The Mayberry News

Its Going Down in Town!

Robbery Reported At Broke AF Community Bank

Family Feuds

By: Hannah Milburn

By: Jada Gladney

Mayberry Police Department received areportof suspicious

behaviorlast month at the intersection of Goa Way and Haviture
Way. Local business owner, Daisy Mae, reported that she saw
bright lights flashing and 4 men with ski masks on. She
suspected a robbery to be taking
place at the Broke AF Community
Bank. NCPD and SWAT were
called to the scene immediately.
The local news network Final E
News, put out a warning to locals
tostay indoors as to remain at
least 500 feet away from the
scene. The entire town remained
in terror all night and into the next morning. Police were unable
to find any sign of a robbery and no suspects and began to
interview locals. With the ongoing investigation, local
townspeople refused to open their businesses to the public for
fear of being robbed. People passing through were only to
assume that Mayberry was a ghost town, and continued
through, leaving the town deficient of food, oil, money, and
man power. The townspeople went into a stage 1 panic and
began to move to the next town, Juneberry. 2 weeks later,
police finally uncovered 4 suspects, Alma Knack, Brock Lee,
Chris Coe, and Ken Dahl, who admitted to hanging out by the
bank, with flashlights, but did not have ski masks on. What
seemed to be ski masks were simply their long hair and beards,
which they were admiring under the light of the flashlights in
the glass doors on the Broke AF Community Bank.

On January 3, the Mayberry Police Department received

a phone call of the neighborhood Piggly Wiggy on
Towns Way and City Road had been set on fire. Sheriff
Cooper urged everyone to stay away from the scene and
everyone would be notified when the scene was clear.
Its clear that this fire was set by one of the towns folk
and surely not an accident, Said Sheriff Cooper though
there is no suspect in custody we do have a lead. Word
has been going around that Joe Trout, the owner of the
Piggly Wiggly, and his family had recently got into a few
altercations with the Wilson family. Trout and Billy
Wilson, specially, already had some bad blood between
the two before the families got involved. Seems as
though the two had previously got into an altercation
over one of the
towns women,
Betty Jameson.
Betty told one of
our reporters that
just two days ago
she spoke with
Billy and he told
her all about the
altercations the
two family had in regards to some words that were
shared on both sides and a game of cards. Sheriff Cooper
spoke with Betty about her and Billys conversation.
When the Sheriff finally got the chance to speak to Billy
he seemed quite embarrassed about the whole
situation. After a few hours trying to act tough Billy

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BTC Returns to Mayberry!

By Christopher Montero

If youve been up and down Main Street over

the past week, you might have seen Brookes
Traveling Carnival setting up for its annual Mayberry
Fair. Always an exciting and thrilling time, BTC is
bringing in a couple of new attractions this year. In
addition to the normal rides such as the Zip-It and
Scrambler, they are bringing in a new ride called the
Jump Seat. Sherriff Taylor was given a free ride on
Jump Seat yesterday. After the ride, and a few
moments with his head over a trash can, Sherriff
Taylor said Ill never ride that again! Knowing he
doesnt like those carnival rides, we here at the
office was surprised he even went on the darned
thing. Another new attraction will be the gator
petting zoo. Mayor Pike visited the gators earlier
this morning saying These little critters are the
cutest things you will ever get to pet. Bring the
whole family including the youngsters for a great
adventure. The usual will be there, such as Aunt
Bees Pie Eating contest and Dunk a Barney Fife. So
make sure you come on down to the Mayberry County
Fair. Youre sure to have a great time!

Community Bake Sale

By: Emmi S. Hartzell

Once again, the Mayberry Community Bake Sale was somewhat

of a success with the exception of a few mishaps. Thelma Lou and
Aunt Bea, in charge of the bake sale, managed to salvage what
was left of the pies after a very intoxicated Otis Campbell made
his way through the bake sale. Deputy Barnie Fife tried to help
Otis, but only after it was too
late. Otis smashed through
Aunt Beas freshbaked
Georgia peach pies.Oh, what
a sight it was! There they
were, Otis and Deputy Fife
scramblingto get up;
slipping and sliding one way
and the other. Floyd Lawson,
the local barber, tried to help
both the Deputy and Otis.
Boy, did things sure get
messy. Thelma Lou
wasscreaming for the sheriff before it got any worse. And of
course, here come Gooberand Gomer thinking it was all fun and
games and decided to join in on the chaos.Thelma Lou and Aunt
Bea were trying to save the cream pies, but Gooberand Gomer
got to them first. Pies were being thrown in the air and all of a
sudden... smack!!! Aunt Bea ducked and the sheriff walked right
into Goobers cream pie. Everyone froze. Sheriff didnt seemtoo
happy, but thank goodness he was still calm enough to get
everything under control. Everyone chipped in and cleaned up
the mess. Luckily enough, Thelma Lou and Aunt Bea still
managed to sell enough pies and raise money for the towns
new picnic table.

