Fernando A.

Picasso
Soc. 1010-015
Intro to Sociology
E-Portfolio Assignment
11/9/2015
Why does Homophobia have to be so alive in my Family?
It was the last Saturday in May of 2015 when I met my current boyfriend Daniel. He is
this short brown skinned man who is so older than I am (Im not going to reveal his age cause he
would murder me if I did) and owns his own home with the drive to one day open his business in
the staffing industry. He is also the person who I love with all my heart and am so happy he is
involved in my life. Within the five months of knowing each other I have met his family, friends,
co-workers and so many other important people in his life that not only seem to support and love
him unconditionally but also dont seem to be bothered by the fact that Daniel is an openly gay
man. One of the many reasons that I love Daniel so much is because he has this amazing support
behind him that has never seemed to have oppressed him or arrested any type of development.
He is such an amazing, self-driven, open-minded individual that it leaves me asking myself,
What the Heck? Why doesnt my family love me enough to be ok with my sexuality? How can
Daniels family (who are heavily involved in the Catholic Church where being gay is an
abomination) be so willing to love their gay son? Why does homophobia have to be so alive my
family?
Here is a little history to fill you in on why it is I ask myself these questions. I knew I was
physically attracted to boys at a very early age. I thought some boys at the playground were cute
and I always imagined how it would be just the two of us. I never went all out to ask my
imaginary boyfriend to hang out because I freaked out every chance I did have a chance to do so,
just like any kid asking their crush out for the first time type of deal. Just keep in mind, I was

young and new to this whole idea of dating. In middle and high school I was open with myself
and a few others about my sexuality. I was only open about it with a few people because I didnt
want my parents to find out which could have led to them kicking me out of the house or doing
something more drastic. The reason I felt they would something drastic was because of how they
treated my Uncle Alex (my dads youngest brother who had been openly gay since a teenager)
while growing up.
Now they never were mean to him nor did they torture or shut him out of the family, but I
feel like they never accepted him as a brother because of his sexuality and being that open at
such an early age. He was never mentioned in a positive way when we spoke of him around the
dinner table. He never really had the support or push to go to school or even to find a job and
build a career. He was kind of set free without limits, restrictions, or even expectations to live up
to and develop into someone of importance. Well to this day my Uncle Alex has been homeless
twice for a total time of a year and a half. He has been convicted of many charges, mostly
involving drug possession. He has completed some type of rehab program three times and is
living his sister in the garage of her home.
My intention with explaining how my Uncle Alex has lived his life and what he has gone
through is to kind of show the reason why I never came out of the closet until the time I did. I
wanted to show my parents that my sexuality isnt the thing that makes me whole. It is what I
have accomplished and the goals I wanted to achieve that they should be proud of. So on the day
that I worked up the courage to tell my parents that I like boys I proved one thing; my parents
saw my sexuality as a shame and all that I have accomplished meant nothing to them. One thing
that my dad told me was that I had to find a woman so she could make passionate love to me. I

wanted to tell my dad that he should find a man so he could make passionate love to him, but
that would have escalated the situation to an extreme that I dont even dare to imagine.
I believe the reason my parents and family members dont really support my sexuality is
because they come from a Mexican ghetto where the Catholic Church led their community to
believe breeding many children would get them into heaven. I also believe that their ghetto
communities strictly followed traditional gender roles where the men had to be seen as these
macho men who provided for their family while the females were these stay at home moms who
cleaned, cooked, and popped out babies left and right. My Uncle Alex once told me that he had
been molested at an early age while living in Mexico because he had more feminine facial
features. It made sense as to why his older brothers and sisters would want to sneak him up into
the states, to protect him from sexual predators. But to abandon him for the same reason he was
being attacked only kept this homophobic behavior alive within our family. So because he was a
gay man, he couldnt fulfill the religious idea of producing baby with his significant other and he
couldnt play the role of a man because he attacked the image of what it is to be a man. It was
this very caveman way of thinking that kept my uncle oppressed for so many years and me
hidden in my deep gay closet for so long.
Daniel and I would speak and compare my family with his because I was interested as to
why and how he could have such an open minded family even though they were regulars at their
church. The one thing that really stood out to me when we had these deep conversations is that
his mom (who raised Daniel on her own until he was in his twenties) loves him unconditionally
and has mentioned that she doesnt want to see her son grow up alone with no partner in life.
Even though this woman almost lives for the church, her love for her child outweighs the
oppressing ideas the church has towards gay individuals.

Another comparison that I made between my family and Daniels is that both families are
from Mexico and both attend Catholic masses, but I am the first generation Mexican-American
whereas Daniel is third generation. This, I feel, plays another important part as to why my family
has kept homophobia alive. Daniels family has had time to assimilate into the American culture
where it is accepting to discover other religions, genders, sexual orientations, etc., whereas my
family is keeping their traditional roots as intact as possible. Well its all my uncles and aunts that
have come up from Mexico that are trying to keep these traditional matrimonial practices and
gender roles intact. This new generation, that I love so dearly, that are the ones who are going to
change the way this family sees no only homophobia, but how we see other people from different
races, religious beliefs, genders, financial status, age, body image, etc., etc., etc. Even though my
parents might not accept me, my partner, and my lifestyle, I have learned to never put this type of
shame on my own or someone elses children because I can see how it can take away someones
chance at building their own life.