WP2 Revision Matrix

Text from my
initial WP
submission:
(a phrase,
sentence,
paragraph, idea,
move,
punctuation, piece
of evidence, etc.)

An observation or
question I
received from De
Piero or a
classmate:

The change(s) I
made to what I
initially wrote:
(ie, the change[s]
I made to column
1)

How this
change impacts
my paper:

Hard evidence more

your sway?

This took me a couple

read-throughs to "get,"
Ettner. You might
wanna tweak this a bit
-- you never wanna
slow your reader down
in the 1st sentence or
2.

I replaced this
sentence to read
Or do you find

This improves the

clarity of this
sentence and thus
the flow of the
introductory
paragraph as a
whole.

I need more of a
specific, driving thesis
statement. What,
exactly, are you going
to be arguing here?
And what specific
points are you going to
use to make that case?
What about the
conventions within this
genre will you be
emphasizing? And
what about moves?
Also: do you think itd
help your reader
(technically, me) to
lay out which specific
sources youll be using
to make your case?

Changed the
thesis to
Authors across
these disciplines
must utilize the
key rhetorical
concepts of ethos
and logos as well
as a variety of
stylistic and
structural moves
in order to frame
their ideas well
and convey the
significance of
their opinions to
their unique
audiences.

I believe that this

gives my paper a
stronger sense of
direction and
better emphasizes
the elements of
ethos and logos,
which seem to be
a recurring theme
later on in my
paper.

establishing her
ethos and helping
relate to the
reader

What kind of ethos?

Tell me more.

This makes my
idea more clear,
showing that the
key concept of
ethos can be
manipulated to
help an author
take on a persona
of authority which
will appeal to their
specific audience

In addition, the
article references
research studies
but avoids

Structure/organizational
q for you: you started
off with the
mainstream/non-

I changed this
specific sentence
to
establishing her
ethos as an
authority figure
with personal
experience
relating to the
issue
And expanded
further upon the
idea of ethos in
conjunction with
logos in the rest
of the paragraph
I decided to
completely omit
this section of the
paragraph in

Critical analysis of
this concept through
the perspectives of
formal psychology
and medical research
as well as a casual
online magazine
article demonstrates
the effectiveness of
this notion.

value in concrete
evidence?
The use of the key
word value is the
major change.

Replacement of
this somewhat
random piece of
evaluation freed