Module 5 - TV Transcripts Programmes Three Documentaries

UNIT 1

GARY (voice over)

These are Carmen Guijarro and Michael Snowden. Shes Spanish and he's English, They got married X years ago and since then they've been living in Edinburgh, Carmen works as a teacher of Spanish. Michael is a sculptor. They're an example of a couple of people from different cultures,

SARA (voice over)

W~ spoke with them and asked them what is, in their opinion, the most Important difference between their two cultures.

CARl\fEN

The ODe thataffects me most.the cultural difference that really affects me, is this indirect way of interacting even between members of the same farruly.I find that if you have a friend you should be able to say what you think or what you want directly iAnd I find it difficult that in this country people always use an indirect manner.

GARY (voice over)

For Michael, the biggest difference IS in the family.

MICHAEL

T think Spanish families are much closer together and from my point of view I've been welcomed by all of Carmen's relatives.

SARA (voice over)

Our next question was: What are the advantages of a couple like you?

CARMEN

Advantages probably that lalways have an. "XCUS<:l to travel and 1 like travelling. So because I live in Edinburgh, in Scotland, I have to travel to England or to Spain.

GARY (voice over)

HerI:!C, Michael's answer was very similar.

MICHAEL

Well I think from my point of view I've met so many people from Spain and we often go to Spain for holidays, and we've been together to Mexico.

SARA (voice over)

And what are the disadvantages?

CARMEN

Probably the main disadvantage is thaI... is about the same, that 1 have to travel to Spain to see my family and I haven't got much time to travel to other countries.

GARY (voice over)

ThIS time, Michael's answer was much clearer.

MJCHAEL

That's a very difficult question 10 answer. So far I haven't found any. I might find. some in the next twenty years.

GARY (voice over)

Michael IS an artist. He works as a sculptor in a small studio near his flat. He abo teaches art in a local school.

SARA (voice over)

Carmen is a reacher of Spanish at a college for adults. After so many years in Britain, Carmen is fuUy integrated in British society. But We wanted to know if she found it difficult at the beginning to integrate in a different society and a different culture.

CARl\1EN

J never found it difficult to integrate in this society.l actually found it much easier to live here than In Spain.

GARY (voice over)

And what does M ichael think') Does he think it was di fficult for Carmen to integrate?

MICHAEL

Not in any way. She's always friendly with all sorts of people and found it very easy.

Module 5 - Programmes Three Documentaries

SARA (voice over)

And finally, some advice from them to all the students of That's English 1"

CARI\1EN

Well, if you want to practise your English, come to Edinburgh and talk to the real people. Edinburgh is a beautiful city and Scotland a beautiful country.

'MICHAEL

I would like to say that 1 hope that you're successful In learning English, and will therefore come to visit Britain and especially to Scotland.

UNIT 2

SARA (voice over)

Cricket is one of the typically British sports.

GARY (voice over)

Cricket is a very old game. Some people think it started in the Middle Ages, and in the l Sth century it became the favourite sport of British high classes.

SARA (voice over)

"Lord's Cricket Ground", in London, is cricket's cathedral. This has been a centre for cricket since 1814. And even nowadays the most important matches are played here.

GARY (voice over]

For example, the matches between the English national team and teams from other Commonwealth countries.

SARA (voice over)

The best way to find out what cricket is, is to go outside; London, to any small village in England. This is the cricket ground in Ockley, a small village near London.

GARY (voice over)

The cricket season is from April to September, In spring and summer, thousands of amateur players practise their favourite sport with one of the many non-professional teams in the United Kingdom. But, what makes cricket so important for the British') This is the question We asked Rod Cowles, a member of the Ockley team.

2

ROD COWLES

Possibly because it's a part of the British tradition. And we've been playing cricket in this country for possibly a hundred, a hundred and fifty years. Like during the winter where the football and rugby IS so important that's always on the news and in the papers, in the summer its tots tJy eri cket , and if we do badly during the summer against the team we're playing that year, It's disaster. If we do ... doing well, then everybody's happy. It's very important for the British people, It is the summer sport in England. "

SARA (voice over)

Cricket is a very complex game and it's completely impossible to explain the rules in five minutes. Many' people think that cricket is like baseball, the American game. But they're very different.

GARY (voice over)

Traditionally, all the clothes are' always white. The ball and the hat make up the rest of the equipment, When a player is batting he must wear protections to avoid accidents.

SARA (voice over)

As you can see; cricket isn't a very expensive game. Besides, it is very healthy and relaxing.

)\1m. GODBY

Cricket is a form of relaxation for me, and I think most of the people who play cricket do it to relax unless they do it to earn a living. There are professional cricketers in this country who earn a living by playing cricket. Those who play for dubs, like Ockley do it ... do it for fun and relaxation, to be with their team mates, 10 get some runs, hopefully score runs out In the ground and then to have a. few drinks later on in the bar, probably.

GARY (voice over)

True. The best way to finish a cricket match is to share a few drinks in the pub. Winning or losing is not important. What matters is to enjoy the game and the company of the people who practise it.

Module 5 - Programmes Three Documentaries

UNIT 3

SARA (voice over)

How do the British dress? Can you say there's a truly British fashion? And If so, what's it like? ls it the fashion you can see in the windows of London's most expensive shops? Or is it the fashion of the people who go to Ascot races? Is it the fashion made famous by Lady Di ... or that of the other members of the Royal family?

GARY (voice over)"

I don't think so. The British don't follow just one fashion today, but a mixture of styles.

SARA (voice overl

The question now is what about the British fashion of the future? The young students of design and fashion have the answer-

GARY (voice over)

This building is the Business Design Centre. Every year they have a week of shows and exhibitions of fashion designed hy the young designers who finish thei r stud i es,

SARA (voice over)

There are several universities and private schools in the United Kingdom offering fashion design courses. It is very important to give the students an opportunity to show their work.

GARY (voice over)

Can you imagine what It means for a student to see the result of their studies on the catwalk? We wanted to find out, and We spoke with Rosie Corrodes, a student at Middlesex University. We asked her bow she felt after the show.

ROSIE CORRODUS

I fed a great .ioy because I've worked so hard and to see it finally on the: catwalk it makes me very happy and proud.

GARY (voice over)

Is it easy for a young designer to be successful?

ROSrE CORRODUS

In England ... It varies .. from country to country, J believe. But I think if you believe in yourself and have your own distinct look, I think it's possible. But it varies, I believe, from country to country.

3

SARA (voice over)

True. this show was a complete success for Rosie and for all her colleagues. They showed that the future designers of British fashion have plenty of imaginat ion.

GARY (voice over)

Where do you get your inspiration from?

ROSIE CORRODUS

Mainly from mysdf and what is around me. But living in London there is many different nationalities to look at. Everyone in London has their own style and if you go to a club, or when you go to study or when you go to eat, on the street., .. many different styles and .. so J get it from around me and my own inspiration and ideas.

GARY (voice over)

At the Business Design Centre there aren't only clothes, but also other objects that are part of fashion and design. They have allbeen created by young designers who, vt!ry soon, will have in their hands the future of British fashion.

UNIT 4

SARA (voice over)

Close your eyes and imagine a beautiful place full of fictional characters from literature. Dream of a town where books are the main inhabitants. A beautiful dream, isn't it?

GARY (voice over)

Such a place is not only a dream. It exists in real life. Its name is Hay on Wye and it's a little village on the border between Wales and England. Hay on Wye is the world capital of second-hand books. The old butcher's, the old cinema and even the old tire station are now bookshops. In Hay on Wye there are books everywhere. And it is all thanks to a man's dream.

SARA (voice over)

This is Richard Booth. When be finished his degree in History at Oxford University, he left for Hay on Wye in search of a different life style. He dreamt of a town full of hooks and his dream became true.

Module 5 - Programmes Three Documentaries

RICHARD BOOTH

Well, 1 was educated at Oxford and like most people educated at Oxford my only hope of employrnent appeared In a large town but ... unless I was of course a doctor or a lawyer, and I didn't want to be a doctor or a lawyer. So I came to Hay and I discovered the only way of making a living was to fill the whole town with books so we became a centre for the second-hand things. I think people in rural areas like the second-hand and to me, 1 think, there should be many towns full of second-hand hooks ..

