Start Your Marriage The Right Way By

Avoiding These Common But Deadly

Mistakes Which Can RUIN Your Chance Of
Happiness With Your Spouse!
By Pure Matrimony

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Contents

Introduction

Respect And Be Respected!

To Love or Not To Love

Quit the Nagging

10

Letting the Rot Set In

11

Failing to Know Your Roles

13

Right on the Money

17

The Dreaded In-Laws

21

Conclusion

23

Recommendations

25

Looking After Your Spouse Starts Here...

Introduction
Marriage is supposed to be half of your Deen and one of the biggest
sources of blessings in your life.
It is narrated by Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the
Messenger of Allah SAW said: "When a man marries, he has
fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the
remaining half."
Most marriages start off with the honeymoon period where nothing else
matters except your spouse and youre surrounded in marital bliss...that
is until slowly but surely either life gets in the way or certain preventable
factors do!
The truth is no marriage can survive on just love alone. Allah SWT has
commanded us with particular roles and responsibilities. We have also
been warned that our marriage will be tested in accordance to the
following hadith:
The Prophet SAW said: "Iblis places his throne upon water; he then
sends detachments (for creating dissension between people); the
nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating
dissension. One of them comes and says: I did so and so. And he
says: You have done nothing. Then one amongst them comes
and says: I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of
discord between a husband and a wife. Shaytaan goes near him
and says: You have done well. He then embraces him
(Sahih Muslim and narrated by Jabir Ibn Abdullah).
The aim of this report is to outline 7 of the most common mistakes which
if left unchecked, can eventually lead to separation or even divorce.
Whether you are yet to get married or have been married for a while,
youll discover how to deal with these issues so you are well prepared
and can have a happy, prosperous and successful marriage in this life
and the next ameen!

One: Respect And Be Respected!

Men and women are different by nature women are more emotional
whereas men are more physical and practical. This is how Allah SWT
has created us and He knows best how we are and what we respond to.
In essence, men look for respect in a marriage, whereas women look for
love. This is in accordance to how Allah SWT has made them. Even
though both are needed by EACH spouse towards one another, its
important to remember that if neither love nor respect are present in the
relationship, the marriage is essentially dead.
Because of this, a married couple have to have RESPECT first and
foremost between them, since you cannot love someone without first
respecting them.
What are the signs of disrespect for one another?

Shouting and getting angry over issues

Being verbally or physically abusive
Putting a person down all the time
Knocking a persons confidence by attacking their
appearance or abilities
Deliberately being disobedient and doing things their spouse
despises
Humiliating their spouse in front of others
Exposing private affairs to others
Lying and dishonesty are also forms of disrespect

Although this works BOTH ways, it is MORE IMPORTANT for men. If a

man doesnt feel respected, he will do everything he can to avoid his
wife.
This means that he will prefer to go out and sit with friends, or spend
time away from his family in his own company. Even worse, it can mean
that he refuses to share the same bedroom as his wife out of anger. In
time, the wife will feel severely neglected and feel as if he no longer
cares about her.

If a woman doesnt feel respected, she will get upset, emotional, cry and
refuse to speak (silent treatment) or avoid being around her husband.
Although she will still do things to please her husband, she will actually
distance herself away from him, avoiding being around him for too long.
Fix It NOW!
So how do you pull together a relationship, especially when things are
worse than they seem? Naturally, prevention is always better than cure.
However, here are some tips to keep the respect both ways...
Never shout at one another EVER! When you know you are
about to speak about something that could potentially cause
friction, do your wudu first because the Prophet SAW taught us
that anger is from the Shaytaan. Since Shaytaan is made from fire,
doing wudu will dampen the anger down
Avoid name calling at all times as it is damaging to each others
self-esteem
Never criticise the person, but instead constructively criticise the
behaviour. This way youre not attacking your spouse in a way
which can make them feel resentful
The Prophet SAW told us the following when we are angry:
The Prophet SAW gave us other practical advice. He said: If
one of you gets angry and he is standing, then he should sit
down until his anger subsides. If it does not, then he should
lie down. (Sunan Abu Dwd)
We should seek refuge with Allah when we become angry:
Two men began hurling insults at one another in the
presence of the Prophet SAW, each one insulting the other
with such anger that his face had turned red. The Prophet
SAW said: I know a word that if one were to say it, what
stresses him would go away. If he would but say: I seek
refuge with Allah from Satan the Accursed'. (Sahh alBukhr and Sahh Muslim)
Stay quiet! The Prophet (peace be upon him) advised us not to
speak when we are angry. He said:

