UNIT 5 Verbal Messages MAJOR TOPICS Principles of Verbal Messages Disconfirmation and Confirmation Using Verbal Messages Effectively Special Features >) Fanily and Cultural Differences: Bihad Fa, 0 sun t Tenis of Gender SCanYou Distinguish Ft from Differences, 107 (nferences? 18 cc” Thee Tobe I Confirming, Rejecting, or Disconfimming, 109 25 ling about the Middle, Id @ The Media and Discofimation, 112Sr tee commune x at ig aa ate en, ‘rfl relationships But you can just as easly use language to distort anc sven meaningful delogue and dest reainstips a0 ating {In this unit you'l earn about: + how Langue works. + the nang of dlseafirmation and confirmation ' you communicate you use two mor Sig- jal systems—the verbal and the nonverbal, Terbal mesiages ace messages sent with words, I's lngortnt to remember thatthe word verbal refers to words oot to ora: verbal messages Consist of ‘oth orl and weitten words. In contrast, verbal mes- somes do ot include laughter; vocalized pauses you take hen you speak (such as er bmn, and a): fn responses you make 10 others that are oral but on involve wors (such as ha be aba, and ugh) ‘Tuese vocalizations are considered nonterbal—as aie of course, facial expressions, eye movements, sures and 9009, As explained in Unit 1, your messages normally coccie i “packages” consisting of both verbal sul sonverbal signals that occur simultaneous. ‘aly seal and sonverbal behaviors reinforce or support each ott. For example, you don’ usualy ‘expres fear with words while the fest of your body canes You don't normally express anger with Your Indy stare wile your face sles Your entire be- ing works as a whole—verbally and noavecball— ‘orespress your thoughts and feelings ‘This unit focuses on the verbal system (the scat will examine the nonverbal system) and Ascusses the principles of verbal messages, the com ‘eps of conflation and disconfirmation.and the ‘rar you cam use verbal messages most effectively. PRINCIPLES OF VERBAL MESSAGES rss wep yea i ge en 7 pe nner es mete ioe So Sendpact an eno yn a elge cat pect pc SSS yar ps ror ios mapa omer ‘ows Yel 01 tes ‘You earn tor + express confirmation when appropriate + use verbal messages more eectvey, patterns. Our concern in this unit is ot with the frammatical structure of language «tbat the lin: [Ess fo), but th dhe verbal messes you speak lind hear These verbal messages, of cous, ely on {he rules of grammar you cant ust make up sounds for words or string words together at random and ex: ect o be understood. Bus, a6 we'll se, following the rules of grammar s mor enough 1 achiewe effec tive communication For this we need to understand tive key principles of verbal messages (2) meanings are in people, (2) meanings depend on context (3) Language is denotatve and connotative, G) lan- _zonge varies in direemess. and (5) messages are in fhuenced by eure and gender. Meanings Are in People It you wanted to know the meaning of the word Jove, out probably rarn io detionary Tere you'd ‘ind 4 definvion such as Websters “e attraction ‘sire, oF affection fet for a person who arouses de light of admiration ores tenderness, sympathet Interest, benevolence But where would! you turn A you wanted to know what Pedro means when he says in love"? Ofcourse, youd ask Pedro to di ‘cover his meaning. [e+ in this sense that meanings fare not in words but in people. Consequently to un ‘cover meaning, you aced 10 look into people and ot mere into won ‘sso fecognize that as you change, you alo “hunge the meanings you created out of past mes ‘ages Thus although the message sent may not have ‘hanged, the meanings you created from i yesterday land the meanings You create today may be quite di ferent, Yesterday, when special someone sai," love you you ereted certain meanings. But toy. ‘when you learn that the same "I Hove you" was said to three other people, or when you fal i love withfomdatios of 102 Per someone else, you drustcaly change the meanings you perecive from shose three words ‘As already noted in Unit 2, this principle is espe Cally imporant in intercultural communication 6 ‘meanings forthe same words are often dastically if. ferent between members of ditleent cultures. This became especully obvious after the tragedy of the World Trade Center attack Terms like juste, suse, and rervorism were given totaly different meanings ‘by many in Afghanistan and ip the United States ‘failure to recognize thi important principle i atthe heart of a common pattern of miscommuini ‘ation called bypassing. Bypassing isthe miscom- ‘munication pattern which occurs when the sender ‘peaker, writer, and s0 on) and the receiver disten- ‘reader, and so forth) miss each other with the: meaningy” (taney, 1973). Bypassing can take either ‘of two forms Bypassing: Different Words, Same Meaning ‘One type of bypassing occurs when two people we ) scr completing al ee sao indieme what ccs <2 She pespme at genes Ty niger Weleceesicts etn thea frye et eth pv Semexes ues tare elt pes. Aer opening te ence Ei sae “Treaty ie acd to etn eases up this semester: Enrgus parents respon ‘With dsconmation With rection ih contain 2, ise who has btn out of wot for the pest ere wee ps ie ike mach fare jeu voer io Bids. Tve been png te remo forthe es {ie mech and il sothing’ Bebe end respond Wi decoration Wh section ‘uh contain 4: cans colle ot work comes tober vejoed an ler she wast Pema vce pendent of mackie ppg thre stp inthe erty 3 {sping her salary Can vespons ‘Wh dsconiaton ‘wih ection Sih tatmon ‘ach ype of response communicates « diferent message general weve confirm ‘ng mage re tty Increase eats safe aed confirming merger (Ov lly dere lato sation, ‘unde throughout the text ina series of tables or lnwext discussions offering tps for communicating Ineween people with and without variety of die vidio, Gaertner Kawakami, & Hodson, 2002). shies * been Bid and sites pepe ni 1) ind sed thoughout tie diction (Roppelnan. ie People with and without disabilities 2905) The term individual racism refers to the neg: s hetween dea and hearing people Lait 4) ‘horween people sith and without speceh and Tenguage disorders (Unit 7) ‘Racism According to Andrea Rich (1974), “any language ‘at, chroughh & Conselous oF gmeonscious attempt by the user, places parucular racal oF edie pou ia an inferior postion racist” Raciat Ian JRuige expresses ris attitudes. I also, however, ‘onrbutes 0 the development of racist attitudes ‘those who use or hear the language. Even when ive ates and beliefs that people hold about Specific races. Assumptions such as the idea that Cenain races are intellectually infenor wo others oF hat cera races are incapable of certain achieve- ‘ents ae clear examples of lnlvidual racism. Prejo- Scr against American Indians, Alcan Americans, Hispanics, and Ams have been with ws throughout history and are sill a part of many people ives o- ‘ly. Such racism is sen i the negative terms people {se to refer to members of other races and to dispar ge their customs and accomplishments Ititutionalized racism is seen in de facto schoo! segregation, fo companses reluctance 1 hire ‘members of minodky groups in banks unwillingness1197 PART Found “4 THE RESEARCHER aston: Allyn & Bacon. Also Hal, BJ (2005) Among cultures: The ca nication, Belmont, CA:Thompson, and Travis, |, Vito, C. (200 ‘adolescent payobotogy. Calgary, AB-Detseli : ‘University of North Dakor, wher he teaches communication propriate perhaps to public speaking but awkward fn most conversations—is preferred to nonubite, ‘whic implies that whiteness i the norm and nom ‘whiteness isa deviation from that norm. The same fs trae of the term nom Christian: Ie implies that people who have other belies deviate from theGenerally, the term Hispanic refers 10 anyone ‘nn identifies himself or herself a6 beloaging (© 1 Spanshspeaking. culture. Latina (female) and Juno (male) refer to persons whose roots are in ove of de Latin American. countries, sch a Hat, ‘he Dominican Republic, Nicaragua, or Guatemala, “Hispanic American eles to United Sates residents nose ancestry i in a Spanish culture; the term in- les people from Mexico, the Carbean, and Cen- ‘al and South America. In emphasing 2 Spanish heiage, however, the term is telly inaccurate be- ‘use I eaves out the large numbers of people i ‘he Canbivean and in South America whore origins ane Aldean, Native American, French, or Portuguese ‘he words Chicana (lem) and Chicno (male) ‘eer to persons with roots in Mexico, although these terms often connote a nationalist attitude (Gand, 2004) and are considered offensive by muay Meniein Americans. Mexican American is pererally reerred, Tut (plu fmutP, sso spelled wHth «wo A's Gnd aed rats preferred wo Est (a ert) the United Stars Census Bureau uses), which ras Apple to the indigenous peoples of Alaska and ‘Gama by Europeans and teeally means “raw meat "he word Pia technically refers only €0 somme- ne tom India, pot to citizens of other Aslan cou ines oro the indigenous peoples of NomthAmenca Amerfcan fudaan of Nath Amortcan is prefered fc though many Native Americans do refer themselves as Indians and Indian people. The word ‘gute, used to refer to a Native American woman