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FRED

Ill get it.

DOT

Ooooh! I think it's for me. Tell him I'll be there in a sec.

TOM

Tell her I'm busy. Ask her to leave her number.

FRED

Dad, can I use the... the car tonight?

TOM

(imitating DAD) No.

FRED

Would you be quiet?

TOM

Youll see... "No."

FRED

Don't put ideas in his head... Dad, can I have the car tonight?

DAD

Uhmmm?

FRED

I said, "Can I use the car tonight?"

DAD

May I...

CAST OF CHARACTERS
FRED

Okay. May I?

DAD

May you what?

FRED

You mean you really didn't hear anything I said except "Can I"?

MOTHER

38/43
DOT
years old

DAD

DAD

TOM

DOROTHY (DOT)

FRED

40/45
about 14
about 16
Haven't
you heard of the
generation gap?
They turn us off.about 17
years old

years old

years old

years old

Not as often as you turn us off.

The action takes place in the living room of a "typical" American family. Dad is sitting
in a chair, reading the evening newspaper. Dorothy is busily manicuring her
fingernails.
of thethat,
nail and
file as
scratches
back
and to
forth
bothers
Tom,you
whohear
FRED The sound
You heard
sheit wasn't
even
talking
you!
Why don't
is trying to do his homework. Fred is stretched out on the sofa reading a comic book.

me?

DOT

It's your deep voice. It doesn't carry.

TOM

It won't carry through that scratching you're making with that nail file.

DOT

At least I don't bite my nails... like some people do.

TOM

(imitating nail-file noise) Grrgh-grrgh-grrgh. I can't even do my homework.

FRED

Would you two cut it out? I'm trying to reach Dad. Dad?

DAD

Uhmmm?

FRED

Da-a-a-d... Dad, give us a sign you're listening: one rap for Yes ... two for
No.

DAD

O-o-okay, you got through. What is it?

FRED

Whew! Dad, may I use the car tonight?

DAD

No.

FRED

Wait!! Don't hang up! I'm not finished.

TOM

I told you so.


(MOTHER enters and listens to this bit of dialogue)

FRED

Back to your books, Einstein.

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