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Best of CYT2
Best of CYT2
A
ITCHISON
CHANGEYOURTHOUGHTSVOLUME2
Introduction
Dear friend
Thank you for downloading this eBook, I hope you will gain some useful insights
from the many articles and the guest authors we have for you.
As you know my name is Steven Aitchison and I am the author of Change Your
Thoughts blog, the biggest Personal Development blog in the UK.
When you read the heading, how did it make you feel? did it make you feel
anything? did you get angry? upset?
Believe it or not thats how a lot of people feel, no matter what they achieve in
life, they feel as if its never enough. They feel everything they have done ends in
failure; their relationships, academia, work, fatherhood, motherhood etc they take
it all and see it as a failure. I have dealt with clients so many times who have been
able to rhyme off all their failures, and it seems to give them a sense of
satisfaction at being able to list so many, thats because they have gone over it so
much in their heads.
I can empathize with the person who is suffering this, I have been there, weve all
been there at some point, it might not have been as prolonged but weve still been
there. The problem is when the person puts the blame on someone else, usually a
failed marriage, a bad childhood, events that have happened in the past etc.
If you are one of these people, I really do know where you are coming from, but:
NowIsTheTimeToTakeResponsibility
The time to start is now. Its time to say, yes shitty things have happened to me,
yes I had a shit childhood, yes I was bullied as a child. Its great to own that, and
say it happened to you, but its also time to let go.
Give yourself a break from analyzing the past, stop living there. Come back to the
present and show everybody who you are today, not who you were yesterday. You
are so much more than what happened to you. The very fact that you are with us
today and reading this, whether you feel angry or not, makes your life a success.
Youve managed to come through the pain barrier, youve managed to stick two
fingers up to the people who hurt you and say Im still here, Im still fighting on
and you know what! Im a success.
Youve cried enough tears, youve felt the anger, the pain, the heart tugging so
many times and youve almost given up on a few occasions, but you didnt,
youre here, and here is a good place if you want it to be.
You might be mad with me just now for saying all this, and tell me I dont
understand what youve been through, believe me I do, but what I will never
understand is how you feel about it, thats a personal thing and I dont want to feel
your pain, thats yours to own and believe it or not is a gift which will help you in
the future. I would love for you to say I have felt real pain, real anger, real
emotions and real moments when my life was almost over, but I am still here
When you know this, you will stop blaming others for feeling lousy.
When you know this you can change the way you think.
When you know this you can change your life.
We in the West live in a society where life is easy compared to most of the rest
of the world. We medicate ourselves every time we feel a twinge, and dose
ourselves with food, sex, drugs, and entertainment whenever we feel unhappy.
We run away from discomfort and tell ourselves we cant stand the problems in
our lives. See the examples above. As if we really know what problems are!
As Avy Joseph says in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy:
We all experience problems in many areas of our lives but dont always realise
that our minds and bodies respond to how we rate them. Evaluating a difficulty as
unbearable is not only flawed but it also triggers images and feeling that fight
against goal achievement (p31)
I think we think we shouldnt have to experience pain on the way to our
success. Think again!
If youve ever watched the violent and satirical sci-fi film Starship Troopers
youll see the drill sergeant spear a recruits hand with a knife and then announce
(as the recruit screams) : PAIN is in your mind. I think it probably felt quite
real to the person with the knife through his hand!
Nevertheless, the idea is that its not just the feeling but what you tell yourself
about it that determines whether youll get through it. In other words, its the
meanings we choose to give to our discomfort.
But the experts say we are engineered for change? So why do we feel tense and
uncomfortable?
Well, the simple explanation is this. Your mind is designed to reinforce what you
already believe. It has too, or you could not live a life where you doubted every
element of your existence. If you did, you could not function. Youd be too scared
to step out of bed in the morning in case the floor ate you. Or the bed!
So when you attempt to change your mind and body resists. It sends out waves of
discomfort. It says Stop! The status quo is under threat. This, is completely
natural.
And maybe you have stopped. Too often?
But now you KNOW those feelings are natural, theyre just part of the process of
change where old beliefs fight for their existence, you have the first piece of what
you need. I dont deny that this is a hard piece of truth. But it is true.
If you believe that God made you, then you believe that every part of you that is
made is good for purpose, even if we dont always use/feel it so. If you believe
you just evolved, then these signals are simply that signals from a body and
mind about itself and its environment. Theyre not instructions, and I genuinely
dont think theyre an infallible guidance system as some personal develop writers
suggest. If they are, mine must be broken!
So if we are often going to feel uncomfortable with the process of change (and I
acknowledge there are plenty of times when change is fun) then what will help us
stick with it until the change is made?
A goal we want
Healthy beliefs
Healthy self-talk
Reasons to persevere
Exercise
So what is the thing you want to change? What will the outcome be when you
have got it?
What difference is the change going to make in the real world that is worth
fighting for? How will I know I am different when I have made the change? What
will be the improvements in my attitude and performance.
Grab a piece of paper write it down.
Now ask yourself what you currently think about making that change. Write down
all the worries, fears, griped and I cant statements.
The next thing to do is to create a healthy belief about these feelings. It helps to
write out a paragraph of what you want to believe instead.
Avy Joseph says a healthy belief = what you want + keeping it real (p98) unlike
an unhealthy belief that usually demands the world must and should conform
to its demands.
Lets say that you were struggling to overcome your feelings. Lets say your goal
is to experience the remote control of power within you. Why a remote control?
Well, if you hold it no-one can push your buttons! You have some idea of what
it will be like to see, hear and feel that.
After writing your negative thoughts, you might come up with something like this
for a healthy belief:
Labelling emotions as unbearable, too difficult, cannot override them, feel
helpless in the presence of them, is definitely going to fail because of them are all
ways of giving commands to your nervous system to create goal avoidance and
away from motivation. (1)Removing these labels and downgrading them to dont
love but can stand, uncomfortable, I have the power to choose etc really helps
me.
I can totally refuse (2) to use those labels and instead replacing them with
perhaps difficult but not unbearable or in a different category to the comfortable
emotions or even all emotions are useful and usefully produce discomfort in
their message or discomfortable messengers to prod me to alertness or to pay
attention to something in my experience.