GARY (voice over)

Hay on Wye is a collectors' paradise. It's probably the place with the most bookshops in one street in the world. EVery day and especially at the Weekend. the streets of Hay on Wye fill with literature lovers or simple visitors looking for new hooks for their collections. A visitor could spend hours browsing around the many bookshelves, But, what kind of hooks can you find in Hay on Wye?

RICHARD BOOTH

WdJ, W!! have to have enough books to make it worth your while coming here, so we try ami sell hooks which you cannot find in London, or Madrid or Tokyo. Forexample, I've just started a Hungarian hookshop with five thousand Hungarian books. J will haw a Spanish bookshop here, It is the first time this business has been international and .. .I think we must sell books ... we sell many, many books on English language, English literature, but also sell books that we cannot find anywhere else, perhaps even in Europe,

SARA (voice over)

Richard Booth is the a true king in the. Country of Books. In 1977 he bought the old castle and turned it into a big bookshop. EVentually, Richard Booth has created other second-hand-book towns in other parts of Europe and in the United States. But he's never stopped dreaming, That's why WIl asked him:

What's your dream for the future?

RICHARD BOOTH

Well, for all my life I found the most exciting place in the world was South America. Nearly all of my life, because it's .... you know ... natural business J have worked in North America. WIl arc the largest book buyers, I think, in Philadelphia, Detroit or many American cities. But MW I fed that I would love to go to South America. It seems

4

a very exciting and romantic place for people who are always in the Anglo-Saxon world. So my big dream for the future is a South-American bookshop in Hay on Wye.

UNIT 5

JEREMY VINE

Hello, rherel My name is Jeremy Vine and I come from London. I work here, at Westminster, as a political correspondent for the BBC.

PAT JOLLY

Hello! My name is Pal Jolly. I come from Sydllnham, South- East London.

BUCK BURNS

My name is Buck Burns and J live in Sneern , on the Ring of Kerry, in Southll~ Ireland.

STEVE ROGERS

Hello! My name is Steve Rogers and I come from Edinburgh, in Scotland.

GAR Y (voice over)

In English, a person's accent says a lot about that person. We can know where that person comes from or the social class someone belongs 10.

SARA (voice over)

Jeremy Vine works as a political correspondent for the BBe. His English accent is a perfect example of the Standard English or the Queen 's English. It's the type of English which some educated people speak.

JEREMY VINE

I speak Standard English, Some people might also call it the QUeen's English. This type of English is spoken by a lot of BBC presenters, Tho BBC doesn't insist on any particular accent, but thi s kind of English is the kind you're learning.

GARY (voice over)

Accent usually indicates thespeaker's social class. A very special case is that of 'cockneys'. A cockney is a person who was born in the East End of London .. Their speech is recognized not only for the accent, hut also for the rhyming slang they use .. Pat Jolly has some examples for you.

Module 5 - Programmes Three Documentaries

PAT JOLLY

I'm a cockney, a Londoner, and we speak different. In English you say 'what's', in Cockney we say 'wa ". In English you say 'house", in Cockney we say "ouse'. In English you say 'water', in Cockney we saytwa'er". W~ also use a rhyming slang, In English you say 'hat', in Cockney 'tit for tat'. In English you say 'shirt', in Cockney we say 'Dicky Dirt', In English you say 'tie', in Cockney we say 'Peckham Rye. In English we say 'suit', in Cockney w..::, say 'whistle and flute',

SARA (voice over)

L~t' s now listen to the sound of Scottish English, Steve Rogers is a bus driver. He lives In Edinburgh, Scotland's capital, and he's going to give us some examples of the way the Scots speak.

STEVE ROGERS

Yes, I live in Edinburgh and I speak with a Scottish accent, In England they would say 'away', in Scotland we say 'awae '. They would also say 'town', we say 'toon. And in England they would say 'lake', hut in Scotland we say 'loch',

GARY (voice over)

Now we leave for the Republic of Ireland, to look at one more way of speaking English, Buck Bums IS a teacher at a primary school in County Kerry, Here, they also have their own peculiar way of speaking English

BUCK BURNS

Well, there are many variations of accents in Ireland. In this part of Ireland, in Kerry, if a person Were saying 'The sticks and the stones are staying on the fence", that p",rson might say: 'De sticks and de stones are shtaying on de fence." Some Irish people haw a difficulty with pronouncing the 'th' sound, People might say 'dis', 'dat", 'dese' and 'dose', Or 'tiny-tree' instead of 'thirtythree, '

SARA (voice over)

Theseare only four examples of different English accents, And to finish, we're going to listen to our four speakers giving you the same advice in four different accents, Pay attentionto the advice.

JEREMY VINE

Remember: watching 'That's English!' is interesting and wry practical. Go for it'

5

PAT JOLLY

And remember: watchi n g 'That's English!' IS interesting and very practical. Go for it.'

STEVE ROGERS

And remember: watching 'That's English!' IS interesting and very practical. So go for it.'

BUCK BURNS

And remember: watching 'That's English!' IS interesting and wry practical. Go for it.'

UNIT 6

GARY (voice over)

In few countries is music as important as in the Irish Republic, In Ireland, music is in the streets and in the people. Any comer in any town is good enough to play or listen. to music, In Ireland, and especially in Dublin, there are lots' of pubs with live traditional music. Musicians - and customers enjoy their favourite pastime together and have a good time singing and dancing to the eternal Irish songs.

SARA (voice over)

Ireland is one of the countries that best looks after its traditional music. The Cornhaltas Ceoltoin Eireann is a society created to preserv~ Irish music and culture,

GARY (voice over)

This centre, in Dublin, is the meeting place of many amateur musicians or simply people who want to get to know traditional music and dances.

SARA (voice over)

We wanted to know more about this type of music and the society, We asked the director why traditional music is so important in Ireland,

DIRECTOR

Irish traditional music is important in Ireland because it's part of our culture, It's very old.

GARY (voice over)

Can you describe Irish traditional music?

DIRECTOR

To describe Irish traditional music I would like to say thai if we could break it into two halves: the

Module 5 - Programmes Three Documentaries

sad type of music which is about laments of our dead ancestors, and the other half which is folk music, lively, related with laughter and happy festivals.

GARY (voice over)

What kind of people come here and why?

DIRECTOR

The kind of people that come here are people that are interested in our Irish traditional music, to play it and to teach It to ·their kids.

GARY (voice over)

In the last years, the Cornhaltas Ceoltoiri Eireann has recovered many songs and dances which seemed to have been lost. And the same has happened with some old instruments, with the words of songs from rural areas and with many other elements of their traditional culture.

SARA (voice nver)

It's therefore not surprising that the society has more and more membersevery day. One of them IS a component of the society's musical group. We asked her if she thinks of herself as a professional rnusrcian.

MUSICIAN

No, I'm not a professional. I play my music for tim.

GARY (voice over)

How often do you play your instrument? And what do you call it?

MUSICIAN

This is a tin whistle. It's a kind of flute. I play it maybe once or twice a week.

GAR Y (voice over)

How important is music in your life?

J\fUSICIAN

Music is vtlry important in my life, All my friends play music and It'S a great way of socialising.

GARY (voice over)

For her, for her friends and for many Irish people, music is more than a pastime; it's a way of understanding the identity of a whole country.

6

UNIT 7

SARA (voice over)

Piccadilly Circus is in the centre of London. It's a typically British image. Piccadilly Circus, however, wouldn't be the same without its famous neon advertisements.

GARY (voice over)

As in any modem nation, publicity is quite important in the United Kingdom. To sell a product you have to make people know it. And the British are experts at that. But how is an advertisement made? We asked Mr Nolan, Creative Director of a publicity agency.

MR NOLAN

Y es, it starts.". we meet the clients. we discuss the needs, see what the product is. Then we do some research, we find out how that product fits in the rnarketplace.. . Thirdly we then begin corning up with ideas 10 match the needs 9f the client. Fourthly we show the client the ideas. Hopefully they approvtl them. Wtl then lastly produce the ideas by way of the magazine ads, newspaper ads. We have photographers take pictures, TV use directors to film it. Then it appears on newspapers, on TV, etc.

