Reviewer: Amanullah Aman, Suriel Torrijos, John Stemmen

Writer: Diego Varelas

Peer Review: Exploring an Event
Directions: Please respond to the following questions in as much detail as possible.
Writers: list two or three questions or concerns you have about your draft that youd like
to discuss with your group. (Reviewers: Be sure to address these questions here)

Did this even that took place change you? If yes, was it positive or
negative
Is it still something that is effecting psychologically?
Did this traumatic event play a role in your life?
Clarity
1. Point out any confusing sentences or passages. Were you able to follow the
general direction of the story easily? Explain.
Yes but check grammatical errors.

Persuasiveness
2. Is the change or revelation apparent? Is it subtle and nuanced or does it feel too
explicitly stated?
Yes, because he explained how he was only four years old and didnt understand
it fully but looking back on this dramatic event it hurt him a lot. The reason why
is because it was his home town and he loved it so much.
3. Are there any ideas or phrases that strike you as well-worn or clich?
Yes but the story needs to be revised a little more because I came across some
missing words or added words.
Concrete Details
4. Point out places where the writer effectively uses concrete, sensory details to
illuminate their ideas, making them come alive.
Third paragraph where he explains in detail looking at his grandmothers frightened
face.
Strength of Introduction and Conclusion
5. Does the introduction/hook create interest? How?
The introduction can do better like for example Have you ever felt fear for so long that
your brain erupts spiritually?
6. Does the conclusion feel like it has weight? Does it feel meaningful, like a mic
drop, or insubstantial? How could it be improved?

Yes it was meaningful but can also add more details like I felt appreciating the fact that
it didnt strike in Chicago. I started to realize how we shouldnt take this life as granted
and should appreciate and honor people and the things we do because in an instant it
can be taken away from us.
Most Successful Passage
7. Choose a passage (1-4 sentences) and explain why it is successful.
The first paragraph because he was showing how at a very young age it impacted him a
lot and till now he still can remember the incident like it happened yesterday.
8. Point out any special successes with the structure of the narrative, whether its
linear or utilizes flashback or other more complicated elements.
I like how he even though he was only 4 years old he understood what was happenening
around him. Although he got frightened a little bit but he eventually overcame his fear.
Style
9. Long sentences are fine if they move well, but point out any parts that seem
choppy (short) or pretentious (wordy).
Second paragraph it was as if I hadnt moved.
10. Do any words or phrases stand out as particularly striking, beautiful, or
unexpected? Which ones?
All I saw were these tall buildings that looked identical with one exhaling dark smoke
out of the upper levels of it.
Editing
11. Dont do a complete editing job, but do point out the most distracting slips in
usage and mechanics.
Last paragraph Changed as in I didnt know w I felt about my safety and exactly
how safe we really are.

Other
12. Note any other questions or feedback you have for the writer here. This is
important: since every paper is unique, they will each have their own successes
and concerns that may not be addressed above.

Everything was good but just need to revise a little for some minor errors.

Next Steps
13. Work with the writer to devise a plan for revision. Summarize the writers next steps
here.