Author: Breanna Welch

Reviewer: Rachel Cook

Ethnography Stage 3: Peer Review
1.
Locate at least two key passages in the ethnography. Give an example of
something the writer does well. Suggest areas that could benefit from more description
of the subculture, more explanation of the thesis, or forms of information that are needed
to improve the passages.
In your paper you explained well why women do not want to play golf and why
they can not play golf in some settings. You did a good job of explaining why
women ava disadvantage to the sport, even if they want to play, it is not a very
popular sport. I think that you need more description about your research to back
yourself up. Maybe talk about what else people said when you interviewed them.
2. Find a section where the author uses primary research. Is the research used
appropriately? Is it clear how the research supports the point being made by the author?
Suggest areas where more primary research would be useful to help improve the
ethnography
From what I am reading, your primary research is the interviews with the high
school students? It is clear what you are trying to say, just elaborate more on the
topic. I think if you talked about specifically who you interview and what the
expectations were in the school for womens golf, then it would tie together better.
3. Find a section where the author uses secondary research. Is the research used
appropriately? Is it clear how the research supports the point being made by the author?
Suggest areas where more secondary research would be useful to help improve the
ethnography.
I see that your secondary research is your online research. You did a good job of
finding the facts, but you didnt really talk much about it, you just stated what you
found. Talk more about how that relates.
4.
What overall idea does the ethnography convey to you? How does your notion of
the main idea compare to the authors? Explain how the author might revise the essay to
make the thesis clearer; point out specific ways to accomplish this.
I got from this ethnography that womens golf is not taken seriously and because it
isnt taken seriously, no one is able to play for various reasons. Talk about how
this matters to you and your interest in golf.
5.

Suggest solutions to the problem(s) the author wanted you to focus on.

My last tip is to build a conclusion. Your paper was very good, but

you just left the reader hanging at the end. Make sure to close your
paper.