What I have done here is given new meanings to the feelings I had (1) and used
statements where I acknowledge my ownership and control of the meanings I use
(2)
Next, you will need to make a list of what youll get if you use the healthy belief
as a reminder to push through the uncomfortable feelings until they change.
Write out as many benefits as possible.
Ill be more in control.
Ill feel more empowered
Ill be able to go on that date, ask that owner for referrals etc.
Ill have more peace.
Etc
Now, you are armed and ready to go. You can repeat and affirm to yourself your
new belief in the mirror. Claude Hopkins in the Magic of Believing recommends
this. When you feel like you need reasons to go on, read your reasons to go on!
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When youre self talk criticises you, take it down pro-wrestling style! Albert Ellis
in his wonderful book: How to Stubbornly Refuse to make yourself Miserable
about anything ever again yes anything! says you really need to passionately
and aggressively dispute your inner talk.
Really?
According to WHO?
You and whose army?
Oh! So I have to feel helpless. Who decided that? Me. Well, I can decide
OTHERWISE cant I?
Think about a couple having a humdinger of an argument. Then have it with your
self-talk.
I like to think of changing the things that make us stuck as psychological knots.
To undo a really gnarly knot my involve a lot of huffing, puffing, walking away in
disgust and coming back again with a renewed determination. Changing your
meanings and beliefs can sometimes be like this.
But persevere and youll get there.
Overcoming Procrastination
Question from bretthimself answered by coach Steven Aitchison
Question
Heres my question:
Ive found that my biggest sticking point in all of this is acting quickly. I have
always been a micromanager of decisions and deliberate before taking action.
However, as I procrastinate and weigh the decisions of what to do next or when to
do my project, my mind drifts off to different places (like dark corners of the
Internet), resulting in exponentially more time lost. The only time I can seem to
pull myself together and not procrastinate (especially when finishing one project
and moving on to the next) is when theres a deadline to be met. But the pressure
of the deadline seems to suck the life out of me and my work.
The question is: how can I do the things I want to do without procrastinating or
deliberating when there is not the stress of a deadline?
Hi Brett
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Crisis Makers This usually starts at school when the crisis maker has one night
to prepare for an exam and they are all traumatised as they havent prepared
however they are secretly boosting that they can get the work it takes other s 3
months to do in one night. The pressure and adrenaline spurs them on. They
carry this on to the real world, and quickly find that running on adrenaline every
day doesnt work so they burn out quickly.
Perfectionists It all or nothing for this type of procrastinator. It will take ages
to get them going but once they do the job will be perfect, only trouble is, what
should have taken 20 minutes takes 2 days. Their self esteem is on the line on
every single task they do, because of this they avoid tasks they dont think they
can do perfectly so they miss out. Again this spills over into their life as well.
Overdoers The overdoers will take on the world and make your dinner at the
same time. They constantly aim to please and pride themselves on being able to
do lots of jobs at the one time. However they cannot deliver on all their promises
simply because they have too much to do and cannot concentrate on one task long
enough to do it well.
made the snowball, its the starting of making the snowball thats the problem. So
do anything at all to get going and pretty soon things will start to snowball and the
task will be complete.
Let go of the adrenaline rush
People who do things at the last minute actually thrive on the adrenaline rush.
However, you cannot expect to live like this every day of your life. Its good to
recognise that you like this adrenaline rush and its quite exciting but its time to
try another way.
Get your adrenaline rush elsewhere. Go jump out of a plane at 10,000 feet (with a
parachute of course!). Leave the adrenaline rush where it should be and start to
work a different way to get your tasks complete.
You can get smaller adrenaline rushes by assigning deadlines for yourself. For
example when you have been given two weeks to do something, give yourself a
week to do it and create your won deadline. This way you will get finished a
week early. If you do this religiously with every task you will, again, develop, a
new habit of completing things early. However, a note of caution here: if you are
going to do this for a boss, make sure you finish the task within the week but hand
it in to your boss 2 days before the deadline, this way the boss will not start to pile
things on you as they see you are someone who can get things done quick.
Stop trying to perfect the world
You cannot be perfect, it is literally impossible. Your perception of perfect is
someone elses perception of imperfect.
If you are a perfectionist, you might be proud of it, but it stops you doing things in
life, you might not try new things as you are not able to perfect them.
To overcome being perfect try doing things the wrong way, try being late for an
appointment, try dropping a cup onto the floor so it breaks get out of the mold of
being perfect, your life will change forever.
When you take on new tasks do so with an open mind, but take them on, dont
think that you might not be able to make it perfect just take it on and start straight
away. Its all about developing a new thinking pattern toward your tasks.
Learn to say NO!
Stop taking on too much work. You will learn in life that there are times when
you have to hold up a hand and say NO!
You cant do everything and to do something to a satisfactory level you have to be
realistic about the amount of work you can take on. When you have taken on a
certain number of tasks its time to stop any more work from being piled on you
and gently remind the people who are trying to pile the work on you that youve
got enough for now.
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Saying No will also empower you and give you much more satisfaction and
confidence in yourself.
Well Brett, I know this was a bit long winded, I got an idea and went with it, but I
hope it has helped you in some way. Let me know your thoughts on this.
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3. Stop Talking
Its great to be silent for just a little while. Our thoughts turn inward and we begin
to appreciate ourselves just a little more.
4. Strengthen Your Strengths
Sometimes we focus too much on trying to strengthen our weaknesses when we
should be concentrating on strengthening our strengths.
5. Take A Walk Around an Art Gallery
You might not appreciate art or participate in it but its great to see the thoughts of
others on canvas. It can give us a tiny glimpse of what goes on in other peoples
minds.
6. Blindfold Yourself for a Day
Walk in the shoes of a blind person for 1 full day, it will forever change the way
you think about life.
7. Stand on a Chair for 5 Minutes Per Day
Building self discipline is a great way to take control of your mind and your
thoughts. If you just get up and stand on a sturdy chair your mind will be
wondering what the hells going on and try and force you to get off the chair.
Disciplining your mind is a great way to start changing your life. See Self
Discipline
8. Dance When Theres Nobody There
Its a strange sensation to dance on your own, although when I have done this I
look like a dog having a seizure, nonetheless its a great way to let go of your
inhibitions.
9. Give Money to Someone Unexpectedly
Whether it be on the internet, or in the street, just give a larger than normal
donation to someone. This again is liberating and your thoughts about money will
change for a few moments (thats all it takes to start the process of changing your
life.)