GARY (voice over)

Publicity is a good way of getting to know how the British live anti what their main interests are. British publicity is very creati ve, and it uses humour for all kinds of advertisements.

SARA (voice over)

The British, however, are very serious when it comes to regulating publicity. The Advertising Standards Authority is the agency responsible for watching OVer the use of stereotypes which can cause offence. So we asked Carolin Crawford, the agency's director, about the rules which regulate standards in publicity.

CAROLIN eRA WFORD

The Advertising Standards Authority doesn't have particular rules on stereotyping, but we do have a section of our code about decency, that advertisernents shouldn't offend people. If a stereotype causes offence, for example it's a negative racial stereotype, then the Authority will ask for the advertisement to be withdrawn.

Module 5 . Programmes Three Documentaries

SARA (voice over)

What do you do about misleading publicity?

CAROLJN CRA WFORD

The code of practice that We operate requires that advertisements should not mislead the public. So advertisements should not mislead by omission, exaggeration, ambiguity or anything else that is likely to affect your decision to the advertised product. If we feel the advertisement is misleading in any way, then we will ask for it to be withdrawn and not to be repeated until it has been corrected.

SARA (voice over)

They pay special attention to publicity on television. Tobacco advertisements an: completely forbidden, and those of alcohol and underwear are con t rolled and on I y shown late at ni gh t. A fen' t these rules too strict for the creativity of a publicity agency? Mr Nolan gave us his opinion on the subject.

7

i\fR NOLAN

I don't think the rules are strict. I actually think they're fair. They .. they're there to protect the public, the audience, from unnecessary views of violence, of aggression, sexism, racism. Things like you cannot say your car is the fastest car in the world, unless it is. So I think that's a good thing. It's like a football game, The rules are there to protect you, the player and the audience from unnecessary violence, for instance. But at the end of the day it creates a good game. You can all participate and enjoy.

MODUL-E 5

1

TELEVISION TRANSCRIPTS

1 SWEETHEARTS

A COMPUTER DATING

Valerie How is life in the fashion business?

Rosie It's great.

Valerie And are there lots of mce people?

Rosie Lots and lots of nice, married people, yes. My job is wonderful, but my social life is awful, I still haven't met the right man.

Valerie The right man! What about an agency? A computer dating agency. You can find the man of your dreams. Look. Here.

Rosie :\'0.

Valerie Why not? It's very scientific and it's efficient.

Rosie But it's not \'ery romantic, is it?

II Bill

Valerie This man of your dreams, Rosie ~ what's he like?

Rosie He's quick and clever. . and he's warm and emotional _ .. and he must be spiritual.

Valerie Oh, yes ... and what does he look like?

Rosie He's tall. He must be tall and strong.

Valerie So you're looking for a man like Arnold Sch warze negger?

Rosie Yes.

Valerie But also like Mahatma Gandhi?

Rosie Yes. He must be kind. I want somebody who thinks about other people.

Vale.rie You want someone who thinks about you.

Rosie Yes. Most of the time. And he must be interested in going to the theatre and the cinema.

Valer-ie And he must be rich?

Rosie Oh, yes. He must have lots of money.

Valerie So, you want a man who's tall, strong, clever, warm, emotional, spiritual, who likes the same things as you and - oh, yes, who's rich as well.

Rosie Yes. .

Valerie Right.

•••

Valerie It's no good.

Rosie Why not?

Valerie You say that the most important quality is that he's handsome.

Rosie Yes. That's the most important.

Valerie Rosie! \-\"hat about sensitivity? What about humour and intelligence?

Rosie I've got sensitivity, humour and intelligence on the list.

Valerie Yes, but they're at the bottom of the list.

Numbers eight, nine and ten. And for number two, you've written 'rich'.

Rosie That's right.

Valerie 'Handsome' and 'rich', and after that, you've got 'famou s ' , 'powerful', 'charm i ng' and 'talented'.

Rosie What's ""Tong with that?

Valerie Nothing, dear, but Mel Gibson is probably not adient of this computer dating agency.

Rosie I know how computers work. I must put 'handsome' as number one, or the computer will give me a partner with a face like an orangoutan.

George Hi, Valerie.

Valerie Hello, George. How was the tennis?

George Bernard played badly, didn't you, Bernard?

Look at him. It's sad, isn't it? He's like an old man. When he was young, he could play tennis, but now he's old. His eyes are poor. His legs are weak. We were better than the other two, but we lost. I need a new partner. You're tOO old, Bernard. I need someone young, someone with a good eye,. someone with strong arms and legs, someone "'11h energy. Someone beautiful. Are' you interested in playing tennis?

•••

Rosie I playa bit.

George Who is this woman? Why haven't you introduced me before? How are you? I'm George and you are ... )

Rosie Rosie.

George Rosie! What a name! Wha : a wonderful name! Don't you think so, Bernard? It's a poetic name. It's a name ...

Bernard George!

George Maybe we can get to know each other. What do you do?

Rosie I work for the editor of a fashion magazine.

What do you do, George?

George I sell drugs.

Rosie Really!

Valerie He works for a pharrneceutical company.

Bernard George! Come herd I want to show you something outside .

George I won't be long. I'll be back ... Rosie. Valerie Rosie, I'm sorry about George. He was very impolite.

Ro.sie It doesn't matter. What's he like?

Valerie He's a nice man, 'Rosie. What's the matter?

Rosie Nothing. Does George say those things to all the women he meets?

Valerie I don't think so. I think he really likes you.

Rosie He looks ... interesting.

Valerie But he's not the man of your dreams, Rosie.

Rosie Well, he's certainly not strong or handsome, but I like his way of talking and laughing. I think the man of my dreams was ... boring.

, THAT'S ENGLISH! 5 • TV TRANSCRIPTS

B My IDEAL P-ARTNER

Street interviews

JoDi :\fy ideal panner must have kind eyes ~ kind, smiling eyes .. Auld ideally, dark hair - I don't like blondes.

Mark My ideal partner should be mil, blonde and good looking.

Fraser I like women with long, blonde hair and long legs, but appearance is not so important for me.

Pam He's very handsome, tall and very slim.

The ad spot

Melissa It is so difficult being a young person. You're shy, but then, you see a boy across a crowded room. \"·hat does he look like? He's dark and

handsome. He looks interesting. Your eyes

meet. And then, later .

George I'm sorry. How do you do? Whar's your

name?

Melissa My name's Melissa. \Vhal's your name? George My name's George.

Melissa Nice to meet you, George.

George It's very nice to meet you too, Melissa. Melissa It is so romantic. All your life you have waited

for this moment. You are so happy. He gives you flowers, You dance together. You are going 10 kiss for the first time when ...

George Ugghhh!

Melissa Oh. George. I'm so happy. George \Vha!'s that, Melissa? Melissa Darling?

George What's that on your face? Melissa What do you mean, George?

George \"·hat's that big spot on your face. Oh, look, there's another one. And another. Oh, Melissa

Melissa Yes, spots always come at the wrong time. But with new Spotless Cream you can do something about it. Now Stanley and Fred want to dance with me. But what about poor George? Someone ought to tell George about new Spotless Cream ..

Don't nlake rrre laugh!

Danny Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much.

My name is Danny Dodds and I'm interested in finding an ideal partner. Why are you laughing? \-\'hat do I look like? I don't look too short or too tall, 1 don't look too fa t. I'm a very nice man, but I can't find an ideal partner. Maybe ... you madam. All right, then. I was married once. For ten years my wife and I were very happy .... then we met. There's a man down here who doesn't understand that joke. I said, for ten years my wife and I were very happy and then we met. No? All right, then. Well, I've got a new girlfriend now. Oh, she's marvellous. She's beautiful, intelligent and sophisticated. You know, every time she kisses me, it burns. Oh, it hurts!

2

\..vhy does it hurt? She's got a cigarette in her mouth. That's my girlfriend. But maybe there isn't an ideal partner for me. I love my girlfriend, but I don't think she loves me. No. Thank you. No, I don't think she loves me. Last week 1 saw her with another man. I was very sad. The next day I asked her, 'Who was the man you were kissing last night?' and she said, 'What time was that?' I said, 'it was about half past eight'. And she said, 'Half past eight? Oh, that was Mel.' Thank you very much. You've been great. Thanks veI)' much. My name's Danny Dodds. Good night.

