ooooo'. The 1st guy
gave him money and 2nd guy said 'thank u'. D 3rd guy
gave the driver a slap. The driver was shocked, thinking
the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But he asked 'what's
that for?'. D 3rd guy replied. 'CONTROL UR SPEED NEXT
TIME U ARE DRIVING, u nearly killed us!
Quote
UNBELIEVABLE, JUST RECENT." A lady tries 2 abort an
unwanted pregnancy using dft kinds of pill since it has
been 1,2,3,4, 5 mth old, all her effort was in vain, wen d
baby is now getting to 9mth she has no option but 2 give
birth 2 d baby, wen d baby was being given bith 2 [boy]
instead of d baby should cry he was only laughing d
doctor was annoyed he gave d baby a slap on his buttock
d baby continue 2 laugh, d more he slaped d baby, d

more d baby laughs,den d doc later discover dat d baby is

holding sumtin in his hand, he open is hand and saw
abortion pills in it and on d same hand he has"NO
WEAPON FASHION AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER {Amen}
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3 men took their wives to hospital for delivery, shortly a

nurse came out and asks who is JOSEPH that works with
three crown, d man stood up, congratulations, and your
wife has delivered 3 bouncing babies. Shortly d nurse
came out nd asked, who is JOHN that works with 7up,
congratulations your wife has delivered 7 bouncing
babies, immediately d 3rd guy took off, he ran away cuz
he was working with 33 lager beer!
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Under The Law Of Equality Shall We All Co-Exist

Quote
A man tired of Lagos girls,
went to his village in Akwa
Ibom to pick a wife. He got a
real village girl, paid her
dowry and brought her to
Lagos. When he wanted to
make love to her, he found
out that her pubic hair was
too much and he asked her

to shave. The girl goes,

"Sir, I no fit shave o, this
hair make all the boys for
village dey call me Afro
baby"
Quote
A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY
serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he
would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper
for a guaranteed weight loss program. "Guaranteed my
ass", he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them
up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss
program. The next day there is a knock at his door and
when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous,
athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me!"
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few
miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and
has his way with her. After they are through and she
leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company
does business." The same girl shows up for the next two
days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he
weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten
pounds, as promised. So, he calls the company and
orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As
expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and
there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman

he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running

shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can
catch me, you can have me." He's after her in a shot. This
girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but
when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is
by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the
same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth
day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another
twenty pounds as promised! He decides to go for broke
and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss
program. "Are you sure," asks the representative on the
phone, "this is our most rigorous program..." "Absolutely,"
he replies. "I haven't felt this great in years!" The next
day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he
finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing
but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that
reads, "If I catch you, I can have you!"
Quote
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says:
"Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" His mom
replies: "The bride is in white because she's happy and
this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thinks about
this, and then says: "Well then, why is the boy wearing
black?"