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fashionable, handicapped and so on. That is just some of the labels we give. Try walking
down the street and just seeing a person, its extremely difficult at first but with practice you
will get to do it and turn of the little labelling machine you have in your head.
When the labeling machine is turned off you start to notice life in a different light and your
life is a little more laid back. When you stop labeling others you will stop labeling yourself as
well. You will become just you!
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possibilities, with ideas, its like the duracell bunny on 10 cups of coffee, the only problem is
slowing down.
I am going with the flow just now as words are dripping off the page and I dont want to stop
in case the muse disappears on me, but I have ways for dealing with that.
I always had a goal to become a full time blogger, which is why I started the blog in the first
place. However my mind wandered into affiliate marketing, internet marketing, making
products that I was interested in, becoming a coach, so many things, and the blogging took a
back seat. Now I can honestly see myself as a full time blogger, and its the very first time I
have believed that I could actually do it. Its taken me three years to reach this stage but every
single change I have gone through to get here has been worth it.
I have managed to secure two long term writing positions with top blogs and am looking for
more. This is in the space of a few months of focus and concentration, imagine what it will be
like this time next year.
Your network of friends, family and new network friends are key to you reaching your
goals. The way to get them to help you is to help them as much as you possibly can. If
someone asks you for help with something, you are never too big to do it. Always help out
when you can. Even with the outskirt people who ask for help, if they are genuine about
their goal, then help them. Get a name as someone who is genuine and willing to help
someone reach their goal.
From the network you will see a path of people who will help you to reach your goal faster.
This is not using people, you are simply using their influence and contact and they will be
asking for your help in the future, so they see it as an investment and you see it as an
investment; a win- win situation.
4. Maintain the passion
Its easy at this stage to get sidetracked by other things. there are many people who have
fallen from grace with the trappings of fame and fortune and forget the people who put them
there. To maintain your passion, practice gratitude and remember all the people who have put
you where you are today. This is true of everyday life as well. Keep you passion alive and see
everything anew everyday. I read a great post the other night from Jonathan Wells which
explains this better than I can, read it here
5. Know when to branch out
There will come a time, like in a footballers career where their passion for playing will be
turned to passion for teaching others. Once youve reached this stage it might be easy to think
that you are over the hill and no longer have the skill you once had. This is not true at all , it
simply means you direct your passion, your enthusiasm, your hunger into another part of the
goal (no pun intended there). When a footballer plays, he plays for himself and the team,
when a coach coaches they are carrying on the legacy they had as a player and reaching and
touching the lives of so many more people.
Conclusion
Your thoughts and action determine your success. Keep your mind focused on your target,
immerse yourself and help those around you and you will reach your goal.
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vibrancy of colour and attracts bees and small animals who eat its stalk. We also use the
sunflower for sunflower oil, sunflower seeds etc. So you see like attracts like just like an
energy giver will be attracted to another energy giver.
Energy takers
Whilst a lot of us may not know a lot of energy givers most of us know energy takers. These
are people who complain about everything, are negative, bitchy, condescending, and
generally not nice people to be around. You just know an energy taker from the moment you
talk to them. They might be funny, laugh a lot but it can be a someone elses expense a lot of
the time.
There are also energy takers who are just very quiet and dont contribute much to themselves
and the people around them. They believe life owes them something and complain when they
dont get what they want in life.
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[A 'good plan' should always include your goals, as well as specific daily direction to ensure
you meet your goals.]
My plan included how long each workout would be, as well as what time I would begin my
workouts.
Work the Plan
Of course, its not enough to just have a plan. In order for the plan to work, you have to
work the plan. The plan works, when you work the plan.
If youre trying to become a professional dancer, working the plan may mean practicing 10
hours a day, but the plan has to be worked.
You must develop the habit of following the plan daily; consistency and habit will take
you further than your desires ever will.
Make Adjustments to the Plan
Although I believe I put together a good weight-lifting plan initially, it wasnt a perfect plan.
Three months into the plan, I realized that I needed to make some adjustments: I was overworking my pectoral muscles, so I decided to work them less frequently. I also made some
additional changes in my diet.
Your initial plan will almost always change; this is not a problem (just make sure to have
your plan saved on your computer, so you can make quick updates and re-print as
necessary).
Tweak the plan, until its the perfect plan for you.
Remain Faithful to the Plan
This is the most critical of all the steps. If you dont faithfully work your plan everyday, how
can you expect to succeed? A good plan will challenge you, it will stretch you, it will demand
the very best from you.
Are you willing to remain faithful to your plan when things get tough?
Are you willing to stick to your plan, when someone is passing out free donuts? Are you
willing to stick to your plan, when everyone else has gone home for the day? Are you willing
to stick to your plan, after you reach your goal? The question really becomes, how bad do
you want it. If you want it bad enough, you will remain faithful.
In closing, if you dont have a plan, develop a plan this week. Start with your research; find
the best ways to get the results you seek (study folks who have already succeeded). Then
begin to work the plan daily; make adjustments as necessary, stay faithful to the plan (in the
face of challenges), and you will succeed.
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4. Belief Believe in your wife/girlfriend and support and encourage her in everything
she does.
5. Sense of humour This one obviously depends on each couple as everybody has a
different sense of humour but women like men who can make them laugh. Thats not
to say you have to be like Robin Williams, just someone who has a sense of humour
and exercises it often.
6. Reliability This is another one high up on the list. Youve got to be reliable if you
want your partner to stick with you for the long term. If she has an evening meal
planned for you and you promised youll be home by 7 and you come strolling in at 8,
this is not being reliable. Yes, work is important but more important is the woman
who loves you enough to prepare a meal and make an effort on a Friday night.
7. Commitment An absolute must for any long term relationship. If you are not
committed then there will always be that little doubt in the back of her mind asking if
you are really serious about the relationship.
8. Respect Theres no question of this, if you disrespect her you may as well throw the
relationship out of the window right now. Its not only respect for her but its respect
for yourself as well. If you let people walk all over you then you are not respecting
yourself and this is a turn off for women.
9. Attuned to feelings For the old fashioned man out there one of the main things you
were missing was the ability to stay in tune with your partners feelings. If you are
attuned to your partners feelings then it shows respect, caring and love. That doesnt
mean to say you let them walk all over you it just means you are in touch with her,
and you know how to handle the emotions, upsets and excitement etc.
