Ananggadighia Armann Nugroho

Mr. Robert LaBrie

English 11
29 February 2016
I AM ARMANN

I am currently sitting in the 11th grade. I always wanted to be a musician and a

producer. I frequently play at night jumping from one place to another, in jazz cafs and pubs
in Kemang, and really enjoy every bit of it. But knowing the current situation of music
business nowadays, I am not willing to risk plunging my life into poverty just for the love of
music. So I planned a better future for myself.
I always wanted to have my own money, so I wont have to rely on my monthly
allowance and buy my own things. In order afford my materialistic needs, I require a real job,
and since being a musician wont cut it, my new dream job would be a financial consultant.
The reason behind why I want to become a financial consultant is that financial knowledge is
very applicable; I still can have a career and own multiple businesses.
I would like to attend college here in Indonesia, my first choice Prasetya Mulia or
University of Indonesia, majoring in economics, but before that I really need to ace my
classes. My current GPA is 3.32, 0.48 away from my target. The good thing is that here in my
current school countless remedial is allowed, there are always reassessments every
Wednesday, this means I have all the time every year to complete my incomplete assessments
and exams that I flunked.
Despite all the opportunities, I will always regret my early high school year I spent
playing around too much. I flunked almost in every class when I was a 10 th grader. I rarely
attend school hours. I went to countless places when really I was supposed to be in class

educating myself. Even when I am in class I rarely listened and screw up my exams. I only
got two Ps out of fifteen outcomes in algebra, and almost joined summer class. Ironically it
was not the grades that changed my lifestyle, but the summer school fee. I was always very
calculative in terms of money and spending, and when I was informed that the summer
school fee is Rp. 2,000,000.00 per subject, I felt like a lightning bolt struck me. My thoughts
went Damn, I am not going to make my parents spend that cash just because of my screw
ups! Got to get myself together. From then on I stopped going out and focus on school, and
only school. My friends didnt take my sudden reroutes as well as I would like it to be, but
they took it much better than my hypothetical worst-case scenario.
I divide myself socially. I get along with the smart peers when I am at schooland
when I say smart, they really are smart, the 4.0 GPA kind of smart. And I still go out with my
euphoric friends, because somehow they relief most of my school stress.
It is 2017 now and I can proudly say that I Armann Dighia have successfully attended
University of Indonesia, majoring in economics and law. I took double degree because I felt
that I am not going leave my fathers law firm and dream college in vein, knowing the history
behind its establishment.
Every bit of his 10 years of hard work was spent before his very firm. My father was
not living in a financially stable family. His father was in the army and was not making
sufficient amount of money to pay their bills. Imagine this, my father never knew that hard
boiled egg had an oval shape until he was in 4th grade, because my father along with three of
his siblings had to share and he always got half an egg. That was how bad they were doing.
Not only that, my father told me a reason why he is so happy to buy me a pair of sneakers
because he never had one, he would wear sandals to class as his formal wear. His school
pants were sewed drapes from my grandmothers tailor shop because he felt that regular pants
rips easily. It was hard for him in his childhood. His first job as a lawyer was tremendously

hard, as her mother passed, and his superiors often ridiculed him because of personal
jealousylets just put it this way, when the women you liked (which happens to be your
secretary) kept on hitching a ride with this newbie (which happen to be married with my
mother) that does not even make one-tenth of your monthly salary, you would feel
incompetent especially when you own the business. His boss, in ways that are very unethical
and somewhat illegal, oppressed my father. My fathers salary was often given over passed
the due, and cant really rebel against his boss because; one his boss owns the place, and two
he needed this job more than ever since his wife is about to give birth to his first son, which
happens to be me.
Seven years of his live he spent on that office, and then finally got dishonorably
discharged after the marriage of his former boss with the secretary, allowed him to gain more
than enough experience and gained him the assurance that he needed to proceed and build
own empire under his name. Three years after his departure he made he opened the Martin
Jati law firm as a co-founder. Started of with only 3 employees, and gained as much as 20
office workers, 9 specialist lawyers, over 70 personal clients and 5 office boys. His promise
to himself was that he would never treat any of his 34 employees as his former boss did unto
him. He always oblige three of his children to always greet, smile, and talk to every of his
employees no matter how low their position is in the office, and not to where any flashy
branded clothing ware to office because it is unnecessarily impolite, as he put it this way, as
a student, you dont look any cooler wearing adult brands, it only shows how spoiled you
are. A lot I learned form my fathers experiences; you should always be humble, especially
when your dad used to wear a pair of rubber sandals to class.
Apparently, taking two courses at a time is not very hard as have right now school
works are just launched, and nothing is really happening much. I always knew that taking
double degree is like condemning your every semester into your own personal hell. I

basically decided to double my workloads and to have twice the amount of exams than I
originally had to.
The thought of having two courses at the same time made me very conscious of the
little time I have. It seemed as the fear of drowning in schoolwork kept me on my feet. Every
day after class I never really stopped at a caf or a mall or even stay at my campus to
socialize. I never really had friends. I felt like I am not risking myself to revert back to my
past self, I got this far, this brave to actually focus on my future. I always have the notion of
that schoolwork will not matter in the real world. And now I know is a bit of both. Yes,
education will not determine how well you will do in the future, but education narrows down
the possibility, and give you leverage in your carrier. Just put it this way, companies will not
accept lazy graduates with a 2.0 GPA, they would prefer Mr./Mrs. 3.6+ GPA any day. Your
AP Chemistry will not come up anytime soon in your workplace (unless if you happen to be a
chemist), but I realized that schoolwork, mold the way we function. GPAs does not show how
smart you are, it shows how vigorous you work.

