Paul Nyray A.

Antolino
BA Psychology
2013-51334
Psych 195

November 5, 2015

Let it go, let it go, cant hold it back anymore

The very first question that came to my head when I touched the pin was, Am I ready to
get out of the closet? On that moment, I had this fear on the consequences on what might
happen the moment I will wear it. But on the other hand, there was a joy and happiness that Ive
felt. Since wearing the pin with words I LOVE LESBIAN AND GAY RIGHTS means that you
are emancipated and empowered. Its like a bird whos been trapped for so long, but now the bird
is free and is flying so high in the sky. My feelings were mixed that time.
To be honest the experiment was a little difficult for me. Since you may never know how
the people will react unto you. Some of them will judge and will really criticize you. Some of
them will ignore you. But some of them will give you a nod or a cute smile. That is why even if
the experiment was a little bit difficult, somehow, I had an excitement with myself. Since in here
you will really know the true personality of those people around you and most especially the
people close to you.
During the first three days of wearing the pin, I was so very disappointed because no one
bothered to notice or even look at it. On that days also, I just put the pin in my shirt whenever
Im out of the dormitory. Since I wasnt comfortable wearing it if I am not in a dress or attire.
For me, one of the things in order to respect the pin is to wear it in an appropriate manner.
My routine for almost everyday was Palma Hall, then Palma Annex, then faculty center,
shopping center and then dormitory. Well, I was really happy walking around with the pin on my
heart. My soul that time was full of pride and confidence. Wherever it took me, it has given me
an inspiration to keep walking forward around the campus. From the illumination of the dawn to
the duskiness of twilight, all day long it was pinned in the very center of my heart. I even entered
the crowed places of the campus just to show the spirit of pride. I was like in a project runway
trying to show my creation to people. But hey, something was wrong! In those days that I tried to
wear the pin, not even a single person has noticed or even looked at it. I didnt know what went
wrong. Maybe it had camouflaged with the color of shirt or maybe no one really wanted to

bother it since I was just inside the campus. It was really disappointing, it was like walking in a
runway but no one bothered to watch.
That is why on the succeeding days of it, I changed my routine. I promised myself to
wear it anywhere I can go. When I restricted myself not to wear it on the dormitory, now I was
wearing it already. Also, I promised myself to go outside the campus wearing it so that I can gain
much of the reactions that I want. I told myself that I really have to face to consequences on
whatever will happen to me. At least I tried. That would be interesting after all. So, the first time
I wore it on the dormitory, the first one to notice it was my roommate. First, he was smiling to
me. That time, I havent noticed him looking into my pin. But sooner I realized that he was
smiling because of my pin. He also told me, haha, alam na. Then, I was reflecting to myself of
what he meant. That moment I was really about to laugh, but I hesitated. Well, if I am in the
dormitory, no one would really notice my true identity if were not friends. But since were
friends with my roommate, it wasnt a big deal for me. And of course that roommate of mine was
also gay. And were both in the closet. Also, no one would really know his true identity if you are
not close with him. And he added, uuyykailan pa?!. And I really cant resist his words, so we
both laughed so hard. Then later I explained to him about the experiment.
Also, I went outside the campus to expose my pin. That time I didnt plan to wear UP
shirt so that I can be able to know the reactions of people about the pin. So, when I was riding a
jeep, one of the passengers (a woman) was looking in the pin and she made a non-verbal
behavior with me. When she looked to my pin, she immediately turned her head to the other
direction. But honestly, I was so happy that time because someone did notice the pin already! I
dont care what their emotions would be. What is important is the fact that they have noticed it.
Also, one of the passengers noticed it and she gave me face that I cannot read. She looked like
she wanted to say something to me, but I just didnt know what it is. Also, when I was buying
my vitamins in mercury drug, a woman pharmacist looked at the pin and just smiled into it. So
thats basically what happened.
So, basically I planned to go again in Philcoa wearing my pin. But now I was wearing a
UP shirt already. When I was riding a jeep again, a lot of people could notice it. But, I was
disappointed since they didnt show any emotions at all. Also, when I was lining up in McDonald
to order my favorite food, a lot of people noticed it. But, they didnt bother to have a reaction

towards the pin. Well, I was hypothesizing that maybe UP shirt is one of the factors why I didnt
get any emotions from the people. Maybe they already knew at first place that people from UP
are doing
Yesterday also, I was wearing the pin, and one my classmates noticed it and asked me if I
am a member of UP Babaylan. And I laughed so hard. Well, she told me if where did I get it. She
also wanted to have it since she was also a supporter of the rights of the LGBT.
Well, in the majority of my journey, I had experienced the concept of microaggressions.
Microaggressions are the everyday verbal, nonverbal, and environmental slights, snubs, or
insults, whether intentional or unintentional, which communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative
messages to target persons based solely upon their marginalized group membership (Sue, 2015).
I know it was a hard for me to accept the behaviors of people toward me wearing the pin. But,
there I realized how people act and behave to a certain group of people like the LGBT. And I
realized how Pilipino people are so judgmental to a certain things like the wearing of the pin
itself. A lot of them you would notice especially on their non-verbal behaviors that they are
against with it.
But nevertheless, the experiment was so very profound. I learned a lot of things in my
experience with the pin and from the experiences with people whether its bad or good. With this
experiment, I realized that wearing this pin was like showing to people your true identity. Its like
the experience of going out in the closet. It means that when you are out, you should never drag
yourself down or be inferior with others. But rather, in that moment you be empowered because
you show to people who you really are. You are making them aware that you are like that. And
even if you are like that, still you can prove how powerful and strong you are to influence their
hearts and their minds in sharing what is meant by humanity. The stigma that is going to happen
could might hurt you. But the important thing here is that you show to the world that you are real
with yourself. And once you show and convince people about that, thats the time that people
would respect and never bother you anymore.
Wearing a pin (or coming out) is like a bird whos been trapped for so long, but now the
bird is free and is flying so high in the sky. Now, the bird is full of hopes, dreams and
empowerment!

BIBLIOGRAPHY
Sue,

Derald

Wing.

2015.

Microaggressions.

Psychology

Today.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/derald-wing-sue-phd.

Retrieved

from