Coe Quan rere ENGLISH 401 57 |tco le M. MeCarpbal nooores SCORING GUIDE FOR ESSAY 1 Te ‘Biceeds | Bamonstales | Reviewers ‘ina, ya | Criteria for | proficiency score and fora ac “10 points | comments 6-7 points Teeter ie cventand fives render weaiee ‘4 Nie T=9pee | Topas Shows 9 [Sets up and meets duet Smtng | ater eee, |ceaonsabur | Uf eager ae [a= poinee | 6-7 pains pent waz feasts | tee ne re pt meat SS = pons money ~[o=Spointe [B= Fpainte Dponso> mention OF sag tor Genera) or suramary of sentence / | the essay; 23 “The relationship aor nN seuving ¢ money oe iin conver efsi® cra Tt Ubsing. __ ~ Bs ‘COMPOSITION AND SENTENCE MECHANICS Uh Category ‘Does not meet *C ‘Meets °C" Standard | Exceeds “C ‘Comments Steed Sean 2° Spans (e2pains Taare Tani acredope Ss ‘coherence S Employs transtions when necessary | Word 6 1 (Errors: You bogin wh 20 paints. You los ore point or ech of the following errs = _-— Spelling 6 “) Capiatation Chelee/Dicton | Ses second person [pm Subjiverb agreement Ineptrect verb form Verb tense This Uses aforoprate LD lan ‘words: employs 23 Wweldesergand [specter 1 worn out ethes . pronoun use -4=Elb 70 comma spice — 2 run-nitused sentence —D- sontenca fragment ‘(ow with each major essay assignment.Rae’ Quan Peterson Fall 2015 Professor.M.McCampbell ki 17 September 2015 Essay 1 English 101 csenigé pas mewonys 9D tan oie flay reek aan al fms eh hing“ Entrodslk Hy Praddid Greeny Compo FG, pie tecatneat & cease risky price to “have they went i spit GORHAM pour Hoe sulKt Deartache, and pai Wes before they just cunt lake any more of| le ofthis, Freddie Gray was a young manlooked at asa “eover up ftom the city to distract people ftom the real Freddie and the w Phony ot ao duct thet at ey ved in pubichonsing. Cromaphuse VU4 (BO. i) Strowd Ue VAR MOLY Cam OU wy > sah) Wey ‘No amount of money could ever replace a person life. The money she family recived yy v might seem like 2 good thing to people looking in from the outside world but the money changed the far ‘uemendously because they can now de things and goto places where they" ve only imag er that now they have Tam sum of mney people that he etl don’t even py wl come ot Tom dN CU Muncie cotta rogers pice of oy re Oe" get Oso oe sw with NBC Freddie's G ever happened never bee sae down her} ‘feaile ‘wants is her son back anc tha but she des in Darden said “Ihave abole in» loan (fsa she ws going tough ve 20 "say “the money can never replace Freddie’ ther emotions are boing poured out on national ices ly ever be at a peacefrest? We'll never the ease and the family has to be reminded dailyfy what ose congou roe ter Azoreler? SDEAG TIE Chaar, 2d telat "pasincl ve hone PROUD Jaacherount Wweancness — exgpntzetion Blorta. barca. Capon matteRao’ Quan Peterson all 2015 Profesor MMcCampbe English 101 17 Seplember 2015 Essay #1 English 101 13 it's mot a bad thing to be without, but atthe same ti ’s what happened tothe family of Freddie sky price to “have it all alot of mosey can seem so great. Loking non someone's if fora seater ‘now what person did te get all ofthat money or the pan they went through for Tc Topic semlence fo intreclacer PHL aber pwragraph « Money can seem to make people happy on the outside but they could really be suffering ‘om the inside from the pain, distress, hearache, and pain tha they're carrying in their hear, ‘There is only so much a person can keep bottled up te themselves before they just can’t tke any rmore ofthe pain. Preddie Gray's family i a very good example ofthis. Freddie Gray wes a young man from Baltimore, Maryland that was srongfully mistreated by city police which reso inks deb. There i now aa hata being conducted decine wha al happen e's Te cy eB ft G's ‘rong ain of h(@poteea, ust sense caly bea peace with the death of fact that th 1e for so many things to beterAyer ‘sum of moncy people that they probably don’t even know will come out of nowhere trying ‘them for eho they really are bul +t to ‘know them” for what they have, \ The vs Acland Inn inverview with NBC Freddie's mothey Gloria Darden stated,"T have a hole in ‘ny tart I wish it never happened I'l never be she same”. We can tll she was going through a {ot of pain; she had tears rolling down her face, All she wants i her son back anc that will never happen. Gloria doesn’t say “the money can never replace Freddie's fife” but she does imply it by her actions, body language, and her emotions are being poured out en national television. She's hurt on the inside, Will Fre really ever beat a peaceful rest? We'll never know because the ‘media continues to bring up the case and the family has tobe reminded daily of their Love one's death Te conclusion I would have to say meney can puta smile on anyone's face but could never replace the emotional distress that a person may carry in their heat. Are people truly happy when they have alot of money? Or ae they jus for en emotional cover up? netler - We Sboutd wort-cr a Concludun for Caton 7