Larm 1

Alex Larm
02/28/2016
COMM 108
RESPONSE PAPER #1 - CONFICT ANALYSIS
20 Questions
1. Who was the other person involved?
Former Girlfriend
2. How long did the problem go on, and why that long? (Days, weeks, months, ongoing)
We dated for about a year and a half, then when we broke up and the first few months
after we were fine and then she wouldnt talk to me ever since 11 th grade (about 5 years
ago)
3. In what way did you want the person to be different?
Just wish we wouldve had more in common and had the chance to do more things
together
4. Describe the choices you made in the past that got you to where you are with this person and problem?
We started dating in 9th grade and then broke up soon after our 10th grade year, the
connection just seemed to have disappeared. When this happened, we continued to be
somewhat friends when she all of a sudden stop talking to me or even acknowledging I
exist.
5. As long as the problem was unresolved, what did you have to be right about concerning the other
person? [In other words: What did you tell yourself about them (true or untrue) to keep the problem
unresolved? Example: I believed that they didnt care about me. I believed that they did it on
purpose to make me mad. They are mean and thoughtless and never think of other people.]
There is no reason for her to be treating me this way, like I dont even exist
6. As long as the problem was unresolved, what did you have to be right about concerning yourself?
[Similar to the question above, only about yourself. What do you tell yourself about your own behavior
(true or untrue) that keeps the problem unresolved?] Example: I work hard and I deserve some time
to myself. I am always giving them their way. I dont deserve to be treated this way.
I dont need her. Ill be fine without.
7. Who have you recruited to your point of view about this person?
Parents, current girlfriend, best friend.
8. What was the pay-offs for keeping the problem unresolved?
I didnt have to face the problem and could let it blow over.

Larm 2
9. To resolve the problem you might have to be wrong about some things. What might you be wrong about
concerning this person?
At first I felt that she was crazy, but what it was more of us growing apart from each
other.
10. What prices did you pay for keeping the problem unresolved?
A friendship, that could have continued, died out.
11. While this remains unresolved, what price is the other person paying to be in a relationship with you?
Not allowing them to understand my point of view.
12. What are/were you unwilling to do to resolve the problem?
Not being the person to go up and talk out the problem.
13. What would it take for you to accept the person just as they are today?
I have been fine with this problem for a very long time, but going on a double date, me
with my girlfriend and her with her husband, made it a lot better.
14. What can you do if the person never changes the way you want them to be?
Nothing, other than to accept them as who they are and change myself.
15. What ways do you undermine the other persons efforts to resolve the problem?
At this point it seems like she doesnt really care and it isnt bugging her annoy more.
16. How much longer are you willing to have it be a problem?
N/A already resolved.
17. If you choose to continue this relationship, and if it=s a healthy relationship for you to stay in, what is
the first step you could take to begin to resolve it?
N/A already resolved.
18. If you choose not to continue this relationship, what is the first step you can take to end it in a healthy
way?
Mutual understanding that it wasnt working out.
19. What was the most difficult aspect of this assignment?
Looking back at a problem and analyzing it. The reason being, it was understanding
where the fault fell, which it was both of our faults.
20. What was the hardest thing for you to answer truthfully about yourself in this assignment?
Nothing was too hard to answer. The problem was remembering what happened and what
the facts are.