Stress-Less

Kealing Middle School PTA Meeting

November 5, 2015

Stress
An emotional and physical response to pressure
Can come from external factors (life events, illness,
living conditions, work, home and family)
Even those events that seem enjoyable can be
stressful such as holidays, moving, etc.
Can be exacerbated by not having the internal ability
to control and process the stress from external
factors

Thoughts your child might

experience

This is too much, I cant cope!

Its unfair! Someone should be helping me.
I dont have enough time
Ill never finish
I have to get this done

Emotional Responses

Irritable, bad tempered

Anxious
Impatient
Angry
Depressed, hopeless
Regression
Clingy, needy

Physical Sensations

Heart racing
Breathing faster
Tense muscles (especially neck, shoulders, abdomen)
Hot or sweaty
Headaches
Constipation or diarrhea

Behavior

Difficulty concentrating
Forgetful
Sleep disturbance
Eating more (or less)
Restless, cant settle
Feeling paralyzed and unable to do anything

Whats going on in that brain?

More on the brain

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/video/flv/g
eneric.html?s=frol02sfadq392&continuous=1
I heard from many middle school students My parents
are so busy, they are too stressed, I dont want to bring
more stress to them.
http://www.drdansiegel.com/resources/video_clips/

Dr. Kristen Neff: 3 Elements of SelfCompassion

Self Kindness:
Understanding
Not Punishment

Sense of
Common
Humanity:
Everybody goes
through this

Mindfulness:
Neither ignoring
nor
exaggerating
feelings of
failure

Self Compassion to manage stress

Changing your mindset- Self Compassion vs Self
Esteem
Three components of self compassion
Self kindness
Common humanity
Mindfullness
This is based on the research of Dr. Kristen Neff
http://self-compassion.org/

Self-kindness
How we respond to ourselves during moments of
stress and suffering
Forgiveness and learning from mistakes vs selfcriticism
Role Model and be a mirror for your children

Sense of Common Humanity

Tweens/Teens can feel isolated in experience of
school stress, family stress, relationship stress
There is great value in community, connection and
universality of failure and struggle
Continue to build a support network for your childthink neighbors, aunts/uncles, coaches, etc.
Again, share your struggles so they see it is ok to
make mistakes

Mindfulness
Guided Imagery, deep breathing, progressive muscle
relaxation
Cultivating self awareness:
What do I sense, think, feel?
How do I recognize when I am overwhelmed?
How do I respond to stress?

Self Esteem VS Self Compassion

https://youtu.be/NYqjV-KgCic

Role of Parents
Understand your own response: What happens in
your brain and body when stressed?
Use empathy to connect, communicate and reflect:
What does brain science tell us? How can I tell when I
am overwhelmed? How can I notice my teen is
overwhelmed?
Role model self compassion: How do I act when I
make mistakes?

Role of Parents
Notice when and where you repeat negative cycles of
interaction with your child. How can you help change
these patterns?
Try to move from criticism and judgment to
admiration and interest for your child and yourself.
Recognize and receive support and self-care for
yourself to feel more equipped to handle your own
and your childs stress and anxiety.

The Wholehearted Parenting

Manifesto from Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

You are loved and loveable

You are worthy of love, belonging and joy
We will practice courage
We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion,
we will set and respect boundaries. Rest and hard play will
be family values
You will learn accountability and respect by watching me
make mistakes and amends
I want you to know JOY so together we will practice
gratitude

The Wholehearted Parenting

Manifesto from Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
I want you to feel joy so together we will learn how to
be vulnerable.
I will sit with you and teach you how to feel pain
instead of take it away
No matter what, you will always belong here
The greatest gift I can give you is to live and love with
my whole heart and to dare greatly
I will let you see me and will always hold sacred the
gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply seeing you.

Bibliography
Dr. Dan Siegel: www.drdansiegel.com
Dr. Kristin Neff, Ph.D.: www.self-compassion.org
http://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#guidedmeditations

Brene Brown, Ph.D. : www.brenebrown.com

Daring Greatly, The Gifts of Imperfection, Rising Strong