Ammon 1

Thomas Ammon
Prof. Maryanne Berry
English 492
22 April 2016
Observance Hours Narrative: Mrs Charity Samoulides, Berean Christian High School
CONTEXT
Charity then-Longino taught English at Northgate High School from 2008 to 2010. She
was and is very relatable, tying literary motifs and grammar in with the sort of pop culture her
students would be familiar with (singing Disney royalty, Stephen Colberts archy eyebrows,
Harry Potter movies and how they match up to books, and so on and so on) almost as a buildnew-info-on-old in reverse: that is, explain the lesson and then give familiar example. She
resembles Tina Fey, a point she would often joke about with students at Northgate and has not
ceased here.
DAY ONE: 16 MARCH 2016, 9:30 TO 12:30
I have my own opinions about Chik-Fil-A yet I keep mum during the assembly at the risk
of unprofessionalism. Four taboos: politics, religion, Great Pumpkin, sex. Given that its a
Christian school, religions bound to come up anyway. Again, I have my own ideas, as I should,
but Im just here first and foremost to get observance hours logged and make notes, and I cant
squander that sweet ten hours firing opinions out my mouth. The only element in the curriculum
that would not pass in secular non-endorsive public school is a simple five-minute prayer:
terminal relatives, wandering friends, the like. Even then, it would probably pass muster if the P
word was never used.

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Between transitive five-minute bits in between periods, Mrs Samoulides vocally affects a
high pitch, and continues throughout for non-academic tangents, which are rare yet there. Rising
yeah? as acknowledgement. Human tones and cues act as benevolent auditory Pavlov signals,
and I stress that B word, benevolent, as opposed to harsh cackling margarine bell substitutes over
the intercom, 2.5 to 5 kHz, panic. Humans individdle pink noise over machines mass white
noise. After the prayer or whatever-you-may-call-it, Mrs Samoulides ripped my presence off like
a bandage: This is Thomas, hes a student I used to teach, hes observing me teach in the
classroom here today and tomorrow and Friday. She wrote the days curriculum on the
whiteboard so that the twenty-five-or-thirty-odd students arent blindsided, or that if they are, she
cannot be held responsible.
The days assignments were thus: Much Ado about Nothing scene summaries to be turned
in by Gmail, drafting show-dont-tell short stories as part of fairy-tale unit (Grimm and Basile),
Scantron tests, and a free-write. She asks the students if they have any questions on the test, and
she uses this non-academic upswing in tone when she does so, no difference detected in the
unconscious between this monolith of a Scantron and the hottest Mr-Krabs-waking-up-to-angrycrowd dream of a meme. After all, Scantron tests function as assessment instead of learning-initself. Please, dont forget the names.
One student drew a little stick figure comic of Mrs Samoulides teaching grammar
through telekinesis, so that the student may not only know the English sentence structure
S+V+D.O. and its infinite permutations, but understand S+V+D.O. the exact same way Mrs
Samoulides understands it. The imperfections of communication leave so much space for
personal gardens, so I dont know what this student is thinking. It is nice to know things, its

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even nicer to construct alignments and intersections off of whats known, perhaps the rubble
manifesting into new ideas.
When zero students turn in an optional free-write assignment, it ceases being optional. At
first glance, this means it was never optional to begin with, yet if half or 30% or even 20% of the
class or even one student turned in the free-write and the remainder didnt, that would still be
fine.
Going up an octave between the no-longer-optional free-write and the simulated bell, the
teacher is a friend. Like any good friend, she is no enabler.
DAY TWO: 17 MARCH 2016, 8:30 TO 13:25
Charity Ann Longino Samoulides brought a spiel about her green-on-green-on-green
attire, St. Paddys Day biz cas, in conjunction with her red hair. People assume Im a substitute. I
feel guilty for having her slap these observance sessions together at the last minute. Well into the
second semester and with momentum from the first unattainable in one-semester college courses,
she performs attendance silently. Please let me know if there are any typos or confusing
questions in the prompt. She herds the students into thesis-building groups, watching over to
ensure function and if there are any questions to ask. Generally hands-off, she shies away from
micromanagement without doing away with safety nets.
When a student starts talking over Mrs Samoulidess lecture, she does not shut it down
with a noise but with an absence of noise. She stings with silence and widens her eyes a bit, and
when the student gets the message and stops acting out of turn, she continues as if nothing
happens. A bit authoritarian, but its less of a dont-talk than a dont-talk-without-raising-yourhand.