and sl wed in the names of some places In the Uinied Stites and in some textbooks, is cleasy a term o be avoided: its wage i almost always nega: ‘he ad insulting Koppelman, 2005), m Canada indigenous people are called rst peopl o frat nations, The term mative American (ith a lowercase a) most often used to refer to persons horn inthe United States. Although techn fal the term could refer to anyone born in North ‘South America, people ouside the United States ‘enely prefer more specific designations such 35 Argentinean, Cuban, of Canadian. The teem five describes an indigenous inhabitant not ‘wed o indicate “someone having a less developed ues Austin (rather than the older Moslem) i the referred form to refer to a péeson who adheres to the religious teachings of islam. Quran Gather than Koran) isthe preferred term for the scrip: tures of Islam Jewisb people is often preferred 10 Jews, od Jewess (a Jewish female) is considered exgatory UATS_ Verbal Messages S15, ‘When history was being weiten from a Buropean ‘perspective, Europe wis taken as the focal point and the rest ofthe world was defined in termes of cs > ‘cation relative to that continent Thus, Asia beeame the East or the Orient, and Asians became Orfentals—a term that is vouty considered inappro- plate o¢ Furocentcic. Thus, people fom Asta are ‘Aslans, just as people from Aiea are Africans and ‘people ftom kurope are Fumpeans. Affectional Orientation ‘Generally gay isthe preferred term to refer toa man ‘yo has an affecuonal onentaton toward other ‘eo, and lesbla is the peeferred term for woman ‘ho has an aflectional orientation toward other svomen (Lever, 1995). Lesbian means “homosexal ‘vom so the wm lesbian woman i eduindint) Tomosexual refers 10 both gays a lesbians, but snore often to 4 sexial orientation to members of fone’ own sex. Gay and lesbian refer to a lifestyie and not merely to sexual orientation. Gay a8 3 NOUN, although widely used, may prove offensive in some contexts a in *We have two gays on the team. Because most scientific thinking holds that sexuality 15 not a mater of cholee, the terms sexual orienta ‘ion and affectional oriemation ace. preferred to sexual preference or sexual status (for example “Wve apa orghopiesiorientation htm, wore pagal .org/FandFarticlea/APA.ntm. Age Colder person is prefered to elder eldenty senor. senor etezom (hich last term technically ees 0 ‘someone older than 68) Usual, however, lange designating age is unnccessary There ae tines, of ‘course, when youll need to reer to a person's age ‘e-0up. but most of the ume age is beside the point {much the sabe way that racial or alesional oct Cotati terms ate usually ireievant Sex ‘Generally the term 4 should be used only wo reer to very young females and is equivalent to bey: Neb ther term should be used tor peopie older than age 17 or 18. Gh is never used to refer to a wrown ‘woman, nor is boy used to refer (0 people in bive- collar positions s it ance was, Lads negatively ‘evalnated by many because it connotes the stereo- pe of the prim and proper woman. Woman or on woman is prefered, Lets turn now from ies of confirmation ¢o some guidelines for using Language effectively by ‘voiding common mistakes and applying some sim ple panciples,USING VERBAL MESSAGES EFFECTIVELY A chief concern In using verbal messages ix 0 r2c05 ‘ize what critical thinking theorist all"conceptal sdstorions" that i, mental mistakes, misinterpret ‘dons, oF reasoning fallacies. Avoiding these: Uistor ‘ions and substituting a more critical, more realistic Analysis is probably the best way t improve your ‘own use of verbal messages (DeVito, 1974), Lets Jook at several principles of language that are often ignored oF misunderstood along with the concep tual distoruons thar result from such misunderstand ings (Korzybski. 1983). Language Symbolizes Reality (Partially) Language symbies reay t's npt te ea ie Of course, this is obvious. But consider: Have you ret EL 1 tes ey tego ded or ‘cseribed rather than 1 the acti Hem? Hare you ‘rot bought sonething bocate of is name rhc ton bale altace pet Wen ese Connvsiation OBJECTING TO DISCONFIRMATION ‘ne of your nstuctrs persists in sing allo the apprsrate and catuay ‘pstmt sot eteroerst et, and ages amuoge. You want to objec this ype of tak mar 00 0 Sav? Yo whom? Thragh what chanel? ho do you sy? probably responding as language were the reality, {distortion called intensional orientation, Intensional Orientation ntenslonal orientation (the sin dufensional is ine fentonal) is the tendency to view people, objects, and events acconling to the way