Aparicio1

ArolaAparicioGili
MrsScaife
CompI(1111:50)
02/15/16
AllGreatChangesarePrecededbyChaos
Alwaysexpressyourtruefeelingstotheoneswhoreallymattertoyou,because
opportunitiesarelostintheblinkofaneyebutourregretscanlastalifetime
Threeyearsago,in2013,Ilivedtheworstexperienceinmyentirelife.Ihadtoseemy
brotherinhospitalbeinginpainforoneandahalfmonthafterhavingaterriblemotorcycle
accident.SometimesIaskmyselfwhythisdidhappentomyfamily,butInevergetananswer
thatconvincesme.Maybeitwasthefate,maybeitwasjustbadluckormaybeitjusthappened
becausewecantcontrolanythinginlifeandwejusthavetoadapttoit.AsIsaid,Inevergetan
answerthattrulyanswersmyquestion.Seekingtoanswerthisquestionitisoneofthereasons
whyIchosetowriteaboutthistopic.TheressomethingIknowforsure,though:thisexperience
haschangedinmanywaysnotonlymylifebutalsomyfamilyslife.Particularly,mybrothers
wayoflivingandmyrelationshiptowardshimconsideringthatwebothusedtohavedifficulties
whenexpressingourfeelings,especiallyhimwhoalwayshadfewwordswhenwewereall
togetherasafamily.Itwasnotbecausehedidntwanttotalktousorbecausewedidnthavea
goodrelationshipitwasjusthispersonalityandhisbehaviorinlife,discreetlyandquietly.But
asIsaid,neardeathexperiencechangednotonlyhiswayoflivinglifebutalsomywayof
expressingmyfeelingstomylovedones.So,isittruethatpeople,ingeneral,tendtonotexpress

Aparicio2

theirfeelingstotheirlovedones?Doesthissituationchangewhensomeonehashadaneardeath
experience?

Its2:30pmofthe4th
ofAprilof2013.Iamintheschoolyardafterhavinghadlunch

whenoneofmyclassmatescomestomeandtellsmeIhavetogotoseetheschoolsecretary.
WhileImwalkingthere,IthinkifIhavedonesomethingbadandtheprincipalwantstospeak
withmebutitsnotthat,itsjustaphonecallfrommymom.Shestartstalkingwithatinyvoice
andshetellsmethatmybrotherhashadamotorcycleaccidentwhenhewasgoingbackhome
afterschool.Shesaysheisfine,thathecrashedagainstaschoolbusandhejustbrokesome
bonesandtheyaretakinghimtothehospital.Iburstintotears.Allofasudden,Istartgetting
messagesfromsomeofmyfriendswhowereinthatschoolbus.Theytellmethattherewasblood
everywhere,thatmyparentsweretherecryingandthattheresahelicoptertakinghimtothe
hospital.Istartcryingariver.
Igethomeby5pm,Igotothekitchenandthetableissetbutthefooditsgottencold.
Whenmyparentsarrive,justfiveminuteslaterthanme,wegotothehospitalthisis45minutes
fromhome.Duringalltheseminutes,twothingshappen:Igethundredsoftextmessagesfrom
peopleaskingaboutMarc,mybrotherandthesecondthing,Ikeepwonderingwhats
happening,whythishappenedtohimbutaboveeverythingIaskmyselfifmylastwordstohim
werejustGoodnightnotangry,nothappy,justagoodnightthedaybefore.
ThisleadsmetooneofthequestionsIaskedwhensurveyingmanyofmyclassmates:.
Doyouthinkpeople,ingeneral,tendnottoexpresstheirfeelingsandemotionstotheirloved
ones?Morethanahalfoftherespondentsagreedwiththisstatement.Someofthemsayweasa
humanbeingstendtobereservedotherssayitsjustfearofpeoplesreactionsandsomeothers