If one of you gets angry, he should be quiet. (Musnad

Ahmad)
NEVER swear or use foul language especially if you are a
woman as this is highly damaging to yourself and lowers a mans
opinion of you
If all else fails, go and take a walk! Calm down and then when you
are BOTH calm, sit down and talk about your problems rather than
shout them out
Accept there are some things which you may always disagree
upon and agree to disagree. That is better for you and your
akhirah!
If things are very bad, see a scholar or respected Sheikh who will
InshaAllah be able to give you further guidance
Lastly, remember that if you give respect, you will be respected. If you
are disrespectful, dont expect your other half to love what you do and
expect to have problems if you choose not to do something about it.

Two: To Love or Not To Love...

As mentioned in the first part on respect, love is also very important.
Now lets clear up something at the outset because its vital you
understand how much this can impact your future as husband and wife.
Love does not mean an undying affection that is so selfish you forget the
family that raised you! This kind of love is purely in the movies! Real love
means to care for one another deeply and to be mindful of them so as
not to cause them hurt or upset. It also means to look after one another
and be selfless not selfish.
The kind of earth shattering love you see in the movies is just that
make-believe, so its important to be realistic. Women are more
emotional than men and in general require more affection and need to
be told they are special.
Men on the other hand, show their love in a more physical way such
as working hard and providing for their families, ensuring all their familys
financial and physical needs are met and doing hands on practical
things that signify to their wives that they care for them. In other words,
they rely less on the emotional and romantic expressions of love and
more on the I can take care of you hard work kind of love.
This is a crucial difference between men and women and is how Allah
Almighty has created us. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but
the reality is that love does not pay the bills. This is where a lot of
problems occur in marriages especially when the honeymoon period is
over and reality sets in.
At this stage, women will often feel as if their husbands no longer want
to be with them 24/7 and feel insecure. The reverse is true however. The
truth is men LOVE their wives which is why they want to work and show
you how hard they are working to take care of you!
So how do we balance the two opposites where the wife feels neglected
or even complains her husband is cold, while the men feel as if their
wives are being overly emotional and clingy?

The first step is to accept that this is how Allah SWT has drawn the
distinction between men and women. The next step is to step into each
others shoes and understand what your spouse is feeling.
Here are some tips to take the sting out of the honeymoon gone cold
feeling:
Men should NOT be stingy in how much love they show their
wives. This is not from the sunnah!
It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate
of like nature in order that he might dwell with her in love" (7:189)
Women should never complain to their husbands if they are
working hard to provide for the family. Instead, agree upon couple
time and schedule it in your diary like an appointment. This way,
youll both benefit from quality time together.
Keep the fire alive by doing small, consistent things such as a hug
before going to work and when returning home from work.
Sisters should be mindful to beautify themselves for the sake of
their husbands and should not take offense or feel insecure if
their husband doesnt seem to notice (a common complaint!). The
fact that you have done this is showing your husband that he is
special enough for you to make the effort for.
Brothers, be mindful of your women! So when they cook and the
food is nice, say so! Dont be stingy in your compliments or start
complaining about the food instead. If you dont like it, keep quiet!
If your wife asks you how it was, simply say Alhamdulillah
A simple rule of thumb for all couples to learn from showing
small kindnesses to one another throughout the day is an easy
way to show your spouse you love them especially when you do
it with a smile and to help them out.
Develop a hobby you can do together there is a simple rule
which states that couples who play together, stay together. Find
something you both love to do and make a regular habit of doing it
together!
Lastly, when kids come along, dont neglect one another (which
often happens). Spend time as a family so you are not missing out
or feeling left out.

Three: Quit the Nagging!

