AndersonBrittany

English101
ProfessorM.McCampbell
7December2015
BritannyTwonoticeablestrengthsofyouressay:youroverallorganizationandcoherence
makeiteasytofollowyourideas,andyouuseyourresearchinformationwell.Theonly
noticeableweaknessisthelackofsomekindofmodeltoshowthatyourideaworkse.g.more
accesstoprofessionalsineitherprivateschoolsorinasimilarkindofsituation.
HighSchoolStudentsAndTheCollegeProcess
105/130
Attendingcollegeisveryimportanttohighschoolgraduatesintodayssociety.Mostarewell
awareofthatwhileothersareobjectivetoattendingcollege.Havingadegreeinanareaof
expertiseopensthedoortomanyoptionsforarewardingandfulfillingcareer.Startingearlyon
thecollegeprocessshouldbeginfreshmanyeartoensurethatalltherightstepsarebeing
followedforwhenitistimetoapplyforcollege.Knowingthecollegeprocessandhowitworks
throughouttheyearsofbeingahighschoolstudentiscrucialforplanningfuturegoals.By
increasingthefacultytostudentratioitgivesthestudentsmoreoptionsonwhotoseekforhelp,
allowsoneononetimeforthestudentsandadvisors,andmakessurethateverystudentis
activelyparticipatinginthecollegeprocess.
Thecollegeprocessstartsthefirstdayfreshmanyearofhighschool.Althoughmanystudents
don'tunderstandthatbecausetheyarejuststartingoutandhavenoideaofwhatcollegeevenis.

Insomecasesstudentsdon'tstarttakingitseriouslyuntilhalfwaythroughjunioryear.Oneof
themostimportantcontributingfactorsintogettingacceptedintocollegeisgrades.Ifstudents
areawarethattheyarefallingbehindincertainareasofstudytheyshouldbeabletoknowwhere
togotoseekhelp.Whetheritisatutor,ateacher,anadvisororacouncilorthereshouldalways
besomeoneavailableatalltimesforthestudentsneeds.ACollegeandCareerReadinessSurvey
conductedbyYouthTrust,aSanFranciscobasednonprofit,surveyed165,000highschool
studentsandfoundthatonly45%ofstudentsfeelpositiveabouttheircollegeandcareer
readiness(Leal).Thatsurveywasconductedovertheyearsbetween20102011and20142015
fromjuniorsandseniorsfrommorethen260schoolsin31statesthatpartneredwithYouthTrust.
Unfortunately,therearestudentswhowillnottaketheinitiativeandseekhelpiftheyarein
needofit.Thatiswhyschoolsneedteacherstomonitoreachoneoftheirstudentstomakesure
theyarewheretheyneedtobeacademicwiseintheclassroom.Highschoolteachersarethelast
lineofdefenseforthesestudentsbeforetheyaresenttocollegewheretheywillhavetofendfor
themselves.YouthTrustthenconductedanonlinesurveyonhowwelltheyusedtheirschool's
supportservicesandtheresultsaresignificantlylow42%usedcollegeentranceexam
preparation,36%usedcounselingforhelponfuturecareerpossibilities,34%usedcounselingfor
helponcollegeadmissionsrequirements,32%usedcounselingforhelponapplyingforcollege
and23%usedcounselingforhelponpayingforcollege(Leal).Highschoolsarenotreaching
outtoalloftheirstudentsandtheonlywaythattheycandothatisbyincreasingthecounseling,
careertrainingandcollegereadinesssothatthereisenoughstafftoassisteachandeverystudent.
Everyhighschoolaimstohave100%oftheirgraduatingclassenrolledincollege.However
therearestudentswhohaveotherplansafterhighschoolthatdoesnotincludeattendingcollege.

Whetherit'sgoingintothemilitaryortakingsometimeofftosaveupmoney.Accordingtothe
U.SBureauofLaborStatistics,inOctober201468.4%of2014highschoolgraduateswere
enrolledincollegesoruniversitiesandofthosenotenrolledincollege72.7%arerecent
graduatesenrolledinworkorlookingforwork(CollegeEnrollmentandWorkActivityof2014
HighSchoolGraduates).Evenifstudentsdonotenrollincollegedirectlyafterhighschoolthat
doesnotmeanthattheywillnotenrolllaterinlife.Ifhavingcareercouncilorsandacademic
advisorstosupportandmentorstudentsitwillleadtoapositiveoutcomefortheyearstocome.
Facultytostudentratioisamainconcernformanyschoolsandespeciallyhighschoolswhen
dealingwithlargerclasses.Whentherearefewerstudentsinaclassroomitgivesthemthe
opportunitytogettoknowoneanotherandparticipatefrequentlyinclass.Italsoallowsformore
oneontimewithyourteacher.Inlargerclassessomestudentstendtogounnoticedandothers
withunansweredquestions.Havinglargegroupsofstudentsdoesnotallowmuchtimefor
studentsandteacherstomeetiftheyneedhelpoutsideoftheclassroom.Studentsdon'twantto
waituntiltheirsenioryearofhighschooltostartfocusingoncollegetheyhavetodothatfrom
thebeginning.Whenschoolshaveteachersthatstrivetomakesuretheirstudentsarereceiving
theeducationthattheyneed,thentheywillbebetterpreparedforlifeafterhighschool.