Street interviews

Jodi The most important thing is that my ideal panner must have a good sense of humour.

Robin My ideal partner should be loving and very patient.

Mark She should be kind. She should be generous and have a good sense of humour.

Song tiJne Love's fOT keeps Isn't handsome, isn't funny,

Isn't famous, gOt no money,

Got no talents, isn't clever,

But he tells me love's for ever,

That's why my man is the man of my dreams.

Not romantic, buys no flowers,

Won't go dancing for hours and hours, Mouth is open when he sleeps,

Then he whispers love's for keeps,

That's why my man is the man of my dreams.

2 READY, STEADY, GO!

A SPORTS DAY

Bernard What are you doing?

Jrunes It's Sports Day at my school next Friday.

Bernard Sports Day! Good. What sports are you going to do? Running? Jumping? No, I can guess. You're going to be in a Tv-watching competition!

Jrunes I'm running.

Bernard Running!

James Yes, I'm doing lots of races. I've got to run a hundred metres, two hundred metres and four-hundred-metre races.

Bernard Isn't that a lot of events?

Jantes It doesn't matter. I won't win, anyway.

Bernard You should have a more positive attitude.

Jantes I'm no good at sports. Dad, I was watching that!

Bernard You need to get fit, my boy.

Jantes Huh?

Bernard Up! Up! Up! It's not the body of an Olympic athlete, is it?

THAT'S ENGLISH! 5 • TY TRANSCRIPTS

Jantes I don't want 10 be an Olympic athlete, Dad.

Bernard You nee d the right diet. Lots of protein.

Protein, protein, protein! And you need a trallllllg programme.

Jantes Dad!

Bernard Let'S start with some running. Running is the best type of exercise. Come on. Get those knees up. Up' Up! cpr

• • •

Bernard Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen ...

Jantes Can we stop, dad?

Bernard No. \"'e haven't started yet. This is just the warm up ... sixteen ... \\'hat team sports do you like best? Football, rugby, hockey?

j arnes I don't Like team sports.

Bernard But you like swimming and tennis, don't you?

Jantes ]\'0,

Bernard \'\"elL what sports do you like?

Jantes I quite like darts, Bernard Hmmm.

Jantes But I always lose.

Beenarel \\,inni,ng is not important. Playing the game is importanrj arnes, please go and bring me the small, red box on rop of my desk.

•••

Jantes Are you all right, Dad?

Bernard Fine, thanks. P2. you see this? I won this for winnirig third place in a race at Standford Junior School.

Jantes That's great" Dad, Do you want to do any more exercises now?

Bernard Oh, no, I don't want to push you too hard.

But we've made a start.

•• •

Bernard You stupid idiot! These English cricketers are

worse than schoolboys! Did you see that? Here's the action replay. Watch. You see? The stupid fool didn't keep his ey~ on the ball. Keep your head over the bail like this. You see?

Jantes 1 think cncket is rather boring, Dad.

Berna.rd How did your Sports Day go?

Jantes Fine, thanks, Dad.

Bernard You won?

Jantes No.

Bernard You came second?

James No, but I met a nice girl called Louise .. Dad, you said that winning wasn't important.

Bernard Yes.

Jaxnes Louise won the hundred metres and the two hundred metres. She's a member of an athletics club . . . Dad, I was thinking about what you said. It's good to be fit, and I need to train. And you're quite good at running, so let's go jogging every day.

Bernard Every day?

Jarnes Just for an hour.

Bernard James, 1 haven't got the time to go jogging for an hour every day.

Jarnes We'll have to get up early in the morning.

Bernard Early in the morning?

3

James Yes, we'll have to get up early in the morning, so that we can go jogging before breakfast.

Bernard Before breakfast! Yes, right. , . Yes, well ...

Jarnes Thanks, Dad,

B PLAYING THE GAME

Street interviews

Mark I don't like rugby. I really hate rugby .

JoDi I love playing tennis and I like horse riding.

Robin I hate playing football, because normally you have to play it when it's cold.

Mark I like swimming, I like cycling and I love playing tennis.

JoDi I hate swimming because I hale getting wet.

And I really don't like squash.

Fraser I don't really like cricket. It's very boring.

The ad spot

Conunentator II's summer time again, and I'm here at Wimbledon and thai means tennis. This year there will be another exciting championship. All the best players from around the world are here. The Americans, die Ger~aQs,' the Italians, the Swedes and the Spanish. It's going to be a very exciting 'championship, One player in the championship is Margaret Baxter. Everyone hopes that she will win, but this year Margaret hasn't been playing well. In fact, she hasn't won a game ail year. Margaret, it's been a bad year for you.

Margaret Yes, Simon .

Conunentator What's gone ""Tong with your game?

Ma.rgaret I don't know, Simon.

Conunentator You don't hit the ball very often.

Margaret You're right. Hitting the ball is a problem.

Conunentator And when you hit the ball, you can't get it over the net.

Margaret Yes. Getting the ball over the net is rather a big problem.

Conunentator The British supporters don't like it.

Margaret Playing tennis would be easier with no net.

Commentator Margaret, some newspapers are saying that you are the worst player in the championship.

Margaret Yes.

ConunentatOr Other newspapers are saying that you have the wrong racquet for the modern game.

Margaret Are they?

Conunentator Yes. The new Frazer racquet is more modern. It's simply a better racquet.

Margaret Yes. It's much better. Playing tennis is much easier with the Frazer racquet. I'm going to be the new Wimbledon champion.

THAT'S ENGLISH! 5 • TV TRANSCRIPTS

Song tUne Up,. 2, s; 4 Up, 2,. 3. 4, Up. 2, 3,4.

Jump and walk and swim and run, Win or lose it's all good fun,

\'\'inning's not important, it's taking pan, So come on, get ready. it's time to start.

up, get them up.

Up, 2,3,4, Up, 2. 3,4.

Get those feet up off the floor,

Come on, faster! More, more, more! Running on the spot is good for you,

If you don't know how, I'll show you what to do.

Up, get them up, get them up.

Up, 2, 3, +, up, 2, 3, +, up, 2, 3,4, up,2, 3,4.

Don't make me laugh!

Danny Good evening Hello. My name's Danny Dodds.

How are you) Are you well? \Vhat? Do you think I'm too fat? You do, do you? You think I look rather fat. Yes, well. I visited my doctor last month. He said, 'Do some exercise. Playing games is good for you'. So I've started playing chess. I play quite well now, but I'm still too fat. My doctor said, 'Go out in the fresh air,' so I went fishing with my son. Fishing's great ... very relaxing. I thought I was quite good at fishing. I caught a fish. It was big. It was very big. It was really big!!! It was quite big. It was fairly big. h was oh, never mind. Thanks. That's all from me. Good night. You've been great.

Street interviews

Mark I really like the tennis tournament, Wimbledon ~ it's great.

JoDi My favourite sporting event is the Horse of the Year Show, and I also love Wimbledon.

Fraser My favourite British sporting event is the F.A.

Cup Final- a big football match in May.

Robin I love going to see a good cricket match.

3 FASHION AND BEAUTY

A IN FASHION?

Rosie It's very kind of you to let me try Out some of your clothes.

Valerie That's OK.

Rosie What do you think?

Valerie You look very nice. Where's George going to take you?

Rosie He won't tell me. He says it's a surprise. I'm quite excited. Do you think this looks too casual?

Valerie No.

Rosie I'll wear my hair up. . . or does it look better dov.n?

Valerie It's more sophisticated up ...

Rosie Yes, I think so.

Valerie ... but it suits you better down. Don't worry too much. You look fine.

Rosie Well, it's our first date. I'm going to look my best. What time is it?

Valerie Six o'clock. What time are you going to meet him?

Rosie At eight. No. This looks too ordinary. I'm going to wear something more exciting than jeans and a T-shirt. What style does George like?

Valerie He'll like anything that you wear. He likes you.

I know he's very excited too.

Rosie That doesn't help me much. Oh, what am I going to wear?

• •• Bernard What are you doing?

James It's a new dance, Dad.

Bernard You call that a dance! Have you done your homework?

James Yes. I've nearly finished it ... Dad, you know those Rik.i trainers ...