If there is one thing that men hate, its women who nag at them
constantly. Similarly women hate men who whinge and moan about
everything. How many times have you heard couples saying things like:
Her nagging never stops, so I just leave the house or He is never
happy with whatever I do, its never good enough?
These are common traits within the genders that are almost universal!
The problem is not the occasional moaning or nagging...its when it
takes place over a prolonged period of time. Thats when the resentment
sets in.
The best way to deal with this is as follows:
Never nag or complain when your spouse has just come in from
work, or when they are really tired.
Instead, wait until they have eaten, rested and are in a good mood
to talk to them about any issues that you may be having.
If your spouse constantly complains, the best thing to do is to
ignore it! It's better to you to wait until they have calmed down, at
which point you can explain to them how you feel about their
constant complaining.
Think in terms of problems and solutions. For example, if your
spouse has certain issues that they raise with you all the time, your
response should be to come up with a solution that will prevent
them from having to complain to you again. Talk it over with them,
and get their input so they feel as if they are being heard.
If addressing the issue in person leads to arguments, it may be
better to write things down. Leave everything for an hour or so
before giving the notes to your partner. At this point you should be
mindful that what you write down is concise and is not a direct
attack on them.
Finally, if your spouse has a habit of complaining all the time, try
and understand where they are coming from. Usually complaining
is a symptom of deeper issues such as feeling neglected or being
made to feel unimportant.

Four: Letting the Rot Set In

Sometimes problems occur at a deeper level within a relationship. This
can happen at any time and anything can trigger it. However, it usually
occurs when one spouse is repeatedly doing something to hurt the
other. The problem here is that if it's not addressed and resolved quickly,
then resentment and bitterness sets in.
When this happens, the relationship begins to break down and couples
feel distant to each other if it's not resolved immediately. Usually by this
point, relationships teeter dangerously on the verge of complete
breakdown. If drastic action isn't taken then it can result in separation or
divorce.
Some of the most common causes of breakdown and relationships are
as follows:

financial hardships
in-laws
incompatibility
differences in raising children
religious differences
neglecting one another
infidelity
stressful jobs

Each of these requires its own rules of how to resolve them, and some
of these will be covered later. Here are some of the best ways of dealing
with difficult situations, no matter what they are.
Don't stop talking! And when we mean talk, we really do mean talk
and not shouting! Giving each other the silent treatment adds fuel
to the fire in much the same way as shouting does
Never avoid the issue at hand by burying your head in the sand
and pretending it will all go away. The truth of the matter is it rarely
does unless you actively do something to stop it
Use something called a solution board - a simple technique which
allows you to instantly see what your options are. Simply take a
large piece of paper and write down the problem in the middle.

Now all you do is brainstorm ways in which you can solve the
problem. The next thing you need to do is number your solutions in
order of priority. What you'll end up with is a list of things which you
can try to solve the problem at hand
Root cause analysis is an excellent tool, especially when you feel
as if you're hitting your head against a brick wall. Here you keep
asking why? until you arrive at the root cause of the problem:
o For example, your spouse doesn't get on with your mother.
So you ask yourself why. In this case, she feels that your
spouse is not good enough for you. So ask why again - she
thinks this is because your spouse does not have a good job.
So now you know the cause, look at ways or solutions to
help you overcome the problem
If the worst comes to the worst, seek help - but never from your
family! This usually adds fuel to the fire. Instead, ask a mutual
friend who will be impartial, or go and speak to a counsellor. Your
local imam should be able to help too
Stick to your normal routine. Normality during times of stress is
critical to keeping things balanced and on track
Usually sisters tend to get very upset, depressed and emotional
when things go wrong. As a result, they cry a lot - which never
helps the situation. In fact, crying usually inflames the situation
so dont do it!
Men have two main ways of dealing with stress - they either ignore
it, or they prefer to avoid being around their spouse. Either way,
their spouse feels as if they are being neglected and completely
rejected. Make sure you TALK to your wife!
Never over analyse the situation. There is a saying that worry
gives a small thing a big shadow. This is certainly true. Make a lot
of dua to Allah SWT for guidance, do your istikhara and make a
habit of doing istighfar as much as possible, since Allah SWT is
more likely to answer your duas

