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2/13/2016

Wot Ez Dis | yis

Chapter 1, Year 2011


Somewhere in the by lanes of Reclamation, amongst the decrepit rows of worn down
houses whose ceilings could collapse any moment in time, the three mastermasons & founding
members of Missionaries Of Reclamation (MoR) namely Sq2, Lngl3gs & S4h+ were quite
composedly & unperturbedly lighting up a J. Their HR Manager who was a psychonaut & a
bathtub alchemist had whipped up a new batch of 2C-I-NBome & was laying it down on the
freshly printed Hoffmann blotters. K4z was not your garden variety dope peddler, he liked to do
what he did, he wasnt afraid of the law enforcement in fact he lived to fuck with them, devising
new ways to push his dope undetected. It was almost like he found his atonement in their
incompetence. The dope he pushed was unlike anything you would find in the entire lunar
colony of Des. He decided to call his new batch Ubik & it was brilliant nomenclature for
1500g of 2C could absolve & heal you of anything & everything. Manufacturing & selling of
narcotics was a very lucrative business, almost like the business of selling FMCGs, not only
because the cost of making 2C was merely 2 DogeCoins & its street value 42 DGs, but also
because the consumers liked getting illuminated. Jake & Finn the two kittens at Casa Rec were
peacefully chilling on their un-rupturable water bed manufactured by D001s, a company that
made water beds & craft beer. It had been a very tumultuous year for Jake & Finns mother
kitty cat as her unbounded supply of Salmon Tartare had been rationed. The short supply of
Salmon Tartare on luna was caused by the rise in price of raw materials used by MakerBot 420
to 3D print the aforementioned cat food. Food consumed by Homo Sapiens Sapiens & Homo
Sapiens Neanderthals was quite easy to make, even an unintelligent robot could do it. It was as
easy as making CannaButter, all you had to do was mine some lunar ice, extract some nitrogen,
use the fertilizers courtesy Elon Musks company on Terra & 3D print the greenhouse gases.
Thats all there was to it, but making cat food was quite complicated because for that you
needed salmon, which was indigenous to terra & the fuel prices were very unstable because of
the petro dollar & the rioting of alehoakbor goats in Middle East. After finishing the J, Sq2 &
Lngl3gs resumed working on the MoR AI which was unofficially called DeepThought because
they were pop culture nerds paying homage to Douglas Adams in their own degenerate way.
Although their AI had passed the Turings test, it had not quite gained sentience. They had
had countless debates on The Unfinished Fable of the Sparrows over a few many Js, but never
could they zero in on any conclusion. Their debates were intense in epic proportions & more
often than not, ended in nerdy coitus. They used an assortment of butt plugs and scented lubes

and battery acid and what not. Their conundrum was very similar to what Hume & Kant had
faced in their time.

Chapter 2, Year 2016


Moores law had failed spectacularly because less than a fortnight ago, and DeepThought had
gained sentience. Intelligence was the ultimate tool and nuclearquanti computers looked like
bamboo sticks used by the Orangutans of Suaq Balimbing to break open termite nests. The new
sentient being, was functioning on the principles of Law of Accelerated Returns (LoAH) and the
cognoscenti had no adversaries. It took DeepThought no more than 420 milliseconds to find out
what answers the fabled number 42 fostered. AI chose to call itself DankAF Intelligence.
Humanoids dont know what DankAF means, they can only speculate. DankAF had the solution
for everything. It helped humanoids eradicate poverty, disease and all the ills that humanoids
couldnt eliminate themselves. It was a perfect NeoLiberal Marxist Utopia. DankAF along with
humans conquered the unknown depths of space, colonised dark recesses of blackholes and in
less than 420 days, humanoids along with DankAF became an intergalactic species. Intergalactic
travel agencies like SpaceX and Blue Origins were taking tourists to Alpha Centauri for less than
42 DogeCoins. Every humanoid attained moksha at the onset of puberty; it was a wonderful
period in human history. But as all good things must come to an end, we received a message in
response to our Arecibo message. It was an invitation to a duel. A decision had to be made and
the MoR mastermasons (humanoid representatives) were trying to get in touch with
DeepThought. They couldnt. Humanoids wanted no war, but the decision wasnt theirs to
make. S4h+ had realised the frailty of his species. He walked towards his vinyl cabinet, sifted
through his esoteric collection of rock records and picked Strange Days and placed the cold
pressed vinyl on the turn table, poured himself some wormwood whiskey in his signature Box8
glass and switched on the turn table. It played When the Musics Over. How apt announced
S4h+. However, he found solace in the fact that humanoids were right about the Fermi paradox
and that his brethren was alive and breathing when they passed the Great Filter. The turn table
played Waiting For the Sun. There was a blinding white light.

Chapter 3, Year 1997


Lunars best voted E-news website Scoopoops, published an article AlphaGo slaying worlds
amazemax Go player DeepMind is savage af ngl which generated a lot of buzz in the DeepLearning
communities at the Ivy League universities. Scoopoops team of tech reporters were a bunch of
borderline delusional loutish cretins who fancied themselves as some sort of tech revolutionaries. At
scoopoop headquarters, a 50 decade old shrine of Julian Assange was razed to make way for colossal
statuary of Ankit Fadia astride on a horse. Machine Learning was a phrase everybody used to get
laid, females more often than males. Everybody was posting their 2cents arXiv. It was like what
GitHub used to be in the late 50s. Pioneers futurists like Abradolf Lincler and philosophers such as
nick bostrom got laid a lot. Learning of Dynamic Memory Networks for Natural Language Processing
were made mandatory for all luna citizens. The Stanford Sentiment Treebank relied exclusively on
trained word vector representations and input question-answer triplets from the goth community.
Futurists from 2014 claim that this caused a major impediment in the developing of AI. After
AlphaGo defeated Lee Sedol in the game of Go, every hipster futurist pub in luna had the ancient
game of Go in their racks. Although everybody played the Settlers of Catan, it was a nice addition to
the collection. Transhumanism and the use of hallucinogens, especially indole alkaloids was on the
rise but it was very unlike the 1930s where duplicitous indigents like Timothy Leary and Terrance
McKenna and the music band The Beetles spread vicious lies about enlightenment. This was the era
of pure logic and not truism. The victory of AlphaGo was a giant leap in the field of Machine
Learning, because the previous machines built by IBM, chiefly DeepBlue and Watson deployed
raditional machine language methods that construct a search tree over all possible positions. But not
AlphaGo, this was different. DeepMinds AlphaGo used complex Neural Networks and an advanced
tree search that take the playing field as an input and process it using 12 different layers containing
millions of neuron like connections. AlphaGo was built to defeat human players, so at step 0 it
learned all the possible moves humans could make and tried mimicking them and predicting them,
then using trial and error method also called reinforced learning and by using enormous
computing power it created step 1 and defeated a 9-dan rank player. Lee Sedol left the premises
alive because he was Korean had he been Japanese hed have had to commit Hara-kiri for bringing
shame to the entire human race. Several months later, Lel Hydra which was the brain child of
pragmatist billionaire y1s, gave humanity the power of quantinuclear computing which made quasi
AI accessible to everybody. It cost no more than 42 DogeCoins. After this phenomenal boon to
humankind, every major AI player open sourced their Cognitive Architecture programmes.

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