Berna.rd No. Those shoes cost seventy pounds.

James Please, Dad. I need a new pail: of trainers, Bernard I've seen a good pair of trainers that only cost

twenty-five pounds. .

J arrres But they aren't Rik.i trainers.

Bernard Riki trainers don't help you run any faster, they're no better than other shoes, but they are much more expensive I

James But Dad, I need them.

Bernard You don't need them. It's just fashion.

James All my friends are wearing Roo trainers.

Bernard Why do you want to be like everyone else?

Fashion is so stupid. I know this song. What is this song?

James It's Dub Boys Mix.

Bernard This was my favourite song! It was on the Black Band album. What have they done to it?

James It's rap, Dad.

Bernard It's terrible. This was one of the best songs of the early seventies.

JaDles Who were the Black Band?

Bernard Have you never heard of the Black Band?

Don't they teach you anything at school? They're part of our culture. I saw them play twice. I wore their Tvshirts. I even had a Black Band hair cut.

James Did you really?

Bernard Yeah ... in those days everyone had a Black Band haircut. We wore our hair like this.

James When was that?

Bernard 1971.

James Never mind, Dad. It'll probably be in fashion again soon.

Rosie What do you think? Do you think George will like this?

••• Bernard It looks great, Rosie.

Rosie No, Bernard. I want your honest opinion.

THAT'S ENGLISH! 5 • TV TRANSCRIPTS

Bernard I think it looks ... a bit boring.

Rosie I don't want you to be thai honest.

•••

George Too formal ... Mmm. A nice jacket ... Too

tight .... Ugggh! ... Too boring. Yves St Laurent. :-\0. Yes. Yes. Yes.

• ••

Rosie Do you think this is In fashion?

Valerie It's a bit out of fashion. really .

Rosie \\·hat do you think Bernard?

Bernard It's OK, but George might think you're a vampire.

Valerie Don't ask Bernard. He doesn't know anything about fashion.

Rosie Maybe it'll look better .... ith a belt ... or with this waistcoat ... '.

•••

Rosie Do you think this is too ... sexy?

Bernard No! It looks very attractive.

Valerie Hmmm. I think it looks cheap.

• ••

Rosie V,hat about these earrings?

Valerie They're fine.

Rosie No, they're too big.

Valerie Rosie, it's nearly eight o'clock.

Rosie What do you think of these shoes? Do you think the heels are too high?

Valerie vVeU, George is a short man.

Rosie Maybe if I walk like this, it'll be all right?

• ••

George Yes, you handsome thing, you! And now for

the puce de ri 'sistance.

•••

Rosie Does this look attractive?

Valerie You're wearing the same clothes that you were wearing two hours ago.

Rosie But I feel comfortable in them. Where is George? He said he'd be here at eight.

George Oh, Princess ... you look beautiful.

Rosie Hello, George.

George Well, what do you think? I bought it especialII' for my date tonight. It suits me, don't you think?

Val. erie.} Y Rosie es.

George Are you ready for a night of romance? •••

Bernard You'll have to save up your pocket money to

get a new pair.

J anl.es It'll take a year to save up seventy pounds.

The trainers will be OUt of fashion by then!

B DRESSING UP

Street interviews

Joni I'm wearing a dark jacket, very bright pink jumper, leggings, because they're comfortable, and blue shoes.

Robin Today it's my birthday, so I made an extra effort. I'm wearing a shin, tie, and a long coat.

5

F ra.ser I'm wearing beige trousers, suede shoes made in Spain, an overcoat, a green shirt, and a white T-shi.rt.

Mark I'm wearing grey trousers, a beige jumper and a beige raincoat. Pretty smart, huh?

• ••

Joni I think very,. very smart clothes will be In

fashion next year.

The ad spot

Presenter Everyone wants to look different. Nowadays no one wants to look the same. In the past, people went to Milan, New York or Paris for their fashion ideas. But now all the fashion editors and buyers are going to Watford. Barry Glitteratti, Watford's greatest fashion designer, is going to show us his exciting new collection. Hello, Barry.

Barry Hi.

Presenter Are these clothes you're wearing part of the Glitteratti collection?

Barry Yes.

Presenter Can you tell us a bit about the design?

Barry Next year the colour purple will be in Iashion. And there will be' lots €If se q u i ns , Sequins are very importantin my designs.

Presenter So I see. And the style of the trousers?

Barry They are flared at the bottom.

Presenter They look very tight.

Barry They are. Next year, tight trousers will be in fashion.

Presenter With flares?

Barry With flares .

Presenter The style of YOUT shoes looks quite different, Barry.

Barry Yes, they're made of plastic.

Presenter Plastic) Are they comfortable?

Barry No ... but they are very fashionable.

Presenter Fascinating. When will your clothes be in the shops?

Barry Next spring the Glitteratti collection will be in all the best shops.

Presenter Thank you, Barry. So, watch out for the Glitteratti collection. The colour purple, the sequins, the tight trousers and the plastic shoes are all in the Glitteratti Collection. Are you excited? I am .

Song tbne When 1 hit the town I'm dressing up, I've got a date, \¥hat to wear? I mustn't be late. Shall I put my hair up or let it down?

I've got to look my best when I hit the town.

I've got the hairstyle, got the shoes,

Got the earrings, just can't lose,

Jeans and T-shirt? How about a dress?

When I hit the town, I've got to look my best.

I'm gonna hit the town w ith my baby,

Gonna hit the town with my baby,

Gonna hit the town, gonna look my best.

THAT'S ENGLISH! 5 • TV TRANSCRIPTS

Don't make me laugh!

Danny Thank you. Thank you. Hello there. Do you like my 111'\' haircut? You don't like it? It's me latest fashion It is My barber tells me it's a new style. Yes, it's a \'ery new style, I'm the first. No one's hair looks like this. My barber is an expert on everything. He can talk about fashion for hours. He can talk about politics. He knows more about football than anyone else. He's an e:.:pert on everything ... except cutting hair. Thank you, madam, thank you, Clothes - everybody loves clothes! I surprised my wife with a beautif ul, new dress the other day . Yes, she was 5U rpnsed! She has never seen me in a dress before. You may laugh, but all men will wear dresses one day. They'll be in fashion soon. That's true. My barber told me. But fashion changes very quickly, and we must wear what's in fashion. That's a nice dress, madam. It's really out of fashion, But don't worry, don't worry - I'm sure it'll be in fashion again one day. Thank you. You've been great. That's all from me, Thank you. Good night.

Street interviews

Joni I buy new clothes probably once a month, because they make me feel good.

Mark I buy clothes when I see something that I like, or when my clothes get old.

4 You AND YOUR DREAMS

A NIGHTMARE!

Bernard No! No! No!

Valerie ""hat's wrong, Bernard?

Berna.rd I had a nightmare. I dreamt I was driving my car up Stag Hill. James was in the car with me. He was in the front seat ... and this lorry was driving quickly towards us. This lorry W"'aS delivering Roo trainers. I could see the driver of the lorry. He was a young man with a suit and a bow tie on. He was driving towards us and he was laughing loudly. He knew he was going to hit us, but he didn't care. I looked at James, and he was laughing as well. Valerie, I know the person who was driving the lorry ...

Valerie Who was it?

Bernard It was ... I can't remember. It was someone I knew.

Valerie Goodnight, Bernard.

Bernard It was someone I knew.

Valerie Bernard, I'm tired.

Bernard What does this dream mean? Perhaps it's about my future. Perhaps I'm going to die in a car accident!

• ••

Valerie Bills from the electricity company, bills from

6

the gas company. And a letter from the bank saying we're overdrawn. Oh! And what's this? A postcard from Edwin.

Bernard Ecl.",·in?

Valerie He's coming back from Spain. He says he wants to talk to you about something.

Be.rnard That's it!

Valerie What?

Bernard I remember - it was Edwin in my dream. I remember - it was Edwin who was driving me lorry.

Valerie Really! I wonder what that means. Edwin writes in the postcard that he wants to talk to you about something very important.

Bernard Perhaps the dream is a warning. It might mean that Edwin shouldn't visit us.

Valerie That's nonsense. Anyway, Edwin is arriving today.

Be.rnard It's not nonsense. Dreams are important.

