Khayla Mitchell

Spencer
Love and Identity
January 6 2016

How Do You Know Youre In Love ?

I am an 18 year old African American young woman. I believe that love isnt something
that you walk into but its more like a brick wall that appears abruptly in the middle of nowhere
and you never walk into it, you run and you crash. Being in love has always been something I
tried to avoid because I am a person who is afraid of commitment, not on my end but on my
partners. I am somebody who loves hard and unconditionally and forever. I was once scared that
the person I fell for wouldnt love me as fully and wholeheartedly as I loved them. Thankfully,
someone has proven to me that people can run full speed, hit that wall, crash and fall in love at
the same exact time and place and that love can flourish between the two simultaneously. The
question presented is How do you know youre in love? and I personally find interest in this
question because its something I have asked myself for 16 years before I ran into my wall. Over
the course of time Ive realized you know youre in love when the person you are in love with
gives you a lasting feeling of love, they literally change and affect your everyday life and change
the way life is for you.
In the novel Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston the protagonist, Janie,
is a middle aged African American woman living in Eatonville, Florida in the 1930s with fair
skin and long hair. Janie, who has a history of unsuccessful relationships, is plagued by her
grandmothers idea that you dont need love and you only have to have financial stability. Janie
longs for love, compassion and a head over heels feeling with a significant other. Janie

encounters three men with which she has relationships and throughout the novel she searches for
a man to give her an honest and sweet love. When Janie is talking to Mrs. Turner about Tea cake
she explains that he is her true love, she says "Ah couldnt stand it if he wuz tuh quit me. Dont
know whut Ahd do. He kin take most any lil thing and make summertime out of it when times is
dull. Then we lives offa dat happiness he made till some mo happiness come along" (Hurston,
141). In this novel the idea of nature and love go hand in hand and when Janie says make
summertime out of it when its dull shes saying that Tea Cake can create love in a situation
where there is none. Janie constantly talks of trees, flowers, spring and summer and associates
them with love and innocence. The idea that Tea Cake can turn any situation into summer makes
him special to her because he is always able to make her feel loved. Janies unconditional love
for Tea cake is again explained by Hongzhi Wu in their essay, Though she has to kill him after
he is infected with the mad dog disease, she will never change her feelings for him and will love
him just the same forever. Wu explains that no matter what happens between the two, Janie will
always love and be in love with Tea Cake. Ultimately, Janie is in love with Tea cake because he
can, at any time turn the harder parts of her life into summer and even when he is gone that fact
still stands for her. Tea Cake has a lasting impression on Janie that will stick long after he is
gone, and that is why she loves him so deeply.
Similarly, in the story The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz the
author explains a love thats so strong that the protagonist will never forget his love interest.
Oscar, the main character, a Dominican teenager living in New Jersey in the late 20th century is a
hopeless romantic and seems to never find luck with love. His best friend Yunior, is the
boyfriend of Lola, Oscars older sister. Yunior Loves Lola yet cant seem to stay faithful to her.
As Yunior avows his sorrow and regret for losing Lola he says, She was the kind of girlfriend

God gives you young, so you'll know loss the rest of your life. When Yunior and Lola were
together they were both in love, but Yunior continued to cheat on her. Lola stayed with Yunior
and vice versa because of their love but one day Lola had enough of Yuniors infidelity and
stopped communicating with him. The longing sorrow Yunior feels is shown through the words
in this quote, loss the rest of your life. When Yunior says this he is saying that Lola has left
something with him that he will remember for the rest of his life. Yunior knows that his cheating
has ruined his relationship and it is a part of the reason why he is so heartbroken. If Lola wasnt
so special to him and if he didnt love her, hed be able to forget the day she left, but he cant.
Lolas lasting love and Yuniors sorrow are both what drive the hold that Lola has on Yuniors
heart.
Although in the text Mutuality by bell hooks, the author expresses an opposing opinion
on love sating, Sadly, love will not prevail in any situation where one party, either female or
male, wants to maintain control.