Jane Doe

Mrs. Micklo
Literary Explorations 1
7 December 2009
Evil Rubber Duckies
Squeak! Squeak! goes the little yellow rubber ducky crushed underneath a little kids
precious hands. To many, the duck is an adorable toy that was a wonderful part of their childhood
experience. To the toy, it was a miserable experience, being squeezed constantly, thrown on the
ground, and then left all by its lonesome. It was abused by many people. In fact, approximately 9
out of 10 people in the U.S. who had a rubber duck when they were a child abused them (Vader
43). After going through such horrible emotional and physical abuse, the ducks went through a
mental and emotional breakdown, leading them to become evil little ducks (Punk 87). The
loveable rubber duckies, motivated by years of abuse, are actually evil and intend to destroy
their owners.
The first step the ducks took to initiate their take over the world scheme was to
terrorize the lives of their owners and then force them to forever hold their peace. One particular
duck, the rubber ducky of Ernie, the Sesame Street character, was especially abusive. On
screen Ernie and the duck are best of friends; behind the scenes is a whole other story. Ernie
confesses that, [Rubber Ducky] hits [Ernie] with a baseball bat and sometimes whips [him]. Its
a hassle for [him] to hide [his] wounds, but [Rubber Ducky] forces [him] to be quiet. Otherwise,
[he] would be punished severely (qtd. in Hurt). From his confession, it can be seen that poor
Ernie is terrorized and physically abused by his rubber duck. This is all caused by the utter hatred

the ducks have towards their owners. A suicide terrorist rubber ducky, with the alias Devil,
once said:
The owners of rubber ducks are so abusive. Dont they know that it hurts to get
squeezed? It is so painful that they do not understand, they cannot see past [the rubber
ducks] everlasting smiles. They are so dense in the head that they continue causing
[them] pain, and because of their stupid ignorance, they will die soon. (28)
It can be seen that the rubber duck has rather strong feelings against the owners. He really wants
to exterminate all the rubber duck owners in the world, and this shows he wants revenge, big
time. With their first step down, the supposedly cute little rubber duckies are closer to reaching
their goal of world domination. Perhaps, the owners should be a little scared.

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Works Cited
Devil, Ima. Memoirs of a Rubber Duck. Evil Rubber Duck Classics 46.7 (2006): 28-35.
Academic Search Premier. Web. 5 Dec. 2009.
Hurt, Bruce S. Abuse Stories. Rubber Duck Owners Abuse Hotline. OJ Simpson, 18 Oct.
2004. Web. 5 Dec. 2009. <http://www.rubberducksftw.com/abusehotline.html>
Punk, Emo. 10 Reasons Why Rubber Ducks Hate You and Your Mom. New York: Bathtub,
2006. Print.
Vader, Darth. Come to the Dark Side: We Have Rubber Duckies. Time 2 Sep. 2007: 43. Print.