Trial and Eire

Proceed, Mr Ferguson, you may call your first witness.

Thank you, your honour. I call Mr Shamus Mahoney, said the prosecution counsellor.
The court usher led the witness to the witness stand and commissioned the oath. The
prosecution counsellor began his questioning.
I believe that you were present at the scene of the crime and, accordingly, made a
statement to the police, is that correct?
It is yer onner, replied Mahoney.
It is enough to address me as sir, it is the judge that you address as yer onner... hm hm,
your honour.
Roit sir, I understand sir.
Now, in your statement to the police, you said that you were standing with the accused and
two others when you saw three young women walking on the other side of the street.
Yes sir, thats roit sir, I did, I said that.
And that the defendant crossed the street and stopped the three young women.
Thats roit sir, that he did, thats quite roit.
And then, according to your statement, you saw the defendant grab hold of one of these
women.
Thats roit sir, that he did.
And then, knocking that woman to the ground, he grabbed the others and threw them to
the ground also.
Thats roit sir, he did do that sir.
And so, in your own words, Mr Mahoney, what did the defendant do then?
Well sir, he jumped on top of one of them and the other two set about him, thumpin him
and pullin his hair.
And whilst the two women were thumping him and pulling his hair, what was he doing
with the third young woman?
Oim not completely sure, sir, it looked like he was shaggin her.
You mean that he was raping her?
I don know about that, sir, I couldnt tell if he was enjoying it or not.
Really, Mr Mahoney. These poor, defenceless young women were set upon by this large
framed rugby player; a predator and a coward!
Well I dont know about that, sir, what he did took a lot of courage.
The prosecution counsellor was nonplussed, This this six foot man weighing more
than two hundred pounds, a weight of which his victims together barely equalled and you say
he was gallant and valorous?
Oh no, sir, I did not say that, what I said was, what he did took a lot of courage.
This caused great commotion around the court. The judge slammed his gavel on to its anvil,
Order, order in court, he shouted, Order.
Cliff L

08/11/2015

The court fell utterly silent.

Thank you, yer onour, oil ave a pint of Courage, and God bless yer.

Cliff L

08/11/2015