Jubus Caesar said it was nonsense. Do you remember what happened to him? His wife, Calpurnia, dreamt that he was going to die, and then next day they killed him in the

Senate. .

Valerie You are not Julius Caesar." No one's going to kill you. You're just worried about something. Maybe it's all these bills.

Bernard Dreams often warn of disaster. Do you know that Abraham Lincoln dreamt someone was going to kill him in the theatre?

Valerie Edwin is not going to kill you. Perhaps the dream means that you should drive the car

more carefully I'd like to speak to the man-

ager, please Yes, it's about OUf bank

charges ...

Bernard No!

Valerie Are you all right? Did you hurt yourself?

•••

Valerie

It may mean that you're frightened of something, or maybe you feel insecure.

Why is it Edwin who is trying to kill me?

It might mean that you think Edwin is better than you.

Bernard, how are you?

I'm tired, Edwin. I haven't been sleeping very well.

Bernard Valerie

Edwin Bernard

•••

Edwin That was a delicious meal. Thank you, Valerie.

Valerie It's a pleasure.

Ed.win Let me help.

Bernard Thanks ... No! No!

Edwin Yes, let me help.

Bernard No, it's OK. I'll do it, thank you.

Edwin Bernard ...

Bernard Yes?

Edwin I've had a bad few months at work, and I'm a bit short of money at the moment.

Bernard I'm sorry .

Edwin Do you remember last year I lent you fifty

THAT'S ENGLISH! 5 • TV TRANSCRIPTS

pounds? n- was when we went on holida v together. '

Bernard Dh, yes! I'd forgotten all about that. I'm so SOrTy, Edwin.

Edwin Well, T wonder if I could have the money

Bernard Yes ... I'm so sorry.

Valerie I think this explains the dreams you've been having. Maybe in your dreams you remembered about the money.

Bernard Here.

Edwin You don't mind about the money, do you?

Bernard No. I'm happy that I understand the nightmares.

B SLEEPY HEAD

Street interviews

10m I have one recurring dream - I'm in a large house and I'm running from room [Q room away from a group of people.

Fraser I often dream that I'm flying - it's a very strange dream because sometimes I fall down.

Mark I never remember my dreams.

loni The strangest dream I had was (hat I was in a lift with Prince Charles and the Queen and I don't even like them, but I was talking to them and saying to them, 'Your job must be very, very difficult,' and feeling sorry for them. And in the morning I thought, '\Vhy did I talk to them?'

Don't rnake rrre laugh!

Danny Last night, as my wife was going to sleep, she put on a pair of glasses. I asked her very politely, '\,,'hy are you wearing glasses?' She said she wanted to see the man of her dreams! Thank you. Thank you very much. Dreams - do you remember your dreams? I do. But my dreams are very boring. Every time I remember my dreams, I fall asleep. But I always remember my nightmares - my nightmares. Last night I dreamt I was here on stage, but no ODe was enjoying my show. Wake up, Danny! Wake up! What's your nightman, madam? Oh, I see, he's sitting next to you. Hello, sir. I know a man - he comes to all my shows. He loves my jokes .. He says my jokes are good for his insomnia. He says he comes to my show to have a nap - he sleeps like a log. Ah, well. Thank you very much. That's all from me. Thank you and good night. Sleep well.

Song tim.e What a nightmare!

In ancient Rome the .... -ind was whistling, Calpurnia lay and shivered in bed,

She dreamt that Caesar's friends were laughing, 'Tomorrov.:,Julius Caesar, you'll be dead!' What a nightmare!

'Tomorrow,Julius baby, you'll be dead!'

7

In Washington it rained and it thundered, The President was shivering in his bed,

He dreamt about a man in the theatre, 'Tomorrow, Mister Lincoln, you'll be dead!' What a nightmare!

'Tomorrow, Abie baby, you'll be dead!' 'Tomorrow, Abie baby, you'll be dead!' 'Tomorrow, Abie baby, you'll be dead!'

Street interviews

Joni I think dreams can tell you that you're under stress and (hat you should relax.

Fraser I think dreams can tell you if you are happy or if you're sad.

Robin I often have dreams about making lots of money, but I wake up and I see it's not true.

The ad spot

Presenter What is your nightmare? Is it going on holiday in England? Is your nightmare going on holiday in the rain for two weeks in the summer or going on a skiing holiday with no snow? What did you dream last night? Did you dream that you were lying on a smooth, white beach under the palm trees? Did you dream that you were playing' tennis in the hot sun? Did you dream that you were having a nice, cool drink by the pool at an expensive hotel? Well, you don't have to dream any more. You can play the That's Englishi Lottery! It's your chance to win millions of pounds and escape the rain. Or did you dream that you owned a new car? Or a television? Or a dishwasher? Or a new sofa? Make your dreams come true with the That's Engtish/ Lottery. It only costs one pound for each lottery ticket.

Man Yes. Yes! Yes! Yes!! Yes !!.1

Presenter Make your dreams come true. Buy your That's Englishi Lottery ticket today!

5 TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF

A HOROSCOPES

Rosie I'm in love.

Valerie I know. It's probably infatuation.

Rosie I don't think so. I know I'm in love. I was listening to the radio this morning. All the love songs were about George and me.

Valerie Rosie, I'm stuck!

Rosie I feel dreamy. I feel as if I'm floating on a cloud. I feel creative and happy.

Valerie Rosie, can you help?

Rosie George makes me feel brand new. I'm seeing the world for the first time. Do you understand? Everything looks different.

Valerie Rosie!

THAT'S ENGLISH! S • TV TRANSCRIPTS

Rosie Are you all- righ t? Valerie, don't you think George is so wonderful?

Valerie People say that love is blind.

Rosie That's OK. I don't mind what people say.

Valerie You've only known him a week.

Rosie Yes, a week. A glorious, wonderful week.

Valerie George may not be the right person for you.

Rosie Why not) I've always got on w e l l with Scorpios. I'm a Libra, you sec.

Valerie 'lou have only seen one side or his character.

Rosie What do you mean?

Valerie You don't know him.

Rosie Are you saying George has dark secrets?

Valerie \'"ell, maybe.

Rosie Is there something I should know about him?

Valerie I don't know.

Rosie I think you're just jealous. Do you know what your horoscope says? You're Virgo, aren't you? It says, 'Although you are going to have a. difficult month, your Iinances will improve'. It also says, 'Try not to be jealous of other people's good news'. You see, you are jealous.

Valerie I don't think I'm jealous of you and George. I just don't want you to make a mistake ... What's the matter?

Rosie My horoscope says, 'Be careful of Scorpio men, They may have a dark secret that could cause you problems'. I don't believe it. I don't believe in horoscopes. They're nonsense.

• • •

George You will love this .... 'I\'hat's wrong?

Rosie I don't know. I don't know anything about you.

George Isn't that exciting? You have a lifetime to get to know all my dark secrets.

Rosie What dark secrets?

George I was joking.

Rosie \"'·hat happened to your last girlfriend?

George She left.

Rosie Why did she leave you?

George Oh, I don't know. She didn't like my cooking, Rosie Did you try to poison her?

George No, I did not.

Rosie \:\'hat happened?

George She got bored with me.

Rosie What happened to her?

George She took off with an airline pilot. She rook off with an. , .

Rosie You're always laughing and joking. I don't trust you, George. You're too happy.

George Well, I haven't always been happy. When I was a child, I was very small. I was very sensitive about my height. At school, the other children laughed at me. They were very insensitive. Ha, ha, ha, look at George. He has a funny face.

Rosie Oh, no! That's terrible!

George Well, 1 told them jokes. I made them laugh.

They laughed at my jokes. I was always a clown, 'lou see, although I'm quite extrovert,

8

I'm really quite shy. Then, when 1 was twentyone, I gOt serious. I was serious about finding a job, I was serious about finding a girlfriend. Then, one day, I met a girl called Margaret. She liked me and she didn't laugh at me" We went everywhere together. lwas in love. Then, one day I was combing my hair in the mirror. I saw my hair was coming out. Within a few months, I'd lost most of my hair.

Rosie You poor man!

George Margaret said it wasn't important, but I was so embarrassed, I stopped going out with her. But now I don't worry about what people think of me. It's not important. It's what I feel that's important. And I feel great. What about you? Did you have a happy childhood?