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Today the students are to read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. Like Scantron tests,
SparkNotes do not function as learning-in-itself but they do function nonetheless. Chapter
summaries act as an invaluable tool for reading comprehension, but they work in conjunction
with the text instead of in place of the text. And lets be real: it is so easy to tell if a student used
SparkNotes instead of the text. These are students who are conditioned not to intersect ideas but
to regurgitate them. Im not even going to say its their fault that they regurgitate. You repeat a
method to anyone, consciously or otherwise, and no matter how strong a mind they claim,
theyre bound to pick up on it. The job of a competent teacher is to drive this regurgitative snake
out, without ending up with a Life of Brian were-all-individuals contradiction on ones hands.
DAY THREE: 18 MARCH 2016, 8:30 TO 13:30
Turns out I caught Mrs Samoulides on her testing days, of which there are four
throughout the year, so I apologize if Day One comes off as the norm. How are your short stories
coming along? A question thats universally met with fine, which might be a lie by omission, but
I know when I write something I dont like giving away details unless it feels complete. Today
she is teaching how to write dialogue. Skip short back-and-forths (Whats up? Not much. Okay.)
in favor of the real meat of the conversation. Unless youre Joel and Ethan Coen, you dont need
filler words such as um or ah. And so on.
How do you teach storytelling as rising action climax falling action? When Charity
was at Disneyland (as she is wont to do) she went to the Little Mermaid ride at California
Adventure, and she was disappointed that the ride cut out everything past Ariel and Eric on the
little boat while Sebastian the Rastafarian crab sang his famous ballad, Kiss the Girl. That was
it. Why do that? The story was much more engaging when Ursula posed a real threat to both
worlds, above and below the sea. This is conflict. Theres no such thing as a decent story in

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which no one suffers and everyones happy all the time. Even the cheeriest of sitcoms have some
stakes. Lucy doesnt want her supers to know she cant keep up with the chocolate assembly belt.
Ross has a half-hour to get everyone dressed for a black-tie benefit dinner. Jackies angry at
Kelso because he lied about him and Erics sister. And so on.
The school is doing some odd fundraising stunt where female students donate money to
the school, and in return a male student has to act as their servant for a few days. One student
questions if this is the right way of going about raising funds, especially since the participating
male students wear t-shirts that read: Property of _______. Its that P word that got her, you
know, because of the slavery connotations. Mrs Samoulides steers this observation into open
discussion instead of leaving it at that, making sure its discussion instead of flinging insults, and
this is a good way to handle controversy in the classroom.
One thing I notice about Mrs Samoulidess curriculum is that it refines in later periods. It
sounds better rehearsed and tighter in period four than in period one.
During lunch, students are free to pop into the classroom and chat with Mrs Samoulides
about anything really, as long as there isnt any expectation of advice. What if the teachers
wrong? Dont give personal advice. Thats not the teachers job. Its not even the therapists job.
Rather, in these situations the teacher is supposed to listen and possibly relate. No more, no less.
AFTERMATH
Charity Samoulides wants to read Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut over the
summer. I recommend Catch-22 and The Crying of Lot 49 as books shell like if she likes that,
but this is information she could have gotten from a Goodreads or Flavorwire book list, so I kind
of feel bad for regurgitating. I hate it when people incessantly parrot Monty Python quotes, not
because it isnt great, but because turning their unpredictability into predictable setups and

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punchlines is a bit of a slap in the face. I can be guilty of this sometimes, and its necessary for
me to acknowledge it. I know I brought up Life of Brian earlier.
For the third time in a row, I waved goodbye from the parking lot and walked to a local
bakery where I bought a cookie and waited for the city bus to take me home. I wish I could say I
had an environmental reason for not driving a car, but more than that its reduction of personal
stress. I hope whichever school I end up working at has a carpool system.

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INTERVIEW
THOMAS: What makes you happy about teaching?
CHARITY: Reading makes me happy, so I teach literature. I suppose if mathematics or
chemistry made me happy, Id teach those. You said earlier something about how reading is
absurd, that its looking at sheets of wood to induce linear hallucinations. I feel like thats
reducing reading down. Reading is so much more magical and personal to me.
THOMAS: I never said that reading isnt meaningful. Things can be profoundly
meaningful and absurd at the same time. Maybe Im not using the right word.
CHARITY: Strange the more you think about it.
THOMAS: I thought that was what absurd was.
CHARITY: I dont know, I keep hearing people use it as another word for dumb.
THOMAS: Thats on them.
CHARITY: It still sounds wrong. Anyway! Off track! What else makes me happy? I have
never hated learning. When I was in school, I loved learning a lot, and when I hated my classes,
that was a sure sign that I wasnt learning anything. I see students get so riled up about getting
the best letter grade or GPAs, and they dont keep any of the material home with them.
THOMAS: What do you believe is the best way to handle disruptive students?
CHARITY: I try not to be a big schoolmarm with the ruler and everything, but you saw
earlier today
THOMAS: The kid talking over you?
CHARITY: [pause, gives me same stare]
THOMAS: Im sorry.

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CHARITY: No, its okay! Its okay. Its more of an automatic thing than anything else. But
yes, I want students to trust me and I dont want to be feared. Thats not the teacher I want to be.
No one learns through fear. I do want to be respected, but yeah, I feel like I need to work on a
better strategy for the blurting.
THOMAS: What do you think students can get out of your teaching?
CHARITY: Education introduced into the students mind a sense of satisfaction in
accomplishment, but it has to be done right. And yeah, I dont think a one-size-fits-all method
works, I think you have to change it up student to student. But Im only one person, it takes me
months to memorize students names. I wish I could do that.
THOMAS: What do you think schools could use less of?
CHARITY: Anything that makes school an unwelcoming environment. Bullying. Violence.
People being demeaning to each other. And also ineffectual curriculum, and teachers that dont
care. Sometimes teachers just come in hungover. I dont like that at all. Not naming names. They
should call in sick, and if it keeps happening they should make some tough decisions.
THOMAS: Pretty sure Bill Nye owes his career to hungover teachers.
CHARITY: Ah, dont make me think about him like that.