Neftali Mendoza

Mendoza, remove comma 1

English 113A
Professor Jackie
September 20, 201
Whats right, Whats wrong? remove quotation marks
This boy.. this boy who keeps on stumbling on the floor. He would try to get up, but
someone would always put him down, and tell him. punctuation Stay there, that is where you
belong. During that time the punctuation boy didnt know how to defend himself. So remove
he would just lay there on the cold hard punctuation rocky ground punctuation, covered in dirt
and sand until those monsters would disappear. His parents, no... his parent, his mom, the one
who cared for him, encouraged him to do things which would make him happy, she was the one
who would tell him to follow his dreams. They would always discuss what the boy wants tense
to do in his life, and for his mother awkward wording. Such as having a nice home, dream car,
food always on the table, and having a family of his own with the girl of his dreams. Combine
with previous sentence. No matter what they discussed, the mother would always tell him,
Study first, primero los estudios, then you can have whatever you desire. Id break the
stanzas here. The boy grows tense stronger and stronger every day, every day he learns tense
something new. If some needs to speak to him, he will listen. If someone teaches him
something, he will learn. The problem is, punctuation What capitalization is right? What is
wrong? Does he befriend the classmate that is always alone? Does he stop someone who is being

bullied or does he watch? Does he speak up so he can be heard, remove or does he keep quit?
Does he drink the bottle of alcohol that is offered to him in a group of negative people, remove
or does he ignore it and walk away? What is wrong and what is right? Is it right for him to stand
up against the bullies and fights back? Is it wrong that he does not fit in the crowd because he
refused to drink with them? Some of these choices were right, some of them are tense wrong. Id
break into another new stanza here. The boy would always ask his beautiful mother, Mama,
would you please tell me, show me, teach me what is wrong and what is right? The mother
would always reply to him, Sometimes mijo, you have to figure it out yourself, im not always
going to be beside you, telling you what is right and what is wrong. You have to decide what
feels right and what feels wrong mijo punctuation. Everyone makes mistakes, you punctuation
cant regret what you did or said. What was done was done. All you can do is learn from it or let it
hurt you.
To this day, the boy is still learning right and wrong, from his experiences and environment that
surrounds him like mist. Mysterious and would keep him wondering if he will make the right
choices in his life or wrong ones awkward wording. All he can do is to keep his head held up
high, remove and go through this mist of journey and mystery. He can Either capitalization
shine as bright as the sun to see through his journey clear as water, remove or turn dim like a
lamp in the middle of a foggy night. Id break into a new stanza here. And that this boy is me.

Neff,
Im glad to see something a bit more personal than the last draft you turned in. Im also
glad you were able to express yourself creatively here.

One thing to remember is that you want to insert the page numbers via the page number
feature on Word. I have a video tutorial linked on the resources tab of the course website
that should help you with MLA formatting in the future. This will also get rid of the
heading on each page.
Another thing I would have liked to see is a bit more figurative language. Remember, a
poem is the place where figurative language becomes the heart and soul of the piece. It
needs to be what propels the poem along.
Grade:
Assignment requirements: 8/10. See my comments above regarding MLA format.
Content: 38/50. I think you did a really great job here. However, in the part where you ask
all those rhetorical questions, I would have liked to see the speaker of the poem go through
those events. Let him observe, let him be faced with those challenges and obstacles to
overcome. Is this the path to righteousness? I was a bit confused as to what the lesson was
at the end. Does the boy still need to learn these things? Why was there no resolution?
Organization: 24/30. You did a nice job. I suggested a few more stanza breaks to create
more tension/pace the piece a bit better.
Grammar and mechanics: 8/10. Careful with your comma placement. Your textbook has a
great section on commas and their placement that should help you. Doing the grammar log
will help as well.
Total grade: 78/100. Great work!