Essay 2 Instructor Feedback

This essay is graded on a 100-point scale. Each grading point has

a total possible of 20 points.

Focused on a central symbol - 10

You have great potential here for an essay focused on a central
symbol. Unfortunately, I don't see a focus on a central symbol in
this version. If you had focused on the Rosary, one specific time
when it was said and one specific set of beads that you could
describe, then you would have had a central symbol. If, instead,
you wanted to focus on a specific song that seemed to symbolize
the whole experience, and one specific time when you sang it
that would have also worked.

Uses literary devices to establish a strong personal

writing voice and draw the readers attention to the
thesis or central message of the essay - 17
You are a strong writer, and comfortable with literary devices and
figurative language. Your central message isn't developed
enough, which does a disservice to your writing skills.

Establishes a strong personal writing voice that

matches the content of the essay 20
Your description is vivid and detailed, and you show your reader a
personal connection to the way your family celebrated Christmas.
I especially like the way you describe praying the Rosary as a
misfortune inflicted on us from the Heavens; a sort of divine
punishment. You capture a childs eye view here from an adult
perspective.

Communicates a central message - 15

Here is where your paper is the weakest. You needed to focus on
one specific time when one specific ritual was performed, and to
then extract a lesson or insight about that ritual that would
surprise your reader. What you say here is too predictable.

Free of major grammatical and fluency errors,

submitted in the MLA format - 20
Total: 82