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Celebrating After the Broncos Big Win

Panthers On the Loose

By: Andrew Harling

By: Mayor Rebecca Jones Reporting

A wacky and shocking event took place last night down by

Pike River. All was quiet here in Mayberry when the local
sheriff's department responded to a call reported by
ahomeowner near the water. The report stated that over ten
loud explosions were heard down at the river accompanied
by screaming from a male and female. This was the night of
the big game and as us locals know, a lot of celebrating was
going on at Drew's Tavern. Sherriff Max Power arrived on
scene not quite knowing what to
expect. As he headed down to the river
the epic loud blasts continued so he
un-holstered his weapon while
approaching. He shined his flashlight
into the middle of the river and
discovered the well-known wild biker
duo Betty and Al Coholic. By this time a
few neighbors had wandered out from
their dwellings to catch a glimpse of
the chaos. To everyone's shock and
chagrin, Betty and Al were completely
nude. Well, that's not the whole truth;
both partying love birds were wearing
onlyMayberry Broncos beanies while standing and dancing
on a homemade raft. That fact alone may have got them off
with another stern warning to not drink so much down at the
pub. Only problem was they were throwing live grenades
into nearby caves while celebrating the Broncos big win. A
trip to the local jail was the least of their worries for the
foreseeable future. Locating towels to cover them up was
high onOfficer Power's to do list!

This is Mayor Jones of Mayberry, North Carolina.

We had reports last night about some panthers on
the loose. We got reports that they were running up
and down the city line and they were dabbing their
paws in the local pond near the Clara farm. Mr. Levi
reported the panthers were trying to break into his
field to get his prized trophy. I called the Sheriff,
who then called Defense Animal control, Elway's
Zoo Keepers and Manning's
Broncos to herd the panthers
and put them back in their
cages. After hours of
mistakes, wrong run patterns
and collapse from
exhaustion, the broncos were
able to capture the panthers
in one location. Without the
help of the Sheriff and
Defense it would not have
been as smooth as it was.
Luckily no one got hurt in the
process and we hear the
Sheriff may retire after his long night. Although the
panthers put up a good fight, they were caged and
sent back home. With all the excitement now over
you can go about your day as if nothing happened,
unless you own the panthers, then you might be up
all night asking yourself how this happened.

Page 3

Mayberry's Missing Molasses

By: Jaime Hoonsan

By: Leslie Trujillo

Strange events happened around Mayberry this afternoon as

several local housewives reported their molasses missing from
their kitchen cabinets. Police investigated and found that3 local
homemakers on Shazam Ave.made rather distinct calls
between 3:50 and 4:15 PM to report the incidents. Mayberry
police investigated the incident with Sheriff Fife
commenting early this evening that the perpetrator had
been apprehended. A 5 year old child who lived on the street
was found to have taken the molasses and consumed all of
it. The child was later very ill. According to sheriff Fife, he has
learned his lesson. None of the homemakers pressed charges
and Mayberry police wrapped up their investigation early this
evening. Sheriff Fife recommends locking your molasses cabinets.
"You never know who might be on the prowl in these parts" Fife
said. As for the child, his parents believe that he truly has learned
his lesson. He never wants to eat anything sweet again. He asked
for Aunt Bea's fried chicken to help counter act the sweetness in
his belly. We hope the boy feels better soon.

By: Jordyn Beas

Vampires in Town

Mayberry Police Department received several

reports in the last month on attacks from vampires.
The police department is embarrassed and couldnt
believe that the people of Mayberry are so board
they are making up stories. As I was
talking to one of the victims he says
that he cant remember what
happened but he woke up with bite
marks on his necks and felt like he
had lost a lot of blood. Another victim
claimed that it was Stephan and Damon
Salvador form the Vampires diaries. They looked
like they had turned off any humanity they had and
had become rippers. They police department feels
like this a joke and is telling the people to quite
playing games, because someone can truly get
hurt.

Two-vehicle Wreck Caused by Young Boy

I bet youve heard about the Hallbrooks kid who caused a two-vehicle wreck because he was shaving his legs. Guess
that makes the time you drove with your elbows while eating a Whopper downright virtuous, doesnt it? Officer said
the car John was driving crashed into the back of a pick-up truck at about 45mph. His reaction time was slowed due to
maintaining his female side rather than paying attention to the road. Oh, like thats never happened to you? Mr.
Hallbrook admitted to be going to a swim meet and forgot to shave ahead of time.
The guy in the pick-up truck only had burns on his chest from the airbags deploying.
Turns out John was driving without a valid drivers license, he was suspended from
the swim team. Way to go John Hallbrook!

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