Reviewer: Brandon White

Writer: Anit Patel

Peer Review: Exploring an Event
Directions: Please respond to the following questions in as much detail as possible.
Writers: list two or three questions or concerns you have about your draft that youd like
to discuss with your group. (Reviewers: Be sure to address these questions here)

Introduction

Clarity
1. Point out any confusing sentences or passages. Were you able to follow the
general direction of the story easily? Explain.
There wasnt really any confusing sentences. I was able to follow the story fairly
easily. I
Persuasiveness
2. Is the change or revelation apparent? Is it subtle and nuanced or does it feel too
explicitly stated?
The change was apparent. The change wasnt explicit or subtle. It was stated at
the end in one sntence
3. Are there any ideas or phrases that strike you as well-worn or clich?
Yes, the sentence when he stated that he was burned badly.
Concrete Details
4. Point out places where the writer effectively uses concrete, sensory details to
illuminate their ideas, making them come alive.
The second paragraph when he says he has to go to the doctor every week to bath off
the dead skin from his burns
Strength of Introduction and Conclusion
5. Does the introduction/hook create interest? How?
Intro could be better. Maybe a question
6. Does the conclusion feel like it has weight? Does it feel meaningful, like a mic
drop, or insubstantial? How could it be improved?
The conclusion was good because it tell us that his life was saved by his brother.
Most Successful Passage
7. Choose a passage (1-4 sentences) and explain why it is successful.
The second paragraph, second sentence. It was very successful because it really gave s
an idea of what was happening at that point of time

8. Point out any special successes with the structure of the narrative, whether its
linear or utilizes flashback or other more complicated elements.
He used his flash backs well. He went back to the accident instead of jus telling it.
Style
9. Long sentences are fine if they move well, but point out any parts that seem
choppy (short) or pretentious (wordy).
There wasnt any wordy sentences in this essay.
10. Do any words or phrases stand out as particularly striking, beautiful, or
unexpected? Which ones?
Not really any outstanding words but simple words to create a good image
Editing
11. Dont do a complete editing job, but do point out the most distracting slips in
usage and mechanics.
The thing I would work on the most is the intro.
Other
12. Note any other questions or feedback you have for the writer here. This is
important: since every paper is unique, they will each have their own successes
and concerns that may not be addressed above.
Maybe include a time youve came intact with a sparkler after the accident.

Next Steps
13. Work with the writer to devise a plan for revision. Summarize the writers next steps
here.
I think the writer should make a better introduction. Then make his previous intro
as his first body paragraph.