Math Jokes

1. Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
2. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality
to be an accountant.
3. Classification of mathematical problems as linear and nonlinear is like class
ification of the Universe as bananas and non-bananas.
4. Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
5. Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.
Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
6. Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.
7. An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.
The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a
fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He g
oes back to bed.
Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fir
e in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating th
e flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fi
re with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees th
e fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a
solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.
8. A chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a
can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingen
ious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "
Assume we have a can opener ..."
9. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland
when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.
"Aha," says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black."
"Hmm," says the physicist, "You mean that some Scottish sheep are black."
"No," says the mathematician, "All we know is that there is at least one sheep i
n Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!"
10. One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and
asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence
.
The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most effi
cient design.
The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed "We can assume the lengt
h is infinite..." and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certain
ly a more efficient way to do it.
The Mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and
said "I declare myself to be on the outside."
11. The physicist and the engineer are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find the
mselves lost in a canyon somewhere. They yell out for help: "Helllloooooo! Where
are we?"
15 minutes later, they hear an echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're in a hot-air
balloon!!"
The physicist says, "That must have been a mathematician."
The engineer asks, "Why do you say that?"
The physicist replied: "The answer was absolutely correct, and it was utterly us
eless."
12. To mathematicians, solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists, solu
tions are things that are still all mixed up.
13. A mathematician belives nothing until it is proven
A physicist believes everything until it is proven wrong
A chemist doesn't care
biologist doesn't understand the question.
14.