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Shared Custody Is Not For Everyone

Purpose: To argue that the go to for courts which is shared custody is not for everyone.
Audience: Anyone wanting to know why shared custody isnt the best

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Emma Bristow
Pursell
English 132
May 1 2016

In todays day and age divorce tends to be seen as more of a common

occurrence. Kids being involved is even more common. The more and more this is
happening the more custody fights are starting. The court is more often settling on the
happy medium for the parents of shared custody. Not so much of an investigation is
going on even to look at the cruel possibilities. It is clear that no one wants to look what
bad things a child could possibly be going through every, nowadays people seem to
rather turn the other way than find a way to fix things. I am going to use a few articles to
argue the point on my shared custody is not always the best option. There are a few
other ways to give children and their families a better rounded and comfortable
environment.
Shared custody is almost exactly just a split right down the middle for the
parents, there is a requirement that each parent must get at least forty percent of the
time. For everything else it is the parents having to come together and work together to
make decisions. They each get equal amount of time with their child or children and
both have just as much voice to say of what goes for legal, medical, schooling and other

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things like that for their child. This also means that parents must live with in the same
reasonable proximity so the child may comfortable go to school and be with known
doctors and dentists and other things of that sort. The child will have no say in what
goes what so ever. Everything is completely decided for them, where they will go to
school so each parent is in the district, when they go to the other parents house and
how long they must stay there and so on.
Number one things that should be focused on is how the children are feeling and
most of the time that is not the case. And as parents, way our we need to respect the
kids feel. Sometimes they're being manipulative and unreasonable, but a lot of times,
they are just plain feeling. as Sager says. Kids will express feelings for what they want
and do not want with their custody arrangement. Sometimes they might not want to go
to mom or dads house that week/weekend because of something that happened or just
they simply do not want to see them at that point in time. A story that Sager mentions is
a mom getting her entire custody torn away from her because her child was refusing to
go and visit with their father during his set time. A month or so later the court was in
front of her apologizing because it was not her fault, it was the child begging for her not
to make them go. Is this something the court should have taken a look at in the
beginning of the custody fight in case of a sign of abuse? Or even during the time
happening instead of immediately taking away her right of seeing her children? I think
so.
There has been study after study done to show the results of each custody to try
and prove the best, but can they really be trusted? Some may argue that this situation

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causes less stress on the children because it is better for the parents relationship.
This study, Bergstrom says, indicates that stability in the childs parents relations is
more important than stability in housing. (Greenfield). Apparently shared custody will
give them this. This author talks more about how the arrangements made in shared
cause for the parents to agree more making it much easier on the children. It is not
the separation itself, but the constant conflict that will affect the kids (Greenfield).
Which is true, coming from a family where divorce in present in many different ways,
that yes it is even harder to deal with the constant fighting, disagreeing and hearing
them talk poorly about each other. Although, I do not think this should be the only
reason to justify shared custody being as popular as it is.
I have to disagree to the fact of this make the relationship of the parents better.
I think it may make it worse in most cases. These people are recently divorce, for
whatever their reason may be and they are forced to communicate and many ways.
Just saying that does not make the average person think of a good relationship. I
believe the less communication they have the better off everyone is. Persistent, high
level of conflict causes harm to children. When high levels of conflict are continuing, it
might be better to cut back on communications (Gordon & Arbuthnot). These authors
discuss the disadvantages of shared custody. The fact that less communication would
be beneficial to the parents. If the divorce was caused by conflict, why would we force
them to communicate more when it is bound to cause more disagreements than
before? The arrangements made should be more moving forward in life and
everything for them and the children than leaving them stuck having to communicate

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and limiting where they may go in life because they have to be there for their kid or
vice versa. If a parent does end up having to move away for something like work then
the child will be forced to travel just to see their parent their forty percent of the time
they have to have, and in no way to I see that as fair to them.
"We agreed when we got divorced that the kids come first," said Davis. "We
divorced each other, not them," added Baton. (Collins). That is another point that
someone may argue, that the kids do always come first when it comes to shared
custody. This maybe because they get to see both parents and have a normal life.
Which is definitely nice, children deserve to have both of their parents in their life. From
experience I know it is a bummer to not have the same thing everyone else does. This
is as close to having their parents together and living with them gets. People may think
it is always putting the children first in this case because they will have the set perfect
divorced kids life.
The point to argue against this is that there will always be change in a kids life.
Whether this is happening when they are five or fifteen, they will always be changing,
their activities, friends, interests, moods. Anything with them is possible to change even
just the next day. Just like the lives of the parents will change, the lives of the children
will change, too. The children may join extracurricular activities that make it difficult to
keep them in constant commute. The children will inevitably develop friends where they
go to school and they might grow to despise having to live away from their friends half
of the time. These conflicts with the children can create friction in the parent-child
relationship which can also spill over into the parent-parent relationship (Kielich) Yes,