10. Attractiveness This is something you are born with and its also something that is
very subjective. Everyone has an attractive feature about them and rest assured
someone will be attracted to you because of it. However if you let yourself go and
dont really care about yourself, youll be dropped like a hot potato.
11. Assertiveness Woman can stand up for themselves very well but they still like a
man to be assertive as well. Women dont like weak men, so grow a pair and stand up
for yourself and your wife.
12. Faithful Shouldnt even have to be said here, but so many men think they can get
away with being unfaithful and it not affect them. You will never be respected once
youve been unfaithful and there is absolutely no excuse for it.
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New, more happier, memories should be stored in the book as often as possible and I think
its important to push yourself to get out, meet new people, puish beyond your comfort zone
or get back in touch with family and good friends to start depositing happier memories in
your book.
always the best way. We would also reward him for telling the truth and thanked him for his
honesty, he may have still got into trouble but far less trouble than he would have if he had
persisted with a lie.
Pick the values you would like to have in your life and try and live by those values. To help
you choose values you can look at the list below. Decide on a few values at a time, and some
of them you will already be living you just might need to solidify them. You will find that
living this way has a tremendous impact on your life.
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heres a few tips I have learned over the years about communicating with children:
37 Ways to communicate better with your children
1. Always be interested in their day, even if they dont want to tell you anything.
2. Pay attention to them and make them feel as if they are the only person in the room when
they speak to you.
3. Make time to sit down with them in a relaxed manner to allow them to open up more.
4. Sit down for family meals (One of the best decisions we made was to always make it a rule
to all sit round the dinner table together).
5. Keep eye contact to show you are listening.
6. Dont dismiss the little things they tell you about.
7. Keep close to them when they are talking, dont have a conversation whilst you are in the
kitchen and they are in their room.
8. Show them you love them and always tell them you love them.
9. Tell them you believe in them often.
10. Children are not your friends and letting them off with the small things could lead to
bigger problems in the future.
11. Always listen to their side of the story if there are any arguments or rows going on.
12. Praise them with every single thing they do well.
13. Be as open and honest as possible with them about EVERYTHING.
14. If you have more than 1 child make time so you can spend time alone together, even if
its driving to the shops.
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15. Read between the lines. Kids have a way of telling you something without directly telling
you.
16. Dont interrupt children when they are trying to tell you something.
17. Ask their opinion on something thats important to you and them.
18. Tell them about your day and encourage discussion.
19. Give them a hug at least 200 times per day
20. Always say please and thank you when speaking to your kids, they will develop manners
this way.
21. Encourage them to voice their opinion on the big family decisions, like buying a house, a
car etc.
22. Tell them stories of when you were younger, kids always want to hear this.
23. Play games with them as much as possible.
24. Step into their world for a bit and get to learn what they like.
25. Become a child for a day and just have a toy fight, pillow fight, wrestle, and do the silly
things that kids do.
26. Respect their privacy, always knock.
27. Give them unexpected presents.
28. Let let go up the down escalator
29. Let them have their own style and find it themselves.
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30. be proud of them ,even when they didnt quite make but tried their best.
31. Just hold them, that little bit longer than you normally would.
32. Let them find their own hobbies and encourage them in finding them.
33. Stand back to let them them make their own mistakes, theyll grow a lot quicker.
34.Take them to where you grew up and tell them about it.
35. Forgive them as they forgive you.
36. Dont make them wear a jacket if they dont want to even when its raining.
37. Just love them for the little individuals they are, just love them!
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Ayo Olaniyan is a certified Unitive Life Coach and Counsellor. He is a member of the
European Mentoring and Coaching Council, an accredited professional counsellor with the
Counselling Society and the author of Expanding Your Horizons. If you would like to
enquire about personal and professional one-to-one coaching sessions, please visit
www.discoveringpurpose.co.uk or send an email to ayo@discoveringpurpose.co.uk.
Remember, it's about creating a purpose driven life through personal development.
Editors Note: This is a guest post from Ayo Olaniyan from Discovering Purpose
I am starting a series this month titled 6 obstacles, 6 things and 6 reasons. Several bloggers
have written on various topics such as 10 reasons why you should blog, quit your job, fall in
love I am hoping to target areas such as 6 obstacles threatening your progress, 6 reasons
why you should get a life, 6 things you should know about yourself, 6 reasons why you
should be happy and 6 reasons why you should go to the toilet (laugh).
According to the elook online dictionary progress means the gradual improvement, growth
or development in a positive way. Its also the act of moving forward toward a desired goal,
while obstacles are things standing in our way that must be removed, circumvented or
surmounted.
We often want to make progress in our jobs, personal development, finances, behaviour,
business, eating habits, exercising, with families.. the list is endless. Its wonderful to have
great ideas, pictures of the future, think positively e.t.c but we must realise that there are
subtle obstacles that stand in the way of our progress.
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We dont want to be pushed out of our comfort zone into the unknown
We lack the desire to experience change.
We associate change with anxiety and nervousness.
Weve become conditioned due to an emotional/physical trauma weve experienced in
the past.
We feel we may lose our rights as individuals and possibly get exploited.
When we get to a crossroad and we sincerely want to make a change, it might be useful to
think on the following tips:
Think on the positive impacts that would be achieved from experiencing change
Picture someone else in your shoes knowing if they handled change positively, you
can.
Think of the worst case scenarios which could occur and find alternative solutions to
them.
Inconsistency: In order to attain the desired level of progress we have pictured, imagined or
is striving towards, we need constant practice. Developing the qualities we desire, attaining a
high level of personal growth/development requires a constant repetition of successful
behaviours, skills, programs etc weve implemented to see such results. We get better and
excel in certain projects by being consistent in our actions, methods and character.
Footballers go through rigorous amounts of training before any game and a player found unfit
on the training field or during the game is sidelined to the bench.
In order to develop good habits, its compulsory we build them on a daily basis.
The Blame Game: Theres a tendency to always trade blames on anything and everyone,
wishing you never went down certain routes, made certain judgements, made decisions etc.