Five: Failing to Know your Roles and

Responsibilities
The key points for you to understand here are that men and women are
equal in terms of what Allah SWT expects of them as Muslims and the
reward they get. However, Allah SWT has given men a greater
responsibility over women as they are naturally stronger than them both
physically and emotionally.
This is why men are the ameers and protectors or maintainers of
women:
The Prophet SAW said, "Every one of you is a guardian and every
one of you is responsible (for those under your ward). A ruler is a
guardian and is responsible (for his subjects); a man is a guardian
of his family and responsible (for them); a wife is a guardian of her
husband's house and she is responsible (for it), a slave is a
guardian of his master's property and is responsible (for that).
Beware! All of you are guardians and are responsible (for those
your wards)." (Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.116 Narrated by Abdullah
bin Umar)

As a general overview, heres what Allah SWT has given us as our roles
and responsibilities:

Men The Responsibilities They Have Include:

Giving a marriage gift/dowry to his wife
You shall give the women their due dowries, equitably (4:4)
To keep his promises to the wife at the time of marriage
The first and worthiest condition of marriage to be fulfilled by
the husband is to "keep the promise or promises he made to
the wife at the time he married her." This is an order of the

Prophet SAW according to the hadith: "ahaqqu al-shuruti an

tufu bihi ma astahlaltum bihi min al-furuj"
Provide sustenance/financial support to his household according to
his status and means
o Food, clothing, housing, education, recreation, medication
etc.
o Husband must provide even if the is wife is rich
o Provision includes food preparation and looking after the
home!
Husband should help his wife around the home
To protect his family
Be patient and respectful to his wife in a way that he would expect
her to be respectful with him
Avoid excessive jealousy and never to be suspicious of his wife
without evidence
To treat his wife with compassion, kindness, love and not to
neglect her
To beautify himself for his wife! Most men think its just the duty of
the woman but its NOT!
Good smelling and beautification; Allah SWT is Beautiful and He
loves beauty and cleanliness. Always be clean, neat and adorn
perfume.
Ibn Abbaas (ra) said: I love to beautify myself for my wife as
much as I love her to beautify herself for me.
Give his wife her own home without relatives or in-laws living with
them
To educate his wife in Islamic matters
To fulfil her intimate needs and the right of the wife to the husband
is to ensure she fulfils his needs
The Prophet SAW said: "Having intercourse (with ones wife) is a
charity. They said, O Messenger of Allah, if one of us fulfils his
desire, is there reward in that? He said, Do you not see that if
he does it in a haram way he will have the burden of sin? So if he
does it in a halal way, he will have a reward for that. (Muslim)

Women Their Responsibilities Include:

To protect her husbands possessions while he is away
The woman is the guardian of her husbands house and is
responsible for it. (Bukhari)
To dress pleasingly for him at all times
Asma bint Yazeed (R.A.) once came to Rasulullah SAW as an
ambassador of the ladies and said "Men have surpassed us in
rewards through juma, congregational prayers, visiting the ill,
participating in funeral prayers and protecting the borders of the
Islamic State." Rasulullah SAW sent her with the message "Your
adorning and beautifying yourselves for your husbands and your
strivings to please your husbands and your obedience to the
wishes of your husbands equals these actions (juma, jihaad etc.) in
rewards."
To go to her husband when he calls her
Abu Hurayrah (ra) said: The Messenger of Allah SWT said: If a
man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he spends the
night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning. (Bukhari
and Muslim)
To raise her children properly and as righteous Muslims
To give her husband the utmost respect as the ameer of the home
If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than
Allaah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their
husbands. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, no
woman can fulfil her duty towards Allaah until she fulfils her duty
towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on
her camel saddle, she should not refuse. Narrated by Ibn Maajah,
1853; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah

 To maintain her husbands home

To maintain her husbands honour and not talk about him in a way
that would anger him (keep his secrets and not to speak ill or
disrespect him in front of others)
To nurse his children
Rasulullah SAW said: "Does it not please you [o women!] that when
you conceive from your husband while he is pleased with you then
that woman will receive such reward equal to that of a person
fasting in the path of Allah and spending the night in worship; then
when her labour pain commences the inhabitants of the earth and
the sky are unaware of the stores of comfort that are prepared for
her; when she delivers and breastfeeds her child then she will be
granted a reward for every gulp of milk; and if she had to remain
awake during the night for the sake of her child she will receive the
reward of emancipating seventy slaves in the path of Allah. O
Salamat! Do you know who these women are? They are pious,
upright, delicately natured but yet are obedient to their husbands
and not ungrateful to them."
She is also responsible for being her husbands support so that he
is pleased with her:
The Prophet SAW said: Any woman who dies while her
husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah. (AtTirmidhi)

As you can see each spouse has their own set of responsibilities. Happy
marriages start when each person is fully aware of and embraces the
responsibilities that Allah SWT has placed upon them.

Six Right On the Money!

Financial problems are one of the biggest sources of stress in a
marriage. In fact, it is also one of the most common reasons for divorce.
In Islam, the burden of providing for the family rests entirely upon the
husband.
As we have already seen in the previous section, Allah SWT has made
men the protectors and maintainers of women. However the inability to
provide adequately is unfortunately a common problem - especially in
the West. Rising house prices, insurance, bills and taxes all mean that
people are struggling to survive on one income alone.
In fact it is quite common for many marriages to start off in debt. Much of
this can actually be attributed to the marriage itself. Cultural practices
sometimes dictate that weddings should be big and lavish, meaning that
the groom and sometimes the bride end up starting their life in debt.
Big weddings are not from the Sunnah. The Prophet SAW kept all of his
weddings very simple because there is far more blessing in it.
Unfortunately though, many people seem to forget this when they get
married. More often than not, it's a case of pleasing people - without any
consideration given to what will happen after the wedding period is over.
It's very common in the West for both spouses to be working. While this
may work in many marriages, it still places a lot of stress on the couple
who are overworked, tired, exhausted and rarely see each other. Even
when they do spend time together there is always that niggling feeling in
the back of your mind which doesn't seem to allow you to relax. This
creates tension which can result in irritability and eventually arguments.
Even worse, the stress is multiplied when children come along. Many
parents unfortunately are in the position of placing their children in care
just so they can continue to work and make ends meet.
So here are some money management tips for you to consider before
and after the marriage itself.
Keep the marriage simple-there is far more blessing in this!

o Think about this: do you really need to invite 1000 people?

Keep the guest list small and manageable
o Rather than having 20 dishes on the menu, stick to simple
food of no more than a few dishes
o Instead of splashing out on fancy cars, see if one of your
friends will lend you theirs for the day
o Sisters should keep their jewellery simple - if you can't afford
diamonds and gold, there are plenty of beautiful yet
inexpensive imitation sets available
o Also sisters, consider hiring a bridal outfit if at all possible
o In keeping with the Sunnah, the nikkah should actually be
extremely simple - just the immediate family and closest
friends in a mosque.
o The Walima is where you invite everyone, but brothers
beware! You really don't need to splash out thousands on a
venue! Make a budget and stick to it!
o See if family can help wherever they can. If you're choosing
to go on honeymoon, can family or friends gift it to you
instead? Are you able to go somewhere local rather than
somewhere exotic and expensive?
Okay so you made it through the marriage, but now you're stuck
for a house! What should you do?
o Check to see if there are any Islamic mortgage options
available
o An increasingly popular scheme is the rent to buy option.
Rather than paying the mortgage, you pay rent to your
landlord with payments actually buying shares in your house.
At the end of the rental agreement, you own the house
o Shop around for utility providers. Dont just stick with
whoever is in your area. There are so many excellent deals
available, especially online. Buying dual fuel is cheaper and
those paying by direct debit will save money each year. If
you choose to go paperless, this will also save money
o Check your tax code! Seriously, there are so many couples
who are paying more tax than they should because they
have the wrong tax code