As days went by, more and more work piled in my desktop, and in front those hills of
folders after folders of work and essays to write I kept both eyes from shutting. Every hour I
spent on those projects and paper works the less dense each folder is. This reminds me of
high school. The smell of black coffee infused with the walls of my room. Cups of instant
noodle on my work desk to cope with my nighttime hunger. I did not really see the difference
but I feel like I am doing this all for nothing. I am feeling very negative right now, I feel like
as if I am helpless, alone, it is almost depressing. I cant be homesick, Im living in my
parents house, and they are probably just downstairs. I feel incapable. I dont think I am
doing well, I dont think I will make it in life. I am empty. The sleepless night turned as the

sun lit up the horizon. Drove to campus, attend classes, take some notes, out of class, into my
car and sleep.

Exam week will be starting tomorrow. After I finished my Sunday lesson, I took some
notes on the inside of my trousers and just went to face 5 days of torturing textbooks and
deafening silences in class. I never cheated on exams accept this one, The Pre-advocate
Exam. This was one of the hardest tests that is available for soon-to-be lawyers, heck, even
my old man re-took his exams for 4 times. And because I am not going to waste my time
here, I chose to play dirty this time. Not surprisingly I passed, with 3 points off from
perfection. I am not too excited about this one, because I had my own guideline with me. But
I felt really good about the fact that I did what I did. I survived day 1.
Day 2 is statistics, if answering pre-advocate test is like finding a needle in a hey
stack, this one is more of finding how much will each strip of hey cost, and how should I
extrapolate its average value into a span of 10 years prediction.
Day 3-4 is courtroom simulation days; it is the least bad thing that will ever happen
this week. Before the simulation there will be a Socratic Seminar mostly discussing about
each participants view on basically anything just to break the ice. Day 2 of the exam will be
the real court simulation. I am always fond of speaking and debating. I find it very amusing,
as if I was playing the game of chess, a verbal chess, in which every statement that the
opponent present had to be rebuttal.
Day 5 is presentation day for economics; the problem is not the subject of matter
during this presentation, but rather the judges. Three of the worst mentors in this course
joined forces in the effort to destroy your presentation with a series of question and painful
comments with very explicit vocabularies that will humiliate you in front of the whole course
taker. They were so evil that they made this girl cry, and left the building only to return next

semester. As I went up the podium and rant about the whole market and stock sales, future
prediction of Indonesias industry, everything from GDP to supply-demand. Everything
seemed to go smoothly, up until I opened feedback and questions session. I am now open to
question and/or comment No reply. The whole room was busy giving me a round of
applause, until Mrs. Syahid raised her hand. Everything and everyone went silent. My ears
ring as soon as she extended her arm up. She only whispered a word, slide 9 trend line
doesnt add up. Fix it now. My legs felt loose, my whole body felt like death. Trend line
doesnt add up? I knew that I miss counted something, or maybe I did the whole formula
incorrectly And fix it now? How? A quick reach to my stationary bag and I pull out my
calculator, rerun the calculations and realize I missed counted, and was off only .003, how did
she caught that, no one knows I casually apologize and ended up with a proficient score,
but not perfect.
I devoted all of my time for projects I got lost track of time, and before I know it, its
the end of the semester, and semester break is just around the corner. The tides of war from
both course has settled, yet still this emptiness lingers on, the lack of purpose. I really thought
that I was going insane. My initial thoughts were that maybe I worked myself off, overload
myself with tasks, and now I can no longer take it. I thought this was a phase when I am
stressed, but now with nothing to do, it grew even more. I never want to admit this, but I
think I am depressed. Ive felt like this before, and after a good night sleep, it would all
disappear, but not this one, this is much more severe. I cant even go to sleep, I would stay up
all night, until all my energy is drained and left me too weak to stay up. I am not going back
to cigarettes to cope with this thing, I held myself for too long to get away from smoking, and
I am not going back to square one again.

I looked myself in the mirror and I saw someone. Someone sad. Lonesome. I saw
someone that had lost himself. I feel like I am into two Black holes at where his eyes are
supposed to be, I am looking into a shell.
I then decided to look at my old pictures. I opened a folder named HIGHSCHOOL
and there I saw how happy I was. Pictures of me with a big proud smile, with teeth full of
hideous braces, wearing a snapback and kicking on red high top basketball shoes. I was
happy in most of my pictures, though some arent as much joyous, but I can still see the soul
through the images.
Then something stroked me.
With a quick search, I found them, and for the first time in a year I get on with them.
Everyone that I personally remember and cherish replied back almost immediately after I
texted/emailed them, and told how I am doing. Everyone seemed to care. I wrangled up those
who will be in Jakarta and just to meet up. And since I never socialize lately, I saved up quite
an amount of money, and used some of it to treat all of my beloved friends for a cruise in the
rivers of Nusa Tenggara Timur for 5 days and to Raja Ampat right after until the semester
break ends.
If theres one thing I learned from economics are patterns. Everything has patterns,
common sequence. Now every picture that I have had one thing in common, my friends, they
are always there. I am too focused on to myself I missed their presence in the pictures. Even
when I am in the picture alone, there is always someone behind the lens. There are the
reasons why I have always stayed up on my feet. No matter how the situations were, Ive
always had them to hold on to. Their screams, laughs and chats I missed every single one of
them. Out of curiosity I opened some of my old screenshots full of past texts. As I scrolled
over one to another, a smile cracked. For sometime I smiled once more, knowing that I had
them as my soul mates. But now I think I need them more than ever. This is why I have the

lack of purpose, because all my life my sole happiness comes from them, they are the reason
I am able to smile.