Aparicio3

saywefeeluncomfortablewhenwetalkaboutourselves.Amongalltheanswers,though,there
aretwothatgrabbedmyattention.Respondent6thinksthatpeople,ingeneral,dontexpress
theirfeelingsbecausetherealthingsarehardertoexpressthanthefakeones.Icompletelyagree
withthisopinion.Howmanytimes,beforetheaccident,didItellMarcthathewasanidiotor
thatIhatedhimwheneverhewasmakingmeangry?Countlesstimes.But,howmanytimes,also
beforetheaccident,didItellhimthatIwasproudofhavingheasabrotherorthatIlovehim
wheneverhewastakingcareofme?Never.
Respondent13alsothinksthatwehavedifficultieswhileexpressingouremotions.She
goesalittlebitdeepersayingthatwedontreceiveemotionaleducationasachildrenandthats
thereasonwhysomepeoplefindhardtoexpresstheiremotionswhentheygrowup.Iagree.
WhydowelearnatschooltosayImsorrywhenwedosomethingbadbutwedontlearnto
sayIloveyou?MaybeifIhadreceivedthiseducationIwouldnthavehadanyproblemsto
explainmyparentshowIfeltwhenmybrotherhadtheaccidentorIwouldnthavethought
aboutmylastwordstohimbeforetheincident,becauseinsteadofGoodnightitwould
probablyhavebeenGoodnight,Iloveyou.
Wearriveatthehospitalby7pm.Mysisterandherboyfriendarealreadythere.They
hadarrivedanhouragoatthesametimethatMarcarrivedbyhelicopter.Weareallwaitingfor
somenewsintheemergencydepartment.Someminuteslater,acharmingyoungdoctorcomesto
theroomandtalkstomyparents.HeexplainsthemthatMarcisseriouslyhurt,andinavery
seriouscondition,hehasbrokenthejaw,theclavicle,thefemurandsomeotherbones,and
hesnowhavingsurgery.Thedoctoralsotellsmyparentsthatalthoughnoneofthebasicorgans
havebeendamaged,therearesomecomplicationswiththebodyliquids.

Aparicio4

Somehourslater,Igobackhomebutmomanddaddecidetospendthenightthere.Istay
inoneofmyfriendshouse.Shesoneofthegirlswhowasintheschoolbusthatcrashedagainst
mybrothershesactuallytheonewhocalledmyparentsandletthemknowabouttheaccident.I
spendallthenightthinkingaboutMarcandhisstate.
Thenextday,Igotothehospitalagain.MyparentstellmethatMarcisintheintensive
careunitandhehasgottentwomoresurgeries.Thesufferingiswrittenontheirfaces.Itsthe
firsttimeIseemomanddadcryingalthoughtheytrytohidetheiremotions,andIassumeismy
jobtomakethemfeelbetter.Inthenextdays,thesituationgetsbetterbutMarcisstillintheICU
andforfirsttimeweareallowedtoseehim.Beforeenteringtotheroom,thenurseswarnusthat
hessedateandhesappearanceisawful,butIthinkitsnotgoingtobethatbad.Imwrong.
Seeinghiminthatconditionmakesmedizzy.Allhisbodyisbloated,therearelotsoftubesgoing
aroundhimandhesfaceispaled.OnceIstarttalkingandaskingquestionstohim,evenifI
knowhecantanswer,hestartscryingandsodoI.
Irememberthatdayasifitwasyesterday.Ihadneverseenmyparentsandmysister
cryinginthatwaybeforenormyuncle,thecoldestpersonIhaveevermet.Iassumetheywere
scaredoflosingMarc,sowasI,butIhidmyfeelings.IdidntwanttoshowanyonethatIwas
internallydestroyedasIsaid,itwasmyjobtoempowerthem.AndthatswhatIdidbysaying
Iloveyoutomomanddad.ItwasthemostsincereIloveyouIhaveeversaidtothem.Before
thatdayIjustsaidthesewordstothemonceortwiceayear,usuallyinNewYearsEve.
ThisisoneofthereasonswhyIaskedinmysurveywhenwasthelasttimethatmy
respondentssaidIloveyoutotheirmothersandfathers.Surprisingly,mostofthemsaythese
wordstothemeverydaybutwhatstrueisthattheyfindithardertosayittotheirdadsrather

