Text From my initial

WP submission:
(a phrase, sentence,
paragraph, idea,
move, punctuation,
piece of evidence,
etc.)

An observation or
question I received
from De Piero or a
classmate:

The change(s) I
made to what I
initially wrote:
(ie, the change[s] I
made to column 1)

How this change

impacts my paper:

You ask a repairman

for advice and he
suggests that you let
him fix the problem.
You also ask a
salesman for advice,
but instead of
repairing the old
television, he suggests
you buy a new and
improved one.

Cool start, Andy!

(between the
repairman and the
salesman sentences is
a great spot for a
semicolon)

Omitted the word

also and connected
the two sentences by a
semicolon rather than
a period.

Creates parallelism
between the two
sentences while
enhancing the flow of
the paper.

Similar to the men

from different fields,
different writing
genres and disciplines
approach a topic or
issue with different
perspectives and
purpose according to
their own interests,
and utilize different
moves and strategies
as a result.

True, but I need more

of a specific,
driving thesis
statement, Andy.
What, exactly, are you
going to be arguing
here? And what
specific points are you
going to use to make
that case? What about
the conventions
within this genre will
you be emphasizing?
Also: do you think
itd help your reader
(technically, me) to
lay out which specific
sources youll be
using to make your
case?

New sentence:
Similar to the men
from different fields,
different writing
genres and disciplines
approach a topic or
issue with different
perspectives and
purpose according to
their own interests
and audiences, while
utilizing different
language and tone
accordingly.

The new thesis

presents a much more
specific point that
refers to the actual
conventions and
devices discussed in
the paper. It sets the
rest of the paper up
for success.

Each source writes

about their own
discipline because
they are addressing
the people from that
discipline.

You sure? Isn't the

airplane tickets piece
geared towards the
general public?

Sentence replaced
with:
While both of the
scholarly sources
write for people of
their own discipline,
neurology and
education, the
unscholarly news
article directs its
information to the
general public.

More specifically
identifies the
audiences of each
source. Makes it
clearer that this
paragraph is about
audiences and how
they affect the moves
and strategies a writer
uses.

Understanding
Genres and Their
Uses

Yawwwwnnn...

Title changed to:

Know Your Genres:
The Key to Writing
Success

Far more interesting

title also touches on
why the topic is
important.

Understanding
textual genres is
useful for much more
than just classifying
works into
categories.

Ditto, above. Can you

work in more of a
hook here? Something
exciting? Or superimportant? Or weird?
Something I can read
that makes me think,
"Oh, damn! This is
really worth taking a
look at!"

New intro Hook:

What makes a news
blog a news blog? Is it
defined by the
freedom the author
has to express his own
opinion? Or by the
way readers can
discuss the topic in
the comments
section?
Understanding why
textual genres use the
structures they do is
very useful to us as
writers and readers.

Completely reworked
the intro to hook the
reader more
effectively and pose
questions that will be
addressed in the essay.

Andy, get me
interested in reading
this! Brief me on what
the topic/focus is! :)

resume, winning a
persons heart by
writing a romantic
love letter, or getting
into college by
writing an effective
personal statement.

Don't forget to include resume, winning a

a p#
persons heart by
writing a romantic
love letter, or getting
into college by
writing an effective
personal statement
(Dirk 21).

Properly cites the

source to build
credibility as well as
fix mechanics

By comparing works
from different sources
within a genre we can
better understand the
genre, and therefore
better understand how
to put the genre to
use.

I need more of a
specific, driving
thesis statement,
Andy. I don't want a
description, I need an
argument. What,
exactly, are you going
to be arguing here?
And what specific
points are you going
to use to make that
case? What about the
conventions within
this genre will you be
emphasizing?

When we compare
works from three
different varied
sources of internet
news blogs, we can
view similarities and
differences to better
identify the genres
conventions,
structure, and
rhetorical devices,
thus allowing us to
utilize the genre for
our own work more
effectively.

Tightens up the
argument and make it
clear what specific
points will be
examined and argued.

For the sake of

comparison we will
focus on

Just for the sake of

comparison? Is there
any other reason you
selected these?

Changed to:
Many internet news
blogs are notorious
for having a particular
bias or format. To
make sure we include
varying viewpoints,
we will include
sources known for
being each more leftwing, right-wing, or
middle ground. We
will examine articles
from

Much more
specifically identifies
why each source is
selected and purpose
they serve

In this essay we will

examine

Removed parts of the

essay that discuss
what will happen in
the essay.

Enhances the flow of

the paper by keeping
the ideas short and
concise rather than
fluffing them up.

but it also seems there Why not? Then why

is a persuasive or
bring it up now?
suggestive purpose in
the background. This
is an interesting topic
within the genre and
we will discuss it later
on.

Replace second
sentence with:
This could possibly be
a result of the bias
that each blog is
known for. This
source could be
subconsciously
pushing an agenda
that lines up with the
authors political or
social beliefs.

Discuss the mentioned

topic to keep ideas
flowing rather than
breaking them apart.

The purpose of the

article is also to
inform of a news
event but there is also
a clear background
political agenda the
article seems to be
pushing. We will
return to discuss this
tactic.

Replaced with:
Similar to the first
piece, the purpose of
the article is also to
inform of a news
event but there is also
a clear background
political agenda the
article seems to be
pushing.

Connects this claim

with the ideas
elaborated on in the
paragraph before
rather than postponing
the discussion.

We will start with

Andy, I think you

might be slowing me
down a bit with "we
will examine" and
"we will use." Instead
of telling me what
you're going to do/
say, just say what you
have to say.
Unnecessary.

Why?!

Now that we have

performed a brief
rhetorical analysis of
a piece from each
source, it becomes
easier to compare and
contrast them in order
to identify
conventions

When I see this

even before I start
readingI think,
Ahhhhhhh! Attack of
the page-long
paragraph!

Replaces sentence
with:
After performing a
brief rhetorical
analysis of each
source it becomes
easier to compare and
contrast them in order
to identify
conventions.

Rather than preparing

for a giant paragraph
it briefly states the
idea that will be
discussed over several
smaller paragraphs.

Paragraph 6

See if you like this

metaphor:

Broke the paragraph

up into smaller
arguments and claims

Makes the
information more
digestable to the
reader and doest
overwhelm them.

Pretend your whole

paper is a big, juicy
steak. Do you want
your reader to enjoy
that steak in easy-tochew, digestable
bites? Or do you want
them to start gnawing
away at whole thing
in one piece (think:
zombie).
Paragraphs are like
those bites. Give
your reader your
argument in little,
digestable, one-ideaat-a-time bits.
Readers need to be
able to see the
different parts/pieces/
bites of the argument
that theyre chewing
on.

This helps us
understand the use of
the genre which, as
Dirk stated, is perhaps
the most important
reason for
understanding genre.

Is there a deeper
thought/idea you
could use to connect
your paper to the
course readings?

Replaced with:
With this new
understanding we can
determine exactly
when and how this
genre would be most
effective. Referring
back to Dirks
discussions, learning
the best use for a
genre is perhaps the
most important reason
to understand it in the
first place.

Elaborates on the idea

from the course
readings and Ties the
main ideas of the
paper back together.