My Growth as a Learner and Writer-Reflection

JOURNAL #4
The journal entry that show my growth as a learner and as writer is
Journal entry # 2. I chose this journal entry because I never and I mean
never talk bout my personal thoughts, with the exception of my immediate
family, to anyone! However, it was an assignment that had to get done so I
got it done. I started to b.s. my way through it then something amazing
happen I allowed the process to flow. I completed the assignment and
thought nothing about how others might see/view/think about me. These
were my feelings and I owned up to them.

This writing that instructed us to meditate for five-minutes, then write

about the process seemed to personal for me. Although we were not asked
to get specific, I still viewed it as personal and private. Therefore, I put it off
until the very last minute (day before due). This made me more anxious. I
learned two important things about myself through this process. One, I have
to loosen up about this privacy business, s my instructor suggested, sharing
thoughts do help me and others grow. Two, my style and technique (how I
write) really matter. My growing process as a writer, is forcing me to be
aware and accountable for what I put on paper. No more mindless soundgood-wordsthey are what I use to share my story.

Katrina Robinson
UWRT 1102
Instructor: Fran Voltz
21 January 2016
Journal Entry #2: Five Minute Meditation
What? Why would anyone want to know my inner thoughtsespecially if I did not invite them
in! WTF! I am feeing confused about the assignment. I chose not to share my thoughts,
feelings, emotions or anything else that is associated with my brain-or heart for that matter,
earlier on in my life. If it aint got nothing to do with my Intelligence quotient(IQ) it stays
between me and my thoughts. That is just the way I am. I do not want to explain it, its just the
way I have survived my entire life. And that is that! Because of these feelings I put this
assignment off as long as I could. I had to complete the assignment despite my thoughts about it.
Wednesday, January 21 6:50 pm, waiting for my daughter in the parking lot of Harris
Teeter. I released a sigh of frustration. I did not feel like sharing my thoughts about a fiveminute meditation session with someone I was not yet sure about. I had read the assignment
several days ago, at least four times, I knew what I had to do, I just did not want to do it. Share.
Nonetheless, I knew it had to be done. I turned off my car radio and began to attempt to think
about nothing, trying to meditate.
I felt like my brain was elated currently being the star of the show. Mind Focus. No
television, telephones, technology, deadlines, Pandora radio or any other conversations or things
going on. Just Mind Focus. I started thinking about all the things that are distractions to my inner
thoughts then started pointing fingers at day to day living. Blaming everyday living allowed me

to believe that I just have so much to do, caught-up living in my next thought keep me from
checking in with me I rationalized. But the truth is I just had not taken the time to check-in on
me.
I started looking out my car window at all the people hurrying inside Harris Teeter hoping
to score the three must-haves foods of a snowstorm. I started thinking about how the prediction
of a snowstorms always have us racing to rack up on milk, eggs and bread. Even if it is the last
smashed loaf on the shelf. I shook my head. I can remember as a girl my parents doing this
same thing. I read somewhere that people rushing to beat the storm to buy these 3 foods is more
reliable than the actual news snowstorm forecast prediction. Thats funny. I started thinking
about free will or the the lack of it. Sadly, I was there for the exact same reason. I reminded
myself that I was suppose to be meditating.thinking about absolutely nothing. I tried to focus
again.
I started thinking about all the things I had to do, forgot to do, and was suppose to do that
day. I was thinking about today, tomorrow, and yesterday. Like a teacher standing in the
doorway as the recess bell ring, my thoughts were coming at fast. I then became overwhelmed. I
remember I was going to take my daughters library books back to library, but, then remembered I
left them at work. I thought about everything. I mean everything!
The more I tried not to think, I thought of something, I remembered I had forgotten to
remember to remind myself to remember to do. I had forgotten to remember to remind myself to
remember to call my sister. I thought about how I forgotten to call the school. I even remember
that I was suppose to call the healthcare market to make sure my application went through and
was accepted like the rep reminded me to to two days ago. I then noticed I went off track a little
more thinking about how in the hell Im going to afford the affordable care act. I laughed and

simultaneously blurted out Lord have mercy in an exasperating voice. I then started thinking
about not wanting to thin about getting a second job just to keep my head above water. All of a
sudden I felt aggravated and I began to notice how cold the car had become. I then started
thinking about how cold it was outside and how warm Christmas was, 75 degrees. I remember I
started wondering/thinking about what in the world was going on in the world. I guess I started
thinking about something else.
I started hearing my heartbeat, actually I think I started feeling my heartbeat. I began to
notice the rhythm of my breaths moving in and out. Purposely I started taking deep breaths that
aligned themselves with the beat to my heart (I read somewhere that is a good thing during
mediating). Noticing I began to think about nothing. Hearing or seeing nothing. It was like
everything around me had paused including my mind. Quiet. Pleasant. Peaceful. I do not really
remember anything, just being still, the outside world, my mind, body, and soul. I realized this
sensation only lasted for a few seconds. I knew this because the elderly woman I was watching
get out of her car and et back in on the passenger side had clicked her doors locked with her key
fob and started walking toward the entrance Harris Teeter.
I turned on the heat in the car and turned up the radio and started listening to my favorite
radio station V 101.9 playing Mary Js My Life song. I started singing along with the radio as
I grabbed my cell phone to text my daughter to see how much longer she would be. She texted
back immediately, coming ma, which, for her, usually mean at least 10-15 more minuets. I
started to think about the overwhelming feeling I had just experienced a few minutes ago and
became wrapped up in this song that has a lot of meaning