Julita Ali Okolie

WRT 1020, Section 2; College Comp II

Dr. William Shea
Fall, 2015 Thursday, 7-10 p.m.

Weekly Analytical/Reflective E-Journal Entry

October 1, 2015

Readings from Blackboard: Kid Rock.doc

Journal Entry #3

Read the Kid Rock essay. Come up with four suggestionsbe

specific in your thinkingon how to improve this essay. Elaborate
on each point.

The thesis of the writers paper is solely the topic of concerts and
starts with stating that Concerts have existed since musics
birth however there is no factual information to help the reader
understand when musics birth was, and how concerts are
intertwined with it. One fact that would help to understand that
concerts are important to music is slightly stated by the writer as
helping to promote the artists of today, however that statement is
lacking any definitive or factual information by refraining how
exactly it promotes the artists while also not being the main form
of advertising todays artists since most promotional music in
modern day extends concerts and is done via music streaming or
social media outlets, since many people cannot make time or have
the money to attend concerts.

The second paragraph is based upon general assumptions that the

reader should know how all good concerts start, but does not
provide any form of informative standards for what good
concerts entail. The writer does provide personal perspective that
should be refrained from in analytical writing, by implying long
lines are the fundamental basis of a great concert and also the
generalized statement about random spurts of fighting amongst
crowds, women flashing topless and the actions of those
individuals involved in such activity derive directly due to
consumption of alcohol. None of those statements provided to the
reader are backed up by any examples from other concerts or
drinking at a concert, nor do they give a clear picture for what a
reader could experience at a kid rock concert.