Sometimes our egos have a way of interfering with us taking responsibilities for certain
actions and our only way out, is to blame others. Its common to hear statements such as, I
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would have succeeded if only my .. supported me, I would have passed my exams if you
didnt.., I would have been rich if I didnt get married to you(laugh, Ive actually heard
that). The list grows!!!! STOP IT TODAY!!!! REALISE OUR LIVES ARE OUR
RESPONSIBILITIES.
Failing to take action: In the last 5-6years I have fallen in love with Nikes slogan, Just Do
It. For us to be effective and yield results in our daily lives, we must make an effort to
follow certain procedures. If we want to excel in any phase of our lives we need to be willing
TO DO things differently. We mustnt be comfortable in acquiring knowledge only but also
take that step to practice what weve learnt. We are afraid to take actions for the following
reasons:
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1) Believe in Yourself
Self belief is the utmost important step. If you dont believe in yourself, how do you expect
anyone else to believe in you? If you want to achieve greatness, you have to first believe that
you are capable of doing it. Know that there is no one else but you who can attain what you
want to do. As Napoleon Hill puts it, What the mind can conceive, it can achieve.
One of my favorite stories is Sylvester Stallones real-life rags to riches story. Before he was
propelled to stardom with the Rocky series, he was living out what others would deem as a
paltry existence as a wannabe actor. Because of his birth complication where he was born
with a side of his face paralyzed and a slurred speech, he was rejected by countless casting
agents in his quest for his dreams. At some point, he became poor as a pauper, and even his
wife left him. But he never gave up. He firmly believed that he would be able to make it as an
actor not just an actor, but a movie star. And he finally did today, he is an internationally
acclaimed movie star, film director, producer and screenwriter. This would never have
happened if he gave up his self-belief.
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Family quirkiness
Heres what happened; my wife didnt wear them as she didnt really like them, my youngest
son thought it would be quite quirky to wear unmatching ones, me eldest son was
experimenting on the hypothesis that socks may actually be able to start walking themselves
if he wore them long enough. I was trying hard to keep it together and match them all up as
soon as they came out the washing. I would wear my Monday ones on Monday, my tuesday
ones on tuesday etc. When Saturday came around it was a great feeling just rolling my
Saturday socks on, it was the weekend and I felt great. After a few months of this and a few
more sock packs I started wearing my Saturday ones on a tTursday and when I felt really
adventurous I wore them on a Wednesday. I noticed that I felt better after slipping on those
red Saturday socks no matter what day of the week it was because I had associated them with
the weekend, free time and time with my family. It then became a little family joke,
whenever we felt a little down or stressed just Put the red socks on.
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I first started I wasnt bringing in anything and an extra $1500 per month is great but its not
enough.
I have a plethora of ideas buzzing around my head at any one time and all of them would help
me reach my goal of working full time from home, however I have not focused long enough
on any of the ideas to reach my goal.
Decision time
For the past few weeks I have been looking at my internet life and getting rid of all the
projects I have started and cut them down to three main projects. They are; My Blog,
Binaural-Mind site and my Lucid Dreaming project. I actually had 17 small projects on the
go (and I wonder why I was buzzing all the time).
This is a great achievement for me. A few years ago I would have all these ideas and do
nothing about them except for analyse them and give reasons why it wouldnt work. A few
months ago I implemented the ideas and just did it. Now, I have cut all the ideas down to 3
projects and focus solely on them. So, you can sort of see the evolution of my focus here and
now its getting down to the nitty gritty of focusing.
A bold statement
By December 31st 2009 I will have 10,000 subscribers
Thats not a pie in the sky statement and dream I have this is a goal I will achieve by the end
of the year. And I know I will do this by focusing my attention more on the blog. Thats
6,500 subscribers in 5 months, so instead of getting 100 subscribers per month I need to get
1300 subscribers per month, a 1200% increase on my current monthly subscriber rate.
How will I achieve this? By writing quality content every day for the blog, a new post will be
posted every single day by either myself or a guest poster and new features will be added to
the blog such as;
I have also started using a tool called DarkRoom. This is a tool for writers is basically its a
black screen and all you can do is write as there are no distractions, no icons at the bottom of
the screen its just you, a black screen and green text and I have to say its amazing for
keeping my concentration focused on my writing.
I will also start guest posting for other bigger blogs out there to get my name known again.
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When you see If Success was Easy, Everyone Would do it, you may think that its too
hard to achieve and you might just give up. Follow every tip given here, focus on your end
result and you will enjoy success!
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Until you rid yourself of the guilt of trying to better yourself financially you cant begin to
create more money into your life. Well speak about four steps to creating more money in
your life a bit later but for now Id like to speak about the difference between greed and
making more money.
Greed and money
Thinking of some of my heroes I used to think why would they try and make more money
when they obviously dont need it. I am thinking of people like Richard Branson, James
Dyson, Warren Buffet and Tony Robbins to name but a few. However when reading their
biographies, watching and listening to them on interviews it is clear their goal is not to make
more money but to feel alive by building on their brand and their customer loyalty, with the
possible exception of Warren Buffet who is an investment genius. So their goal is not to
make more money it is a by-product of their goal of achieving more in their life. They are
also philanthropists and they give back a hell of a lot to the world in the form of donations,
settings up schools, giving knowledge and time to the younger generation. This is not greed
its a desire to reach their potential, which is what Abraham Maslow speaks about in his
hierarchy of needs theory.
Greed is a different animal altogether. Greed is defined in the New Oxford English
Dictionary as: Intense and selfish desire for something, especially wealth, power or food. If
your goal is to create more money into your life simply for your own selfish needs then life
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will be empty after a while. Giving back something to the world in the form of money,
knowledge, education, and time is something everyone should strive for, I believe.
off the boat after 45 years service and retire when its almost too late to really enjoy life.
Thats not a life its an existence.
Rowing your own boat means controlling your own life. yes it also means taking more risks
and failing more but you will learn a hell of a lot about the world works and how you work
and how to better yourself. To do this you have to know what you want to do with your life,
you need dreams to follow, you need a vision to hold and passion to drive you.
Start small, think big and build yourself up from there. What do you want in life?
Now you know what you want you need to know how you get it.
Step 3 Help someone create their dream
Yours dreams are undoubtedly different from mine however the key to making more money
in your life is to help people realise their dreams. What I mean by this is create something or
pass on knowledge which will help someone else realise their dream. Now, the dream the
other person has might not be huge but if you help them and they are willing to pay for it then
you have helped yourself and someone else at the same time. When one person has a dream
there are some others who have the same dream.