WorksCited
"CollegeEnrollmentandWorkActivityof2014HighSchoolGraduates".BureauofLabor
Statistics.
EconomicNewsRelease.
16April2015.Web.6December2015.

Leal,Fermin."Survey:Mosthighschoolstudentsfeelunpreparedforcollege,careers.Ed
Soucse.
HighlightingStrategiesforStudentSuccess."
30July2015.Web.6December2015

ENGL 101
M. McCampbell
Fall 2015

ESSAY 4 - PROPOSAL
SCORING RUBRIC

Topic
Introduction
0 15 points
>12

Thesis
0 10 points
>8

Analyze solution
and how to
implement it
0 15 points
>12
good supporting
research for the

Does not meet C

0 7 points
States the problem;
vague reference to
solution.

Meets C standard
8 - 12 points

0 4 points
Identifies the
solution; flat
statement about the
solution.

5 7 points

0 7 points
Flat statement of
how solution will
address problem
Does not include
affected group

8 - 12 points

State the problem,

situation or enterprise;
support your reasoning
with researched
information to show
how there is a problem,
a needy situation or a
worth enterprise.

Identify the solution,

judges it, and shows its
relationship to the
problem, situation or
enterprise .

How it should address

the problem or fix it. At
least one verifiable
statistic or examples or
detail and cite it

Exceeds C paper
13 15 POINTS
States the problem; clear
background; clearly shows
who /what is affected;
comments about available
initiatives; Specific appeal
to the audience.

8 10 points
Cites reasons for the
solution.

13 15 POINTS
Provides several specific
examples/statistics/details
how solution will address
the problem.

need of more
counselors/guidanc
e personnel
available for
students.

Evaluate the
solution
0 15 points
>10
it would be helpful
to find a model of
how more access to
guidance experts
would benefit
students.

Conclusion
0 5 points
>4

Does not describe

the process of
implementation.

Shows how affected

group will benefit(or
not)

Gives specific
examples/evidence of how
the affected group will
benefit(or not)

Describes the process,

costs and materials for
implementation

Clearly explains
implementation, cost,
materials and other
relevant detail.

0 7 points
Reports on
outcomes
Not
recommendation
Does not address
the affected group
or the
feasibility/practicalit
y

8 - 12 points

13 15 POINTS
Comments on the quality
of the solution and
supports with specific
evidence
Comments on the level of
feasibility/practicality of
the solution
Gives specific
details/examples.

02point

34points

5points

Flatly summary of
problem, solution,
and whether is it
acceptable or not.
Brings up a new
subject.

Restates the final

judgment and connects
with the problem and
how well the solution
will work.

Refers to topics brought up

in the intro; indicates the
degree of challenge the
problem poses and how
the solution can address it.

InTextCitations
010points
>10

WorkCitedEntries
05points
>2onlytwo
sources.

Clearly stated judgment

of solution
Projects effectiveness
and impact on affected
group
Comments on the
practicality/feasibility of
the implementation
Support with
researched evidence.

0 4 points
Materialisnotcited
correctlyor
appropriatelyatleast
threetimesdoesnot
followMLAformat.
02point
MLAformatis
haphazardlyfollowed
entriesarenot

5 7 points
Mostmaterialis
correctlyand
appropriately
citedMLA
formatiscorrect
34points
Threesources
areonWork
Citedlist
listis

8 10 points
Allmaterialiscorrectly
andappropriatelycited
followsMLAformat
withouterrors

5points
Allworkcitedentriesare
correct.

Qualityofsources
05points
>5

alphabetizeduses
URLinsteadof
citation.
Sourcesinclude
questionable
credibilityorare
personalsites

ParagraphStructure
010points
>10

0 4 points
Oneortwotopic
sentencesmissing
Paragraphslackunity

Coherence
010points
>10Inoticedsome
nicetransitions.

Paragraphnotrelated
totopic
Organizationdoesnot
followaclearpattern
Abruptchanges

Diction
010points
>7inadditionto
secondpersonpronouns,
someawkwardlyphrased
sentences.

Wordingisvague
Wordsareconfused
withothermeanings
Grammatical
conventionsare
infracted
Usessecondpers
prn

Errors (prorated / 500 words)

-11+/2=-5=15
TOTAL POINTS___
>
_________/130

mostlycorrect
allentriesare
alphabetized
Sourcesare
relevantand
crediblesome
sourcesarenot
clarifiedinthe
essay.
5 7 points
Clearlystated
topicsentences
Paragraphs
clearlyrelatedto
thesis
Paragraphs
arrangedin
logicalorder
Ideasfollow
logical
development
Employs
transitionswhen
necessary
Uses
appropriate
pronouns
Avoids
redundant
wording
Useswords
correctly
Avoidsslang
andwornout
cliches

Allsourcesarerelevant
andcredibleandclearly
identifiedintheessay

8 10 points
Topicsentencesare
specificallywordedand
linkthesisandall
supportingmaterial
Transitionsmoveideas
clearlythroughout
essay
Ideasbuildoneach
othertoemphasize
thesis

Writersvoiceisclear
andauthoritative
Employsspecificwords
employsactivevoice
andspecificverbs
Wordingisconcise