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seeing each parent is important, but unless they end up living right next door this is
bound to cause fights between one parent and the child, or just depress the child at the
fact that half the time they cannot be out playing with their best friends because they are
at their mom or dads house. It is not typical or convenient for adults to live within even a
mile radius of their ex-spouse. Therefore, if the child makes good friends a one or the
other they will not be able to see them unless driven or the friend is driven there. Extra
circulars play a huge part in kids and teens live. The biggest one being sports. With
practices, games, invitationals, tournaments, and even huge tournaments like regionals
and so on causing them to travel, make athletes schedules crazy. What is a star
baseball/softball player have practice until ten at night every night and then hours of
homework and studying to do? They will want to go to the parent who lives within or
closes to the district to shorten their commute time. This will cause the other parent to
have less time, maybe get angry with the child and/or other parent and maybe even
bring the court system into play to try and take away the custody of the other parent for
taking their time away. Is that fair to anyone in this situation?
Overall it is seen that shared custody should not be the go to. It is clearly not for
everyone. There are many solutions to the problem that is trying to make shared
custody for everyone. Some include, actually investigating exact and every custody
case, even just a little bit. Figure out what the parents and kids plan on doing in the
future after the divorce is final, and work the custody arrangement around them. Another
would to be if there is to be major conflict with the situation, like a parent not getting as
much time as they are required to, handle it accordingly. Do not just go ahead

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and take away the parents who is getting more time custody away. Yes, there are cases
where parents will use their kids against one another and abuse the system, maybe
then it will call for the custody to be taken away. But if it is because the child is refusing
to see the other parent or because of their extra-curricular activities it is hard for them to
make it over to the other parents house all of the time. Then no, I think something else
needs to be arranged for them in an appropriate way to work around the childs
schedule until they are able to have something like week on week off again during
summers or something instead of punishing a parent.
In conclusion, shared custody is not for everyone. It is sometimes just not the
best situation or people are just not under the right circumstances for it. There are other
ways for there to be a comfortable environment for the parents, children and families.
Most of the time these situations are better options to go to. Shared custody can be
great for some people, but it is in no way for everyone.

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Work cited
Collins, Lois M. "What 'shared Parenting' Is and How It Can Affect Kids after
Divorce." DeseretNews.com. N.p., 05 Feb. 2016. Web. 04 May 2016.
This was an article that had a story of twin boys who lived between both parents houses. It
explain what the parents plan was and initially how the boys are really affected. This
helped me talk about my argument of how this does not put the kids first.
Gordon, Donald A., and Jack Arbuthnot. "Shared Parenting Pros and Cons." Shared
Parenting Pros and Cons. N.p., 20 July 2014. Web. 04 May 2016.
This article is clearly the pros and cons of shared custody, but only a few. It was very
interesting but I did go more toward the cons to use. This helped me through out the
whole paper especially talking about the communication point.
Greenfield, Beth. "The Divorce Custody Arrangement That Benefits Kids The Most." Yahoo
New. N.p., 28 Apr. 2015. Web. 4 May 2016.
This was more for shared custody it really overall helped me get what other people might
think and say about shared custody.
Kielich, Adam. "5 Problems With 50/50 Custody." The Kielich Law Firm. N.p., 2013. Web. 4
May 2016.
Sager, Jeanne. "Shared Custody Doesn't Give Kids a Chance to Express Themselves." The
Stir. Cafe Media, 29 Nov. 2011. Web. 30 Apr. 2016.
This was a few problems with shared custody as well. I used it for my argument point
especially the one about how childrens lives will change.
This is about a story of a mom who got her custody taken away for over a month and the
court ended up apologizing to her because it was the kid refusing to see their father for

unmentioned reasons. This helped me start out my paper to show my view point and
give a base for me to talk about.