Ibitoye 1

Jesudamilare Ibitoye
Professor Intawiwat
English 2116-008
9 November 2015
Corrections
Before you send this memo out to the residents, first you need to remove the all caps.
Instead of ALL PLAZA RESIDENTS, write All Plaza Residents. There is no need to use all caps,
it makes it seem like you are yelling. Also, capitalize the p in problems. Perhaps, you could add
an Action Required part so that it gives an overall list of what The Plaza requires from the
residents. When you discussed the part concerning cleaning up after their dogs, you should
clarify and direct the message to those who own dogs. That way it does not seem like you are
talking to every single person. In addition, you should thank those who already clean up after
their dogs before addressing those who do not. Next, delete Okay? it is rude and makes it seem
as though we are irritated.
In the next paragraph, do not underline anything. Retrain from stating that we have been
dealing with the parking situation several times. Also, do not say. Dont call me, it makes it
seem like we do not care. Instead of talking about the vehicles that parked in front of their back
door, make a general statement such as, due to previous occurrences, parking is no longer
permitted in Baileys parking lot. Also, do not put any exclamation marks and do not threaten the
residents. Make sure the memo does not contain any emotions.
The paragraph mentioning information concerning fire alarms should be completely
rewritten. Remove the underlined item and the all caps. The paragraph should lack emotion and
it should just be generalized. After reading the paragraph, I felt as though you were angry and

Ibitoye 2
rude which is not the feeling we want to leave with our residents. Also, do not be sarcastic and
stop asking the reader questions, just make statements. For example, you should write something
along the lines of: Do not take the batteries out of your smoke alarm; if it beeps, it means that it
is in need of batteries. Batteries will be located in the office if your fire alarm needs them.
Restraining from removing the batteries from the smoke alarms will help in keeping you safe
which is our priority. Those that removed their battery will be fined $25.00. In that example, one
cannot detect emotion; it was just a general statement.
For the next three paragraphs, I suggest doing the same as I previously stated. Do not put
any emotion in what you are writing. Also, you should sound understanding and talk as though
we care about the residents and their guests safety because The Plaza does. Also, do not demand
anything from the residents, instead, tell them with affirmation and not aggression. Lastly, do
not threaten them, they are our guests. I understand that you might be upset about all the
situations, but do not let it be shown in the memo. Not everyone is doing all that you stated,
recognize that and thank those who do things correctly. Then, address the issues that have
become a problem. End the memo with a statement that shows appreciation to the residents. It is
all about the approach and the way the Plaza appears through the memo. We want a positive
image and this is not what the Plaza stands for. Please make the corrections that I listed and send
it back to me. If you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact me.