Tyson Felder

English 1101
Professor Hughes
4-11-2016

Should public universities neglect in-state students more?

Im sorry to inform you but you havent been accepted to our university. School is
something that you go to all your life with dreams of eventually get that college degree. You start
off in elementary school where you learn the basics of life really. Then you move on to middle
school where you start to hear about college vaguely, but you still hear about it. Then high
school, yes high school is the time where you really have to start narrowing down that dream
college. Fortunately, your college is in the state, so you apply and wait in which it feels like itsfor
what feels like forever, but only two to three weeks at most. You open the letter and you see
youve been denied well this makes you wonder What did I do wrong? Ive exceeded all the
stated requirements and I even had a few accolades that set me apart. In the New York Times
debate, Are Public Universities Neglecting In-state Students? Hans Johnson, Margurite Roza,
and Ozan Jaquette discuss why flagship universities have decreased their in-state acceptance.
Ultimately, however, the more important question is should they? Well, of course there are two
sides to every story.
Out-of-state proponents claim that public universities began accepting more students
from out of state as they sought to build a more diverse and talented student population
(Jaquette). Critics disagree, however, and according to the Washington Post, the University of
Alabamas students have more than 60% of incoming freshmen are out of state Bennett,

(Washington post). Why is this you might ask, well the main issue is money. See universities say
they arent in it for the money but they like to capitalize on each and ever student. Out of state
student pay almost double as much as in state student which is a main reason as to why people
thing in-state is just not in-style. According to the Washington post Forty-three of the 50 schools
known as state flagships enrolled a smaller share of freshmen from within their states in 2014
than they had a decade earlier, federal data show (Post). When student hear this they become
scared and enraged especially if their dream school w as in state because they had a worse

chance than someone in from a different state.

Now, with that in mind lets look at the other side of the story as to why these public
colleges are accepting so many out of state students. Diversity as according to Texas A&Ms
president our demand curve is extremely high for in state kids (Post). Their goal is to make

college multicultural because it sets students up better after they graduate. Diversity promotes
creative thinking. It does so by teaching you how to view the world in an expanded viewpoint
and consider multiple options instead of viewing it in one single lens (US News). Diversity also
enriches the multiple perspectives (Us News). Now another reason as to why Public public
universities are all for out of state students is because it brings in more revenue to the college.
Stuart R. Bell the president is upbeat about the growth of out of state students because it brings
in so much more revenue. The university of Alabama in state tuition is about $9,410 while out of
state is $23,893 respectively. There is a 150 percent premium. This brings in revenue for not only
the school, but the state and this is one of the claims that are made towards as to why public
universities are leaning towards accepting out of state rather than giving the hometown discount.

Well then after hearing each side do you think there can be a compromise? Well its been given
attention that there could be an increase in local taxes so schools could start accepting in state,
and it would offset the price as if they were out of state. With this proposal thought it promotes a
problem with the tax payers because theyre already paying high enough taxes and shouldnt
have to give the big public universities anymore money especially if they claim to be non for
profit.
Furthermore, college is something everybody thinks about but most cant afford on their own.
When you have your dream college in state and its affordable you almost think its too good to be
true. Well, in most cases it is even if you have the requirements to boot. Its just a way of life and
debaters will continue to assess this problem and come up with a solution that suites everyone
you will continue to see more out of state students than in state.

Tyson
This is certainly a topical issue. This essay needs to be reworked to meet the assignment
guidelines, but with added specificity, direct quotations, and polishing, it has much potential.
Heres my feedback for your final draft:
Make sure you are not arguing anything. For example, you should not argue that universities are
in it for the money. You can only explain that proponents of keeping the majority of students at
public universities from in-state argue thatand you must cite them. A great place to start is the
New York Times Room for Debate you cited. You allude to that set of articles but dont take any
ideas from them. Cite them directly. Quote them. Be specific.
Basically, you dont give either side the space to represent themselves. Remember, its important
to give them the space to speak. By simply summarizing their ideas or guessing at what they
argue, you run the risk of strawmanning their complicated, nuanced, thoughtful arguments.
Pay careful attention to run-on sentences. There are many instances of complete sentences
smooshed together without punctuation. Take a look at this resource
(http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/what-are-run-on-sentences) for more
details on crafting complete sentences.

I cut some sentences from the end of the first paragraph. Avoid sentences that repeat whats
already been said. Every sentence should contribute something new to your essay. I also polished
some of the sentence structure errors. Be sure to do the same throughout the rest of the essay.
See marginal comments for details.
If you have any questions as you revise, please dont hesitate to contact me. I look forward to
reading your final draft!
Works Cited
Anderson, Nick, and Danielle Douglas-Gabriel. "Nation's Prominent Public Universities Are
Shifting to Out-of-state Students." Washington Post. The Washington Post, n.d. Web. 14
Apr. 2016.

Hyman, Jermery S., and Lynn F. Jacobs12. "Why Does Diversity at College Matter
Anyway?" US News. U.S.News & World Report, 12 Aug. 2009. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.

Mckenna5, Laura. "The Allure of out of State Students." The Atlantic. Atlantic Media Company,
5 Oct. 2015. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.

Johnson, Hans, Margurite Roza, and Ozan Jaquette. "Are Public Universities Neglecting in State
Students." New York Times. New York Times, 11 Apr. 2016. Web. 11 Apr. 2016.