o Are you paying into a pension? Are you paying any payment
protection insurance? In reality, you don't need either, and if
you are paying these you could be entitled to a refund
So how do you manage your day-to-day finances?
o Use the envelope method to save for things that you really
want but don't need. So if you wanted to buy a table, you
would mark an envelope table. After paying all of your bills
and living expenses, place a small amount of money
(whatever you can afford) into the envelope until you have
saved enough
o Get rid of your store cards! These are usually interestbearing (which is haram anyway), and can cost you a
ridiculous amount of money
o A simple rule of thumb is only buy what you need, and if you
want something badly enough, don't buy it until you have
enough money to buy two of those things. This way you are
covered no matter what!
o An easy way to manage your finances is to sit down and
average out your monthly expenses. At the beginning of
each month, simply withdraw the total amount of your
expenses. This way you don't need to use your card for
anything, and you know that you only have that amount of
cash to use during that month
o Get into the habit of checking places like eBay, Craigslist,
Gumtree and anywhere else that sells things that people no
longer need. You'd be surprised what you can pick up as a
bargain!
o If you are really struggling consider charity shops to buy
children's toys. The truth is kids couldn't care less where the
toys came from, and will often outgrow, damage or even
break them. So why pay more than you should?
o We know many sisters and brothers who buy their clothes
from discount stores, ex-catalogue shops and charity shops
to save money
o Sign up to deal sites such as Groupon or the equivalent as
they often have excellent deals which can save you a lot of
money

o Holidays and day trips don't need to be expensive. Going to

the Local Park or local attractions and taking food from home
means still having a good time and saving money!
o Never argue or fight over money. If you're deeply in debt to
the bank, see if family will lend you the money to avoid
paying interest
o You can also take out super balance transfer cards which
allow you to transfer bad debts onto one single card with 0%
interest, 0% balance transfers for up to 2 years. We know
many couples who have transferred thousands of debt onto
a single card eliminating the interest, and making regular
payments each month until they have repaid the amount in
full

Seven: The Dreaded In-Laws!

The in-laws are a common source of grief for many couples. Warring
families, demanding mother-in-laws, competing daughter-in-laws,
cultural practices and silly traditions have ruined many a family.
Firstly brothers, understand that your wife is not obliged to live with your
family, nor should she be put in a difficult position of having to take care
of them. This is a cultural practice which has no basis in Islam. If you
have brothers in your home then it is compulsory for you to provide your
wife a home of her own so she does not have to do hijaab and can feel
free to be herself.
It's important to remember that the duty of caring for the mother-in-law is
not a requirement in Islam. The brothers should realise and understand
that if their wife does help them, it is out of benevolence to them and is a
reward for her. She should never be forced or made to feel guilty for not
looking after them. It is your duty and not your wife's to care for your
parents.
Secondly sisters, understand that for your husband, his family are very
important and should be respected at all times. If for whatever reason
you are living with them, live with them amicably. You should never be
forced to do something that you don't want to, but also understand that if
you are living within the family you will be expected to pull your weight.
Treat the home as if it were your own and not as if it's a Hotel.
Here are some quick tips to avoid problems with the in-laws:
Don't spill your secrets to your family! This is one of the worst
things you can do. If you have an argument with your spouse and
go and tell your family, then your family will hold a grudge against
your other half even when you have made up. Avoid this by never
speaking ill of your spouse
If you are living with in-laws and they are very demanding you
need to set very clear rules and boundaries with your spouse
beforehand. In fact, this should ideally be discussed before the
marriage takes place so that both parties are fully aware of what is
expected and what will not be tolerated

 A woman's first and foremost duty is always to her husband and

her children. Brothers take note - your wife should not be running
around your parents at the expense of your children. If your
parents are old, consider hiring some help at home, as well as
helping out yourself
Sisters always try and be on good terms with your husband's
family, even if they are unkind to you. By respecting them, you are
respecting your husband. Don't ever badmouth his family to him,
as no man will tolerate anyone speaking ill about their family especially their mothers!
If you really cannot get on with the in-laws, it is better to live apart
and keep your contact polite and to the minimum. Sisters should
not prevent their husbands from going to visit their families or
cause unnecessary arguments about it
Brothers who have difficult in-laws be polite and courteous at all
times and understand that your wife's family is very important to
her. They have raised her and she has been a part of their life until
you came along. You have to give respect to get it, so if you want
your wife to respect your family you must respect hers!
One of the best tips that we can share with you regarding in-laws
who like to stir trouble is this: If an incident has taken place, then
never ever tell your spouse what happened in private. Instead
speak to your spouse very respectfully in front of your in-laws so
they are aware of what you have said, and also your spouse will
be aware of what really happened. Many a relationship has turned
sour because things have been said or done in private and then
denied or misunderstood. By keeping your spouse in the loop at all
times, you avoid any problems going forward
Lastly, avoid large family gatherings when you know that they don't
get on. If you really must go, spend as little time as possible, don't
engage in any gossip and avoid any confrontation.