they're talked ahout—the way they Ye Labeled. For example, I Sally ‘were labeled “uninteresting. you would. responding invensionally, evaluate her a9 uninteresting even be- fore listening to what she had to say out! sce Sally through afer imposed by the label “uninteresting” “Extensional ortentation, on the other hand, isthe tendency to look first 2t the actual people, objects. and events and only afterwards at ther labels. tn this ‘ease, would mean looking at Sally withoufany pee conceived labels, guided by what she says and does fot by the words used 0 lel her To avok! intensional orientation, extensionaliee [Never ave labels greater attention than the actual thing. Give your main attention to the people, things and events in the work as you see them and not as they'e presented sm words. For example, when you sncet Jack and Jil, observe and interact with them. “Then form your impressions. Don't respond to therAllness ‘Aeised ditortion is allness: fongcting that Lane ‘ge symbolizes only portion of realty, never the ‘whole When you asm that you can Know all or ‘sy all about anything, youre imo aliness. n reality, ‘you never can see all of anything You never can ex feience anything fll You sees prt. then come ‘What the whole like You have to draw conclusions on the basis of insuficient evidence (because you sivas have insufcient evidence).A useful exten ‘onal device to help combat the tendency o think shacall ean or has been sald about anything is © end cach sutement mentally with t cetera—a reminder tha there's more to lear, more to know. and more ‘0 say and that every statement is inevitably incom- ‘ee Instead of ying, for example,"T woukdn' like her tsar the way she treated her father” you sy on think ike her sw the way she treated her ‘The theory of -prlme (or E?) argues that you wrote and spoke ngish without 5 eral Mes 17 Jader, bu I haven't seen her with other people and ‘relly dom't know her lathes ex cetera" Of ese, “some people overuse the et cetera "They we it not 4s 4 mental reminder but as substitute for being, specific: This obviously is 10 be avoided and merely ds co conversational contusion. ‘To avodlallnes, recognize that language symbol ‘ues only a part of reality,never the whole Whatever ‘Someone says—regardies of what itis or how ex: ensive € s-represents only part ofthe story Language Expresses Both Facts and Inferences Language enables you 1 form statements of both facts and inferences without maklog any linguistic slstnction between the two. Simi in speaking and listening you often don't make a clear distinc: ‘ion between statements of fact and statements of fnferenee, Yet there are great diferences besween the two, Barriers to clear thinking can be created ‘when inferences are treated a8 fits @ tendency Called faet-inference contusion, or example, ou can sf, she's wearing 8 bive Jacket? and you can sa, "1te harboring an logical hatred” Although the sentences hive similar sce te vet fo be, youl describe evens tore accurate) (Bourn 1985-16. Ws, 1989; Kein, 1992 Bourland & Jonson, 1997 For example, when you suyJbnay ts tare he ver ines that irs Johnny athe han in Your servation oF ‘alton of Johnny. The ver 1 be in forms Such a 1 ae abd am) also mpis p> tmanence: the nplaton i tat because fle la Johny wil always be here Jotiny wil aways be a fale. A more accurate and deserve sateen it be "Joly fale i ast wo mh exams” | Consider this thcory a appli! o your thinking about yourself When yo a: for | ample"tm not good at ps speaking” oF" m unpopul oe" lary 00 mp eat these quale ae in you But these are simpy evaluations that maybe incorrect oat leat partly accurate may ebange overtime Gomer 1993). Working with Theories and Research How ight yg spel the E prime primi ga rater wndertanding ofthe wan which yo lew ural To ancue sis nein ou mig fs widen ow ef al ou re, what, ‘Je ) na fr cntences sing forms ofthe ob ob andthe romps hse semsences Eprime. What dive pene de thet verom ge you?wW ‘tures, theyre diferent. You can observe the jacket and its color, but how do you observe “illogical hatred"? Obviously: this is pot factual statement Dutan inferential statement. Its a statement you ‘make on the basis nt only of what you observe, but ‘of what you infer. For a statement to be considered factual it must be made by the observer ates obser ‘vation ‘and must be Ilted wo what 1s observed (Ceinberg, 1958). ‘There is nothing wrong with making inferential statements. You must make them in order to talk bout much that is meaningful to you. The problem aries when you act asif those inferential statements ‘were factual. You can test your ability t0 distinguish facts from inferences by taking the fac-inference selftest below (bused on the tests constructed in Maney, 1975), Can You Distinguish Facts from | Carefully cead the following report. Sere tiadeac teen are true, false, or doubéFul on the basis of t poser the enter ‘ay tte oor etl as the conan tay 6 Oe te 8 aba ‘observation in order, Don't reread the ob or els ee fel ‘A wellsiked college teacher had making up the final xaninations a 1 the Lights in the office. dust. ture with car slases appewred the examination. The professor opened {erything inthe drane wos picked up and dividual rn down the cmon. The deen m fied inmeciately. eure 1 Te thief as al and rad and wae dark if 2. The professor turned off the lights. The examination war picked ep The examination mas picked op bythe tes. eee A tal broad floure 3 pri te te st ‘To svokd fact-inference confusion, phrase infer. ‘envi statements in such a way as to show thar they are tenntive. Inferential statements should leave ‘open the possibilty of alternatives. for example, ‘you treat the statement “Our biology teacher was fired for poor teaching” as factual,you clminate any alternatives. But if you presice your statement with, syPat told me ....0r°I'm wondering if. the ia- ferencal nature of your statement will be clear. Be ‘especially sensitive to this distinction when youre listening. Most talk is inferential. Beware of the speaker who presents everything as fact. Analyze ‘closely and youl uncover a world of inferences, Language Is Relatively Static, Language changes only very slowly, especially when compared to the rapid change in people and things. Statie evaluation isthe tendency to retain eval. ‘dons without change while the reality to which they refer is changing. Often a verbal statement you make about an event or person remains statke (CThat’s the way he is he’s always been that way") “while the event of person may change enormousty: Altre Korzybski (1983) used an interesting lluste‘ion In a tank you have alge fish and many small fh, the natural food for the lage fish, Given free- oni the tank. the large fi wl ext the smal |r you partion the tank. sepa dhe Lye Ash from the small Fish by a clear pie of elas, the lange fish will continue to attempt to eat the small, ‘sh but wil fal knocking instead into dhe glass pa tion, ‘rentualy the large fish will ear the fuslity of tempting fo cat the smal fish I you now remove ‘he paron, de small dss al si all around the lg fsb ber the big ish will not eat them. et, the large fish will de of starvation while its narveal ‘od swims al around. The large fish has learned a ‘era map" of behaviog and even though the ua terior has chunged the map remains Mate ‘The mental date i an extensional device that alps you Keep your language (and your thinking) up wo date and helps you guard against static eval ‘tion. The procedure is simple: date your sate: ‘ments and especially your evaluations, Remember ‘har Pat Smiths 1 NOU Fat Smiths; academic aleseng are ot academic abies TS. lik In Tbe Cocktail Party, sidWhat we know of other peaple is only our memory ofthe moments during. which wwe knew them, And they hive changed Sloce then. aL every meeting we are meedng 3 | Fin he wor at wuld iw where he aon ack pe. Word ha the opponite of the term on the le OTS Verbal esages LID strangee"In stening, ook carefilly at messages that ‘lim that what was true sil I may or may not be, Look for change, Language Can Obscure Distinctions langage can obscre cnt mone people or ent ta ae cover By the same abe ut are fay sib ite Geeredenton ca mo tae eso sero ter Cente er mide fetus betpon pean euro Indiscrimination ndiserialnaion i the fature co distinguish be "oscen similar hut illeent people, objects or emt “This error occurs when you focus on categories or ‘lascs and ill t0 see that each phenomenon # ‘unique and needs to be looked a individual Everything is unlike everything. ese: Our la ‘guige. however provides you with common nouns, ‘such as teacher, sudent, fiend, enemy war poli ‘fan, ad Hberal These lead you w focus on sla ities to group together all teachers ll students, dnd all politicians. At the same time, the terme di ‘yer attention avay from the umigueness of cach person, each object, and each event Fling in dese opposites was probably easy—he words you supplied were peubably short and.if various different people supplied opposites you'd pevbably Bad a high level ‘of agscement among them. [Now fill inthe midale postions wih words meaning. for examplesmidway berween ‘noc and