Rosie Yes" .. no. . I don't know, George. 1 don't want to talk about myself.

George Doh! You are in a bad mood. The food won't taste as good if you're in a bad mood.

Rosie I'm sorry.

George Are we going to have our first fight?

•••

George What's the matter? .,

Rosie George, do you believe in astrology?

George A little bit.

Rosie Read this.

George Yes?

Rosie George, what is your dark secret?

George My dark secret is ... I'm an Aries .

Rosie An Aries! Valerie said you ",'ere a Scorpio.

George She was """rang. I was born on April the first.

April Fool's Day!

B ALL ABOUT YOU

Street interviews

Joni I've got a good sense of humour, but my one fault is that I'm always late, and my friends get very angry with me, but when I do arrive, we always have a good time.

Fraser I'm friendly with a good sense of humour, but ... I'm a bit lazy.

Mark I've got a good sense of humour, I'm patient, but I can be stubborn.

Robin I'm a bit serious, and very moody.

Don't :make me laugh!

Danny Thank you. Thank you very much. I have a friend. He is so boring" He never stops talking about himself. I hate people who talk about themselves all the time. Don't you? Yes, I like people who talk about me. I'm so interesting and other people are so uninteresting. Don't you think so? In fact, I'm so interesting I like to talk to myself. Can I tell you a story about myself? I had to go and see the doctor last week. He told me I ought to give up drinking whisky. He said it could become a habit. 1 said, 'I don't think SQ,

THAT'S ENGLISH! S • TV TRANSCRIPTS

I've been drinking whisky for twenty years now'. OK. OK. Maybe I do drink too much, but I drink because I have a problem. What's my problem? I drink too much. Oh, I like the old jokes. But I'm not really a drinker, ladies and gentlemen. :-""0. no. I only drink when I'm with someone ... or when I'm alone. Thanks very much. That's all from me. .

The ad spot

Although you are a nice person, are you really quite shy? Although you are a kind person, can you be firm when you want to? Are you a weakling) Someone with no friends? A sad person) When you go to the beach, do all the girls laugh unkindly at you? Do impolite young men kick sand in your face? Are you sensitive? Do you get upset? Yes, I think so. You can't call a policeman. You can't write a letter to the· newspaper. People will still laugh at you and kick sand in your face. OK, you have no muscles, so buy the new Muscles ,,,'ork-Out Machine from Thai's English.' Just five minutes a day with the new Muscles Work-Om Machine and you will be amazed. See your legs grow stronger. See your neck muscles grow bigger. Watch as you become stronger than Superman! When you're trying to read a book, do people bother you with unintelligent questions) Do they ... the new Muscles 'York-Out Machine from That's English.! Ahhh'

Street interviews

Jom I think my friends see me as somebody who's good fun - I like to have a laugh. I'm always late, but for the really important things I'll be there - I'm reliable.

Mark What? .. 11)' wife thinks I never listen to her. Robin Some people see me as a bit of a clown, but generally people like me.

Fraser I think sometimes people think I'm a bit noisy, but they usually laugh at my jokes.

Mark People think I'm friendly ... sociable ... but I can be a bit moody.

Song thne In the stars

What's happening in the stars tonight? Is Venus joined with Mars tonight?

I know it's superstitious,

But baby you're delicious tonight.

,",Chat's happening in Aquarius tonight? Will I meet a Sagittarius tonight?

They say that love is blind,

But baby I don't mind tonight.

What's happening out in Leo tonight? Will I meet a man from Rio tonight? This romantic situation

May lead to infatuation tonight.

9

6 MUSIC IN OUR LIVES

A THE MUSIC OF LOVE

George Shall we sit on the sofa? It's more comfortable.

Rosie Oh, George ...

George Shall I put on some music?

Rosie Oh, yes!

George What shall I put on?

Rosie I don't mind. Some soft, classical music?

George I don't have any.

Rosie Or Frank Sinatra or ... the music of love, George Fruitloaf?

Rosie Fruitloaf?

George Early Fruitloaf or ...

Rosie What's Fruitloaf?

George H'710 is Fruitloafl Fruirloaf's a rock singer. Have you never heard Fruitloaf?

Rosie No. I don't think I like rock music.

George Oh, Rosie! You will love Fruitloaf. This is the kind of music I like.

Rosie I like music that's not too loud.

George But you have to play Fruitloaf at full volume.

Oh, Rosie, I love you so much.

Rosie George, I like this, but I prefer classical music or folk music.

George Folk music?

Rosie What's the matter, George?

George I hate folk music.

••• Bernard What's \Hong, Rosie?

Rosie George and I had an argument.

Valerie All lovers argue sometimes. What did you argue about?

Rosie We like different kinds of music. I bought some tickets for a concert, but George doesn't want to come now. Here, Bernard, you can have them. They're no good to me.

Bernard Rosie ...

Rosie There's nothing you can do for me now ...

Valerie Rosie ... that's the broom cupboard.

Rosie I loved him.

Bernard Two tickets to a concert - in three days' time.

Valerie Is it country music?

Bernard No, it's at the Wigmore Hall. The programme has works by Mozart, Sibelius and Beethoven.

Valerie Oh, classical music.

Bernard You will come with me, won't you?

Valerie No. I don't want to miss Eastlinders on TV.

Bernard EastEnders is a soap opera. You can watch that any time.

Valerie It's very exciting at the moment. I don't want to miss it.

THAT'S ENGLISH! S • TV TRANSCRIPTS

Bernard WelL youcan use the video recorder.

Valerie No, I don't like classical music very much.

Bernard You like Mozart,

Valerie I like to hear Mozart on the radio. It's good background music, but I don't want to spend an evening watch ing an orchestra playing Mozart.

Bernard But it's the \\'atford Philharmonic!

Valerie No, I'd like to go if it were count!)· music.

You can sing along to country music.

Bernard I know who'll come with me.

•••

James No, Dad. I don't like Mozart or Beethoven.

Bernard \\'hy not?

J ames Because they're boring.

Bernard They aren't boring. Mozart and Beethoven lived extraordinary lives.

James But they've been dead for so long. Dead people are bormg.

II II II James You don't listen to rap.

Bernard I don't like rap.

J ames You have never given it a chance. If you li.slen and try 10 enjoy my rap music, I will come to the concert with you and I'll try to enjoy the classical music.

II ••

Rosie Hello" George! , < • I'm so sorry ... You do?

Oh, so do I. Darling! Yes. OK. Bye. Oh , ..

•••

Bernard James, did you enjoy the concert?

James I hated the orchestra.

Bernard Yes, but what about the music?

James The music was OK. Listen to this, Dad. This is what Llike,

Bernard I hate rap music.

James You have to move your body. Come on, Dad. Shake it! No" that's no good. You need a baseball cap. Turn up the bass and get with the beat, Baggy. That's better.

B My KIND OF MUSIC

Street interviews

JoDi I like most pop music, I like a bit of rock music, country and western, not classical.

Mark I like classical music, I like jazz, and I like rock'n'roll,

Fraser I like all kinds of music - anything from opera to rock'n'roll, but some Japanese music I don't like because the melody is very strange.

Joni My favourite artist is George Michael. I think his recent songs really talk to me about my life and experiences I've had.

Mark I like Kiri Te Kanawa. She has a beautiful

voice.

Fraser My favourite artist is Aretha Franklin. She has an amazing voice.

10

The ad spot

Is this the kind of music you like? It's aU right, but it's a bit boring. What about rock music? Is this what you like? 1 like it. bUI it's too loud. Listen to this - perhaps it's folk music that you like. Yes. I like folk music ... but you don't want to listen to that for a long time. It's very boring. Do you like blues? Ah, I like blues. Well, I liked it when I was a student, but now ... well, it makes me feel sad. I don't want to be sad. Do you like classical music? Ah, classical music! Mozart. Beethoven. Bach. Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, classical music! ... But you don't want to listen to that. Classical music is very old. You've heard it all before. But this new record, Music fo« Everyone, has all kinds of music on it, so there is something for everyone. And you'll never be bored.

Song thne A kind of 7nu.sic Feel sad,

Feel blue,

Feel bad,

I want you.