Conclusion
In this short report, we covered the seven key mistakes that every
married couple should avoid. Your main concern should always be trying
to understand your partner first and foremost. Every relationship no
matter how great, will hit a rough patch at some point or the other. Most
marriages fail when small things get out of hand and take place
consistently over prolonged periods of time.
The most important thing is that you keep your lines of communication
open and honest at all times. Although we've given you tips and tricks to
help you overcome all of these problems, sometimes, with the best will
in the world, it just isn't enough.
The truth of the matter is that every single relationship needs to be
nurtured with love and respect at all times in order to make it work. It's
important to understand a woman always needs love while a man
always needs respect. No relationship can survive if these things are
missing.
Ultimately though the test of a good relationship is how good it was to
start with. If you picked someone who is right for you and who shares
your same values and principles, then you are much more likely to have
a successful marriage.
If however you chose someone who was completely incompatible, then
unfortunately the likelihood is you will always struggle. The problem that
we have as an ummah is that we are not visionaries. We dont think
ahead or long-term. Many parents in particular do not think of the longterm benefits of choosing the right spouse or what effect this will have
upon their children.
In fact many a broken relationship has started with bad decisions made
on part of the family for their children, or indeed brothers or sisters who
made bad choices themselves. Shaytaan loves to destroy the family unit
because that's what holds the fabric of society together. Without this
stronghold, Shaytaan wins and society falls apart.

But when you choose the right spouse who is righteous and of sound
character, the long-term implications are amazing. A happy home is
much more likely to produce happy children who are strong in their Deen
and who can ultimately shape future generations.
As a final note, we would suggest to you that if you are not already
married and are looking for the right person, then the best thing for you
is to ensure that you choose someone strong upon the deen and who is
very much compatible with you.
It's hard in this fast-paced modern world to find the right person.
However, Allah SWT helps all of those who are sincere in their efforts to
keep away from all that is haram and stick to halal.
If you're still struggling to find a practising one, then consider registering
on a matrimonial website to help you find a good spouse. Please see the
recommendations on the next page.
We wish you all the best and make sincere dua that Allah SWT makes it
easy for you to find the right person and have a happy and successful
marriage in this life and the next ameen.
Jazakallah Khairan
Pure Matrimony
www.PureMatrimony.com

Recommendations for Helping You to Find the

Right Spouse!
In this short report, you learnt the top ten mistakes people commonly
make in their marriage and how to avoid them. We also mentioned that
the majority of mistakes could be avoided in the first place by marrying
the right person to begin with!
As the worlds largest matrimonial website exclusively for practising
Muslims, Pure Matrimony is for those who consider deen to be their
most important criteria when finding a spouse.
Some of our unique features include:
Private profiles - Communication is encouraged based on Islamic
values, personality and character rather than looks, therefore
preventing those who like to window shop
Wali Support - Your wali can be included in all correspondence
with other members in real time, so they are fully involved in the
process if you want them to be
Enhanced Profile Moderation - Every profile is carefully checked
to stop time wasters and those looking for fun or dating
Every Discussion Is Monitored and moderated to ensure the
safety of our members
Shariah compliant - Endorsed by some of the largest Dawah
organisations and most respected Sheikhs in the West
Measurable Success - On average, three couples a week find
their Pure Match
Regular webinars and education is provided to our community
on many marital and pre-marital issues because we want you to
prosper in this life and the next!
Register today and see if you can find your Pure Match at:

www.PureMatrimony.com
Pure Matrimony Where Practice Makes Perfect!

Women of purity are for men of purity, and

men of purity are for women of purity
[Al Nur, 24:26]

www.purematrimony.com