A fantastic example of this is someone who is selling an ebook right now, you can check it
out on Google, called How to build your own chicken coop. You might think this is a crazy
idea, but the owner of the ebook thought If I wanted to know how to build a chicken coup,
there must be others too. And now there are hundreds of happy people who had a tiny
dream to build their own chicken coop and found someone willing to impart their knowledge
for a small fee. This book is doing great and making the owner a lot of money.
So you see, people have all different kinds of dreams big and small and if you can help
people realise their dreams, big or small you can help yourself create more money in your life
and help people around the world.
Step 4 Once youve made it its time to share it
I am nowhere near this stage yet but it is my ultimate goal that when I have become wealthy
enough to have anything I want in life I will share my successes and teach people how they
can emulate my success. And I will do this freely to people who have not made it yet and
charge for it to businesses who are in the latter stages of step 3. This way the knowledge is
always going round and being shared and I cannot think of a better way to enrich the world
than by sharing knowledge on how to better create more money in peoples lives.
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11. Speak up for yourself in every area of your life, this might be hard to do at first but
the first time you do it will be immense and if you carry on your self esteem and
feelings of self worth will soar.
12. Sing at the top of your voice, not outside but in the house and really give it loads (I
love singing Free Fallin by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers at the top of my voice,
ah! such a good feeling.)
13. Forgive yourself! (You know what I mean)
14. Get rid of the people who are dragging you down (I dont mean kill them, I mean just
stop having them in your life.)
15. Work on your strengths. A lot of people focus on building up their weaknesses,
instead get better at what you are good at.
16. Take a walk in the rain..Why?..because you have the power to decide!
17. Listen to other people and what they are saying.
18. Reward your successes. As soon as you achieve something reward yourself.
19. Never let anyone force you to break your core values.
20. Stop the gossiping!
21. Dont read a newspaper for a week and gauge how you feel about yourself and the
world around you.
22. Help other people who need it.
23. Always, Always, Always be honest with yourself and others. There is no need for lies
and the energy it takes to continue a lie is unbelievable.
24. Take a chance and take a risk or two. You dont have long to live so just get up and
do it.
25. Listen to your self talk and slap the little person criticising you, I mean it, imagine
there are two people one on each shoulder, the one who criticises you give them a slap
or a punch in the mouth and start to pay attention to the one who is praising you.
26. Dont be afraid to accept help from other people, it means they respect you enough to
help you with something.
27. Start changing your thinking to be more optimistic about yourself, instead of I
cant do that. say ..Ive never tried it, but Ill give it a go
28. Face your fears. Nothing will send your self esteem soaring more so than facing your
fears and eventually conquering them.
29. Always leave comments on a blog you like
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How to be assertive
Author: Steven Aitchison
Thousands of people every day are suffering in difficult situations through lack of
assertiveness. Most commonly the assertiveness problems tend to arise at work and with
friends. However, assertiveness issues creep up everywhere whether it be with friends,
family, or work colleagues.
Its okay saying to someone stand up for yourself or you should just say this to them..,
but to someone who suffers from lack of assertiveness its not an easy thing to do and can fill
people with dread at the thought of confronting someone with an issue they may have.
Bullies, whether at work or at home, prey on people who lack assertiveness and can
traumatise the person they subject their bullying tactics on. The bully is of course cowardly
and lack the backbone to pick on people who they know will stand up to them. Dealing with
people who intimidate you or belittle you is empowering and can literally change your life,
but how do you do it?
This guide will hopefully give you some tools to think about and implement when you feel
you need to be assertive in situations.
What is assertiveness?
Assertiveness is the ability to stand up for yourself and to express how you feel when you
feel it is necessary.
It includes:
Being able to express your opinions and views without feeling self conscious
Being able to say no to people without feeling guilty about it.
Being able to ask for what you want.
Choosing how you live your life, without feeling guilty about it.
Having the ability to take risks when you feel you want and need to.
If you feel any of the above are missing from your life then you may have difficulty asserting
yourself and expressing yourself.
Some common beliefs about being assertive
A lot of the time you may fear being assertive by believing something will happen if you are
assertive in situations.
Have you had any of these thoughts?
I cant say no, theyll think I am being selfish
I dont have the right to say how I feel
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You may feel nervous going into a situation whereby you know you are going to have to
assert yourself, this is natural and everybody goes through this and I mean everybody.
Pointing out someones behaviour
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Something I use which is quite effective is stating what the other person is doing which is
making me upset for whatever reason, for example:
Why are you raising your voice and pointing in my face. The question stops them in their
track for a moment and makes them lose their train of thought and to think about their
actions, as some people genuinely dont realise how aggressive they are being. Pointing it
out to them is a good way for you to take control of the situation.
Using I statements
Instead of getting angry at someone for their behaviour and keeping it inside use the I
statement to let them know what you are thinking, for example:
I feel you are being very aggressive toward me.
I get upset when you start shouting at me.
This tells the other person your thoughts on the situation rather than let them take control
without any feedback which can often fuel their disruptive behaviour.
Repeating your thoughts on the subject
You might not use this very often but it is still a good way to be assertive and get your point
across, for example:
You: These jeans are torn, I would like my money back please.
Assistant: Its only a small tear, I can give you a discount
You: No thanks, I would like my money back please.
Assistant: Well I could replace them for you?
You: No thanks, I would like my money back please.
Assistant: Okay, Ill just refund the money for you.
Asserting yourself appropriately
I have seen a lot of people being very shy and demure and blossom into assertive people
which is great however just because you have found this new power to be assertive doesnt
mean to say you have to use it at every opportunity. Know when to pick your battles and
know when to let it wash over you.
I hope you have found this useful and it would be great to hear your thoughts on it.
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I never e.g. I can never get a parking space. (If that were true you
wouldnt be able to go anywhere in your car without stopping).
I couldnt e.g. I couldnt walk a mile (have you tried?).
Im hopeless ate.g. Oh, I am hopeless at talking in a group. (usually said
whilst talking to a group of friends).
Its terrible e,g. Isnt it terrible that its raining? (Eh! No, its not terrible).
There are a lot more irrational thoughts out there and you have to be conscious to catch
yourself thinking them. I hope this article helps you to catch your irrational thoughts and
brings your life into perspective.