cold“ midway between high and low Do thi before reading further. "You probably hd geeater difeuly her You probably took moe tne to think of ‘these mile terms, and you also prodabiy used muitiword phrases Purther, yrs woul probably fines agreement among diferent people completing this sme tsk. trom {this brief experience what impliatlons can you draw about polarization? Atboughs most tings, peopl, and events fal between extremes, the common but Mi ‘eal tendency (5 t concentrate om the exiemes und fgore the middles 129 PART foundations of Human (om This misevaluation is atthe heart of stercoxyping ‘on the basis of nationality, race, region, sex, and affectiona! orientation. A stereotype, as you know, is. a fixed mental picture of 4 group hat is applied vo ‘ach individual in the group without reRard to his for her unique qualities. Whether stercorypes are posite or negative, they create the same problem: ‘They provide you with shortcuts that are often in- appropriate ‘A useful antidote to indiscrimination (and stereo- typing) is another extensional device called the index. This mental subserips identifies each indie ‘vidual as an individual even though both may be covered by the same label. Thus, politician, is ot politician, veachery Is not teacher. The index helps you to discriminate among without diserimt nating against Although the label politician’ for ‘example) covers all policians, the index makes ‘sure that each is thought about as sn individual ‘The index would, for example, prevent you from ‘grouping all Mustims oF all Christians or all jews in the Sime category, Each Muslim, each Christian, and each Jew fs unique and needs a unique index ‘number. So atthe same time that you have to gem ‘ralize and appreciate similarities, the index re- ‘minds you also wo look ar differences. tnstead of ‘saying, for example, “I don't want you to bang around with Muslims” paremt would discriminate ‘among rather dian against) Mustims and. say Something like “l don’t want you to hang around ‘with Abdal or with Said” unit focused on verbal messages, and specifically fon the nature of language and the ways language. works; the concept of dsconfimation and how it re- lates to racism, heterosedsm, ageism, and sexism; and the ways in which Language can be used more effec- tively 4 Meanings are in people, notin things. 2, Meanings are contest based: the same message in ferent contert wil likely mean something Aierent 3. Language is both denotative (ghjective and gener- ally easily 2qreed upon) and connotative (cubjec- lve and generaliy highly indivigal in meaning). ‘4 Language varge in directness through language you can state exactly what you mean or you can hedge and state your meaning very indvectly. Polarization Anoiter way in whieh language can obscure differ. {ences is in its preponderance of extreme terms and ls relative lack of middle terms, a characteristic that often leads © polacization. Polarization is tbe te Geney to look at the world in terms of opposites and to describe it ip extremes—good 0 bad, pos tive OF negative, healthy or sick. sateligent oF saz pid. Polarization is often referred 10 asthe fallacy of either/or" of “black oF white” Most people exist somewnere between the extremes. Yet there's a strong tendency to view only the extremes and #0 Categorize people, objects, and events in vers of polar opposites Problems are created when opposites are used in Inappropeate sinations. For example, “Sonido is cither for us oF against us." These options dont in- tdode all possiblities. The person may be for us i Some things and against usin other things, o may be neutral. ‘To correet this polartang tendency, beware of Iimpiying (and believing) chat two extreme clases include all possible classes—that an individual rouse ‘be one or the other, with no alternatives CAre you pro-choice oF protife?). Most people, most events, ‘most qualities exist between polar extremes. When fothers imply tha thete are only rwo sides oe alter: natives look for the middle ground. ‘The Buikling Communication Skills box page 119) explores the ease of polarizing and the ih. ‘culty of talking about the middle. 5, Meanings are Influenced by culture and genden ch euiture has its own rules ientiying the way ‘in which language should be used, ang in some re: sects males and females use languege diferent, 6, Disconfirmation isthe process of ignoring the pes: fence and the communieations of others. Confira ton ts accepting, supporting, and acknbwlecging the importance of the ather parson. 