Basic Awareness Skills and the Developmental Sequence of Learning and

Integrating NVC
I want to make it clear that the following is one dimension of the NVC process as I
see it. The other dimension has to do with what I see as the foundation of NVC.
That is, the underlying intention and spirituality of NVC. Without this foundation,
NVC is likely to be experienced as a mechanical process. Therefore, I would like
to describe briefly what I see as the foundational aspect of NVC.
First of all, it is a consciousness that we have of the quality of life we want to live.
It involves approaching myself and other people with the intent to connect to the
flow of life, within me and between us. My objective is to create a connection in
which both my and the others' needs are equally valued, and then mutually met
through natural giving. The quality of living energy that I want is one where there
is compassion, understanding, and joy. What helps me to create this consciousness
is taking certain perspectives into account. This life-serving perspective includes
the following:
a. Everything that people do is an attempt to meet needs, in other words, we
are always and only reaching for life.
b. When I understand this, I know that no matter what a person is
expressing, it is an attempt to enrich life.
c. I do not want to have my needs met at the expense of others' needs, that is,
I want to value another's needs as I do my own.
d. I know that when my needs are seen empathically and when I see
anothers need empathically, that it stimulates natural compassion. We then
want to contribute to each other's well-being.
The basic skills, skill sets, and skill complexes are then a map or tool to help us
actualize this quality of compassionate and joyful energy in life.
Basic Skills (related to each dimension in the four part process)
1) The ability to make an observation. This entails the ability to differentiate
observation from evaluation, interpretation, etc.
2) Feelings:
a) Identify feelings. Development of a feelings vocabulary.
b) Experience feelings. The ability to go into the feeling and experience the
felt sense of the feeling.
c) Express the feeling(s). This includes the progressive inclusion of the first
two steps.
3) Needs:
a) Identify needs. Development of a needs vocabulary.
Prescott Center for Nonviolent Communication, Robert Gonzales; 337 N. Rush St., Prescott, AZ.
928-771-240 rgonzales@commspedd.net
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b) Experience the need(s). This involves the ability to go into the energy of
the need, beyond the concept or word.
c) Express the need(s). This involves the willingness to assert a need. This is
often difficult for people if they have jackal thinking prevents them from
expressing a need. For example, "My needs are not important. "
3) Requests:
a) Know what a request is in NVC. A request is present, "do-able", in
positive- action language. Also know what connecting and action requests
are and when to make one or the other.
b) Express such requests as defined above.
Basic Skills: Differentiations
The ability to know and make key differentiations related to the four
components.
I) Differentiate observation from evaluations, interpretations, and other
jackal thinking.
2) Differentiate feelings from other forms of communication, especially
thoughts. 3) Differentiate needs from strategies.
4) Differentiate requests from demands, or other strategies not consistent
with an NVC request.
5) Differentiate empathy from sympathy.
Basic skills: Life-alienating Thinking and Language (Jackal)
1) Recognition -identification of Jackal thinking.
2) Enjoying the Jackal Show. This entails meeting the jackal with
compassion, so we do not 'jackal our Jackal", and when you do you can
embrace those jackals compassionately.
3) Differentiate from the jackals. This is more than conceptual
recognition of jackal thinking, it requires the ability to truly
differentiate thinking from the observation. It is possible to identify and
enjoy the jackals and still "come from" jackal energy without
differentiation
Basic Skills: Relationships of Basic Components
This is a conceptual understanding/awareness of seeing the relationship of any part
of the four components to each other. Each of these components includes
awareness and skills. The awareness is the understanding of the relationship, the
skills is the ability to express the understanding, both within oneself and in
relationship.
a. Relationship of feelings to needs. Responsibility for feelings.
b. Relationship of observation to needs. Stimulus vs. cause (key
differentiation).
c. Relationship of request to needs. Making requests connected to the need.
Prescott Center for Nonviolent Communication, Robert Gonzales; 337 N. Rush St., Prescott, AZ.
928-771-240 rgonzales@commspedd.net
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Skill Sets
Skill sets are processes that require a combination of at least two of the basic skills.
The following are a list of skill sets:
1) Self-connection. The ability to self-empathize includes awareness of all four
components, especially the first three. It also requires he ability to recognize 1ifealienating thinking and to transfom1 it.
a. This basic skill is based on the ability to stop before reacting to the jackal
reaction, and take the time to focus awareness on one's thinking (jackal),
then finding the feelings and the needs.
2) Expressing in NVC.
a. Clearly expressing observations, feelings, needs, and making clear
requests.
b. All expressing in NVC involves the ability to translate many
variations of jackal thinking, including:
i.
Translating static language into process language
ii.
Translating "no" into NVC.
iii. Transforming anger into NVC
iv.
Translating "amtssprache" (MJ: formal and obscure) into
NVC.
v.
Transforming "deserve" into NVC
3) Empathizing in NVC.
a. The ability to recognize/sense what the person is reacting to
(observations)
b. The ability to recognize/sense feelings in jackal expressions. In these
cases, jackal expressions is defined as any expression that does not
clearly express what is alive in the other person, clear observation,
feelings,
needs, and clear requests.
c. The ability to recognize/sense/guess needs in jackal expressions.
d. The ability to recognize/sense/guess reguests in jackal expressions.
Empathizing takes many forms, including the following:
Empat4y with others in distress, empathy with people who are angry , empathy
with people who attribute responsibility for their feelings to you, empathy with
"no", etc.

Prescott Center for Nonviolent Communication, Robert Gonzales; 337 N. Rush St., Prescott, AZ.
928-771-240 rgonzales@commspedd.net
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4) Staying in the Dialogue

This skill set involves the ability to express and empathize with someone in an
ongoing dialogue. It requires the ability to recognize when one is in a jackal
reaction and to translate into NVC and to stay connected with the other.
Skill Set Complexes
Without going into a lot of detail, I will list some of these complexes, which are
sets of skill sets:
a. Mediation
b. NVC "therapy" or healing old pain
c. Teaching NVC.
d. Running and participating in group meetings.
e. Social change.

Prescott Center for Nonviolent Communication, Robert Gonzales; 337 N. Rush St., Prescott, AZ.
928-771-240 rgonzales@commspedd.net
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