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however I believe most people who wear glasses do not need them or did not need them in
the first place.
I use the computer at home and at work for an average of 9 hours per day and do not need
glasses. This is only because I have resisted listening to opticians who advised I need them.
Instead I have exercised my eyes and after a few weeks of exercising my eyes, they have
returned back to normal vision.
I know I will get a lot of abuse for this post but I stand by what I am saying and advise you, if
you are a glasses wearer or contact lenses wearer to try the exercises for a few weeks and let
me know how you get on. What have you got to lose?
The exercises I use are pretty standard and have been in the public domain for years but they
work for me and hopefully they will work for you. I have to give credit here to Marc
Grossman after finding his articles on eye exercises a few years ago.
5 Exercises to strengthen your eye muscles and improve your vision
1.Blinking
Blinking is an often overlooked yet simple way to keep your eyes fresh and being able to
focus longer. Computer users and television watchers tend to blink less, especially when they
are intently focused on something. Try it just now as a simple exercise. For the next two
minutes blink every 3 4 seconds. After you have done this for two minutes, mentally take
note of how your eyes feel, are they strained, relaxed, tired. Now try and not blink for 30
seconds at a time for two minutes. Do you feel any difference?
Whenever you blink your eyes are going into a brief period of darkness which helps to keep
your eyes fresh and discharges previous information ready for new information, this helps to
reduce eye strain.
Your blink rate can also help with your communication skills. Think about someone who
looked at you intently and you possibly felt threatened by them. What you may have missed
is the fact that they had stopped blinking. When someone stops blinking and stares at you
when you are talking its a sign of aggression. However whenever you are talking to someone
and they are blinking at a 3 -4 second interval its a sign of a relaxed and friendly listener.
Check out peoples blink rates the next time you are talking. Check out this article for more
info Dramatically improve your eye contact skills
2.Palming
This is done to relieve stress around the eyes and as a way to relax your eyes whilst taking a
computer break.
Instructions for palming
1. Take a few deep breathes before you begin.
2. Make yourself comfortable whilst leaning forward on a desk or with your elbows resting
on your knees. Close your eyes.
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3. Place your two hands over your eyes with the cup of your palm covering your eyes, your
fingers on your forehead and the heel of your hand will rest on your cheekbone. Make sure
you can blink freely and you are not putting too much pressure on your eyes.
Thats it. Palming gives you the opportunity to rest your mind and your eyes for a few
minutes at a time. It may not sound much of an exercise but it can make a big difference in
your working day if you stop for a few minutes and do this exercise.
3.Figure of eight
This is to exercise your eye muscles and increase their flexibility. This is quite a simple
exercise but a good one.
Imagine a giant figure of eight in front of you about 10 feet in front of you. Now turn the 8 on
its side. Now trace the figure of eight with your eyes, slowly. Do it one way for a few
minutes and then do it the other way for a few minutes. It may seem very alien at first but its
worth persevering with it.
4.Near and far focussing
This is one of my favourite exercises as you can do it almost anywhere, I say almost as I
couldnt imagine doing it on the underground without getting strange looks from those
around me.
Instructions for Near and far focussing.
1.
2.
3.
4.
Sit in a comfortable position, or stand, this will only take 2-3 minutes at a time.
Put your thumb about 10 inches in front of you and focus on it.
Now focus on something else about 10 20 feet in front of you.
On each deep breath switch between focussing on your thumb and the 10-20 feet
object in front of you.
This will strengthen the muscles in your eyes over time and improve your vision overall.
5.Zooming
This is another one of my favourites as it is very easy and quick to do.
Instructions for zooming
1.
2.
3.
4.
I hope this post has stimulated your interest in natural vision exercises and it leads you to
research this subject more. I am by no means an expert on this subject so please do your own
research. I can only tell you what works for me.
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What this has shown me is that we get by on what we are used to and our sleeping patterns
will take care of itself once we have developed a sleep habit. My habit is 5 hours of sleep
and I believe my sleep cycle will work itself into my habit of 5 hours of sleep.
Of course our body needs to rest and we need sleep and our sleeping cycle, REM time, delta
sleep, theta sleep and alpha sleep etc all play a role in replenishing our minds and bodys.
However, I believe the sleeping cycle will work itself into our own sleeping habit.
Here is how to get by on 5 hours of sleeper night
1. Know your sleeping pattern just now. You will already know what time, roughly, you
go to bed each night and when you wake up. Work out how much sleep you get per
night.
2. Decide on the pattern you would like E.G. if you would like to get by on 5 hours per
night or 6 hours.
3. Break the new routine into a four week block. For example if you currently get 8
hours per night just now and your goal is to get 5 hours per night. Your pattern
should be
Week 1 Get 7 hours 15 minutes of sleep per night
Week 2 Get 6 hours and 30 minutes of sleep per night
Week 3 Get 5 hours 45 minutes of sleeper night
Week 4 Get 5 hours of sleeper night
1. Breaking it up this way will not shock your body and make you feel as groggy
throughout the day.
Now the only thing youve got to worry about is what to do with the extra 15 25 hours per
week.
I occasionally have the odd dose in front of the TV for 15 minutes but its one of those micronaps when I feel totally refreshed after it. I know have a lot more time to fit everything I do
online into my schedule and feel much more productive throughout the day.
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We sat down and went into more detail about her business and looked at her competition to
find out what they were charging for their service. It turns out she was one of the cheapest on
the market in her area. I gave her 5 pieces of advice which I know will increase her sales,
triple her profits and half her workload.
5 Ways to double your sales and half your workload Part 1
1. Increase your price
You might have guessed it already, the first piece of advice I would give to businesses
offering a service of some kind would be to increase their price by at least 50%. I can almost
hear the screams of abuse at this piece of advice; were in a recession for goodness sake why
on earth would I raise my prices? but hear me out, (and by the way were only in a recession
because the media say we are). If you are offering a service to people and you have taken the
time to get qualifications in your area of expertise and are considered a professional then
increasing your price should be a natural way to build your business but most business
owners dont think like this.
They start out in business offering a service cheaper than most to build the business and get a
reputation. However, once the business has been established and the reputation gained they
keep the prices the same as before, why? They dont want to rock the boat, they are fearful
that if they put the prices up the buyers will leave. This is not true. If you have a great
reputation and people trust you, they will happily pay you the extra 50%. Yes, you will get
customers who leave you but you will also gain new customers with smart marketing.
