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AmandaHicks
October27,2015
Scaife8:00
Rhet&CompI

GrievingSpecialNeeds

Foryears,childrenhavebeenborn.Thoughclearly,ouryoungergenerationsandeventhe
oldergenerationsstrivetohaveasenseofbeingnormal.Butwhathappenswhenoneofour
childrenisnt?Whatifachildisbornthatlooksdifferent?Whatiftheyarentabletounderstand
whatsgoingonliketheotherkids?Thesearequestionsweaskourselvessometimes.While
askingthosequestions,itbringsustoaskafewmorequestionslikewhydoesthishappen?
Whatdowedowhenweseeaspecialneedschild?Andultimately,whydotheparentshavea
hardtimeacceptingthattheirchildisspecialneeds?
Whenaskingthequestiononhoworwhythishappens,itshardtobeabletoanswerit
specifically.Thingsjusthappen.But,forspecificdisorders,differentthingscancontributethe
outcomeofthechildbefore,during,andevenafterbirth,differentcharacteristics.Onesyndrome
ordisorderinparticularthatisaconsequenceofactionsduringpregnancyisFetalAlcohol
Syndrome(FAS).Accordingtokidshealth.org,somesignsandsymptomsofachildhavingFAS
rangefromfacialabnormalitiessuchassmallereyeopeningsandflattenedcheekbonesto
behavioralproblems.Thenthereisoneothersyndromethathappensoroccursinyourgenetic
code.Downsyndromeisachromosomalconditioninwhichintellectualabilityandphysical

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characteristicsareallaffected.Someofthecharacteristicsincludeweakmuscletone,specific
facialcharacteristics,andtheultimatechanceofdevelopinganoutsidedisorderordisability
outsideofhavingDownSyndrome.
Whenwerealizeachildisdisabledorspecialneeds,wegetintothemindsetthatthey
cantdothesamethingsthatnormalchildrencant.Onthecontrary,theycandothesamethings
andmore.Anyamountofstatisticscantexplainhowithappens.LaurenPotter,anactress
knownforhercharacterasBeckyJacksononGlee,isaverysuccessfulactresswhohappensto
havedownsyndrome.MissPotteristheperfectexampletoprovethatevenkidswhoneedalittle
morehelpcanaccomplishanydreamstheyhave.
Eventhoughweknowthatspecialneedskidscandothesamethingsthatnormalchildren
can,therearesomeparentswhohaveahardtimeacceptingthattheirchildisntwhatthey
thoughtwouldbe.KenMosesisapsychologistwhowroteaboutthestruggleparentshaveand
theimpactontheirlivesfromgrieving.HesaysFewwouldarguethatfacingthedevastating
andcontinuinglossofhavinganimpairedchildisamongthemostpainfulexperiencesthata
parentcouldconfront.Thinkingaboutit,andlettingthatthoughtrunfreethroughyourmind
makesyoureallywonderhowharditmustbeonboththeparentandchild.Hereweallare,
imaginingtheperfectbaby,hopingandprayingitturnsoutjustlikeyou,andbeautiful,and
healthy.Themindgamesyouplaywithyourselfforninemonthsfinallyendwhenthechildis
bornandtheyrenotwhatyouexpectedthemtobe.Dr.Mosesdescribesitasagrievingperiod
forparents.Butintheend,howwouldwereallyreact?
Allofthefeelingssomeparentshavearecompletelyunderstandable.Maybe,whatsome
parentsaregrievingoverisntthelossofanormalchildingeneral,butthelifethischildhasin

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frontofthem.Theperpetualfeelingofguiltbecausetheparentfeelsliketheyhavemessedup
somehow.ButItsokay.Grievinghappens,andwhenitsfinished,theworldwelcomesnew
facesandallofthemaredifferent.Somemaybebecauseofhealthorgenetics,butwegrowto
acceptthem.Thelifeaheadofeveryoneisbright.Evenforthekidsthatneedanextrapush.

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Citations

1. TheImpactofChildhoodDisability:TheParentsStruggleDr.KenMoses,
Ph.D.
2. Kidshealth.org/parent/medical/brain/fas.html
3. kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/friend/special_needs.html
4. ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition/downsyndrome