Aparicio5

thantheirmoms.IwrotesurprisinglybecauseIusuallymakethemistakeofthinkingthatpeople
havethesamedifficultiesasIdidtoexpresstheiremotions.But,asmytitleexpress,allgreat
changesareprecededbychaos,andmygreatchangeishavingbeenabletoopenmyhearttomy
lovedonesaftersawingmybrotherfightingforhislifeandmyparentssufferingforhim.
InthefollowingweekshegetsbettersohesnolongerintheICU,andthatmeanshis
friendsandhisgirlfriendcanvisithim.Thesearenotonlygoodnewsforusbecauseitmeansthe
worstpartisoverandhesstartinghisrecoverybutalsoforMarcbecausehesgoingtobeable
todomorethingslikegoingtothehospitalsrecreationareaandgetdistractedbyhisfriends
apartfromstartinghisrecoverywiththehelpofaphysicaltherapistandthedoctors.
Themorningofthe15thofMayhefinallygoeshome.Hesstillnotabletowalk,hehas
scarsinsomepartsofhisbody,andonearmandonelegareputinaplasterbuthisfacelights
upwhenwearrivetoourhouse,itsbeenalmosttwomonthssincethelasttimehewashere.
Nowadayshescompletelyrecoveredeventhoughhehasreducedmobilityinoneofhis
armsandhesjawsarenowmadeoftitaniumplates.But,aboveallthesebadconsequencesthere
issomethinggreatthathashappenedasaresultoftheaccident:thewayMarccommunicates
withmyparents,withmysister,withmeandevenwithhisfriends.Theneardeathexperience
changedMarcspersonalityandhisperspectiveaboutlife.Henowletspeopleknowabouthim.
Hesnolongerthatshyboywhojustopenedhimselftofewpeople.Everyoneknowsnowthat
behindthetimiditythatusedtocharacterizehim,theresatwentyyearoldguywiththegreatest
heartever.So,afterseeingthischange,Iwonderedifthisusuallyhappenstopeoplewhohave
beeninasimilarsituationandthatswhyIaskedtomyrespondentsiftheyhaveanyclose
relativeorfriendwhohasexperiencedaneardeathsituation.Overalltherespondents,a71%of

Aparicio6

them,unfortunately,haveacloserelativeorfriendthathasbeenonthebrinkofdeath.AndasI
did,mostofthemnoticedachangeinthewaythatpersonexpresstheiremotionsandfeeling
beingclosertotheirlovedonesandshowingpeopletheirrealpersonality.
TheresoneparticularanswerthatIpayespecialattentiontobecauseIseeMarcs
behaviorreflectedonit.Thisrespondentnoticedtwothingswhenoneofhisbestfriendsalmost
died.Infirstplace,henowseesinhisfriendanamazingabilitytoliveinthepresent,andsodoI
withmybrother.Mostofusliveinthetwoplaceswherenothingeverhappens:thepastandthe
future.Butwemustnotforgetthatthepresentisallwehave.Andsecondly,hefeelshisfriend
hasastrongsenseoflifespurpose.Thepurposeitselfcantnecessarilybeverbalized,but
theresasensethatlifeisgoingsomewhere,itallmeanssomething,itallmatters.
Lastbutnotleastandalsorelatedtothispartofthesurvey,theresarespondentwho
thinksthatherrelativewhosufferedaneardeathexperienceisnottheonlypersonwhochanged
aftertheincidentshealsodid.Iseemyselfillustratedinthatanswer.Icansaythatthankstothe
accidentIlearnttheimportanceofnotbeingafraidofsharingwithmylovedonesmyfearsand
concernsaswellasmydreamsandmygoalsinlifeIlearnttosayIloveyoutomyfamilynot
onlyinNewYearsEvebuteverytimeIhavetheoccasiontodoitandInolongerhidemytrue
feelingstotheonesIcareabout.

Aparicio7

Workscited

AparicioGili,Arola.Communicationwithourlovedones.Survey.
GoogleForms
.Publisher,2
February2016.Web.10February.2016.