PLANADA, Anna Angela M.

2014-0149
A. Omitting needless words1
Before
I. When the Senate receives articles of
impeachment pursuant to Article XI,
Sections 2 and 3 of the Constitution, the
President of the Senate shall inform the
House of Representatives that the Senate
shall take proper order on the subject of
impeachment and shall be ready to receive
the prosecutors on such time and date as
the Senate may specify.

After
I. When the Senate receives articles of
impeachment under Article XI, Sections 2
and 3 of the Constitution, the Senate
President must inform the House of
Representatives that the Senate will take
proper order on the subject of impeachment
and will be ready to receive the prosecutors
on the time and date the Senate will specify.

The Secretary of the Senate shall record the

proceedings in cases of impeachment as in
the case of legislative proceedings, and the
same shall be reported in the same manner
as the legislative proceedings of the
Senate.

The Secretary of the Senate must record

and report the proceedings in impeachment
cases in the same manner as the legislative
proceedings of the Senate.

B.

Keep average sentence length

Before
C.
The supervising training organization is
obliged to work with the business or
employer - and the apprentice - to
design a training plan, including the
training that needs to occur, how and
when that training will take place, who
will provide the training, and how that
training will be assessed.
Immediate dissemination of and strict
compliance with this Order is hereby
directed.
Keep subject, verb, and object together2

After
The supervising training organisation
works with employers and apprentices to
design a training plan. This training plan
includes details of:
Training requirements,
Training delivery, and
assessment.
We direct all stakeholders to immediately
disseminate and comply with this Order.

http://famli.blogspot.com/2011/12/senate-rules-procedure-impeachment.html
http://www.brusselslegal.com/article/display/2585/Tip_3_Keep_the_subject_the_verb_and_th
e_object_of_a_sentence_together
2

Before
The application to the Court of First
Instance, although organized ineffectively
and not making the proper legal conclusions
for some of its major arguments, was
nevertheless submitted by the law firm.
The former official, on the basis of
anonymity and in exchange for my promise
that I would not record our conversation nor
take notes, agreed, although hesitantly and
still cautiously, to speak to me about flaws
that were found by her in the course of her
employment at the institute in the
controversial decision, but were
nonetheless ignored by her former
colleagues.

After
The law firm submitted its application to the
Court of First Instance despite the
document's ineffective organization and
improper legal conclusions in some of its
major arguments.
Although hesitant and cautious, the former
official agreed to speak to me as long as I
did not record our conversation nor reveal
her identity. She discussed flaws in the
controversial decision that she found while
working at the institution. Her ex-colleagues
ignored these flaws.

D. Prefer active over passive

Passive
The ruling was upheld by the judge
The officer has been summoned by the
court.
Shots were fired, killing Victim A and
injuring Victim B.

Active
The judge upheld the ruling.
The court summoned the officer.
John fired the shots, killing Victim A and
injuring Victim B.

E. Parallelism
Parallel
X spent his Sunday afternoons reading
law books, watching criminal movies, and
eating.
F. Avoid multiple negatives
Double negative
We dont need no education
I dont have no friends.
Sadly, I didn't have no cash
G. End sentence emphatically
BEFORE
Humanity has hardly advanced in
fortitude since that time, though it has
advanced in many other ways.
It has rarely been the case that any
mistake has been made.

Not Parallel
X spent his Saturday afternoon reading
law books, then he watched criminal
movies, and ate.
Single negative
We dont believe education is important.
I dont have friends
Sadly, I had no cash.
AFTER
Humanity, since that time, has advanced
in many other ways, but it has hardly
advanced in fortitude.
Few mistakes have been made.