17, Racist, heteroseist,ageist, and sexist language puts down and negatively evaluates members of ‘arous groups. Using Language effectively involves eliminating conceptual distortions and substituting more acci- rate assumptions about language. 9. Language symbolizes reality: i's not the reality it sel, 30 avoid intensional orientation and aes,10, Language can express both facts and inferences, so lear to make dstnetions between em. 1. Language is relatively static, but reality changer ‘ale ty to constantly revise the way you talk shout people and things. “aMEv TeRMs IN VERBAL MESSAGES ‘agrist language (p. 112) disconfinmation (9. 107) bene feet in impos ani th Telit) meme sin Senin! | matenlomca ace am) “a (p. 119) fact-inference confusion een) tate poorly! lateh be eat MTS Verbal He 24 12, Language can obscure distinctions in its use of general terms and in its emphasis on extreme rather than mid terms, so be carefl to avon = ‘iserninaion and polarization. heteosnst language lying (p. 106) en) netiquett (106) ‘odes (p 120) poazation (p. 120) lodiect speech (p. 103) prt word (p. 103) ‘odiscimination (0. 198) fact language (p. 108) |nferentia statement rejection (108) (138) ses language (p. 13) lntesionl entation sna words (103), @.18) state evaluation (5.118) dounnane ‘CRITICALLY ABOUT VERBAL MESSAGES 1 Changing Communication Styes. Wher researches ‘sled men end women what they woud Bento charge ‘oat the comrarcaton sa of ores se, ost ‘en ok ey wares omen to be mow det. and ‘et women fad they nated ent op erupting {nd fering adie (Noble 1986). What one charge ‘oud you to the communication sof te ‘este sex? OF your own sen? 2 Importance of 3 Concept wisely hal assumption in mtwoplogy.Unglsc ard communion that ‘be importance ofa concept to ctu can be mea ‘Riedy the ner ots the ngage ha for al ‘ng about the concept. 50, for wala, in Englsh Ute sf ote oF words for money. anspotation or come ation, all these concepts ae inprtant in Erglish Speaig cates. Wh ths pre mind conser he Rings of ula Sanley for carpe 0 oe seuchd thins inde seul promiscuity. Staney found 220 EngliLangage tems fering to ¥ ec aly ponies woman but ey 2 terme fr 9 a ‘iy promiscuous man (Thome Kenarae, 8 Henley 2983), Wht dows tis suapest above etl atuses snd bis abot pomtscty in men ard wonen? 3. om Megitive to Positive. 4 ntti t eta ‘ars dent roe of the moor moreno arf ‘unpia inpresorsn an etme gall a ed mega The terms wee then doped by fe tris thane and evenly bec postive A pa sen besten ewes ofthe word ge y ome lesbian ant gay omparizatons. Te purpose of these ‘youp in asng the ter et cause eta ee naa ‘he connotation One posse problem. thought ‘ach terms may ot ae tel naga covets ad may sen enforce the negative sects tat 3 yy has aay asgned fo certain grape By ag ‘hese tems, members may come to ace the bes ‘ith the negative cna wr hs cont ‘thal own statin. Wha’ been you xperoce with ‘replebo refer t thenetes wth mative fr? {you fee abot ths? 4. Detaess. Ho mold you dent the oa of dee we you ue hen tag face tae vr the vel So vein emi and et ome? Tye do ice die ‘res, te what co yeu arb then? 5, Call Phone Politeness. Aneng th les of cel phave stiquete are hese dort: (1) Jor imu on eters ‘wth your call conversations: (2) dart tae » cell ding 2 busines esting: (3) dor se your cl ‘in elevates, ais, or theses: and (4) dort se lead or annoying ting tones. (ee, for example, ‘comemalousinessresurces ‘wer microsotts {echnologytcommunicationstell phe, aceiaé June 3, 2008, of winn.infoworl.convariclow/op! xmVO6/05726/000526pwireless imi, accassad une 3, 2006: or search for “call shone que"). What rule do you with people sold fallow more of ten? what our concede fr call phon equa?sminocON! My Communtcarton Las WWM_MYCOMMUNICATIONLAB.COM Vist MCL for sttest that measure how confining, poi, and rect you sre—and fora variety of ‘eres ant icusions on veral mesages (Men and Women aking, Talking with he Gre Stricken, Irtegratng Verbol and Nerserbal Messages, Using the Abstraction Ladder a a Ceatve Thinking Tol \exyingDiecines, Ientiirg the Bares to Communication, “Must Ue” Situation, What Do You ear? Biased Language Suey, What’ na Nan? and Sent for Beginners (on conetaton and notation) Also watch the video Having a Eat on supertve communication and Verbal Pitas, ‘While ontine vist the Institut of General Semantics website, wwea.time-binaing.org. General Semantics isan aporcach to language that enprasizes the connection between the nay You speak {on the one an) and the way you thing ard behave (on the other), This unis cscusston of Using Verbal Messages Effectively ress on the principles of general seats.