If you are a business owner who sells products you obviously cant sell your products with a
50% increase? You can, depending on what you are selling. One of my clients, a computer
shop owner, put a new type of motherboard in his custom built computers which greatly
increased the performance of the computer.
His new motherboard was 50% more expensive to buy. After talking about it we marketed
the benefits of the new motherboard and he increased the price of that computer model with
the new motherboard by 50% and it is now the bestselling computer in his shop. Lets look at
the numbers for the computer shop owner.
Old Computer
New Computer
Increase
Price
Cost to build
$800
$1200
50%
25
25
-
$530
$630
19%
As you can see from the table above the main points are, The cost to build the computer was
19% more as the motherboard had gone up in price by 50% but the rest of the components of
the computer stayed the same price. So although it was more expensive to build we still
increased the overall price of the computer by 50% and gained 111% increase in profit,
amazing!
Okay you might think we were being a bit greedy here. So lets just say you increase the price
by 25% which is just over the amount it costs extra to build the computer.
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Old Computer
New Computer
Increase
Price
Cost to build
$800
$1000
25%
25
25
-
$530
$630
19%
You still increase your profit by 37%. The above tables do not take into consideration the
increased amount in sales for the new computer as they were marketed as having the latest
new motherboard and we marketed all the benefits of the new motherboard, not to mention
the increased business through word of mouth. So by adding an extra high end component we
have increased the sales and increased the total profit by 111%.
Work out your numbers on your business and see if adding an extra 20-50% would make a
difference. I think youll be surprised at the numbers it throws out.
A lot of people who own a service-business are afraid to raise their prices for fear of losing
customers. You are always going to lose a few customers along the way no matter what you
do so why not increase your price, increase your customer service and lose a few old
customers and gain a few new ones.
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as you want to do this, several weeks if necessary but make sure you think about it often and
every day. This way your mind will keep on working for you and help you spot opportunities
to make the change you desire.
Let your thought seeds flourish
The only thing you have to do here is keep thinking about your desires and thinking about the
kinds of things you would have to o to make your desires a reality. There is absolutely no
pressure on yourself to do anything or take any action other than thinking about your desires
often.
Why do all of this?
A lot of people dont take the time to think about the things they really want in life. When
you have the initial thought of your desire that may be as far as it goes, but now you have
gone a step further and actually thought about the steps that you would have to take to make
it happen.
When you do this your brain goes into overdrive and starts noticing things in your life that
could bring your desire closer to you. You will start to see strange coincidences in your life
that relates to your desire and a lot of people will take action on these coincidences.
So, just by thinking about your desires with no pressure on your part you may be a step closer
to gaining the life you want.
Taking action
Of course there is a need, eventually, to take action, as you will never get anything in life
unless you take action. However, as this process of planting thought seeds brings the action
closer to you it is much easier to realise your desires.
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Life is shit
your money limit will go higher and you will become more confident and in turn your own
mind will keep working for you and you will begin to see new ideas in everything.
Life is shit because I dont have my ideal partner!
When you are thinking like this you are giving all of your power away to an unknown entity,
namely the person you think you should be with. The thing to do here is concentrate on
being happy with yourself before giving up part of the power to someone else. When you are
totally content within your skin you are ready to meet your ideal partner. Work on yourself
in every single way possible. Thinks of all the things you want to be and work on each part
in turn.
Another piece of advice would be to concentrate on your strengths. Dont waste time on
minor weaknesses, concentrate on building up the things you are already good at.
Life is shit because I dont have the job I want!
Tell me, what have you done to find the job you really want? Most people who say this dont
really know what they want so how are you going to find your ideal job when you dont
know what it is.
You first need to figure out what you want to do and then figure out how to get it.
For example if you want to get a job as a web designer. You start small and learn the basics
by building your own sites, one site at a time. Then when you get more confident you can go
to college for a certificate of some kind and then build up your knowledge and certification
from there. If you dont have the time to go to college then learn at home and build your own
websites then ask someone if they would like a website built for free. This way you will gain
experience of working with clients and the kind of questions and difficulties they will have.
Do one a month, then two a month and then three a month and pretty soon you will have a
website business, always building your knowledge as the world of the internet is always
changing.
I remember having a conversation with my older sister a few years ago and she was saying
how she wanted another job. She was babysitting for a few people and doing a few part time
jobs cleaning and working in a shop. When she sat down and thought about what she loved
she became a registered child minder and set up business for herself. Her business is now
booming and she is doing great for herself. Everybody is always looking for reliable,
registered child minders.
This applies to any type of work you want to do.
Life is shit because I dont have a job!
Unless you have some sort of disability there is absolutely no need to be out of work. I
would do anything, anything at all to bring money into the family home and for my self
respect. There is no need in this day and age not to have a job, if you cant find an employer
create a job for yourself. Im sorry if that sounds harsh, but its the truth. We are so
engrained into thinking that somebody has to give us a job that we dont think outside the
box. Why do we have to go through the job hunting, the letter writing, the research, the
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interviews, to help someone else make money? There is no need at all, create a job for
yourself, be your own boss. If you are a hard worker there is virtually nothing you cannot do,
however if you are a lazy so and so then put up or shut up, there is no point in complaining
about something if you are not prepared to do anything about it.
Life is shit because nobody likes me!
You might be right, everybody might not like you and for one reason You dont like
yourself. There is no possible way people will like you until you truly like yourself and if
youre at this stage you have a lot of work to do on yourself.
Small steps Every single journey you take in your life will begin with a small step and this
is the same for changing your life. At this stage dont think about the bigger picture, think
about the small changes you want to make and work on them continuously and build up your
repertoire until you are happy with yourself.
I have to say if you are happy feeling like shit then there is obviously no need to make any
changes.
Life is shit because I have lost a loved one!
There is nothing at all I can say that will change your mind and rightly so. The grieving
process needs to be realised fully before you can move on and this, I know its clichd, will
take time. I cannot begin to imagine being in your shoes and I would not dare insult you by
offering advice.
There are a million other different Life is shit because.. phrases and 99.9 % of them
can be overcome if you are willing to put in the effort. I am probably not going to be liked
for this article but I had to say it.
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