Two Admirable Uncles Singing to the Beat

A Short Story
by Theo Phylact
Elizabeth Bond had always loved hilly Liverpool with its adorable, abundant arches. It
was a place where she felt barmy.
She was a remarkable, funny, whiskey drinker with pretty eyelashes and curvaceous abs.
Her friends saw her as an adorable, abundant author. Once, she had even made a cup of
tea for a cuddly injured bird. That's the sort of woman he was.
Elizabeth walked over to the window and reflected on her dirty surroundings. The clouds
danced like gyrating bears.
Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of
Matthew Wilson. Matthew was a hilarious giant with red eyelashes and brunette abs.
Elizabeth gulped. She was not prepared for Matthew.
As Elizabeth stepped outside and Matthew came closer, she could see the decaying glint
in his eye.
"I am here because I want equality," Matthew bellowed, in a scheming tone. He slammed
his fist against Elizabeth's chest, with the force of 894 lizards. "I frigging hate you,
Elizabeth Bond."
Elizabeth looked back, even more surprised and still fingering the spotty book. "Matthew,
I don't have the money," she replied.
They looked at each other with unstable feelings, like two klutzy, kindhearted kittens
bouncing at a very friendly bar mitzvah, which had reggae music playing in the
background and two admirable uncles singing to the beat.
Elizabeth studied Matthew's red eyelashes and brunette abs. Eventually, she took a deep
breath. "I'm sorry, but I can't give you equality," she explained, in pitying tones.
Matthew looked lonely, his body raw like a red, regurgitated record.
Elizabeth could actually hear Matthew's body shatter into 7716 pieces. Then the hilarious
giant hurried away into the distance.
Not even a glass of whiskey would calm Elizabeth's nerves tonight.
THE END