Henil, Your second mini-portfolio is really good! You’ ve done a lot of things right here, and I think you’re right about improving your writing. See how far some editing and proofreading can ‘g0? I’m glad you took the time to review your work, and I think it made a huge difference. As you work on your final portfolio, you'll need to choose an item from this mini- portfolio to revise. Even though you did really well on all of these items, I think there's plenty of room for improvement, too. I believe that no piece of writing is ever perfect, and for that reason, ‘even “A” work is subject to revision. If you wanted to revise the self-assessment, you would need to do even more detailed revision and proofreading. The work you've done here is really observant, and you spend most of the self-assessment stating how you use technology. In a revised version, you might try to explain a little more about why you use technology in this way. I think you get to that towards the end when you talk about using technology in the same way that your friends do, but it seems like you could say more about that. Why do you and your friends use technology differently than other people your age? You'll also want to revise the layout a little, because the breaks between paragraphs aren’t always clear, I think adding some space would help your reader. Finally, you've listed a percentage (“facts”) in your first paragraph. If you're using outside information (which you must be in this case), you need to use a formal citation. Some instructors might understand this as plagiarism, and you've taken a risk by not listing the source of that information. Either add a citation or cut that information. If you wanted to revise the genre remediation, again, I think it would be a matter of doing that detailed proofreading and editing. Really push yourself to write at an even higher level. The layout causes the same kind of problems in this case and adding space between paragraphs might be helpful for your reader. In both cases, there isn’t an issue with the content or with your ‘understanding of the concepts, and your writing isn’t bad by any means. However, since you seem to have “gotten it,” the next step (at least in my mind) is to stretch yourself further in terms of your clarity and grammar, You've already made so much progress this semester, and I think you can continue to grow as a writer by looking at these pieces even more closely. Overall, your portfolio looks great, and I’m looking forward to seeing what you do with the revisions. Your grade estimate is correct, and you've earned a 92A for Mini-Portfolio #2. Well done! ~-Jessi MortonHenil, ‘Your portfolio shows really solid work, and it demonstrates your progress in this course so far. I think there are plenty of areas where you could continue to improve, but overall, this is a very solid effort (especially for your first major assignment). As you begin thinking about your final portfolio, you'll need to decide which of the items from Mini-Portfolio #1 you would like to Even though you did really well on both the literacy vignettes and the SLOs in Action assignment, I would recommend revising one of those two items. revi In cither the literacy vignettes or the SLOs in Action assignment, I think you could learn alot and really push yourself to become an even better writer. The way to do that in both cases ‘would be to really look at your writing on the sentence level and at organizing your ideas within the piece of writing, For instance, in the vignettes, you go from one idea to another very quickly which is fine in that assignment, but it might be easier for your reader if you separated ideas into individual paragraphs (even if they’re only one or two lines long), or if you placed the ideas in categories (50 that everything about reading is together under a heading and everything about writing is under a different heading). In your SLOs in Action assignment, you’ve done a great job of mentioning the SLOs, but I think you could polish your writing a lot more. I stated early on in our class that I wouldn’t be counting off for grammar as long as I could understand the writing, and I’m standing by that here. Both of these pieces of writing fall in the “A” column of the rubric because your ideas and your thinking about these topics exceeded my expectations. The next step for you as a writer is to continue working on polishing your writing and organizing ideas. I encourage you to do that as you revise for your final portfolio. ‘Your book review and reflection were both very solid pieces of writing as well. In the book review, I thought you gave a bit too much away, but you still did a good job. I think your reflection could have told me a little more about which parts of the portfolio you thought you did well on. You estimated your grade as an “A,” and I think you were almost right. There were places where you could have done a bit more, but overall, your mini-portfolio is good. The {journal entries weren't labeled as clearly as I would have liked, and I could only tell which ones came first because I assigned them. Luckily, you've eamed one bonus point so far this semester, and with that point added, you've eared a 90A for Mini-Portfolio #1. I can’t wait to see what you'll do with the next assignment. ~Jessi MortonPeer Response Worksheet writer: fat) Reader: Grea, Read through once without pausing to write comments. Answer the following questions without looking back. 1. What single feature of the paper stands out to you as a reader? 2. What do you think is the writer's main point? He deacdoma be Flyer and Why Hh wes 3. Was there anything in the paper that seemed confusing to you? (If so, explain briefly). There, were. lot of MecmPele semteces. ‘Now reread the paper, making any comments in the margins you feel would be helpful. Try to comment on development and organization of ideas: Do you understand the points the writer is trying to make? Do ideas seem well-connected? Remember, you are not being asked to evaluate the paper; comments should be aimed towards helping the writer improve. 4, Is there any place where the writer néeds to support an idea with more concrete detail or explanation? If so, where? "pk that he did a. ged be oF appearing WB (dea, 5. List at least two ways in which the paper could be improved. Whe sortences ed t0 PE A 20 Whey con Mave Sense. Leam howto Ve. quotation mores properly, 6. List at least two things you like about the paper. GE a. good amant-oF BENS. bbs 0 wel troggrt altars 7, What would you like to know more about? What questions do you still have? Tt would lee to mew rae apout wnat the, flyer lores De we wrter Uren Ayer? 8, Affer you finish reading, ask the “why” and “how” questions we've been talking about. Write a sentence or ‘two paraphrasing the point of the paper, answering the question, "In what way(s) is this interesting, surprising, intriguing, ete.2” If the paper lacks a "why" or “how,” point that out and discuss the possibilities. The Pare desaibes a Beriesades byer cond tow It Osed 610s io atineet other Feaded. It is Cae een SL rever trougpt alecut ac campapy) fiyer beng used in > assigrivert,Henil Pate] oe Zot Titus dies not buy much stuff but he is kind of looking for the stuff he is interested in. Titus and Violet find advertisements every time and everywhere whether they are doing homework, using the feed or just talking to each other. Violet thinks that the feed is taking over the human brain and it is forcing you to buy the stuff that you look on and then create a personal advertisement as per the items that you looked on. It’s just a waste of money according to her it’s kind of making humans buy what’s not necessary for them. In today’s life we are going through the same situation but in a kind of different manner like when you are surfing on internet you get ads on the side of the browser and sometimes when you are visiting some webpages these ads annoys you. For instance, when you look up_ something on amazon once, then the next time when you visit amazon it will Show you a customized suggestions bar on the right side or the bottom of the page related to things you viewed previously. These companies keep a track of your online activity and then show advertisement according to your interest which Violet experiences when she and Titus were just seeing different things and were pretending to like those things. The next day Violet got advertisements related to those things that is like a targeted advertising the same happens with us. It allows annoys me when I see these ads popping up when | am on the internet. There is no such thing like privacy when you are online. Someone is always keeping a track of stuff that you are viewing either government, Internet Service Provider or anyone. I think that its people’s private life and their stuff should not be tracked or looked upon. (1s) Ee Lows Journal Entry 9 sa