There is a kind of music that makes me think of you, There is a kind of music that brings me. close to you, There is a kind of song that lets me' .seewhat's right, what's wrong,

So won't you sing my kind of music, sing it all night long.

Street interviews

. Robin That sounds great.

Fraser No, I don't like that at all.

Mark Oh, no, that's dreadful!

JoDi That's great. Now that is my kind of music - I love it.

Song t::Une (con.tinued)

Feel sad (oh, won't you sing that music), Feel blue (you know I need that music), Feel bad (please sing that music),

I want you.

Don't make me laugh!

Danny Isn't it nice to go out in the evening? I like going to concens, but my wife prefers to stay at home and watch TV. Last month, I bought tickets for the opera. We went to see Giuseppi Signori in La Traviata. My wife didn't enjoy his singing, but she kept clapping. So I said, 'Why are you clapping, darling?' She said, 'Because I'm trying to stay awake'. Yes, it was a terrible performance and very sad. Why was it sad? Because I paid so much money for the tickets. However, the opera had a happy ending. Oh, yes it did. Everyone was happy when it finished. Now, my wife is a singer - that's what she says. My wife sings classical, pop, rock, folk, jazz and blues, but when my wife sings, they all sound the same. When my wife sings I always stand outside the front door. I don't want the neighbours to think I'm

THAT'S ENGLISH! 5 • TV TRANSCRIPTS

hitting her. jNelL thanks very much. That's all from me. You\'~ been great. Thank you and good night.

7

ADVERTISING

A

A NEW CAR

Tony Morning.

Bernard Lovely car! lInal an idiot!

Valerie \\'ho are the letters [rom?

Bernard Most of it is just advertising.

Valerie Oh, darling, the car didn't start yesterday morning. I had to get help from Tony. Bernard, I've been thinking ...

Bernard Yes?

Valerie I think we need a new car.

Bernard A Dew carl But darling, we have a new car.

Well, newish. It's three years old.

Valerie Then could we get a car that works?

Bernard \\'e can't afford a new car. It's too expensive.

Darling, do you want a coffee?

Valerie Yes, please. Do you know that Tony's got a new car?

Bernard Yes.

Valerie Yes. It's a new Sondeus. Tony told me it's got fuel injection and there's a sunroof.

Bernard There isn't enough passenger space in the back of a Sondeus.

Valerie Tony said that if you buy a Sondeus now, you'll get a three-year guarantee.

Bernard Hmmm.

.11.

Bernard Bye, darling.

. 111.

TV The Sondeusi

Valerie Oh, look, there's Tony's car.

Bernard Tony's car!

Valerie Tony told me that this advertisement cost two million pounds to make.

Bernard Two million pounds to make a sixty-second television advertisement! What a waste of money!

TV Every man needs a Sondeus. Inside every man, there is a Sondeus ...

Bernard What an idiot. He buys a car because he sees an advertisement on television.

Valerie What's wrong with that?

Bernard He shouldn't believe everything that he sees on television.

TV Before buying a car, take a look at the Sondeus.

If you buy the Sondeus, you will become a new man.

Valerie Isn't there a law that television advertisements have to be truthful?

Bernard Television advertising is not based on fact.

Before buying our car, I read about the model in Good Car magazine. I studied the

11

facts and figures. I listened to the experts, Valerie But, Bernard, our car doesn't work.

•••

Bernard Look at him. He's still out there. Inside every

man there's a Sondeus. What an idiot! He's a victim of advertising.

Valerie Advertising affects everyone.

Bernard It certainly affects Tony. But it doesn't affect me.

TV Are you worried about your waistline? When you use new Nora margerine from Makeways, you will stay fit and healthy. You know it makes sense.

• • III

Valerie James!

Jam.es Yes?

Valerie What are you doing?

James I'm doing my homework.

Valerie Really?

Jantes I'm doing a project 00 household waste in . Environmental Studies. Mum, this is terrible.

Valerie Yes, it is. You'd better tidy it up now.

Jam.es This is twenty-four hours' worth of rubbish.

Sixty-eight per cent of our rubbish is nonessential packaging. This is all paper wasted on advertising. How much waste can one family create in a year?

Valerie I don't care. I just don't want rubbish in my kitchen.

James Do you know how many acres of tropical rainforest ...

Valerie Please,James! Not now.

James You and Dad just don't care about the environment.

Bernard Darling, what's this?

Valerie It's margarine .

Bernard I know it's margarine, darling, but it's not Nora margarine.

Valerie No, but it's cheaper than Nora. It tastes just the same.

Bernard Can't we have Nora margarine, darling? I'm watching my weight.

Valerie This margarine is the same as Nora.

Bernard No, it's not.

Valerie Yes, it is. There's a survey of health foods in this magazine. All the facts and figures are here. You see, Bernard, you mustn't believe all that you see on television.

Bernard 'Oh ...

B THE HARD SELL

Street interviews

Fraser Yes. Last year I bought a car because I saw it on television.

Joni I think I am influenced by advertising. If I see, for example, a new bar of chocolate in an advertisement, I'll buy it.

Mark I don't think advertising influences me at all.

THAT'S ENGLISH! 5 • TV TRANSCRIPTS

Song rirne Doh! I-want a new car Ooh! I want a new car,

I've got to have a new car,

Tony's got a new car,

Gotta get a car today.

If you buy this car from me, sir, You won't have much to pay, You'll pay me just a little,

A little every day,

If you buy this car from me, sir, You'll have a lot offun,

The ladies will adore you, You'll be their number one.

Ooh! I want a new car, I've got to have a new car, Tony's got a new car, Gatta get a car today. Gatta gel a car today.

The ad spot

Top people buy Dilettante. Before buying anything, they look at Dilettante. If thev can't see it in Dileuante, they won't buy it. They put Dil;Uantt on their coffee ta~les. They carry it when they go out. They look at the pictures and they want to buy what they see. Dilettante is really inter~sting. There is no news in Dilettante, There are no bonng articles. Just advertisements. Advertisements for very large diamond brooches and gold watches. There are pages of advertisements for very expensive dresses and perfumes. We only have fut)' thousand readers. But fifty thousand is enough, because they are rich readers. Readers with money. Too much money. They have money to spend on u'seless products, If you want people with money to see your advertisement, you u:ust. boo,k advertising space in Dilettante. You could advertise In ~lS space. If you have a product that is useless and terribly expensive, talk to us at Dilettante. Our readers want to b~y your product. If you advertise in Dilettante, you will become successful. And when you become successful, you \\~U want to buy Dileuante and put it on your coffee table.

Don't Irlake m.e laugh! .

Danny Thank you very much, I'm Danny Dodds.

You know, my manager is no good. Last month he said to me. He said, 'David ... '

12

~ my manager knows me very well! My name's Danny - he said, 'David, you're going to perform in the Comedy Club and there's lots of publicity for you. Publicity! Well, here is the publicity! Look at it! Yes, a dver tis i ng. It's everywhere, isn't it? There's advertising on the television. There's advertising in the newspapers. Look! Pages and pages of it. Well, I've been thinking. You know comedians don't get paid a lot of money, so I'm selling space in my show for advertising. Are you interested? You, sir, what's your name?

John John.

Danny And what do you do?

John I'm an English teacher.

Danny Ah. Here's an advertisement for John. If you learn English from John, you'll never be wrong! Learn English from John! That was very good. John, that'll be £10. And you, madam. What do you do?

Housewife I'm a housewife.

Danny A housewife, Hmmm. You don't need advertising, madam. You've got enough work, My wife loves v .. arching advertisements on television. She, sees an advertisement for a sofa. The advertisement says, 'it lasts for ever'. But the sofa doesn't last for ever - paying for it lasts for ever. Anyway, my wife buys the sofa. She sees an adve.rtisernent for a new carpet and she buys It. She sees an advertisement for a table and she buys it! But my wife says it's a good investment. I will be paying for this furniture for a long time - for years. And when I finally finish paying, I will have some genuine antiques. Thank you very much. That's all from me. Thank you and good night.

Street interviews

Joni It's fruity, it's healthy, it's good for you, there are no calories - That's English! jam.

Fraser Buy this. It's sticky and sweet and it doesn't fall off your bread.

Mark You should try That's English! jam - it's delicious.