Sergio Hernandez

English 113B
Professor, Batty
05/08/2016
Revision Essay
In the beginning of my essay I changed the part when you mentioned that I shouldnt be
blaming all officers because, it can be offensive towards family that have members in the law.
Instead I mentioned how the lack of training can be the cause of this situation. Throughout the
essay I was correcting all my grammar, spelling, verb, article error, run-on and more mistakes.
There was some errors that I tried to fix with the best of my ability. I also noticed that you
mentioned that my thesis wasnt argumentative enough, so I made a change and add a claim in
the end of my introduction that can be argued and is open. I know that you also mentioned about
my quotes I made sure that I cited and corrected that one quote that didnt connect to the
paragraph. I mention in the end that the training is good enough because, it has made changes
but, the only thing that is needed is cooperation and for this type of training to be a requirement
when being an officer.